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[lawastooshort]

Turn One Hundred and Twenty Three

Level Four of the Temple of Sef

"I sense traps," smells Gervedder, "Many, many traps."

But unfortunately he doesn’t cast Detect Traps long enough to find out their direction or strength or so on!

Or even if there definitely are traps. Who knows?

Take up a position behind the rest of the meatshields, in case there are nasties behind that door.

This is the kind of thing that just seems pointless rolling for, really. …Whiz leaps in front of his comrades, preparing to protect them against the horde of snakes behind the door.

Prepare to dodge traps. Run about a little so that I'm not pinned down in place.

This also seems pointless rolling for! …Oh no, wait – it totally wasn’t. Preparing to dodge traps, Gervedder sprints to the back of the group, and directly into a wall, breaking his once handsome nose.

"Baa!"

Action: Forever Pantomime.

Assume defensive stance, ready to Wind Blast I any nasties back into the room, should they spill out all over us.

Lady Foxglove tries to explain to Gervedder that his nose is broken, and that blood is streaming down his face, and that he’s an idiot, but she doesn’t get very far before Tackov interrupts. …He’s got his constipation face on, and his posture suggests he may have had a personal accident of some sort recently.

"Well, go on and open it, Bukkar.  It's the only way you'll get ahead around here!"

Bukkar, carrying Nigel's his head, groans in exasperation before going to do something cool.

Y'know how in action movies how they cut holes in bank vault doors with lasers? Do that with Hate Beams. Laser Eye Anger. Whatever my eye beam attack is called. To the door to level 4.

”Gnngngn!” moans Bukkar, exasperatedly, and possibly at Tackov’s wordplay, before approaching the door, pushing past Whiz, holding his head close to it, and activating his Eyes of Laser Hate. …A solid red Anger Beam is projected out, and he moves his head steadily around the edges of the door, which bursts into flames, setting the frame alight. There’s a boom as Bukkar pushes the door, and it falls gently inwards, and smacks on the ground.

The flames from the burning doorframe look cool but actually somewhat hinder the group’s low light vision, but if there weren’t any flames, the total blackness beyond the doorframe would hinder their low light vision even more. For what extends past the door seems to be a corridor without end (or at least without a visible end, because it’s so dark they can only see about twenty feet). It’s about ten feet wide and ten feet high.

In fact what you can see, except Gervedder, who’s holding his face, is something a bit like this:

Probably a bit more central than that though. Or we could say that the frame is thicker on the right. Yes, that's what it is.

Spoiler: Players (click to show/hide)

 
Tackov Cedtry
Stats: D2 / S0 / M6
Status: [HP: 30/30] | [MP: 30/30]
States +1 Missile defence | -1 Melee.

Whiz
Stats: D2 / S2+2 / M4
Status: [HP: 50/50] | [MP: 20/20]
States +1 Lower leg, groin, head and breast defence | Last in initiative rolls | +1 to melee attacks | +1 to crossbows | -1 to long range shooting

Gervedder Vietzo
Stats: D2 / S4 / M2
Status: [HP: 70/70] | [MP: 10/10]
States +1 Gut and chest defence | +1 Defence if moves | +1 Flaming Axe. | +1 to melee attack | Very tall.

Lady Foxglove Vainglorious III
Stats: D4 / S2 / M2
Status: [HP: 50/50] | [MP: 10/10]
States +1 to Head, chest and groinbone defence | Dodges fist missile hit | +3 to initiative | +1 to missile attacks | +1 to dodge | Sheep.

Bukkar Crangrom
Stats: D0 / S6 / M2
Status: [HP: 90/90] | [MP:5/10]
States +1 Free piercing groinalheadbutt attack | Vomits | Ignites | Naked | No head | -1 to dodge | -1 to dodge | +1 to melee attack

Sylvanna the Felonious
Stats: D4 / S4 / M0
Status: [HP: 70/70] | [MP: 0/0]
States: +1 to dodge. +1 to melee attack.

Dronebongo: [HP: 20/20] | +1 Melee bite | 2 kick attacks

Jack the Hippo: [HP: 30/30] | Cannot bleed

Lord Squid: [HP: 20/20] | Flying

Tax Collector Golem
Name: Sylvanna the Felonious’ Possibly-phantom Tax Collector Golem]
Class: 12 Part Possibly-phantom Tax Collector Golem
Health: [HP: 50/50]
Abilities: One Head, Three Arms, Six Legs

Sheepass Golem
Name: Sylvanna the Felonious’ Sheepass Golem
Class: 9 Part Sheepass Golem
Health: [HP: 40/40HP]
Abilities: One Backside, Eight Legs. No head, so max 2 command words per turn.

[Harry Baldman]

"Now, however, I sense freedom."

Dismantle the burning doorframe with my flaming axe and throw the resultant flaming wooden fragments into the room for the sake of illumination. Well, at least one piece of the frame, anyway.

[lawastooshort]

Dismantle the burning doorframe with my flaming axe and throw the resultant flaming wooden fragments into the room for the sake of illumination. Well, at least one piece of the frame, anyway.

…The resultant explosion all but instantaneously incinerates the doorframe in a millisecond, and throws a huge jet of flame shooting down the corridor, illuminating everything for at least five hundred yards.

The next five hundred yards seems to consist of corridor, which descends in a light slope without any change in appearance. It is hard to tell exactly though, because the jet of flame lasts for less than a second, and also because Gervedder is covering his face once more, having singed it badly, and burnt off his eyebrows.

