Turn One Hundred!Two can play at that game! Use valiant dead kobolds to repair dronebongo!
"What nasty fatlings even HERE FOR?" wonders Rattlefang, not having looked at the notes spoiler at the end of the turn which usefully contains a reminder of the quest objective in case it is lost sight of in the long delays between turns,
"You smash everything shiny, you get hacked to bitses and still fightings?! Does fatlings hate own faces and mine groinses that badly?"In blind fury – which is never the best state for complicated surgical procedures aimed at fixing sentient musical instruments – Rattlefang tears the leg off the nearest kobold body, and immediately collapses to the floor sideways, blood pouring out of his thighstump.
...With his last ounce of energy – and blood – he drags himself on his elbows towards DroneBongo, and thrusts his own severed leg into the bloodthirsty beast.
Wound Acquired: Rattlefang the Monolegged:
Severed Left Leg!Leg Acquired: DroneBongo the Monolegged: Left Leg!
Attack!
Just then, the merciless and unfeeling deathtambourine himself, DroneBongo El Secundo, chases after
...the terrified fleeing Bukkar Crangrom the Naked and Filthy and
...tears the clothsless human's leg from its socket.
Blood covers the room in semi-comical and barely believable sprays as the bongo starts to eat Bukkar's right leg whole!
Then it stops, as if to think, and everyone present stares at the musical fiend, sure that he's wondering who he should chomp on next.
But no!
DroneBongo spits Bukkar’s leg out, leaps on top, and proceeds to interact with it vigorously – until the protruding thigh bone is lodged firmly in DroneBongo’s remaining gaping wound!
Wound Acquired: Bukkar Crangrom!
Severed Left Leg!Leg Acquired: DroneBongo the Doublelegged: Left Leg!
Just then, Bukkar Crangrom passes out from the pain, or the blood loss, or the death.
Rattlefang, on the very edge of life himself, is suddenly moved.
”Noses!” he cries,
”It wasn’t meant to be like this!”He wails and bleeds and thrashes about on the floor dramatically for several seconds.
”Noses! It was meant to be more glorious! There was meants to be more challengeseses to single combats! More nudity! I did dreams of it, sent to me by the godses!”Rattlefang draws himself up to his feet with his staff, and beseeches lustily unto the godses:
”Godses! You said, Rattlefang, you and the strongest fatsy lumpling not die of leg loss, but of bravery and heroisms! Of single combatses!”He waves his arms in the air, letting go of the staff and nearly falling flat on his face, whereupon there is a sudden crack in the ceiling, and as if a voice from the heavens doth speak unto the Throne Room, whose Throne no one has yet sat upon, in case you forgot that you hadn’t managed.
”RATTLEFANGSES! YOU ARE CORRECT, OH WISE TINY LIZARDY THINGSES! YOU SHALL NOT DIE OF LEG LOSSES. YON REPULSIVE HUMAN SHALL NOT DIE OF LEG LOSSES. BEHOLD: A BLESSING TO YE BOTH, FROM THE KOBOLD GODSES: IMMUNITY TO DEATH FROM LEG LOSS FOR ALL ETERNITY! AND BEHOLD ONCE MORE: YE SHALL BOTH LIVE AGAIN, ON ONE CONDITION: YON SINGLE COMBATSES SHALL BE FOUGHT FORTHWITH, UNDER THIS VERY CRACK, THAT WE KOBOLD GODSES SHALL WATCH THROUGH IT, AND PLACE BETSES UPON YOU.”Blessing Acquired! Rattlefang the Impervious:
Full Health and Mana and Immunity to Death From Leg Loss!Blessing Acquired! Bukkar Crangrom the Returned:
Full Health and Mana and Immunity to Death From Leg Loss!Curse of the Godses Acquired: Rattlefang the Doomed:
Must Fight Single Combat to the Death with Bukkar Crangrom or be stricken by the Godses !Curse of the Godses Acquired: Bukkar Crangrom the Doomed:
Must Fight Single Combat to the Death with Rattlefang or be stricken by the Godses!
FORTHWITH
SECOND CHANCE SINGLE COMBAT MODE ENTERED!
Name: Bukkar Crangrom
Class: Level 3 Sprayin' Ragin' Mage
Status: Naked!
Health: [HP: 85/85] |
The Vomiting!Abilities: Rage Flight,
Rage Lazors I,
Ass of the Flaming Foot I,
Lightning Fist I,
Always Looking For a Fight,
Always HungoverInventory: Sword of Severing! Crossbow, 0 Green Farthings,
Large Sealed Bling Barrel, Large Cork x1, pick.
Name: Rattlefang the Perfidious
Class: Level 4 Kobold Shamano-Chieftain
Status: +1 to ranged defence. +1 to attacks next turn. +1 to defence against spells. +1 to head and chest defence. Naked!
