Turn Eighty SixDrunkenly vomit into kobold's face to startle it, then rear up like a beaches whale and bite its head off.
From a deep dark cave rears an angry beached whale; lurching out of the emptied cellar door comes Bukkar the Vomnificent, a wretched taste in his retching mouth as he staggers forth, and stumbles to a halt in front of a very surprised kobold.
…Bukkar dribbles vomit down his chin and over his chest, and a little onto his feet, the hacking retching sound so violent and appalling the poor kobold is almost moved to offer assistance – but his compassion is swept away when Bukkar leaps upon him, and starts gnawing passionately on his ear!
…The kobold wipes the Bukkarvomit from his cheek, and flees into the darkness, yappering and yippering like a kobold is wont to do.
…Bukkar stands there, blinking, confused, and vomits profusely over himself.
Search Definitely-Not-Bukkar for valuables and loot before absconding further down the bright yellow vomit road.
…Some distance away, Whiz, who is not Vomnificent, quickly goes through the unconscious drunkard’s pockets, steals 12 Green Farthings, and sprints away as fast as he can, nervous of the drunkard’s stirrings.
Harvest the thorns of this plant. Even if it's not the right one, it should be close enough that my mistake is excusable. Go and find Whiz afterwards.
"Hm,” summarises Gervedder the Messenging Herbalist,
"Definitely hm.”…Grabbing the entire Alpine Groundsel plant by the stalk and with both hands, he yanks it as hard as humanly or even Gervedderly possibly, tearing the whole thing out of the ground and falling over backwards onto his backside. He gets up, gingerly rubbing his arse with one hand and holding the extremely long-rooted herb with the other, and stares down at the twenty foot deep hole he’s just created.
A giant mole stares back up.
A giant Brutal Mole, if he remembers his biology lessons right.
The thing looks angry, and Gervedder turns and runs towards where he think Whiz must surely have gone before the fecker can leap out of the hole and, teeth bared and gnashing, attempt to rip his throat out. Gervedder runs for his life down the strangely yellow tinged trail that Whiz took, the Brutal Mole – roughly the size of a small cow – mere dozens of feet behind him,
…and then as he turns to look behind to see if he’s pulling away from the monstrosity he trips over a passing drunkard, who just happens to be lying there, in the process of waking up.
”You bastard! You stole me feckin’ money, you feckin’ money thief!”Action: Continue to save Medha belatedly!
"Meeeedha! If you're out there, respond..."Nobody responds.
Lady Foxglove dismounts from her squid, turns, sees Tackov still standing about nakedly, and turns quickly back.
"Hmm..."There is a hole. Medha fell down it. Foxglove must recue Medha.
There appears to be only one course of action available to her, except Tackov is too naked to be pushed down and safely used as a landing cushion, so there appears to be no courses of action available to her.
Blast that damn wizard and his nudity……Not wanting to risk leaping down the hole without a landing cushion, she climbs back on board her squid, kicks her heels in, and blasts like a wheezing old man towards the only obvious solution – the door in the mountainside – nay, the cliff face – that they’d seen but mostly ignored many (it feels like many) turns ago…
She pushes the door open with a dainty finger, whereupon she comes face to face with half a dozen kobold sentries. If she had a head for kobold faces, and wasn’t suddenly very much preoccupied with the fact that she has travelled through the night for this wretched Medha type person, and, tired as she may be, hasn’t had time to attend to her own poor face, and there are, however much they may be lizardy runts,
people about, if, I say, if she wasn’t rather busy wincing, and all but wailing, and feverishly recoiling in horror at the thought of her own underpresentable features, if this had been the case, perhaps she would notice that they appear to be six of the kobolds whose leader had so gloriously routed the adventurers the precedent evening.
But she doesn’t have a head for kobold faces, and is rather preoccupied with the shamefulness of her makeup, so she doesn’t.
They just look like a bunch of kobolds with crossbows.
Get dressed, dammit.
"Yeah, what she sai- oh. Where…"Tackov, the Naked Terror, is keen to help Lady Foxglove rescue Medha, but two problems present themselves.
First: she has whizzed off on her squid, and he doesn’t know where to.
Second: he is still naked.
…He tries to rectify the situation by putting another sock on his head, but although not now exactly 100% undressed, he is technically still quite naked.
…Just then another naked wizard, heavily out of breath and exceedingly red in the face, sprints at top speed right up to him, knocking Tackov down Medha’s hole, where he lands with a crunch.
Whiz immediately follows, and lands on top of him, with a crunch.
Damage Acquired: Tackov Cedtry:
20 HP Falling Damge!Damage Acquired: Whiznificent Whiz:
10 HP Falling Damge!Prepa- oh feck!
Just as Medha is really beginning to think that she should perhaps do something about the people clearly coming to say hello through the door, there’s a strange crunch behind her, and another, and she turns to just about make out two naked wizards standing sheepishly about, holding themselves in moderate pain.
