Print

Please login or register.
1 Hour 1 Day 1 Week 1 Month Forever
Login with username, password and session length

[Errol]

"No, thanks. Tea's not good for the figure."

Do leave the spider outside. Pawn off the feet with due speed, if need be, accept a lower price, interesting trinkets or alchemical/cursecrafterical reagents just as long as I get rid of the feet this turn. Leave pawn shop, mount spider, ride towards the gate at a relaxed pace.

[Toaster]

Ah, excellent.  "Most smashing, good sir.  I am in need of a fine magical robe, one hopefully enchanted with something that makes me harder to hit.  As you well know, us wizards tend to be... squishy."

Tackov holds up some gut for emphasis.

"What do you have?"

[lawastooshort]

((will quickturn this as it should have little bearing on the rest of the more fleeing related actions – I’ll bring everything together when it’s right. All the below are actually affected by rolls but it's a miniturn, so there.))

"What do you have?"

”Well,” says the shopkeeper-wizard type, visually measuring Tackov and mentally going through his stock, ”Seeing roughly the size of your purse and your guts, I think I have three garments that might well interest you. Hold on.”

He goes out back and returns a minute or two later, leaving Tackov to browse interestedly through jars of various appendages.

”Right. These obviously aren’t the top top range, but they’re still pretty useful – and good value too! I’ve actually got them in several flattering colours, as well… Anyway. First, there is the Cloak of Camouflage  – it gives a little protection against, you know, slings and arrows and all that. Then there is the Cloak of Bling, which is just extremely bloody shiny. Quite off-putting when you're up real close. A less ostentatious but sometimes more effective option is the Cloak of Flashing, which is much less to do with lurking in parks and much more to do with extremely bright lights. They’re all fifty Yuros each, although I've got an automated hit-detection system operated Cloak of Flashing for twice that, you know, so it only bursts into action when you're just about to get hit. Quite advanced magic, that. Ooh, actually, and even if you don’t have a full card, as an obvious member of the Severed Guts Ring, I could do you a Cloak of Guts Protection  for  30 Yuros – or a Cloak of Essential Protection for 60. Up to you sir.”

"No, thanks. Tea's not good for the figure."

”Crikey,” says the man, biting gently into one of the toes with his teeth, ”Real gold. I’ve just got one question. This,” he says, pointing to the blood stains around where the ankles would be if the gold feet were attached to gold legs, ”Looks quite like blood. Which is slightly disturbing. Where exactly did you get these?”

Search for a transmuter mage.

There seems to be but a single mage in the small town of Bletchley, which Bukkar finds after a few minutes of being dragged down the narrow cobbled streets. He’s getting a little cold, so he retches profusely into his barrel before ordering his serf to knock on the door.

”Yes?”

[Toaster]

Tackov looks at the wares, musing at his choices.

"Good sir, they're all excellent choices, but I believe I'm going to go with the first.  I try to stay out range, you know, so hopefully a little distance keeping will help."

Tackov thinks for a moment.

"As an aside, do you know of any work around here for a group of aspiring adventurers?  And where can I get my gut card?"


Buy robe.  Make query.

[Xantalos]

Are you a Mage of Transmutation?

[lawastooshort]

Tackov looks at the wares, musing at his choices.

"Good sir, they're all excellent choices, but I believe I'm going to go with the first.  I try to stay out range, you know, so hopefully a little distance keeping will help."

Tackov thinks for a moment.

"As an aside, do you know of any work around here for a group of aspiring adventurers?  And where can I get my gut card?"


Buy robe.  Make query.

”Excellent choice, sir – staying out of range, that is. Good cloak choice too. Now, as far as work goes, I’m not sure of anything right now, but if you were back after the weekend I’d have had me copy of Aspiring Adventurers Monthly – used to be into that kind of thing myself when I was younger, you see – and that often has jobs and rumours in. As for the gut card, the best thing is to travel to Archmage Oscar the Ragged of Tirulia’s mage tower in the south. You can just flash your gut scars and tell’im Roger the Feckless of Bletchley sent you.”

Cloak of Camouflage Acquired!

Are you a Mage of Transmutation?

”I am a High Mage of Transmutation,” says the High Mage, flicking a finger at Bukkar’s barrel and turning the warm sick floating about in it into horse dung. ”See?”

[Xantalos]

Bukkar suddenly takes on an extremely polite accent.

Excellent, good sir. What would you charge for the transmutation of this barrel's wood into adamantium or some similar light, strong metal such as steel?

[Dwarmin]

Lady Foxgloves bleary, sleep dulled senses yielded slow comprehension.

"What? How did you...I never...only once or twice...and, it was on a dare...nevermind...I was looking for a new career anyway! Lead me to my room, and I promise your pole will be graced with a body the likes has never before entertained Bletchley." She lied, hand on her hip.

Let the others find their own place to sleep-she was broke and exhausted from a long day hauling squid.

[Toaster]

"Very good- how far to the south is that?"

