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Author Topic: Roll to Dungeon Quest - It's not you, it's me.  (Read 194622 times)

Xantalos

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Re: Roll to Dungeon Quest - Chapter 1.101
« Reply #1275 on: March 01, 2014, 02:16:24 am »

Mkay.
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lawastooshort

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Roll to Dungeon Quest - Chapter 1.102
« Reply #1276 on: March 16, 2014, 03:38:28 pm »

Turn One Hundred and Two

Continue attempting to wrap my wounds up, seeking help all the while.

"Mmph, mmph mmph mmph," grumbles Whiz the Mummified Whizard, "Mmphing mmph, mmph!"

But alas, not a single comrade comes to his aid, and he continues to fumble about with enough bandages to cover his entire body and a gaping chest wound.

...Eventually, like a monkey armed with a typewriter and two hundred metres of fabric, he manages to staunch the flow of blood!

"Mmph mmph!!"

He offered it a bit of kobold meat.

"Er... good boy? Have a bit of kobold?"

Tackov has a good reason for not having helped his fellow wizard: he is exceedingly busy taming his new pet, a vicious sentient percussion instrument. ...He offers it a strip of manky flesh that he just happens to find clinging to his inner thigh – he holds it in front of the tambourine, which leaps up, snaps the meat into its jaws, and then looks up at Tackov again, with a sad and disappointed expression clearly visible on its strangely unscrupulous features. It is, perhaps, used to more refined food, and as soon as it sees Tackov has nothing more to offer he rubs himself up against the wizard's leg and goes off in search of something tastier than manky kobold.

Ah HA! A competing adventurer are we? Come to take my loot? Well I'll not have that! Roñardo! Toss!

Flying barrel tackle the rival adventurer!

Bukkar also has a good reason for not having helped his comrade adventurer. Firstly, he is in a barrel, and secondly, he is being hurled at considerable speed round and round and again around the head of his faithful Mexican peasant, Roñardo, and thirdly because Roñardo's just let go in horrified fear and pain as a ravenous tambourine comes up, sniffs the poor Mexican's foot, and bites it off.

...Roñardo collapses sideways to the ground, blood shooting out of his ankle stump, too busy wailing to see Bukkar fly off towards the other end of the Throne Room and smash his barrel against the far wall with a horrible and damaging  and ominous crack.

Various fluids begin to leak from the barrel, and some of the stone floor around it seems to steam.

Bosted Barrel Acquired: Bukkar Crangrom: Your barrel needs repair!

Listen carefully. Do I hear anything else moving in the fortress aside from my companions?

...Meanwhile, Gervedder also has a perfectly good reason for ignoring the plight of his ally: he is intently and purposefully holding his hand up to his ear and holding his ear up to the general direction of the rest of the kobold lair.

It's odd that he hears absolutely nothing at all moving in the fortress, given that it's meant to be a fortress full of many kobolds, but he quite justifiably puts that down to the kobolds being rather scared now that their big boss is gone, and also down to the fact that all these other kobolds are probably just not very important.

Action: Search the room for more red herrings

Lady Foxglove, too, has quite a good reason for not rushing to the rescue of her hapless colleague Whiz: she is quite occupied realising that she, like her acquaintances (she almost thought friends! Ha! Quite ridiculous!) has been rather somewhat flummoxed. This makes her so angry she goes rummaging about  amongst all the cupboards and shelves and kitchen storage units that seem to litter the Throne Room and that she hadn't really noticed that much before now until suddenly she comes across a cupboard at just over head height that seems to be deliberately stuck shut and so she stands on tip toes and pulls and pulls and almost grunts slightly but manages to retain her dignity and pulls and pulls and suddenly the cupboard door opens and dozens and dozens of rather pungent fish spill out, over her face and onto the floor.

...One seems to slip down her collar, but she doesn't have time to be appalled because suddenly the dronebongo bounds over, overjoyed at discovering such a vast hoard of its second favourite food, and scoops up a great mouthful.

