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Author Topic: Roll to Dungeon Quest - It's not you, it's me.  (Read 193197 times)

Toaster

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Re: Roll to Dungeon Quest - Chapter 1.94
« Reply #1185 on: January 06, 2014, 02:56:23 pm »

That throne will be sat upon!
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HMR stands for Hazardous Materials Requisition, not Horrible Massive Ruination, though I can understand how one could get confused.
God help us if we have to agree on pizza toppings at some point. There will be no survivors.

lawastooshort

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Roll to Dungeon Quest - Chapter 1.95
« Reply #1186 on: January 06, 2014, 04:41:32 pm »

Turn Ninety Five

That throne will be sat upon!

Tackov Cedtry, King of the Kobolds, gets back to his feet again, and makes two steps forwards to claim his throne!

Find Tackov, and have another go at retrieving those missing Yuros while moaning menacingly.

...But suddenly his rival wizard Whiz leaps through the hole in the ceiling, ...and tackles the thief to the ground, before rummaging through the naked mage's pockets, and stealing back a hundred Yuros!

Score settled, Whiz sits on Tackov for a bit, moaning in a ...very slightly menacing manner, although delivered whilst sitting on a naked wizard it mostly comes off as a bit... disturbing, more than menacing.

Sit tight and keep listening like a bat on guard duty.

...Above, Gervedder peeks through his eyes, trying both to keep watch, and to not see too much of the hideous moaning action taking place beneath him.

He solves the conundrum by just listening, which is actually worse.

All he can think off is a moaning mummy-wizard sitting on a naked mage.

Eww.

Add drum to barrel loot.
...
Grab drum thing and scurry back to barrel. Panic as necessary.


"Is that what we came for?"

Yes! Ahahahahahah!

...Bukkar leaps forward, grabs the drum, and sprints away to his waiting getaway barrel.



Action: After Bukkar has removed the artifact-and triggered any traps upon himself, Snatch and inspect the drum carefully for artifact-ness!

...But just as he leaps through the air to dive into his comfy crusty barrel, Lady Foxglove intercepts the vomity fiend, knocking the drum out of his hands, whereupon it flies through the air, towards the door at the top right of the map!

She tries to inspect it as it flies, but only has time to conclude that perhaps it summons kobolds!


INTRODUCING! SPECIAL GUEST EVIL VILLAIN: RATTLEFANG “IRONYOWL” THE PERFIDIOUS, LEVEL FOUR KOBOLD SHAMANO-CHIEFTAIN!

AND HIS FRIENDS!


"Nik nik!" yips THE VICIOUS SHAMANO-CHIEFTAIN Rattlefang, bursting in from the door at the top right of the map and ...catching his ceremonial drum as it spins through the air.

"Nasty humanses, just like said! Bash up mountains, trespass tunnels, mess with sacred drum! Rattlefang punish you! Bash up faces, trespass your guts, put fatling fingers in stew pots!

To me, kobolds! We shank fat mammals!"


He appears to be talking to no one, but then suddenly half a dozen other kobolds rush in through the same door!

They dance from foot to foot in primitive tribal motions as Rattlefang bangs his drum!

Suddenly, as the force of the drumming music rises, Bukkar Crangrom feels as if he's suddenly forgotten how to set asses on fire with his foot!

He vomits in disgust!

Artefact Activated! Power Deactivated! Bukkar Crangrom: Ass of the Flaming Foot set to Full Cooldown!

Spoiler: GM’s notes (click to show/hide)
Current Players:
Spoiler: Tackov Cedtry, Toaster (click to show/hide)
Spoiler: Whiz, Chink (click to show/hide)
Spoiler: Medha Correo, Errol (click to show/hide)
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Dwarmin

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Re: Roll to Dungeon Quest - Chapter 1.95
« Reply #1187 on: January 06, 2014, 04:53:17 pm »

Lady Foxglove backflipped onto her previously unmentioned warsquid, shinging out her lance at the same time with a mighty shing.

"Ho! One Kobold kebab, coming right up! Ravena, guide my lance into his ugly mug!" she foodquipped.

Action: Lance charge the Koboldo-shaman! Use Ravena's ear!
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Dwarmin's fell gaze has fallen upon you. Sadly, Your life and your quest end here, at this sig.

