Turn Ninety NineThrow Sword of Severing at Rattlefang while running away!
IDOHELPFULACTION bleeds Bukkar, on the floor, as he turns to flee from the terrible dronebongo and his companion Rattlefang and, to demonstrate the slight lack of truth in this statement, throws his extremely sharp and dangerous sword over his shoulder.
…The Sword of Severing lands at Rattlefang’s feet, miraculously and indeed mediocrely managing to miss absolutely everyone else in the room.
Given the odds of hitting someone other than Rattlefang with a blind sword toss this is probably a good thing.
Action: Dual swording+squid bites on Rattlesnap the Precocious
Irritated at smelling of eels which, unbeknown to Lady Foxglove, she has in fact done ever since the day she stuffed 700 eels down h-
-down her inventory? Let’s just say somewhere in her inventory. Pockets?
Lady Foxglove isn’t very pleased, because she smells eely, so she rushes at Rattlefang, her sword in one hand and her squid in the other. The sword misses, but the squid is just about to rip apart Rattlefang’s gutflesh when suddenly his last minion leaps through the air in slow motion, throwing himself valiantly and wastefully in the vicious squid’s maw!
…There’s some fearsome munching sounds, and then the warsquid spits a battered and lifeless kobold corpse out at Rattlefang’s feet.
It lands on the Sword of Severing, entirely gratuitously.
Shuffle about and shoot the dronebongo again. It is clearly the most dangerous combatant here. It would be good to have it on our side, with its unmitigated and unrelenting savagery, but what can you do? Sometimes people just end up on different sides in a war.
Gervedder, almost entirely free from any kind of danger at all apart from the occasional stray crossbow bolt, shuffles rhythmically about around his hole, and takes potshots at the feral tambourine below.
…It’s a tricky target to hit, but Gervedder manages it, and soon he can make out another trickle of blood running out of a wound in the dronebongo’s flank. He can’t be entirely sure because it's quite hard to read the facial expressions of a drum, but it looks like the bongo is in pain.
"Oi! You'll pay for that! That was me standing leg for when I'm kicking your arse!"
Wrap up the bleeding in the Cloak I still have, should someone COUGH MEDHA not give me some bandages. Uh, didn't mean to sword you!
Elsewhere, the drum's victim, Tackov the One Legged Naked Terror, is definitely in pain. Luckily he’s a man, so instead of showing it, the pain of his severed leg is manifesting itself in anger and swearing.
There’s only one viable solution: he whips off his Cloak, getting nakeder in the process, and wraps it around his leg.
…He crawls away, satisfied at a job well done, and realises that he is now over here, and his severed leg, expertly wrapped in his expensive magic cloak, is over there.
As his leg continues to bleed, he inconveniently passes out from the pain a bit.
Suddenly he wakes up, and realises, as he spies the dronebongo rushing disinterestedly away from him, that by playing dead he has avoided a fate worse than death.
Death by dronebongo.
Although if he continues to bleed for two more turns that’s exactly the fate he’s going to have.
feed
The ravenous dronebongo, brought whimsically to life by Gervedder Vietzo and now being repeatedly stabbed from afar by the very same cruel man, is weakened. Its tired. It retreats to its master, Rattlefang, under attack by a fearsome squid and an eely-smelling lumpy human. The magnificent dronebongo stares Lady Foxglove in the eye with his own beady little eyes, bares his teeth, and leaps.
It will claim mastery of the deadly squid for his cherished shamanoleader!
...Foxglove bats it away to the ground.
The dronebongo's eyes don't leave the squid for a second as it lands and circles the great warbeast.
Try to get that war squid again!
Rattlefang is quite irritated at the general turn of events.
"Eeeh!"This bunch of eejits has made a hole in his mountain.
"You shoots me in groin?"Filled his front door with rocks.
"What kinds of monster burst into someoneses home, bash up walls and floor?"Set his mountainside on fire.
"Get grubby hands all over precious thingses?!"Violently assaulted his pet drum.
"And then shoots great leader in groin?!"And shot him in the groin.
"Has lumpy fatlings no limits at all? Who sends you?!"Deliberately.
