Turn Ninety SixAction: Lance charge the Koboldo-shaman! Use Ravena's ear!
"Ho!" starts the agile and bendy Lady Foxglove Vainglorious III,
"One Kobold kebab, coming right up! Ravena, guide my lance into his ugly mug!" Backflipping and foodquipping, Lady F flies through the air whilst simultaneously drawing her lance, miraculously and disappointingly failing to injure anyone as she does so.
...But there's a deafening
shinging noise as the lance leaves its scabbard and stabs through the air, and everyone in the room drops to their knees, holding their ears in pain!
It's just that deafening!
Tackov, in particular, falls backwards, smashing his head on a rock, and feels his punning power just draining away.
Lady Foxglove's hands rush to protect her dainty ears, and in doing so nearly let go of both the squidreins and the mighty lance!
But no! She recovers, and grasps the fearsome weapon fearsomely, and floats her squid as fast as she can right at Rattlefang the Shamano-Kobold.
...Foxglove aims her lance into the tiny menace's guts, but suddenly a kobold underling leaps in the way, and take a vicious splinter of wood right through the stomach as the lance shatters in two!
Wound Acquired: Kobold Bodyguard 1:
Very Heavy gut bleedingThe warsquid, still angry at the loud
shing,
...leaps acrobatically forward to bite Rattlefang in the head, but suddenly another kobold minion thrusts his own head in the squid's horrifying jaw!
Its hideous teeth gnash right through the kobold's headskin, tearing the skull, rupturing the tendons, and piercing the brain!
Wound Acquired: Kobold Bodyguard 2:
Pierced Brain!It flops about lifelessly as Lady Foxglove's foul squid shakes it around between its great fangs. The squid begins to gnaw a bit, and seems a little happier.
Countercharge the one on the squid, knocking her off it and claiming it for my own.
"Ugly?! Lumpy human ugly! Squid MINE!"Backing away under cover of the blood heavily spurting out of his minion's gut, Rattlefang spots the right moment, and stopping his dronebongoing for the slightest second he
...leaps at and completely misses Lady Foxglove on her trusty squid.
Alas! he thinks,
Squid NOT mine!He takes solace in his bongodrone, hammering away and
...randomly and fortunately (for him) draining the power of lightning from Bukkar Crangrom's Massive Fist of Power.
Attack!
Seeing their chieftain under attack by the ugly lumpies gets the kobold bodyguards mad. Seeing one of their comrade's brain bitten in two gets them even madder! Although in the back of their minds they might also be thinking about running away a bit.
Two kobold minions immediately jump in front of Rattlefang to protect him, and raising their crossbows they let fly a barrage of two bolts at the seductive heathen.
...One bolt bounces harmless off Foxglove's groin, but the other pierces her leg, sending blood gushing forth, and ruining the poor Lady's boots!
Wound Acquired: Lady Foxglove Vainglorious III:
Severely Bleeding Left Leg!The kobold sergeant yips and yaps, and suddenly the two remaining kobold underlings raise their crossbows: the sergeant has spotted someone who looks very important!
Both crossbows loose their bolts, which fly unerringly towards Gervedder, looking through the hole above.
...Unerringly that is, until they get near him, at which point they seem to just drift to the side a bit, and hit the ceiling around the hole, and drop limply to the ground. The bleeding kobold, realising he is about to bleed to death from the gut, takes this as a sign he should flee, and does so.
The last yip seems to indicate to the kobold corporal that there is another important and powerful foe in the room, and the corporal watches in astonished beatific admiration as the sergeant rushes forward to take out the threat himself!
”Me Agnash Ecky-eck.” snarls the kobold,
”You... Smelly Dead Eejit Face! Prepare to die!”He sneakily slashes at poor Whiz – almost immobile in his six inch thick wrapping of bandages, but at least not naked for a change – and
...makes him bleed a bit from the chest.
Wound Acquired: Whiz “the” Whiz:
Heavily Bleeding Chest!Finally broken out of his spell of rapt hero-worship, the corporal seizes his moment, and dashes at Tackov the Naked Terror whilst waving his weapon furiously and trying to catch the wind mage unawares, or at least inconvenienced.
...It doesn't work though, and he makes a peace offer.
”Bother... Friends?”ACTIVATE GEE WHIZ! Wind Blast I the Shaman at another kobold, and Wind Blast II two kobolds at the Shaman! In that order!
"No! Not even if you manage to get me Yuros back off that thieving mummyfiend! Although, you know, I'd consider it. Anyway: Take this!"Straining his mind in his constipation face, Tackov brings forth a stupendous burst of speed from the depths of his memory, and suddenly starts moving in a blur. He waves his hands at Rattlefang in a mysterious manner
…but just as he’s about to unleash a hellish gust of wind at the shamano-kobold he feels his mental power wilt as the kobold bests the mage, and blasts the terrifying power right back at him! In the face!
