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[Harry Baldman]

"Good work there. Let us move on."

Look around and listen carefully - are there any other terrible creatures I can detect? If not, approach the southern door with a maximum of caution. Watch out for TRAPS.

[lawastooshort]

Look around and listen carefully - are there any other terrible creatures I can detect? If not, approach the southern door with a maximum of caution. Watch out for TRAPS.

Gervedder listens very very carefully, and wonders if he can’t hear something very indistinct to the east. He then approaches the southern door very cautiously, even going so far as to lean up against it to listen better.

Nothing happens, and no sound is heard from within.

[Toaster]

Tackov shrugs.   "Let's just go and blow whatever up."


Wind Blast I anything hostile that appears.

[Harry Baldman]

Inspect the door for traps!

[Chink]

Down a health potion to stem the head bleeding, and make a mad dash for the armour shop twice with Gee Whiz!

[IronyOwl]

If Gervedder finds no traps, open the nicer door!

[Dwarmin]

Lady F whipped her crossbow back and toward, seeing hostile tax-collecting phantoms everywhere looking to take stock of her funds and annuity!

"They're coming out of the walls!" she shrieked.

Action: Shoot anything that even looks hostile or tax collecting!

[lawastooshort]

Turn One Hundred and Thirteen

The Temple of Sef...

Inspect the door for traps!

…Gervedder inspects the door for traps! He finds none!

If Gervedder finds no traps, open the nicer door!

Action: Shoot anything that even looks hostile or tax collecting!

…Pushing in front, Sylvanna turns the door handle. Nothing happens! She pushes the door open. Nothing happens! Except the door opens. But no traps happen.

But after the door opens, something happens!

At first, they’re just sitting about on the floor, playing with abacuses or abaci and scratching away at fading sheets of parchment with quills and dusty ink, but as soon as-

"They're coming out of the walls!"

Lady Foxglove squeals and suddenly seems to start hallucinating that the cross-legged tax collectors sitting on the floor are in fact coming out of the walls, and immediately draws her crossbow up to aim, spins around to try to draw a bead on the fiendish tax collector phantoms, looses a bolt, and collapses to the floor in shame as …Tackov doubles over in pain with a crossbow bolt sticking out of his torso, his guts quite thoroughly pierced.

And as soon as the handful of tax collectors see Lady Foxglove wailing at them and shooting at her colleagues, they leap to their feet, and charge at the adventurers, abacuses or abaci held aggressively above their heads!

Wind Blast I anything hostile that appears.

Despite the pain of his newly decorated (again) guts, Tackov doesn’t decide that Foxglove is the hostile one in this situation, and straight away jumps to the defence of her funds and annuity, waving out a blast of wind that… blasts one frothing tax collector backwards about 25 feet, where he seems to hit a wall and drop, and disappear. There’s still 5 tax collectors left though, all armed with terribly sharp looking abacuses, or perhaps abaci.

”Stop!” shouts one tax collector, ”Stop in the name of the Tax Collectors of Nirila! Pay us what you owe and we shall abstain from delivering a severe beating unto you!”

Wound Acquired: Tackov Cedtry: Pierced Guts!

Elsewhere…

Down a health potion to stem the head bleeding, and make a mad dash for the armour shop twice with Gee Whiz!

Elsewhere, with angry dress-men all around and a farm implement sticking out of his head, Whiz is about to drink a potion and flee when suddenly he loses initiative due to being all wrapped in bandages.

The 8 men surrounding him are about to stab him in the head again when suddenly -

Get thrown at the crowd chasing Whiz, hopefully frightening them with the sight of a vomit-soaked man with a burning face hurtling toward them in a barrel covered in bling.

A shining barrel of quite cheap-looking bling flies through the air, a burning face barely visible through a tiny airhole and drips of vomit dribbling out through the bottom.

…The barrel smacks one of the angry vigilantes directly in the head, removing the offending organ, which immediately bursts into flame and drops to the ground, where it rolls away a bit.

The remaining seven vigilantes try to withstand the mental horror of this unexpected assault, …but fail, all of them simultaneously dropping to their knees and repeatedly retching out of sheer fear!

Ignoring the new acrid smell flooding over the area, Whiz gulps his potion, mumbles his magic, and …dashes off like the fastest mummy ever seen, reaching the safety of the armour shop and bursting inside.

”Oh, hello sir! Did you know, you have a farm implement in your head?”

Spoiler: GM notes (click to show/hide)

Mission: Retrieve the Magical Mandolin Part

Map for IronyOwl and Tackov and Gervedder (they are by the red cross):

There is a new map, but I can’t upload it right now, but basically a short corridor about 25 feet long goes off from that door towards the left.