"The hats never coming off."

Toaster

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Re: Roll to Dungeon Quest - Chapter 1.95
« Reply #1188 on: January 06, 2014, 04:54:09 pm »

Tackov grunts and swears.  "Gerroff me, ya bastard!"


ACTIVATE GEE WHIZ!  Wind Blast I the Shaman at another kobold, and Wind Blast II two kobolds at the Shaman!  In that order!
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HMR stands for Hazardous Materials Requisition, not Horrible Massive Ruination, though I can understand how one could get confused.
God help us if we have to agree on pizza toppings at some point. There will be no survivors.

Xantalos

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Re: Roll to Dungeon Quest - Chapter 1.95
« Reply #1189 on: January 06, 2014, 04:57:35 pm »

BEE-YITCH SLAP!

Charge+Rage Flight+Lightning Fist+Cool Spinning Combo go!
After her attack, inexplicably use the Thu'um to bitchslap Lady Foxglove.
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Sig! Onol
Quote from: BFEL
XANTALOS, THE KARATEBOMINATION
Quote from: Toaster
((The Xantalos Die: [1, 1, 1, 6, 6, 6]))

Harry Baldman

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Re: Roll to Dungeon Quest - Chapter 1.95
« Reply #1190 on: January 06, 2014, 06:09:42 pm »

"What an immensely surprising development."

Shuffle ominously in place (enough to stay mobile) and shoot the dronebongo right in its smug bastard face. Hope it dies in immense agony and then also explodes inexplicably.
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IronyOwl

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Re: Roll to Dungeon Quest - Chapter 1.95
« Reply #1191 on: January 06, 2014, 06:36:11 pm »

"Ugly?! Lumpy human ugly! Squid MINE!"

Countercharge the one on the squid, knocking her off it and claiming it for my own.
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Quote from: Radio Controlled (Discord)
A hand, a hand, my kingdom for a hot hand!
The kitchenette mold free, you move on to the pantry. it's nasty in there. The bacon is grazing on the lettuce. The ham is having an illicit affair with the prime rib, The potatoes see all, know all. A rat in boxer shorts smoking a foul smelling cigar is banging on a cabinet shouting about rent money.

Dwarmin

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Re: Roll to Dungeon Quest - Chapter 1.95
« Reply #1192 on: January 06, 2014, 06:48:56 pm »

"Ugly?! Lumpy human ugly! Squid MINE!"

"Don't insult my lumps!"
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Dwarmin's fell gaze has fallen upon you. Sadly, Your life and your quest end here, at this sig.

"The hats never coming off."

Toaster

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Re: Roll to Dungeon Quest - Chapter 1.95
« Reply #1193 on: January 06, 2014, 09:51:28 pm »

"What an immensely surprising development."

((You might even say the twist is...


...ironic.))
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HMR stands for Hazardous Materials Requisition, not Horrible Massive Ruination, though I can understand how one could get confused.
God help us if we have to agree on pizza toppings at some point. There will be no survivors.

lawastooshort

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Re: Roll to Dungeon Quest - Chapter 1.95
« Reply #1194 on: January 07, 2014, 05:12:46 am »

((oh dear Toaster. You deserve a -1 penalty))
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Dwarmin

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Re: Roll to Dungeon Quest - Chapter 1.95
« Reply #1195 on: January 07, 2014, 05:44:51 am »

((oh dear Toaster. You deserve a -1 penalty))

((Come on, owl he was doing was making a pun))
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Dwarmin's fell gaze has fallen upon you. Sadly, Your life and your quest end here, at this sig.

"The hats never coming off."

Chink

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Re: Roll to Dungeon Quest - Chapter 1.95
« Reply #1196 on: January 07, 2014, 11:46:40 am »

"Mmph!"

Use Shield 1, and shoot the Kobold Shaman with a Bolt of Paralysis.
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lawastooshort

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Roll to Dungeon Quest - Chapter 1.96
« Reply #1197 on: January 08, 2014, 12:26:22 pm »

Turn Ninety Six

Action: Lance charge the Koboldo-shaman! Use Ravena's ear!

"Ho!" starts the agile and bendy Lady Foxglove Vainglorious III, "One Kobold kebab, coming right up! Ravena, guide my lance into his ugly mug!"