The angry shaman, having narrowly avoided the vicious bite of the flying octosquid's hideous jaws mere seconds ago, is so angry he flings himself right at them, mistakenly thinking that perhaps this is the best way to mount the warsquid: via its teeth.
…It's not, and as he flails about in the squid's gigantic mouth the squid suddenly realises he is flailing about in his gigantic mouth, and takes a bite,
...and misses completely.
Rattlefang blinks, looks from side to side, and hops out.
Action for Medha should Errol remain steadfastly missing: heal self even if anybody else helps and utilize free face attack to chop off one of Rattlefang's limbs. If Necklace of the Ribless happens to be functional, use that on Rattlefang as well
He's on his feet for just a second and then suddenly a new fatling, but this one noticeably more hideous than the others, if it were at all possible which, really, it is, rushes towards him.
…She's bleeding heavily from at least the chest, and looks... a bit deformed. She has a particularly horrifying head, and as she gets near Rattlefang she ducks, tries to smash the chieftain's face off with it, slips on some of the blood lying around,
…and flies into the nearest wall.
…Terrified, Rattlefang counterattacks with pure instinct as the pale horror speeds past, sticking his staff out in its path with a violent thrust, utterly severing Medha Correo's awful face.
There's blood
everywhere.Rattlefang pokes the corpses of the mangled kobold before him with his big toe, and looks angrily at the adventurers.
”You makes messes of my groin, my throne room, and my koboldses! But I have another groin! I have another throne room! I have more koboldses! What do you want from my groin?! What do you want from my throne room? What do you want from my poor koboldses?! Be gone! I call my other groin! I call my other throne room! And I call my other koboldseses!! They won't stop! Not until you deadses, or goneses, or niceses!”Wound Acquired: Medha Correo:
Severed Face!So, er, both Tackov and Medha have two turns to heal or die, and if any of them or Bukkar get hit they die.
I'd suggest something awesome, potentially benefiting from the GM's celebratory mood upon reaching Turn 100*.
Although when I realise we're maybe only about three quarters of the way through the main quest in Chapter One (of 3 or 5, depending) and it's taken... three quarters of a year, perhaps I'll feel less celebratory.
Actions in initiative order.
Mission: Retrieve the Magical Mandolin Part from the Fortress of Koboldy Doom.
Map:
Everyone is in the Throne Room, except for Gervedder, who is above it.
*and Errol's discontinued participation.
Name: Tackov Cedtry
Class: Level 3 Gusty Wind Mage
Status: +0 missile defence. +1 to future gut damage. -1 to melee. Naked! -1 to legs, movement and dodge.
Health: [HP: -30/60] |
Severed Guts! |
Very Heavy Head Bleeding |
Severed Left Leg! |
Head Blood!Abilities: Magical Typhoon I,
Wind Blast I,
Wind Blast II,
Wind Step I,
Squishy,
Sissy Slap FightInventory: Minor Mana Potion x1,
Scroll of Beginner’s Fireball x1,
Mouldy Wizard Hat, You Bastard the Mangy Donkey,
Cloak of Camouflage, 524 Green Farthings, 54 Yuros, Several heavy rocks, saucepan.
Name: Whiz
Class: Level 3 Whiznificent Whiz Wiz(ard)
Status: +1 to lower leg defence. -1 to social interaction except with rats. +1 to balancing. +1 to strength. Last in initiative rolls.
Health: [HP: 50/85] |
Giant Rat’s Tail! Mummy! |
Heavily Bleeding Chest!Abilities: Red Carpet,
Shield I,
Gee, Mr. Whiz, You Sure Are Fast! Gee, Mr. Whiz, You Sure Are Fast II,
Obviously a Powerful Wizard,
It’ll Make You Blind!Inventory: Crossbow, Unlimited Quiver,
Raider’s Dress of Shin Protection, 100 Yuros,
Middling Mana Potion x1, Cutlass, Three daggers,
Minor Health Potion x2, +1 Bolt of Accuracy x4, +1 Bolt of Burning x3, +1 Bolt of Paralysis x1,
Carrying Serf x0 (not currently mounted), 0 Green Farthings.