Current Players:

Spoiler: Tackov Cedtry, Toaster (click to show/hide)

Name: Tackov Cedtry
Class: Level 4 Gusty Wind Mage
Status: +1 missile defence. +1 to future gut damage. -1 to melee. +1 left leg defence. -1 to feet.
Health: [HP: 45/65] | Severed Guts! | Magical Saucepan Leg | Severed Foot! | Pierced Guts!
Abilities: Airfist I, Magical Typhoon I, Wind Blast I, Wind Blast II, Wind Step I, Squishy, Sissy Slap Fight
Inventory: Minor Mana Potion x1, Scroll of Beginner’s Fireball x1, Mouldy Wizard Hat, You Bastard the Mangy Donkey, Cloak of Camouflage, 524 Green Farthings, 206 Yuros, Solid Gold Lingerie x 2, a squashed and severed foot (own), a massive angry boulder stalker, Burny-Vomity-Nakedy Wand; Robe of Improved Magic, Holy Incendiary Grenade of Sef.

Spoiler: Whiz, Chink (click to show/hide)

Name: Whiz
Class: Level 4 Whiznificent Whiz Wiz(ard)
Status: +1 to lower leg defence.  +1 to groin defence. -1 to social interaction except with rats. +1 to balancing. +1 to strength. Last in initiative rolls. +2 defence for ONE turn.
Health: [HP: 65/90] | Giant Rat’s Tail! Mummy!
Abilities: Competent Crossbow User, Red Carpet, Shield I, Gee, Mr. Whiz, You Sure Are Fast! Gee, Mr. Whiz, You Sure Are Fast II, Obviously a Powerful Wizard, It’ll Make You Blind!
Inventory: Crossbow x2, Unlimited Quiver, Raider’s Dress of Shin Protection, 211 Yuros, Middling Mana Potion x1, Cutlass,  Three daggers, Minor Health Potion x1, +1 Bolt of Accuracy x4, +1 Bolt of Burning x3, +1 Bolt of Paralysis x1, Carrying Serf x0 (not currently mounted), 0 Green Farthings, Steel Groinplate.

Spoiler: Gervedder Vietzo, Harry Baldman (click to show/hide)

Name: Gervedder Vietzo
Class: Level 4 Damaged Opportunistic Messenger
Status: +1 to gut and chest defence. +1 defence if moves. +1 to hit with axe (flaming).
Health: [HP: 57/90]
Abilities: Gauntlet, Sprint of Fury,Just a Brainflesh Wound, Nimble Feet, This Messenger Delivers, Important, Stop For Directions
Inventory: Crossbow, Unlimited Quiver, 0 bandages, 0 Yuros, Iron Cuirass, Crossbow, Gerald the Mule, Two weeks rations and a bedroll, Apprentice Herbalist's Manual, Herbalist's Containers x5, Large Cork x1, Masterwork Flaming Axe of Death.

Spoiler: Lady Foxglove Vainglorious the III, Dwarmin (click to show/hide)

Name: Lady Foxglove Vainglorious the III
Class: Level 4 Glamorous Ravenhaired Crusader
Status: +1 to head, chest and groinbone defence. Dodges fist missile hit. -1 to initiative and balancing.
Health: [HP: 75/90] | Broken Head
Abilities: Nonchalant Dodge, Ravena’s Ear, Silent as a Raven’s Wing,  Opportunistic, Honeyed Tongue, Vain, Self-Reliance
Inventory: The Raven's Wingblade, Minor Health Potion x1, Crossbow, Unlimited Quiver, Masterwork Helm, Flying Warsquid, Sword, Mercenary Squidrider Uniform, Masterwork Poledancing Pole, chainmail lingerie, 34 Yuros, 10 bandages, Decent provisions (day) x4, Live eel x649, Red dragon-scale vest, Curse Grenade of the Slimy Eel.

Spoiler: Bukkar Crangrom, Xantalos (click to show/hide)

Name: Bukkar Crangrom
Class: Level 4 Sprayin' Ragin' Mage
Status: Naked! Burning face!
Health: [HP: 70/90] | The Vomiting! | Broken Guts | Blessed By the Godses | Stony Facelegthing | The Burning!
Abilities: Whirlwind Rage I, Rage Flight, Rage Lazors I, Ass of the Flaming Foot I, Lightning Fist I, Always Looking For a Fight, Always Hungover
Inventory: Crossbow, 0 Green Farthings, Large Sealed Bling Barrel, Large Cork x1, pick.

Spoiler: Sylvanna the Felonious, IronyOwl (click to show/hide)

Name: Sylvanna the Felonious
Class: Level 4 Alchemical Flesh Mechanic
Status:
Health: [HP: 90/90]
Abilities: Construct Control I, Craft Corpse Glue I, Craft Alchemical Corpse Glue I, Corpse Assimilation , Crawly Hands
Inventory: A dead kobold, clothes, Buckler of Sharp Death, 1x Glue, Hat of Command.