Health: [HP: 75/75]Abilities: Monologue Boss,
Lost in the Scuffle,
Shinkicker I,
Slippery,
Mighty Warrior....
Inventory: Turtleskull Staff! Fur Cloak! Dragon Skull Helm! Dragon Groinbone Breastplate! Shamanic Dronebongo! Middling Mana Potion,
Minor Health Potion x0 Initiative, Bukkar Crangrom: 7
Initiative, Rattlefang: 7
Simultaneous Strike!
Bukkar Crangrom, leaping literally into action, activates RAGE FLIGHT! He hurls himself and his FIST OF LIGHTNING at Rattlefang, who raises his staff at Bukkar's face!
...Bukkar misses;
... Rattlefang draws first bruise in free counterattack riposte, and then
...misses himself.
Round TwoInitiative, Bukkar Crangrom (still flying, +1 attack): 7
Initiative, Rattlefang (+1 defence this turn) : 3
Bukkar Strikes First!
Bukkar wheels and turns in the air, coming in for another run, waving his sword in front of him like a propeller and activating his DAKKA RAGEZORS:
...first Rattlefang's left arm falls off, and then
...his face bursts into flame!
Oh noses!
...So offended is Rattlefang at having his noses burst into flame, he entirely misses when he tries to poke Bukkar in the ribs with his staff!
Wound Acquired: Rattlefang:
Severed Left ArmFlames Acquired: Rattlefang:
On FaceHealthses:
[HP: 85/85] [HP: 35/75]Round ThreeInitiative, Bukkar Crangrom: 11
Initiative, Rattlefang: 10
Bukkar Strikes First!
Seeing the chance to finish him, Bukkar drops to the ground, charges at Rattlefang, and
...swings his sword of severing so viciously at the kobold's severed arm – which is on the floor, lest we forget – that he slices right through, and severs the ground! The sword falls through the newly severed groundhole, and Bukkar tumbles forward after it, almost falling through the groundhole himself!
...Counterattacking viciously at his fallen opponent, Rattlefang first smashes Bukkar's arm with one blow, and then spins his staff round to smack Bukkar with the other end, breaking the stinking human's stinking guts!
Wound Acquired: Bukkar Crangrom:
Smashed Left ArmWound Acquired: Bukkar Crangrom:
Broken GutsHealthses:
[HP: 55/85] [HP: 35/75]Round FourInitiative, Bukkar Crangrom -1 to dodge: 2
Initiative, Rattlefang, +1 defence: 12
Rattlefang Strikes First!
Both fighters are beaten and bloodied – as Bukkar gets to his feet, having briefly peered down the gap in the severed floor after his lost sword, Rattlefang smacks him again in the guts with his staff,
...totally pointlessly.
Bukkar is getting angrier than usual and turns to face the kobold, bereft of his favourite and only sword and also emptied of any magical means of violence, except the power coursing through his foot: the power to ignite arses.
Alas! Rattlefang is facing him, and the kobol's arse is inaccessible. Bukkar just tries to revenge stomp him in the guts, but
...is as incompetent as the kobold.
Round FiveInitiative, Bukkar Crangrom, -1 to dodge:: 4
Initiative, Rattlefang: 10
Rattlefang Strikes First!
Rattlefang strikes first,
...rather rubbishly. Laughing at the feebleness of his opponent,
...Bukkar is too distracted to do any better himself. The four consecutive non-wounding strikes take their toll on the GM, who decides not to roll initiative again until something actually happens, and so, like a flash of lightning, Rattlefang
...misses again, leaving himself open to Bukkar's tremendous counterattack
...which results in him tripping up and falling on the poor kobold, severely bruising them both! At last the GM gets to type out the health statuseses!
Wound Acquired: Bukkar Crangrom:
Grazed KneeWound Acquired: Rattlefang:
Badly Bruised HeadHealthses:
[HP: 45/85] [HP: 25/75]Round SixInitiative, Bukkar Crangrom, -1 to dodge:: 6
Initiative, Rattlefang: 4
Bukkar Crangrom Strikes First!
Sensing that they are both near the end, that his opponent is roughly two thirds dead, and that the godses would be displeased if this goes on past a seventh round, Bukkar leaps up, and senses a fourth thing. The kobold's arse.
Right there.
Just in front of him.
He swings his foot.
...Bukkar breaks the kobold's arse! The arse bursts into flame!
Wound Acquired: Rattlefang:
Broken ArseFlames Acquired: Rattlefang:
On Arse”RHOHOHO!” booms one of the godses,
”I WI-””No!” cries Rattlefang, interrupting the godses,
”No! I never findses why humie fatlumps shoot my groinses! Kill my peopleses! Smash up my thingses! Why, stinky nasty nakedlings, why?!” "We're here for your magic drum!