Tackov flies directly backwards a hundred foot, landing smack against the wall thirty feet away with very heavy blood coming out of his head.
Wound Acquired: Tackov Cedtry:
Very Heavy Head BleedingHowever, Tackov is made of
sterner stuff more blood than that, and leaps back to his feet and attacks once more!
Summoning another virulent blast of wind from somewhere deep within him, he blasts the kobold couple standing in front of Rattlefang right into their leader.
…If Rattlefang has powerful defences against magic, it seems he doesn’t have very powerful defences against being smacked in the guts by a flying kobold!
One of the kobold minions staggers very slightly as if witnessing a distant light breeze; the other flies straight through where Rattlefangs guts used to be and smashes head first against the wall behind.
The brain is bruised!
The skull is torn!
The muscle in the head is sprained!
The kobold is deceased!
Rattlefang’s guts are deceased!
Wound Acquired: Rattlefang:
Severed Guts!Shuffle ominously in place (enough to stay mobile) and shoot the dronebongo right in its smug bastard face. Hope it dies in immense agony and then also explodes inexplicably.
Shuffling ominously from side to side yet still managing to travel the required ten feet, Gervedder raises his crossbow, aims, and shoots Rattlefang’s dronebongo.
…It bleeds heavily in immense agony, but neither explodes nor dies. Maybe next time?
Gervedder is disappointed, and wonders if a dronebongo can still drone with a crossbow bolt sticking out of it.
Wound Acquired: Rattlefang’s dronebongo:
Heavy Bongo Part Bleeding!Charge+Rage Flight+Lightning Fist+Cool Spinning Combo go!
After her attack, inexplicably use the Thu'um to bitchslap Lady Foxglove.
BEE-YITCH SLAP! cries Bukkar, in some kind of strange ritual celebration of future possible success. He gets up, and starts dashing towards Rattlefang, before inexplicably rising into the air with the power of anger. He almost immediately begins to spin and spin like… a spinning thing, and flies at the kobold chieftain like a naked homing angermonk!
At the last second before impact, Bukkar stretches out his fist in the traditional manner, and suddenly realises he can feel no power of lightning rushing along it! He panics! He hides his fist behind his back, and uses his head instead!
…But Rattlefang is no fool: seeing a naked angry monk spinning drunkenly through the air towards him, he sidesteps out of the way. Bukkar smashes head first into the wall behind!
…His face starts bleeding a bit, which is strangely appropriate.
”Eeeeeeeheheheheheheh!”Wound Acquired: Bukkar Crangrom:
Heavy Face Bleeding!Use Shield 1, and shoot the Kobold Shaman with a Bolt of Paralysis.
"Mmph!" moans Whiz, whether because he is a mummy now or because he is last in initiative order because he is a mummy now. Slowly aiming his crossbow, he shoots the koboldo-shaman with a magical and terrible bolt of paralysis.
…The bolt whizzes harmlessly past the chieftain.
In entirely unrelated new, Bukkar’s arse suddenly becomes paralysed!
Just then Whiz remembers to activate his special shield spell.
Wound Acquired: Bukkar Crangrom:
Paralysed Arse!That got a bit complicated so it’s possible I’ve missed something somewhere. Sorry, I’ll edit it in.
Actions in initiative order.
Mission: Retrieve the Magical Mandolin Part from the Fortress of Koboldy Doom.
Map:
Everyone is in the Throne Room, except for Gervedder, who is above it, and Medha, somewhere to be decided.
Name: Tackov Cedtry
Class: Level 3 Gusty Wind Mage
Status: +1 missile defence. +1 to future gut damage. -1 to melee. Naked!
Health: [HP: 50/60] |
Severed Guts! |
Very Heavy Head BleedingAbilities: Magical Typhoon I,
Wind Blast I,
Wind Blast II,
Wind Step I,
Squishy,
Sissy Slap FightInventory: Minor Mana Potion x1,
Scroll of Beginner’s Fireball x1,
Mouldy Wizard Hat, You Bastard the Mangy Donkey,
Cloak of Camouflage, 524 Green Farthings, 54 Yuros, Several heavy rocks, saucepan.
Name: Whiz
Class: Level 3 Whiznificent Whiz Wiz(ard)
Status: +1 to lower leg defence. -1 to social interaction except with rats. +1 to balancing. +1 to strength. Last in initiative rolls. +2 to defence for 2 turns.
