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[Dwarmin]

"I'm sure there's no more than a few hundred kobolds!"

[Xantalos]

Still, we should go on a few more minor quests before we proceed on the kobold assault. Maybe kill a certain bandit~

[Harry Baldman]

"I'm sure there's no more than a few hundred kobolds!"

"Truth be told, we have no idea what we will find. Thus, a frontal assault is rendered even more unwise. If the bandit Bukkar seeks is indeed in these hills, he may have some insights we can extract before we possibly do the same with his head. Or, if not him, then at least some other brigand fleeing the law - they would have to know something about their neighbors at the very least, if only to avoid them more effectively."

[Toaster]

"Where exactly is this bandit you keep harping on about?"

[Dwarmin]

"I believe he said it was a terrifying bandit 'of the mountains'. Which really isn't that specific.

Then again, he is named Gorgeous Richmond, which is an amazing name like my own-truly, vainglorious. Unless that's all ironic and he's terribly ugly-bandits enjoy lowbrow humor as such...either way, I could probably charm his head right off his shoulders. Ohohoho!"

[Errol]

"So? Won't help much. Your average bandit's not a civilized man. If he sees something he likes..." Medha makes groping motions with her bony hands while grinning creepily, enjoying the imagined situation a little too much. "...he'll just take it. Without asking. And oooh is that some Serpent's Benediction over there? You'll have to excuse me I'll be right back!"

Herbalize! As much as I can carry, with proper care.

Spoiler: Ye Olde Correo Family Herbalismick Almanache For The Inquiring Magickist, Excerpt (click to show/hide)

Note: The Correo Family Almanach is written in Old Neht, Lingua Franca of Wizardry. Since it would be rather difficult to read that way for the average forumgoer, it has been translated to regular English here.

Serpent's Benediction: Bulbuous, sickly looking vine plant with a great amount of thorns and small green flowers. Grows in mountainous and sandy regions, prefers shade and mild wetness. It produces a potent venom that, while not lethal, paralyzes and numbs the body, to the point of unconsciousness in larger doses. This poison takes effect only if it enters the bloodstream directly, if ingested most of it is rendered harmless due to saliva and stomach acid. It is said that, if properly prepared, a soup made of Serpent's Benediction makes you more attractive in all the right places. Or was it a bath in the venom? Not to be confused with the similar-looking > Whiteweed and the > Great Stinker.

[Dwarmin]

Lady Foxglove tapped her scabbard.

"That's why I have a sword dear-for killing barbarians. I can be quite uncivilized myself, if need be.

...Serpents Benediction, you say? It makes a lovely bath salt..."

[Xantalos]

Yes yes very uncivilized man. Rough rowdy bastard can we go kill him pleeeeeeeeeeeease?

Bukkar attempts to puppy dog eyes the group through the barrel.
He fails.

[Harry Baldman]

"Even if we do not find any bandits, we need to locate local residents of some sort to gather intelligence. What those residents might be, it is difficult to say. I am not very familiar with the intelligent fauna of the area."

[Errol]

...Serpents Benediction, you say? It makes a lovely bath salt..."

"I take it you had an house alchemist? Preparing it that way takes a great amount of skill, and it'd be all too easy to accidentially put in three times the usual dose and add a little reagent - easy enough if some spiteful ex is paying you for it - and you're drowning in your own bathtub before you know it." Suddenly, Medha sounds rather professional... for Medha.

"Hahaha, I guess that whatever I do with these plants, you wouldn't touch it with that ten-foot pole of yours."

[Chink]

"I can get us to that bandit immediately, if you want me too."

[Xantalos]

"I can get us to that bandit immediately, if you want me too."

YES

Bukjar begins hopping about in his barrel.

[Dwarmin]

"I can get us to that bandit immediately, if you want me too."

"How so?"

...

"I take it you had an house alchemist? Preparing it that way takes a great amount of skill, and it'd be all too easy to accidentially put in three times the usual dose and add a little reagent - easy enough if some spiteful ex is paying you for it - and you're drowning in your own bathtub before you know it." Suddenly, Medha sounds rather professional... for Medha.

Lady Foxgloves laughs-perhaps, genuinely.

"That would make sense. It was actually a gift from a Demon prince who I was dating at the time. He liked to send me things that could be considered lethal-poison wine, dangerous animals, explosive rune letters, hell portal puzzle boxes...and apparently potentially toxic bath salts. In his culture, affection is shown through the testing of ones cunning and ability to survive-the more deadly the gifts became, and that I both accepted and managed to survive them, meant he became quite fond of me...I sort of miss him, though I doubt he's missing me. Plenty of Lady Demons down there to pass the time..."