Name: Medha Correo
Class: Level 3 Alchemist Curse Crafter
Status: +1 to gut defence. +1 to chest defence.
Health: [HP: -24/85] |
Draconic Ribcage! |
Pierced Chest! |
Severed Face!Skull Spider Health: [HP: 25/25]Abilities: Craft Curse Grenade,
Opportunistic Attack I,
Curse Crafter,
Curse of the Fool,
Wandering Asshole,
Curse of the Curse CrafterInventory: Dagger, Half a dress, 59 bandages,
Neckless of the Ribless, Dagger, Lock picking kit,
Iron Cuirass, 111 Yuros, Crossbow,
Brittle Jagged Groinbone Dagger of Good, 4 vials of human blood, 6 vials of kobold blood,
Grenade of the Fool x0, Serpent's Benediction plant x1, Faery-weed x1, A Shiny Stone, Bottle of Dragon Blood, a six foot plank of wood, a rune dagger,
Curse of Being Stepped Upon! Name: Gervedder Vietzo
Class: Level 3 Damaged Opportunistic Messenger
Status: +1 to gut and chest defence. +1 defence if moves.
Health: [HP: 85/85]Abilities: Just a Brainflesh Wound,
Nimble Feet,
This Messenger Delivers,
Make Way for the Messenger! Important,
Stop For DirectionsInventory: Crossbow, Unlimited Quiver, 0 bandages, 2 Yuros,
Iron Cuirass, Crossbow, Gerald the Mule, Two weeks rations and a bedroll,
Apprentice Herbalist's Manual,
Herbalist's Containers x5, Large Cork x1.
Name: Lady Foxglove Vainglorious the III
Class: Level 3 Glamorous Ravenhaired Crusader
Status: +1 to head, chest and groinbone defence.
Health: [HP: 65/85]Abilities: Ravena’s Ear,
Silent as a Raven’s Wing,
Opportunistic,
Honeyed Tongue,
Vain,
Self-RelianceInventory: Minor Health Potion x1, Crossbow, Unlimited Quiver,
Masterwork Helm,
Flying Warsquid, Sword,
Mercenary Squidrider Uniform,
Masterwork Poledancing Pole,
chainmail lingerie, 34 Yuros, 10 bandages, Decent provisions (day) x4, Live eel x649, Red dragon-scale vest,
Curse Grenade of the Slimy Eel.
Name: Bukkar Crangrom
Class: Level 3 Sprayin' Ragin' Mage
Status: Naked! -1 to Arse.
Health: [HP: -9/85] |
The Vomiting! |
Paralysed Arse! |
Severed Head!Abilities: Rage Flight,
Rage Lazors I,
Ass of the Flaming Foot I,
Lightning Fist I,
Always Looking For a Fight,
Always HungoverInventory: Sword of Severing! Crossbow, 0 Green Farthings,
Large Sealed Bling Barrel, Large Cork x1, pick.
Name: Rattlefang the Perfidious
Class: Level 4 Kobold Shamano-Chieftain
Status: +1 to ranged defence. +1 to attacks next turn. +1 to defence against spells. +1 to head and chest defence.
Health: [HP: 50/75] |
Bleeding Groin!Abilities: Monologue Boss,
Lost in the Scuffle,
Shinkicker I,
Slippery,
Mighty Warrior....
Inventory: Turtleskull Staff! Fur Cloak! Dragon Skull Helm! Dragon Groinbone Breastplate! Shamanic Dronebongo! Middling Mana Potion,
Minor Health Potion x0 (all with melee weapons and crossbows)
Name: Kobold Sergeant
Health: [HP: 60/60]Abilities: Sneaky ChargeInventory: Fancy SwordName: Kobold Corporal
Health: [HP: 40/40]Abilities: Sneaky ChargeName: Rattlefang’s dronebongo
Health: [HP: 05/30] |
Heavy Bongo Part Bleeding! |
Heavy Bongo Part Bleeding!
Author
Topic: Roll to Dungeon Quest - It's not you, it's me. (Read 194157 times)