Dronebongo waddles back over to Tackov, quite obviously very happy, and drops a couple of the herrings on the wizard's naked feet.

The newcomer, who hasn't introduced herself as Sylvanna the Felonious but is actually named thus, or at least could be, and how would the adventurers know any better, just stands there, and stares, and wonders.

She wonders if they have any idea what they are doing or, at the very least, what they are very specifically doing here.

At first glance it doesn't really look like it.

Surely they have something they must be doing?

Spoiler: GM notes (click to show/hide)
Current Players:
Spoiler: Tackov Cedtry, Toaster (click to show/hide)
Spoiler: Whiz, Chink (click to show/hide)
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Dwarmin

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Re: Roll to Dungeon Quest - Chapter 1.102
« Reply #1277 on: March 16, 2014, 04:09:58 pm »

"This is just taking forever! I've almost forgotten what our original quest was!

Are the magic drum and the man-eating bongo the same thing?"
She asked, no one in particular.

It was really all quite confusing. Did the Gods even know where the story was going?

Action: IS THE MAGIC DRUM THE MAGIC BONGO THE BODY OF THE MAGIC MANDOLIN IN DISGUISE?
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IronyOwl

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Re: Roll to Dungeon Quest - Chapter 1.102
« Reply #1278 on: March 16, 2014, 04:37:44 pm »

The newcomer presumably named Sylvanna had long platinum hair, similarly pale skin covered in stitchlines, and eyes of a decidedly vibrant purple. At hearing the busty fish raven's peculiar rant, she finally snapped out of her attempting-to figure-out-what-these-people-were-doing reverie to focus on more knowable things.

"Oh! That's right!"

She promptly began trotting cheerfully towards the throne, clutching her dead kobold like a very lanky, macabre teddy bear.

On arrival, she began clambering all over the ritual platform. Staring at the chains, peering underneath it while still on top of it, throwing her kobold into the space it used to be to see if there was anything up there...

Nothing.

Her head tilted and her expression turned to one of... well, it was wide-eyed and her mouth was pursed. Thoughtfulness? It was probably thoughtfulness, because she then sat down dejectedly and began rifling through her own pockets.

Craft myself some corpse glue!
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Quote from: Radio Controlled (Discord)
A hand, a hand, my kingdom for a hot hand!
The kitchenette mold free, you move on to the pantry. it's nasty in there. The bacon is grazing on the lettuce. The ham is having an illicit affair with the prime rib, The potatoes see all, know all. A rat in boxer shorts smoking a foul smelling cigar is banging on a cabinet shouting about rent money.

Dwarmin

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Re: Roll to Dungeon Quest - Chapter 1.102
« Reply #1279 on: March 16, 2014, 04:50:30 pm »

Foxglove cast an appraising eye on the stitched one, presumably named Sylvana.

"Hey, we haven't even buried Medhername and we've already got someone vying for her spot...

Who are you, newcomer? Say your name, so I know it in-character, you know? And what's with the stitches? Were you in an accident? Did the accident kill you, are you a zombie? If you aren't dead, why are you here? Why do you have a grotty kobold in your hand like a very lanky, macebre teddy bear? Are you one of those Vampyri? One of the cute ones? Or do you turn ugly if you don't drink blood? Can I see your fangs?

Also, nice hair, girl! Who's brains did you threaten to eat or neck did you threaten to bite to get that done?"
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"The hats never coming off."

Harry Baldman

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Re: Roll to Dungeon Quest - Chapter 1.102
« Reply #1280 on: March 16, 2014, 04:56:31 pm »

"Hm. We had best get this done quickly."

Obtain necessary artifacts from near vicinity. If done, provide aid if anybody needs it.
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lawastooshort

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Re: Roll to Dungeon Quest - Chapter 1.102
« Reply #1281 on: March 16, 2014, 05:18:39 pm »

Action: IS THE MAGIC DRUM THE MAGIC BONGO THE BODY OF THE MAGIC MANDOLIN IN DISGUISE?