[Chink]

"Damn. Now I have to get a new serf."

Hop on one of the serfs that was chasing me earlier, and declare him/her to be my new carrier! Also, put a shield up, because death isn't a fun thing.

[lawastooshort]

(( Warning - while you were typing 3 new replies etc. and so forth... They will have to wait till later.))

Excellent, good sir. What would you charge for the transmutation of this barrel's wood into adamantium or some similar light, strong metal such as steel?

”Hohohohoho! Aaaaaaaaaahohohohohohoho!” The High Mage of Transmutation looks about to transmutate himself into a Bright Red High Mage of Transmutation. ”Adamantium! If your entire barrel was made of gold you wouldn’t have enough gold for that, son. Now, I’m a wise man, and I figure the kind of experienced adventurer who travels in a barrel of sick that you look to be probably wants to fly in a nice steel barrel like that. If that makes sense, which I’m not entirely sure it does. So, I’ll turn that there into some nice premium +1 defensive steel for 100 Yuros, or +2 defensive steel for 500, although if it’s that thick it won’t bleeding fly. But then I reckons you’re a man of action, and you want better than that, aye? Bring me the head of Gorgeous Richmond, Terrifying Bandit of the Mountains, and I’ll turn it into +2 Adamantium – fully flyable and pretty much light as a feather – for free. What do you say?”

[Errol]

"Particularily... interesting gold golem human hybrids. Made by insane alchemist cultists and all that, some cult I joined 'cause they had good health benefits. It's not a very pretty story. Got 'em while I escaped from the crazy buggers, triggered a swiss cheese trap and whaddya know, gold golems are actually a rather stupid idea. Feet were the smallest parts remaining, so I pocketed 'em and ran away even further. Lost several ribs that day... you buyin' or not? The next town has a pawn shop, too."

[Xantalos]

I'm always happy to kill something! Three questions: where can I find him, what's he capable of, and would you accept another body part of his if his head gets exploded?

[Harry Baldman]

Clearly, this was quite pointless, Gervedder thought. He could think of only one possible thing to do, one possible place to search - a hospital!

Search for a hospital or herbalist or apothecary around here. Hopefully an amicable one at that.

[lawastooshort]

Turn Sixty One

"Very good- how far to the south is that?"

”How far to the south?” echoes the mage Roger the Feckless of Bletchley, ”Well… Some say it lies between the desert and sea… Some say between the mountains and the plain. Some – some say it lies between night and day.”

Roger leers at Tackov.

”That’s a load of bollocks though: I say it’s 120 miles due south to the Heart of Rocky Doom and then about 2 miles left through the Forest of Putrid Hell. It’s not that Oscar hates other people or anything like that, he just finds it helpful to discourage ‘em. Anyway, as I said, tell ’im Roger the Feckless sent you to see about a membership card for the Severed Guts Ring, and if he doubts you just give ’im a nice flash. Of your guts. That bit’s important.”

Let the others find their own place to sleep - she was broke and exhausted from a long day hauling squid.

Meanwhile, elsewhere, Lady Foxglove successfully sleeps. It’s very pleasant, but she’s asleep, so fails to notice this.

Search for a hospital or herbalist or apothecary around here. Hopefully an amicable one at that.

Elsewhere, meanwhile, Gervedder searches for a medical professional. …He finds a herbalist. Or at least a herbalist’s shop.

The sign on the door reads Open at Sunrise.

Sunrise is a good few hours away.

Gervedder briefly wonders if he feels tired. A good few hours must be… ooh… a couple of turns, he muses.

I'm always happy to kill something! Three questions: where can I find him, what's he capable of, and would you accept another body part of his if his head gets exploded?

”Aha! Answer ye those questions three? By gosh, that brings back memories. Fond memories. Well. Gorgeous Richmond, the dirty toad-sputum, can be found on the other side of yon great mountains of Durial to the east. What’s he capable of? Gorgeous Richmond, the lecherous nugget of armpit cheese, is capable of breaking, entering, and stealing my wife’s lingerie. And he will pay. The tales say he commands brigands and can shoot a single tooth out of your mouth from a hundred paces. And if his head should be exploded, well, good. But you would have to provide me with first, his groin-bone, and second, a thoroughly graphic account of this heinous gerbil-strangler’s demise over a gallon of rancid-tasting Bletchley ale at yon pub. Deal?”

"Particularly... interesting gold golem human hybrids. Made by insane alchemist cultists and all that, some cult I joined 'cause they had good health benefits. It's not a very pretty story. Got 'em while I escaped from the crazy buggers, triggered a swiss cheese trap and whaddya know, gold golems are actually a rather stupid idea. Feet were the smallest parts remaining, so I pocketed 'em and ran away even further. Lost several ribs that day... you buyin' or not? The next town has a pawn shop, too."

”Er… crikey. Sounds rough, my friend. How about a hundred Yuros? Hundred and fifty?”