Backflipping and foodquipping, Lady F flies through the air whilst simultaneously drawing her lance, miraculously and disappointingly failing to injure anyone as she does so. ...But there's a deafening shinging noise as the lance leaves its scabbard and stabs through the air, and everyone in the room drops to their knees, holding their ears in pain!

It's just that deafening!

Tackov, in particular, falls backwards, smashing his head on a rock, and feels his punning power just draining away.

Lady Foxglove's hands rush to protect her dainty ears, and in doing so nearly let go of both the squidreins and the mighty lance!

But no! She recovers, and grasps the fearsome weapon fearsomely, and floats her squid as fast as she can right at Rattlefang the Shamano-Kobold. ...Foxglove aims her lance into the tiny menace's guts, but suddenly a kobold underling leaps in the way, and take a vicious splinter of wood right through the stomach as the lance shatters in two!

Wound Acquired: Kobold Bodyguard 1: Very Heavy gut bleeding

The warsquid, still angry at the loud shing, ...leaps acrobatically forward to bite Rattlefang in the head, but suddenly another kobold minion thrusts his own head in the squid's horrifying jaw!

Its hideous teeth gnash right through the kobold's headskin, tearing the skull, rupturing the tendons, and piercing the brain!

Wound Acquired: Kobold Bodyguard 2: Pierced Brain!

It flops about lifelessly as Lady Foxglove's foul squid shakes it around between its great fangs. The squid begins to gnaw a bit, and seems a little happier.

Countercharge the one on the squid, knocking her off it and claiming it for my own.

"Ugly?! Lumpy human ugly! Squid MINE!"

Backing away under cover of the blood heavily spurting out of his minion's gut, Rattlefang spots the right moment, and stopping his dronebongoing for the slightest second he ...leaps at and completely misses Lady Foxglove on her trusty squid.

Alas! he thinks, Squid NOT mine!

He takes solace in his bongodrone, hammering away and ...randomly and fortunately (for him) draining the power of lightning from Bukkar Crangrom's Massive Fist of Power.

Quote from: kobold squad
Attack!

Seeing their chieftain under attack by the ugly lumpies gets the kobold bodyguards mad. Seeing one of their comrade's brain bitten in two gets them even madder! Although in the back of their minds they might also be thinking about running away a bit.

Two kobold minions immediately jump in front of Rattlefang to protect him, and raising their crossbows they let fly a barrage of two bolts at the seductive heathen. ...One bolt bounces harmless off Foxglove's groin, but the other pierces her leg, sending blood gushing forth, and ruining the poor Lady's boots!

Wound Acquired: Lady Foxglove Vainglorious III: Severely Bleeding Left Leg!

The kobold sergeant yips and yaps, and suddenly the two remaining kobold underlings raise their crossbows: the sergeant has spotted someone who looks very important!

Both crossbows loose their bolts, which fly unerringly towards Gervedder, looking through the hole above. ...Unerringly that is, until they get near him, at which point they seem to just drift to the side a bit, and hit the ceiling around the hole, and drop limply to the ground. The bleeding kobold, realising he is about to bleed to death from the gut, takes this as a sign he should flee, and does so.

The last yip seems to indicate to the kobold corporal that there is another important and powerful foe in the room, and the corporal watches in astonished beatific admiration as the sergeant rushes forward to take out the threat himself!

”Me Agnash Ecky-eck.” snarls the kobold, ”You... Smelly Dead Eejit Face! Prepare to die!”

He sneakily slashes at poor Whiz – almost immobile in his six inch thick wrapping of bandages, but at least not naked for a change – and ...makes him bleed a bit from the chest.

Wound Acquired: Whiz “the” Whiz: Heavily Bleeding Chest!

Finally broken out of his spell of rapt hero-worship, the corporal seizes his moment, and dashes at Tackov the Naked Terror whilst waving his weapon furiously and trying to catch the wind mage unawares, or at least inconvenienced. ...It doesn't work though, and he makes a peace offer.

”Bother... Friends?”

ACTIVATE GEE WHIZ!  Wind Blast I the Shaman at another kobold, and Wind Blast II two kobolds at the Shaman!  In that order!

"No! Not even if you manage to get me Yuros back off that thieving mummyfiend! Although, you know, I'd consider it. Anyway: Take this!"