Still, no one else is on fire, so that’s nice.

[Toaster]

((An untrapped door?  I call bullshit.))


"Well, that's one way of doing it, certainly.  Onward!"

Go onward behind the tanks.

[Dwarmin]

Lady Sheepswool wasn't sure if she was still wearing her gear (posing the question who was carrying all of it), or it had merged into her "new" body, or if maybe her "old" body was in eating grass in a field in some other universe with the mind of a sheep, and a large sword.

She thought someone should have been more specific about that.

Action: Hippity-sheep hop behind the party! ~Baa!~

[lawastooshort]

Action: Hippity-sheep hop behind the party! ~Baa!~

Pondering slightly too deeply about the whereabouts of her inventory – which she somehow, innately, just seems to know was just at the top left of her field of vision, just out of reach, unless she wanted to get something out of it, in which case she could kind of mentally cycle through its contents and concentrate on one of those contents, and lo, suddenly she’d be holding said item, at least she would be if she had opposable thumbs (perhaps she could make things appear only to fall from her paws instead?) – Lady Foxsheep suddenly has a strange vision: a disturbing vision, unless you like that kind of thing, and many do, of an attractive raven-haired lady standing entirely naked in a field, eating grass, and occasionally baaing.

Baaing?

Perhaps Lady Woolleyglove can speak?

Can sheep speak?

…Who knows. She decides to celebrate or perhaps chase off this disturbing vision by hopping on all four feet behind her companions. Quite gracefully.

[Dwarmin]

((Lawas obviously needs to handle multi-dimensional updates))

Lady Sheepswool concentrated on dropping her sword into her mouth from it's unspecified holding area, then swinging it around in a unfortunately aimed arc.

She probably wasn't intentionally aiming for Bukkar, but accidents happen, right.

Action: Practice sheepswording! I have a feeling it's not a skill I'll use much in the future!

...

Meanwhile in another universe, Lady Woolleyglove decided grass was not as tasty as she had always believed. And she was cold. This was confusing. She concentrated on her sheep inventory and found only grass-the only item she had bothered collecting up till now.

Even stranger, her former sheep comrades were all looking at her oddly. Baakkar, Sylvbaana, Gerwooly, Whizsheep and Baccky-they had all been on an adventure of sorts, to find the three tastiest types of grass in the land. Sheep, you know, they are not complicated. Not that they had made much progress...there are an annoying gate in front of them, three feet high and invincible against all the efforts of sheep.

Even so, she decided the advantage of thumbs and other ladyparts could be a marked improvement in her career. She began by punching a nearby tree, using her human hands like powerful clubs. Yeah!

Action: Practice humanfighting! I have a feeling it's not a skill I'll use much in the future!

[lawastooshort]

Action: Practice humanfighting! I have a feeling it's not a skill I'll use much in the future!

…In an incredible turn of events, Lady Sheepfox materialises a sword into her mouth and, baaing loudly, swings in right into Bukkar’s naked thigh! Whoops. Blood runs freely, and Bukkar collapses sideways to the floor, dropping his head, which bounces once and rolls very slowly into the darkness of the corridor, and keeps rolling, spouting forth especially foul language.

Action: Practice sheepswording! I have a feeling it's not a skill I'll use much in the future!

…Meanwhile, in another dimension, four sheep look on aghast as their erstwhile companion uses her new-found opposable thumbs technology to smash a tree out of the ground with her bare first. The one known as Baackov sees her naked flesh and feels quite sick.

((Lawas obviously needs to handle multi-dimensional updates))

In yet another dimension, the GM feels he may have something slightly the wrong way round. Oh well.

Party Vote Time! Switch Game to Roll To Sheep Quest: Yes/No?

Switch Game to Roll to Be a Sheep Rolling to Dungeon Quest: Yes/No?

Slow Update Speed From Rare to Quasi-Never: Yes/No?

[Harry Baldman]

Yes, No, No, in that order.

Carefully move forward, using axe to light the way. Watch out for traps!

[Toaster]

((Fnord, [REDACTED], and Mu.))

[Xantalos]

If this were a Looney Tunes show, there'd be a rumbling sound and more steam then there was already coming out of Bukkar's ears.

SHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP! IT'S MUTTON TIME!

PIERCINGGROINALHEADBUTT SHEEP

[IronyOwl]

((I can't believe I missed a whole update and my chance to usurp lawas.))

Sylvanna glanced around at her hesitant pyromaniac comrades, wondering at their lack of initiative. And more importantly, their lack of concern at that voice.

"Hello? Who's there? Stop what? Is it the pilfering! I WILL NEVER STOP THE PILFERING!" she began shouting, alternating between addressing the ceiling, floor, Lady Sheepglove's tail, that particular stone in the wall, and the hallway.

Attempt to make contact with voice. If that fails, meander into Deathhall the Deadly Halls of Probably Not Trapped.

[Dwarmin]

((I abstain from all votes, since they cause logic errors for me!))

If this were a Looney Tunes show, there'd be a rumbling sound and more steam then there was already coming out of Bukkar's ears.

SHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP! IT'S MUTTON TIME!

PIERCINGGROINALHEADBUTT SHEEP

((Error! You cannot headbutt without a head!))

[Chink]

Find a rock and roll it down the corridor.

[Toaster]

((Error! You cannot headbutt without a head!))

((He has a head he's carrying around. It gives him highly extended headbutt range.))