Health: [HP: 65/85] |
Giant Rat’s Tail! Mummy! |
Heavily Bleeding Chest!Abilities: Red Carpet,
Shield I,
Gee, Mr. Whiz, You Sure Are Fast! Gee, Mr. Whiz, You Sure Are Fast II,
Obviously a Powerful Wizard,
It’ll Make You Blind!Inventory: Crossbow, Unlimited Quiver,
Raider’s Dress of Shin Protection, 100 Yuros,
Middling Mana Potion x1, Cutlass, Three daggers,
Minor Health Potion x2, +1 Bolt of Accuracy x4, +1 Bolt of Burning x3, +1 Bolt of Paralysis x1,
Carrying Serf x0 (not currently mounted), 0 Green Farthings.
Name: Medha Correo
Class: Level 3 Alchemist Curse Crafter
Status: +1 to gut defence. +1 to chest defence. -1 to non-stone-based social interaction.
Health: [HP: 41/85] |
Draconic Ribcage! Shiny Rock Face!Skull Spider Health: [HP: 25/25]Abilities: Craft Curse Grenade,
Opportunistic Attack I,
Curse Crafter,
Curse of the Fool,
Wandering Asshole,
Curse of the Curse CrafterInventory: Dagger, Half a dress, 59 bandages,
Neckless of the Ribless, Dagger, Lock picking kit,
Iron Cuirass, 111 Yuros, Crossbow,
Brittle Jagged Groinbone Dagger of Good, 4 vials of human blood, 6 vials of kobold blood,
Grenade of the Fool x0, Serpent's Benediction plant x1, Faery-weed x1, A Shiny Stone, Bottle of Dragon Blood, a six foot plank of wood, a rune dagger,
Curse of Being Stepped Upon! Name: Gervedder Vietzo
Class: Level 3 Damaged Opportunistic Messenger
Status: +1 to gut and chest defence. +1 defence if moves.
Health: [HP: 85/85]Abilities: Just a Brainflesh Wound,
Nimble Feet,
This Messenger Delivers,
Make Way for the Messenger! Important,
Stop For DirectionsInventory: Crossbow, Unlimited Quiver, 0 bandages, 2 Yuros,
Iron Cuirass, Crossbow, Gerald the Mule, Two weeks rations and a bedroll,
Apprentice Herbalist's Manual,
Herbalist's Containers x5, Large Cork x1.
Name: Lady Foxglove Vainglorious the III
Class: Level 3 Glamorous Ravenhaired Crusader
Status: +1 to head, chest and groinbone defence.
Health: [HP: 65/85] |
Severely Bleeding Left Leg!Abilities: Ravena’s Ear,
Silent as a Raven’s Wing,
Opportunistic,
Honeyed Tongue,
Vain,
Self-RelianceInventory: Minor Health Potion x2, Crossbow, Unlimited Quiver,
Masterwork Helm,
Flying Warsquid, Sword,
Mercenary Squidrider Uniform,
Masterwork Poledancing Pole,
chainmail lingerie, 34 Yuros, 10 bandages, Decent provisions (day) x4, Live eel x649, Red dragon-scale vest,
Curse Grenade of the Slimy Eel.
Name: Bukkar Crangrom
Class: Level 3 Sprayin' Ragin' Mage
Status: Naked! Flying for one more turn. -1 to Arse.
Health: [HP: 80/85] |
The Vomiting! |
Heavy Face Bleeding! |
Paralysed Arse!Abilities: Rage Flight,
Rage Lazors I,
Ass of the Flaming Foot I,
Lightning Fist I,
Always Looking For a Fight,
Always HungoverInventory: Sword of Severing! Crossbow, 0 Green Farthings,
Large Sealed Bling Barrel, Large Cork x1, pick.
Name: Rattlefang the Perfidious
Class: Level 4 Kobold Shamano-Chieftain
Status: +1 to ranged defence. +1 to attacks next turn. +1 to defence against spells. +1 to head and chest defence.
Health: [HP: 55/75] |
Severed Guts!Abilities: Monologue Boss,
Lost in the Scuffle,
Shinkicker I,
Slippery,
Mighty Warrior....
Inventory: Turtleskull Staff! Fur Cloak! Dragon Skull Helm! Dragon Groinbone Breastplate! Shamanic Dronebongo! Middling Mana Potion,
Minor Health Potion (all with melee weapons and crossbows)
Name: Kobold Sergeant
Health: [HP: 60/60]Abilities: Sneaky ChargeInventory: Fancy SwordName: Kobold Corporal
Health: [HP: 40/40]Abilities: Sneaky ChargeName: Kobold Bodyguard x2
Health: [HP: 20/20]Abilities: Look Out Srrrraaargh!Name: Rattlefang’s dronebongo
Health: [HP: 25/30] |
Heavy Bongo Part Bleeding!
Author
Topic: Roll to Dungeon Quest - It's not you, it's me. (Read 194203 times)