Straining his mind in his constipation face, Tackov brings forth a stupendous burst of speed from the depths of his memory, and suddenly starts moving in a blur. He waves his hands at Rattlefang in a mysterious manner but just as he’s about to unleash a hellish gust of wind at the shamano-kobold he feels his mental power wilt as the kobold bests the mage, and blasts the terrifying power right back at him! In the face!

Tackov flies directly backwards a hundred foot, landing smack against the wall thirty feet away with very heavy blood coming out of his head.

Wound Acquired: Tackov Cedtry: Very Heavy Head Bleeding

However, Tackov is made of sterner stuff more blood than that, and leaps back to his feet and attacks once more!

Summoning another virulent blast of wind from somewhere deep within him, he blasts the kobold couple standing in front of Rattlefang right into their leader.

If Rattlefang has powerful defences against magic, it seems he doesn’t have very powerful defences against being smacked in the guts by a flying kobold!

One of the kobold minions staggers very slightly as if witnessing a distant light breeze; the other flies straight through where Rattlefangs guts used to be and smashes head first against the wall behind.

The brain is bruised!

The skull is torn!

The muscle in the head is sprained!

The kobold is deceased!

Rattlefang’s guts are deceased!

Wound Acquired: Rattlefang: Severed Guts!

Shuffle ominously in place (enough to stay mobile) and shoot the dronebongo right in its smug bastard face. Hope it dies in immense agony and then also explodes inexplicably.

Shuffling ominously from side to side yet still managing to travel the required ten feet, Gervedder raises his crossbow, aims, and shoots Rattlefang’s dronebongo.

It bleeds heavily in immense agony, but neither explodes nor dies. Maybe next time?

Gervedder is disappointed, and wonders if a dronebongo can still drone with a crossbow bolt sticking out of it.

Wound Acquired: Rattlefang’s dronebongo: Heavy Bongo Part Bleeding!

Charge+Rage Flight+Lightning Fist+Cool Spinning Combo go!
After her attack, inexplicably use the Thu'um to bitchslap Lady Foxglove.


BEE-YITCH SLAP! cries Bukkar, in some kind of strange ritual celebration of future possible success. He gets up, and starts dashing towards Rattlefang, before inexplicably rising into the air with the power of anger. He almost immediately begins to spin and spin like… a spinning thing, and flies at the kobold chieftain like a naked homing angermonk!

At the last second before impact, Bukkar stretches out his fist in the traditional manner, and suddenly realises he can feel no power of lightning rushing along it! He panics! He hides his fist behind his back, and uses his head instead!

But Rattlefang is no fool: seeing a naked angry monk spinning drunkenly through the air towards him, he sidesteps out of the way. Bukkar smashes head first into the wall behind! His face starts bleeding a bit, which is strangely appropriate.

”Eeeeeeeheheheheheheh!”

Wound Acquired: Bukkar Crangrom: Heavy Face Bleeding!

Use Shield 1, and shoot the Kobold Shaman with a Bolt of Paralysis.

"Mmph!" moans Whiz, whether because he is a mummy now or because he is last in initiative order because he is a mummy now. Slowly aiming his crossbow, he shoots the koboldo-shaman with a magical and terrible bolt of paralysis. The bolt whizzes harmlessly past the chieftain.

In entirely unrelated new, Bukkar’s arse suddenly becomes paralysed!

Just then Whiz remembers to activate his special shield spell.

Wound Acquired: Bukkar Crangrom: Paralysed Arse!

Spoiler: GM’s notes (click to show/hide)
Current Players:
Spoiler: Tackov Cedtry, Toaster (click to show/hide)
Spoiler: Whiz, Chink (click to show/hide)
Spoiler: Medha Correo, Errol (click to show/hide)
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Tiruin

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Re: Roll to Dungeon Quest - Chapter 1.96
« Reply #1198 on: January 08, 2014, 12:27:24 pm »

((I like that map...O_o
I like this turn.
Ahh~)
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Harry Baldman

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Re: Roll to Dungeon Quest - Chapter 1.96
« Reply #1199 on: January 08, 2014, 12:57:06 pm »

"Well. I suppose that was too much to hope for, really."

Keep shuffling - also, shoot Rattlefang in the groin while I'm at it.
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