Which I'm at least 65% sure is actually an important component of something else we need. I mean, if it's not, well-Oops? Our bad!""What?! You come all this way and bash up all my thingses just to steal shamanic dronebongo? And then you shoots it too!
What could dronebongo be parts of? I never sees any sockets on its.""No, you scaly fool - it's not actually a drum at all, so we guess. But why don't you hold still a moment longer so I can properly explain it..."Lady Foxglove raises her warsquid as if to threaten a finishing blow.
"Not actually drumses? How could not actually be drumses! Me plays its right before it begins nomming faces. Lumpy fatling deranged! I hope it noms the rest of your faces! It is actually drumses, and will actually have vengeances!"Rattlefang has a think for a moment, as if seeing the cherry blossoms of death.
"Waitses. Is dronebongo technically drum? Is dronebongo technically magic? Is just sentient tambourine – Guardian of the Magic Drum of Mount Kuriel. To summon the magic drum... I tell you, but you promise not to kill further koboldses. You promise to leave my wifeses. My koboldlingses. To summon my drum, you must sit on the Magical Throne. Every eejit knowses this."More than one adventurer steps or crawls towards the throne, and Rattlefang utters his last wordses.
"Dronebongo kill last non-kobold to try this, though... You fight him, I let you have my Magical Drum of Mount Kuriel, Hypnotiser of a Thousand Kobold Ladies, and Flayer of a Thousand Tiny Guinea Pigses... Ohhhhh... My arse... It burnses..."Action: Execute 100 hit swordsquid combo on Rattlefat the Atrocious! SUPERB!
"Up, down, left, up, high slash, trigger, low slash, block..." cries Lady Foxglove suddenly, breaking the stunned silence and leaping through the air waving a giant squid.
...She brings it down heavily on Rattlefang's head, piercing several tendons in the skull.
Rearrange the bandages on my chest to stop the bleeding.
Studiously avoiding this gratuitous brutality, Whiz rearranges some of his bandages,
...failing miserably to soak up any extra blood, although it probably doesn't matter now anyway.
Well, time for covering fire! Shuffle from one side to the next and fire at Rattlefang's arm! Slowly but surely he will be rid of all his bodily parts.
...Gervedder considers committing a brutal atrocity himself, wondering if he could shoot off the dead kobold's arm from here, but decides against it, thinking it probably wouldn't be very in character.
Accept medical help while I channel my rage to heal myself or something.
...Bukkar, meanwhile, the first of the band of adventurer's to be blessed by the gods, sits there, angrily. He wonders what else he can do to accept help. He bleeds on the floor for a bit whilst he waits.
He doesn't have long to wait.
He doesn't actually have a reason to wait, since he's been blessed by the godses, but Tackov wasn't listening to that bit.
Use Medha as spare parts to stop the various bleedings. Fill saucepan with her blood and add it back to me. Use her bandages to tie it all together.
If there are bits left over, patch up Bukkar too. Maybe her severed face could be his new neck? That wouldn't be creepy at all.
Tackov is about to die, and suddenly suffers a sudden burst of clarity. He is dying from the head? He collects the blood of his late companion with his saucepan, and slams it repeatedly into his face until the pain stops.
...The bleeding stops too, although it's hard to tell, as there's a saucepan of blood all over his face.
Realising he's onto something here, perhaps a new branch of medicine, perhaps a miracle cureall that could even save the world, he slams the saucepan repeatedly up his severed leg stump.
...It won't take the same size shoe as his last leg did, he reckons, but it's certainly better than nothing.
Magical Saucepan Acquired: Tackov Cedtry:
Magical SaucepanFinally, after several minutes of admiring his new leg, he spies Bukkar. Broken Bukkar. There on the ground in a pool of his own leg blood because although the gods did indeed grant him full health and mana, they didn't sew his leg back on – or even steal it back off DroneBongo the Vengeful.
But! What to do? There is only one magical saucepan to go round – but then Tackov realises. There are no spare saucepans. But there is a spare
face.
Grabbing the spare face lying inches from Medha's mostly dead body, he sticks it to Bukkar's naked thigh with a few dabs of spit, and kicks the spare face with his new magical medical saucepan leg until it stops falling off.
Tackov steps back, and admires Bukkar's new leg.
...It's hideous.
Faceleg Acquired: Bukkar Crangrom:
Stony FacelegthingBut Tackov doesn't care, because suddenly... suddenly he realises something. It feels...
”Hey guys? You feel that?””Yeah, I feel that...””You already tried to feel mine back on the squid, windfiend...””I think I feel that?””It feels like... It feels like...”
IT FEELS LIKE HE HAS REACHED LEVEL FOUR!