Hop on one of the serfs that was chasing me earlier, and declare him/her to be my new carrier! Also, put a shield up, because death isn't a fun thing.

"Damn. Now I have to get a new serf," observes the ever-pragmatic Whiz.

Activating his magical shield, …he hops onto the shoulders of one of the chasing serfs, crushing the poor fellow under his weight.

The serf buckles, and falls, and apologises to his new master for being particularly feeble.

The remaining dozen serfs growl in some kind of serfish language, lower their pitchforks, and charge at the Whizzard.

Spoiler: GM’s notes (click to show/hide)

Current Players:

Spoiler: Tackov Cedtry, Toaster (click to show/hide)

Name: Tackov Cedtry
Class: Level 3 Gusty Wind Mage
Status: +1 to gut damage. +1 missile defense. -1 to melee.
Health: [HP: 60/60] | The Vomiting! | Severed Guts!
Abilities: Magical Typhoon I, Wind Blast I, Wind Blast II, Wind Step I, Squishy, Sissy Slap Fight
Inventory: Minor Mana Potion x1, Scroll of Beginner’s Fireball x1, one memorised use of: Gee, Mr. Whiz, You Sure Are Fast! Mouldy Wizard Hat, bits of guts (own), You Bastard the Mangy Donkey, Cloak of Camouflage.

Spoiler: Whiz, Chink (click to show/hide)

Name: Whiz
Class: Level 3 Whiznificent Whiz Wiz(ard)
Status: -1 to lower leg damage.  -1 to social interaction. +1 to balancing. Naked. +2 to defence (two turns).
Health: [HP: 85/85] | Giant Rat’s Tail!
Abilities: Red Carpet, Shield I, Gee, Mr. Whiz, You Sure Are Fast! Gee, Mr. Whiz, You Sure Are Fast II, Obviously a Powerful Wizard, It’ll Make You Blind!
Inventory: Crossbow, Unlimited Quiver, Raider’s Dress of Shin Protection, 37 Yuros, Fancy Clothes, Scroll of Beginner’s Fireball x1, Middling Mana Potion x1, Cutlass,  Three daggers, Minor Health Potion x3, +1 Bolt of Accuracy x4, +1 Bolt of Burning x4, +1 Bolt of Paralysis x2, Middling Health Potion x1, Carrying Serf x1 (not currently mounted).

Spoiler: Medha Correo, Errol (click to show/hide)

Name: Medha Correo
Class: Level 3 Alchemist Curse Crafter
Status: -1 to gut damage. +1 to chest damage.
Health: [HP: 85/85] | Severed Rib! | Severed Rib!
Skull Spider Health: [HP: 25/25]
Abilities: Craft Curse Grenade, Opportunistic Attack I,  Curse Crafter, Curse of the Fool, Wandering Asshole, Curse of the Curse Crafter
Inventory: Dagger, Half a dress, 73 bandages, Neckless of the Ribless, Dagger, Lock picking kit, Iron Cuirass, 91 Yuros (real gold), Crossbow, Brittle Jagged Groinbone Dagger of Good, 4 Solid Gold Feet (solid gold for next turn, not including miniturn dialogue required), 4 vials of human blood, 6 vials of kobold blood, Grenade of the Fool x1.

Spoiler: Gervedder Vietzo, Harry Baldman (click to show/hide)

Name: Gervedder Vietzo
Class: Level 3 Damaged Opportunistic Messenger
Status: -1 to gut/chest damage. +1 defence if moves.
Health: [HP: 85/85]
Abilities: Just a Brainflesh Wound, Nimble Feet, This Messenger Delivers, Make Way for the Messenger! Important, Stop For Directions
Inventory: Crossbow, Unlimited Quiver, 8 bandages, 2 Yuros, Iron Cuirass, Crossbow, Gerald the Mule, Two weeks rations and a bedroll.

Spoiler: Lady Foxglove Vainglorious the III, Dwarmin (click to show/hide)

Name: Lady Foxglove Vainglorious the III
Class: Level 3 Glamorous Ravenhaired Crusader
Status: Super-presentable! -1 to head damage.
Health: [HP: 85/85]
Abilities: Ravena’s Ear, Silent as a Raven’s Wing,  Opportunistic, Honeyed Tongue, Vain, Self-Reliance
Inventory: Minor Health Potion x2, Crossbow, Unlimited Quiver, Masterwork Helm, Flying Warsquid, Lance x2, Sword, Mercenary Squidrider Uniform.

Spoiler: Bukkar Crangrom, Xantalos (click to show/hide)

Name: Bukkar Crangrom
Class: Level 3 Sprayin' Ragin' Mage
Status:
Health: [HP: 85/85] | The Vomiting!
Abilities: Rage Flight, Rage Lazors I, Ass of the Flaming Foot I, Lightning Fist I, Always Looking For a Fight, Always Hungover
Inventory: Sword of Severing! Crossbow, 400 Green Farthings, Large Sealed Bling Barrel.