Spoiler: Tackov Cedtry’s DroneBongo of Vengeances (click to show/hide)

Name: Rattlefang’s DroneBongo of Vengeances
Class: Level 2 Shamanic Death Tambourine
Health: [HP: 35/35]
Abilities: Two Legged Death Tambourine, Incredibly Sharp Teeth

[Toaster]

"Oi!  Me guts!  I just got those patched up!"

[Harry Baldman]

"Hm. I can see how tax collectors may have perished in this place, to be honest."

Time to test out this technique, to be named later if it works as intended:

Step One: Activate Sprint of Fury.
Step Two: Activating Gauntlet at the same time, run past all the tax collectors and chop at them with the Masterwork Flaming Axe of Death.

[lawastooshort]

Time to test out this technique, to be named later if it works as intended:

Step One: Activate Sprint of Fury.
Step Two: Activating Gauntlet at the same time, run past all the tax collectors and chop at them with the Masterwork Flaming Axe of Death.

…Unleashing his furious burning weapon, Gervedder sprints forth, looking quite irritable!

…He runs past the line of charging tax collectors, swinging at each with his flaming axe and hoping for the best as they smack at him with their vicious abacuses. As he skids to a halt near the end of the corridor, he turns to observe his handiwork, and smiles with irritated glee as the lead tax collector clutches his burning shin instinctively before realising his head has fallen off and is burning on the floor; a burning tax collector bursts into two, his lower body utterly severed; another tax collector smoulders on the floor, his chest cut off; and another stands there screaming at his severely bleeding and heavily burning face briefly, before dropping to the floor, quite dead.

All the brave Gervedder has suffered is a serious dent in the gut from an errant abacus!

One tax collector is left between the running madman and the other three adventurers: he throws his abacus at Gervedder’s head, …which it bounces off, and tries to push his way past, and to freedom.

…He manages to scramble through Sylvanna’s legs and halfway to safety!

Gervedder is at the end of the corridor, where he notices a deep hole, at the bottom of which appears to b-arrgh!

…Gervedder observes too closely, and falls down the hole!

…He falls down so hard that his foot snaps off upon landing, and a bleeding tax collector, who seems to have also fallen down the hole, immediately sets about him with his combat-abacus!

…He bashes Gervedder severely in the chest, and starts frothing and counting at the poor one-footed messenger!

Wound Acquired: Gervedder Vietzo: Severed Foot!

Wound Acquired: Gervedder Vietzo: Bashed Chest!

[Harry Baldman]

"Hm. Good idea, but the execution could use work," Gervedder observes.

Charge at the tax collector down here and slice him in half. If successful, begin working on reattaching foot.

[Toaster]

"Oh no you don't!"

Sic the Dronebongo on the last tax collector!

[lawastooshort]

"Oh no you don't!"

Sic the Dronebongo on the last tax collector!

…Despite a kick in the backside which severely bruises the left buttock’s fat, the tax collector, recoiling in fear at the multiteethed Dronebongo, manages to flee further from the adventurous threesome! He will probably escape at the beginning of next turn.

Charge at the tax collector down here and slice him in half. If successful, begin working on reattaching foot.

…Charging about in his small hole, Gervedder aims at the tax collector’s midriff and accidentally slices off the poor man’s face, leaving nought but a burning head. The tax collector drops down dead, so Gervedder decides to …slice off his other foot, to at least have some form of symmetry in his hideous delimberment.

Luckily for him though, the flaming burniness of his axe immediately cauterises the wound, so at least he might not die next turn.

Wound Acquired: Gervedder Vietzo: Severed Other Foot!

Spoiler: Gervedder Vietzo, Harry Baldman (click to show/hide)

Name: Gervedder Vietzo
Class: Level 4 Damaged Opportunistic Messenger
Status: +1 to gut and chest defence. +1 defence if moves. +1 to hit with axe (flaming). In a hole!
Health: [HP: 17/90] Severed Other Foot! | Severed Foot!
Abilities: Gauntlet, Sprint of Fury,Just a Brainflesh Wound, Nimble Feet, This Messenger Delivers, Important, Stop For Directions
Inventory: Crossbow, Unlimited Quiver, 0 bandages, 0 Yuros, Iron Cuirass, Crossbow, Gerald the Mule, Two weeks rations and a bedroll, Apprentice Herbalist's Manual, Herbalist's Containers x5, Large Cork x1, Masterwork Flaming Axe of Death.

[Xantalos]

Ha ha!

Leap out of the barrel like a vomit Grover from Sesame Street and begin applying pain with my facelegthing!