...Feeling righteously or maybe just rightfully confused, Lady Foxglove very very cautiously advances towards the magicbongodrumcreature, and pokes it gently in the ribs to see if it feels like a disguised magical mandolin.

She skipped Higher Mandolin class at finishing school, but she attended Basic - and even a blind man could tell that this don't feel like no damned mandolin, she concludes, alarmed. There's only one place the Real Piece of Mandolin could be, she reckons - and perhaps that smouldering but slippery Lord Nirila knows where this one place is, because she's sure doesn't.


Obtain necessary artifacts from near vicinity. If done, provide aid if anybody needs it.

(nobody needs it since I autohealed everyone out of guilt))
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Harry Baldman

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Re: Roll to Dungeon Quest - Chapter 1.102
« Reply #1282 on: March 16, 2014, 05:30:15 pm »

(nobody needs it since I autohealed everyone out of guilt))

((Ah, but I did not say 'provide healing', did I? I said 'provide aid'!))
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IronyOwl

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Re: Roll to Dungeon Quest - Chapter 1.102
« Reply #1283 on: March 16, 2014, 05:32:54 pm »

Sylvanna giggled, putting her hands to her cheeks like a blushing schoolgirl.

"Hehe, no, no. I'm Sylvanna and I'm not a vampyr. You can still see my fangs though!"

She opened her apparently normal mouth wide to show her "fangs," better known to more balanced people as canines.

"Thanks for calling me cute though," she added energetically upon closing her mouth. "I'm not dead, I just experimented a little, and it worked! Did you know you can cut things open and then stitch them back together and it works out fine? Cause now we both do! ...um, Fishy, was it? I think it was Fishy.

Hi Fishy! This is my bestest friend kobold, who after locking me up was kind enough to die closely enough that I could use him to escape. You see he... how'd that... oh yeah! He had a key on him. I was here because I was looking for a magical drum for a crazy wizard, but it's not here anymore. I knew there'd be a downside to being locked in a cage!

Oh yes, but once I get the right glue together my bestest kobold buddy and the other mutilated corpses around here will be my new bestest friends who will actually move on their own and not just when I puppet their mouths.

'Hi Fishy,'" she demonstrated by miming the kobold's mouth, "'What big breasts you have! Did you sculpt that body yourself or just end up with it?' Either way that's cool!

Hey, that reminds me."

She grabbed a strand of her hair.

"The hair's natural! At least I think it is."

She stared at the hair in her hand for a few wide-eyed seconds.

"Anyway! Nice to meet you Fishy. Was Med-Hime your friend who was bad and so needs to be buried alive, or did she just die? Tired? Oooooooh, is she a vampyr? What kind what kind what kind?"
Logged
Quote from: Radio Controlled (Discord)
A hand, a hand, my kingdom for a hot hand!
The kitchenette mold free, you move on to the pantry. it's nasty in there. The bacon is grazing on the lettuce. The ham is having an illicit affair with the prime rib, The potatoes see all, know all. A rat in boxer shorts smoking a foul smelling cigar is banging on a cabinet shouting about rent money.

Xantalos

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Re: Roll to Dungeon Quest - Chapter 1.102
« Reply #1284 on: March 16, 2014, 06:32:16 pm »

Bukkar has become annoyed.

YOU ASS GARGLING DIRT SNIFFERS YOU DAMAGED MY BARREL AND HURT MY PEASANT!

Activate Rage Flight+Lightning Fist Of Justice on the tambourine!
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Sig! Onol
Quote from: BFEL
XANTALOS, THE KARATEBOMINATION
Quote from: Toaster
((The Xantalos Die: [1, 1, 1, 6, 6, 6]))

Toaster

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Re: Roll to Dungeon Quest - Chapter 1.102
« Reply #1285 on: March 16, 2014, 07:33:14 pm »

IT LIIIIIIVES

Tackov gives the DroneBongo a scolding look.  "Now now, Mr. Bongo, we don't eat feet of people who aren't attacking us.  Be a good bongo and spit it out, okay?"  He hears the rage coming out of Bukkar.  "Bukkar, wait, I'll get it back!"