It’s about then that the rock door swings open, smashing her in the back of the head. She falls to the floor and doesn’t see the half dozen kobolds burst into the room, pointy spears at the ready.
4 of you are in the same kobold hideout – there will be a map coming shortly.
Name: Tackov Cedtry
Class: Level 3 Gusty Wind Mage
Status: +1 missile defence. -1 to melee. Naked!
Health: [HP: 40/60] |
Severed Guts!Abilities: Magical Typhoon I,
Wind Blast I,
Wind Blast II,
Wind Step I,
Squishy,
Sissy Slap FightInventory: Minor Mana Potion x1,
Scroll of Beginner’s Fireball x1, one memorised use of:
Gee, Mr. Whiz, You Sure Are Fast! Mouldy Wizard Hat, bits of guts (own), You Bastard the Mangy Donkey,
Cloak of Camouflage, 112 Green Farthings, 17 Yuros, Several heavy rocks, Some ribs, saucepan, Fancy Clothes.
Name: Whiz
Class: Level 3 Whiznificent Whiz Wiz(ard)
Status: +1 to lower leg defence. -1 to social interaction. +1 to balancing. Naked!
Health: [HP: 75/85] |
Giant Rat’s Tail!Abilities: Red Carpet,
Shield I,
Gee, Mr. Whiz, You Sure Are Fast! Gee, Mr. Whiz, You Sure Are Fast II,
Obviously a Powerful Wizard,
It’ll Make You Blind!Inventory: Crossbow, Unlimited Quiver,
Raider’s Dress of Shin Protection, 37 Yuros,
Middling Mana Potion x1, Cutlass, Three daggers,
Minor Health Potion x2, +1 Bolt of Accuracy x4, +1 Bolt of Burning x3, +1 Bolt of Paralysis x2,
Carrying Serf x0 (not currently mounted), 12 Green Farthings.
Name: Medha Correo
Class: Level 3 Alchemist Curse Crafter
Status: +1 to gut defence. +1 to chest defence.
Health: [HP: 71/85] |
Draconic Ribcage!Skull Spider Health: [HP: 25/25]Abilities: Craft Curse Grenade,
Opportunistic Attack I,
Curse Crafter,
Curse of the Fool,
Wandering Asshole,
Curse of the Curse CrafterInventory: Dagger, Half a dress, 71 bandages,
Neckless of the Ribless, Dagger, Lock picking kit,
Iron Cuirass, 211 Yuros, Crossbow,
Brittle Jagged Groinbone Dagger of Good, 4 vials of human blood, 6 vials of kobold blood,
Grenade of the Fool x0, Serpent's Benediction plant x1, Faery-weed x1, A Shiny Stone, Bottle of Dragon Blood, a six foot plank of wood, a rune dagger,
Curse of Being Stepped Upon! Name: Gervedder Vietzo
Class: Level 3 Damaged Opportunistic Messenger
Status: +1 to gut and chest defence. +1 defence if moves.
Health: [HP: 70/85]Abilities: Just a Brainflesh Wound,
Nimble Feet,
This Messenger Delivers,
Make Way for the Messenger! Important,
Stop For DirectionsInventory: Crossbow, Unlimited Quiver, 2 bandages, 2 Yuros,
Iron Cuirass, Crossbow, Gerald the Mule, Two weeks rations and a bedroll,
Apprentice Herbalist's Manual,
Herbalist's Containers x5, Large Cork x1.
Name: Lady Foxglove Vainglorious the III
Class: Level 3 Glamorous Ravenhaired Crusader
Status: Underpresentable! -1 vanity penalty! +1 to head, chest and groinbone defence.
Health: [HP: 85/85]Abilities: Ravena’s Ear,
Silent as a Raven’s Wing,
Opportunistic,
Honeyed Tongue,
Vain,
Self-RelianceInventory: Minor Health Potion x2, Crossbow, Unlimited Quiver,
Masterwork Helm,
Flying Warsquid,
Lance, Sword,
Mercenary Squidrider Uniform,
Masterwork Poledancing Pole,
chainmail lingerie, 34 Yuros, 10 bandages, Decent provisions (day) x4, Live eel x649, Red dragon-scale vest,
Curse Grenade of the Slimy Eel.
Name: Bukkar Crangrom
Class: Level 3 Sprayin' Ragin' Mage
Status: Horribly hungover! -1 to everything for ONE turn.
Health: [HP: 60/85] |
The Vomiting!Abilities: Rage Flight,
Rage Lazors I,
Ass of the Flaming Foot I,
Lightning Fist I,
Always Looking For a Fight,
Always HungoverInventory: Sword of Severing! Crossbow, 400 Green Farthings,
Large Sealed Bling Barrel, Large Cork x1, Dragon Body Parts Covered in Bodily Fluids (quantity-small), pick.
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Topic: Roll to Dungeon Quest - It's not you, it's me. (Read 194250 times)