Crikey – a hundred turns. In about two months I might not be quite so busy, so I might get the time to not leave so long between updates and have everything so disjointed, which also severely affects my writing and action/roll interpretation, and everyone's motivation, and I've hated every turn I've ever done which has taken more than a couple of days. I'll try to do better. It would have been awesome to get a turn of pigeon dating done for Valentine's Day, having just thought about it.
I will PM people their ability choices shortly.
I also wondered, and am open to discussion of, the idea of replacing cooldowns with mana costs and obviously therefore mana points, but then I wondered, well, I've always done it this way round. Hmm. So no, in fact, I'm probably not open to discussion but might slightly be.
Mission: Retrieve the Magical Mandolin Part from the Fortress of Koboldy Doom By Sitting On The Magical Throne of Rattlefang The Deceased.
Map:
Everyone is in the Throne Room, except for Gervedder, who is above it.
Name: Tackov Cedtry
Class: Level 3 Gusty Wind Mage
Status: +0 missile defence. +1 to future gut damage. -1 to melee. Naked! +1 left leg defence.
Health: [HP: 60/60] |
Severed Guts! |
Magical Saucepan LegAbilities: Magical Typhoon I,
Wind Blast I,
Wind Blast II,
Wind Step I,
Squishy,
Sissy Slap FightInventory: Minor Mana Potion x1,
Scroll of Beginner’s Fireball x1,
Mouldy Wizard Hat, You Bastard the Mangy Donkey,
Cloak of Camouflage, 524 Green Farthings, 54 Yuros, Several heavy rocks, saucepan.
Name: Whiz
Class: Level 3 Whiznificent Whiz Wiz(ard)
Status: +1 to lower leg defence. -1 to social interaction except with rats. +1 to balancing. +1 to strength. Last in initiative rolls.
Health: [HP: 50/85] |
Giant Rat’s Tail! Mummy! |
Heavily Bleeding Chest!Abilities: Red Carpet,
Shield I,
Gee, Mr. Whiz, You Sure Are Fast! Gee, Mr. Whiz, You Sure Are Fast II,
Obviously a Powerful Wizard,
It’ll Make You Blind!Inventory: Crossbow, Unlimited Quiver,
Raider’s Dress of Shin Protection, 100 Yuros,
Middling Mana Potion x1, Cutlass, Three daggers,
Minor Health Potion x2, +1 Bolt of Accuracy x4, +1 Bolt of Burning x3, +1 Bolt of Paralysis x1,
Carrying Serf x0 (not currently mounted), 0 Green Farthings.
Name: Gervedder Vietzo
Class: Level 3 Damaged Opportunistic Messenger
Status: +1 to gut and chest defence. +1 defence if moves.
Health: [HP: 85/85]Abilities: Just a Brainflesh Wound,
Nimble Feet,
This Messenger Delivers,
Make Way for the Messenger! Important,
Stop For DirectionsInventory: Crossbow, Unlimited Quiver, 0 bandages, 2 Yuros,
Iron Cuirass, Crossbow, Gerald the Mule, Two weeks rations and a bedroll,
Apprentice Herbalist's Manual,
Herbalist's Containers x5, Large Cork x1.
Name: Lady Foxglove Vainglorious the III
Class: Level 3 Glamorous Ravenhaired Crusader
Status: +1 to head, chest and groinbone defence.
Health: [HP: 70/85]Abilities: Ravena’s Ear,
Silent as a Raven’s Wing,
Opportunistic,
Honeyed Tongue,
Vain,
Self-RelianceInventory: Minor Health Potion x1, Crossbow, Unlimited Quiver,
Masterwork Helm,
Flying Warsquid, Sword,
Mercenary Squidrider Uniform,
Masterwork Poledancing Pole,
chainmail lingerie, 34 Yuros, 10 bandages, Decent provisions (day) x4, Live eel x649, Red dragon-scale vest,
Curse Grenade of the Slimy Eel.
Name: Bukkar Crangrom
Class: Level 3 Sprayin' Ragin' Mage
Status: Naked! -1 to dodge 10 turns.
Health: [HP: 45/85] |
The Vomiting! |
Broken Guts |
Blessed By the Godses |
Stony FacelegthingAbilities: Rage Flight,
Rage Lazors I,
Ass of the Flaming Foot I,
Lightning Fist I,
Always Looking For a Fight,
Always HungoverInventory: Crossbow, 0 Green Farthings,
Large Sealed Bling Barrel, Large Cork x1, pick.
Name: Rattlefang’s DroneBongo of Vengeances
Class: Level 2 Shamanic Death Tambourine
Health: [HP: 35/35]Abilities: Two Legged Death Tambourine,
Incredibly Sharp Teeth
Author
Topic: Roll to Dungeon Quest - It's not you, it's me. (Read 193189 times)