Convince the Bongo to give back the foot.  If Bukkar attacks, Wind Blast him away gently, or at least off course.
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HMR stands for Hazardous Materials Requisition, not Horrible Massive Ruination, though I can understand how one could get confused.
God help us if we have to agree on pizza toppings at some point. There will be no survivors.

Xantalos

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Re: Roll to Dungeon Quest - Chapter 1.102
« Reply #1286 on: March 16, 2014, 09:24:09 pm »

BUT MY BARREL! cries Bukkar as he rockets in their general direction, flailing angrily.
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Sig! Onol
Quote from: BFEL
XANTALOS, THE KARATEBOMINATION
Quote from: Toaster
((The Xantalos Die: [1, 1, 1, 6, 6, 6]))

Dwarmin

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Re: Roll to Dungeon Quest - Chapter 1.102
« Reply #1287 on: March 17, 2014, 10:39:36 am »

"Fishy is a state of being, often thought of as a smell, a rank odour of most ominous portent. That is not my name." Foxglove lectured.

"I am Lady Foxglove Vainglorious the Third!" She said, in extra large, fancy slanted words.

"...and I do have a nice pair, hmm? No one in this group to appreciate it! I'm all natural honey, no cosmeti-magical surgery required! Though I may have to get my nose re-snobbed after this little adventure. All this time with low borns is causing my nose to lose it's properly noble, condescending arc. Not that anyone appreciates the sacrifice...

Not even the messenger, I'll tell you all about him later...he's off the market, don't even try..."
she continued, an an undertone gossipy voice. "And Medwhatever was just sort of a poor, stinky witch who didn't do much. She just sort of fell over, and died-left the thread of life you could say, and stopped making posts on the ledger of her own existence...a pity, really. I hope you're made of sterner stuff, Sylvy!" She said, surely managing to offend Medhas ghost in the afterlife quite alot.
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Dwarmin's fell gaze has fallen upon you. Sadly, Your life and your quest end here, at this sig.

"The hats never coming off."

IronyOwl

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Re: Roll to Dungeon Quest - Chapter 1.102
« Reply #1288 on: March 19, 2014, 05:02:28 am »

Sylvanna listened to most of Lady Foxglove's introduction and gossip with wide-eyed wonder, still clutching her kobold.

"Ooooh, neat! I'll make sure to do lots of stuff to make sure I don't fall into a rotting hole like Med-Hime. Like assemble Mister... Mister..."

She held out and frowned at her kobold.

"...Mister Will-Be-Named-When-He's-Assembled, I guess. Mrm...

Oh! But what's with the rest of these people?" she asked, a little conspiratorially. "Are they alright in the head? They don't look like it."

She spared a particular glance at the angry floating fluid-covered thing flailing towards the cyborg trying to pry a bloody foot from the mouth of a living instrument.
Logged
Quote from: Radio Controlled (Discord)
A hand, a hand, my kingdom for a hot hand!
The kitchenette mold free, you move on to the pantry. it's nasty in there. The bacon is grazing on the lettuce. The ham is having an illicit affair with the prime rib, The potatoes see all, know all. A rat in boxer shorts smoking a foul smelling cigar is banging on a cabinet shouting about rent money.

Dwarmin

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Re: Roll to Dungeon Quest - Chapter 1.102
« Reply #1289 on: March 19, 2014, 08:52:38 am »

((...Ugh, so we really wasted all this time going after the kobolds? And now we have no idea where to go? Question mark?))
Logged
Dwarmin's fell gaze has fallen upon you. Sadly, Your life and your quest end here, at this sig.

"The hats never coming off."
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