She thinks of something, turning to Medha.

"It was a special time to me, though. I look back upon it fondly. Have you ever made the mistake of falling in love, Medha?" She asks, out of perhaps morbid curiosity.

[Errol]

"I take it you had an house alchemist? Preparing it that way takes a great amount of skill, and it'd be all too easy to accidentially put in three times the usual dose and add a little reagent - easy enough if some spiteful ex is paying you for it - and you're drowning in your own bathtub before you know it." Suddenly, Medha sounds rather professional... for Medha.

Lady Foxgloves laughs-perhaps, genuinely.

"That would make sense. It was actually a gift from a Demon prince who I was dating at the time. He liked to send me things that could be considered lethal-poison wine, dangerous animals, explosive rune letters, hell portal puzzle boxes...and apparently potentially toxic bath salts. In his culture, affection is shown through the testing of ones cunning and ability to survive-the more deadly the gifts became, and that I both accepted and managed to survive them, meant he became quite fond of me...I sort of miss him, though I doubt he's missing me. Plenty of Lady Demons down there to pass the time..."

She thinks of something, turning to Medha.

"It was a special time to me, though. I look back upon it fondly. Have you ever made the mistake of falling in love, Medha?" She asks, out of perhaps morbid curiosity.

"Hah, sounds like a pretty interesting man. Er, demon. That sense of humor is right up my alley. You really should... er, what. Wh-what is THAT question about?"

"Well, fine! If you really must know - when I was a kid, I had a hamster. He was called Heet and the nicest little fuzzball there ever was. That was the only love I ever had in my life."

[lawastooshort]

Turn Sixty Eight

Herbalize! As much as I can carry, with proper care.

As the sun begins to draw closer to the western horizon, the group discuss – a discussion that is long, fruitful, and-

"-oooh is that some Serpent's Benediction over there? You'll have to excuse me I'll be right back!"

Medha herbalises in the undergrowth for a few minutes, before stomping back to her waiting colleagues.

…"Well, it was a Serpent's Benediction. Rather odd to only find one at a time. Pff."

Consult herbalist's manual for cure for the Vomiting. And particularly rare herbs characteristic of the area. Follow along in any case.

…As she returns, Gervedder, profiting from the break to stick his nose into his new herbalist manual, looks up.

”Hmm… this book is… long. And I do not entirely understand the indexing system, which I’m not entirely sure is static. Perhaps some cruel trick to be played on apprentice herbalists… Yet! I think I could, forsooth, concoct a simple cure for yon vomiting – yon foul, vile, hideous, atrocious vom-“

I quite like it!

”-iting.  It seems one needs the leaves and roots of duckcreeper, a type of ivy with golden-green leaves, delicate branches, and golden roots, crushed and mixed with the dried flowers of ragbuttercup, a plant with yellow flowers and mangy brown leaves that smell of rancid milk. This can be mixed with any fluid and a cupful gulped down in one, it says. Interesting. Oh, and it goes on: one final bout of frenzied heaving is guaranteed to purge The Vomiting from the vict- er patient for good. Excellent. Can’t find anything in here about rare herbs from round here though, hmm. Bother.“

My action is to ride my Squid up high and keep an eye out for kobold looking camps, or places of interest.

…Whilst Gervedder and Medha herbalise to varying degrees, Lady Foxglove gets higher and higher, and is suddenly greeted by a smoky vision.

Straight ahead is Mount Kuriel. It’s about half a dozen miles to where a trail seems to meet its base, which looks like it is a large and open trading entrance.

To the left, in a clearing around half a mile away down the trail and half a mile left off it, is a small camp – more minery than koboldy. Even though the adventurers haven’t visited it yet, it appears to be a blazing inferno. It is hard to tell exactly what is going on from up here, but there are several figures clearly visibly rushing around in a panic.

”Crikey."

Spoiler: GM’s notes (click to show/hide)

Odd bunch of rolls. The first four dice could have been in much more interesting combinations.

Current Players:

Spoiler: Tackov Cedtry, Toaster (click to show/hide)

Name: Tackov Cedtry
Class: Level 3 Gusty Wind Mage
Status: -1 to gut defence. +1 missile defence. -1 to melee. Dressed!
Health: [HP: 60/60] | The Vomiting! | Severed Guts!
Abilities: Magical Typhoon I, Wind Blast I, Wind Blast II, Wind Step I, Squishy, Sissy Slap Fight
Inventory: Minor Mana Potion x1, Scroll of Beginner’s Fireball x1, one memorised use of: Gee, Mr. Whiz, You Sure Are Fast! Mouldy Wizard Hat, bits of guts (own), You Bastard the Mangy Donkey, Cloak of Camouflage, 1 Green Farthing.

Spoiler: Whiz, Chink (click to show/hide)

Name: Whiz
Class: Level 3 Whiznificent Whiz Wiz(ard)
Status: +1 to lower leg defence.  -1 to social interaction. +1 to balancing.
Health: [HP: 80/85] | Giant Rat’s Tail!
Abilities: Red Carpet, Shield I, Gee, Mr. Whiz, You Sure Are Fast! Gee, Mr. Whiz, You Sure Are Fast II, Obviously a Powerful Wizard, It’ll Make You Blind!
Inventory: Crossbow, Unlimited Quiver, Raider’s Dress of Shin Protection, 37 Yuros, Fancy Clothes, Middling Mana Potion x1, Cutlass,  Three daggers, Minor Health Potion x3, +1 Bolt of Accuracy x4, +1 Bolt of Burning x4, +1 Bolt of Paralysis x2, Middling Health Potion x1, Carrying Serf x0 (not currently mounted).

Spoiler: Medha Correo, Errol (click to show/hide)

Name: Medha Correo
Class: Level 3 Alchemist Curse Crafter
Status: +1 to gut defence. -1 to chest defence. Cursed (-2 to movement rolls, one turn left).
Health: [HP: 85/85] | Severed Rib! | Severed Rib!
Skull Spider Health: [HP: 25/25]
Abilities: Craft Curse Grenade, Opportunistic Attack I,  Curse Crafter, Curse of the Fool, Wandering Asshole, Curse of the Curse Crafter
Inventory: Dagger, Half a dress, 73 bandages, Neckless of the Ribless, Dagger, Lock picking kit, Iron Cuirass, 211 Yuros, Crossbow, Brittle Jagged Groinbone Dagger of Good, 4 vials of human blood, 6 vials of kobold blood, Grenade of the Fool x0, Serpent's Benediction plant x1.

Spoiler: Gervedder Vietzo, Harry Baldman (click to show/hide)

Name: Gervedder Vietzo
Class: Level 3 Damaged Opportunistic Messenger
Status: +1 to gut and chest defence. +1 defence if moves.
Health: [HP: 85/85]
Abilities: Just a Brainflesh Wound, Nimble Feet, This Messenger Delivers, Make Way for the Messenger! Important, Stop For Directions
Inventory: Crossbow, Unlimited Quiver, 8 bandages, 2 Yuros, Iron Cuirass, Crossbow, Gerald the Mule, Two weeks rations and a bedroll, Cureall, Apprentice Herbalist's Manual, Herbalist's Containers x5, Large Cork x1, some duckcreeper, some ragbuttercup.

Spoiler: Lady Foxglove Vainglorious the III, Dwarmin (click to show/hide)

Name: Lady Foxglove Vainglorious the III
Class: Level 3 Glamorous Ravenhaired Crusader
Status: Extra-presentable! +1 to head, chest and groinbone defence.
Health: [HP: 85/85]
Abilities: Ravena’s Ear, Silent as a Raven’s Wing,  Opportunistic, Honeyed Tongue, Vain, Self-Reliance
Inventory: Minor Health Potion x2, Crossbow, Unlimited Quiver, Masterwork Helm, Flying Warsquid, Lance, Sword, Mercenary Squidrider Uniform, Masterwork Poledancing Pole, chainmail lingerie, 34 Yuros, 10 bandages, Decent provisions (day) x5, Live eel x700, Grenade of the Fool x1.

Spoiler: Bukkar Crangrom, Xantalos (click to show/hide)

Name: Bukkar Crangrom
Class: Level 3 Sprayin' Ragin' Mage
Status:
Health: [HP: 85/85] | The Vomiting!
Abilities: Rage Flight, Rage Lazors I, Ass of the Flaming Foot I, Lightning Fist I, Always Looking For a Fight, Always Hungover
Inventory: Sword of Severing! Crossbow, 400 Green Farthings, Large Sealed Bling Barrel, Large Cork x1.