Turn Fifty SevenSlice off the limbs of Merc 5. Then pick them up and beat him to death with them.
And do the same thing to Merc 4, if I have the time.
"Yes, Bukkar, that'll show them. Good boy. Perhaps you should boot one right up the arse? I'll be here in this ditch if you- oh good gods..."SPECIAL ONE ON ONE ER TWO COMBAT DEATH MODE INITIATED!Well now, you can't have those arms! cries Bukkar, cleaving wildly at the semi-stationary man on the floor with two broken legs and
…accidentally slicing one right off.
Those are illegal in some parts of the world, you know! Oh, bugger. Oh well, some countries don't much like legs, neither. Oi! Oi! That's my mouth, you bastard! I need that for drinking!…Incensed by the entirely harmless attack on his precious drinking orifice (letting it seep in through the skin is
so much more time consuming),
…Bukkar sweeps up the severed leg and beats the semi-stationary broken-legged man on the floor repeatedly about the face with his other broken leg, breaking it (the face, that is) in two. The mercenary (remember, he's a mercenary so this and the following is all ok, children!) objects, and pokes Bukkar slightly in the chest,
…causing such mild chest pain that Bukkar loses concentration, and turns round where, if he remembers correctly, there's another semi-immobile eejit lying about, who may have said something about his mother.
He does remember correctly!
…Overcome with joy at displaying hitherto unknown intellectual capability, Bukkar severs this man's leg too!
Again, the second mercenary doesn't take particularly kindly to this, and swings his sword vaguely at Bukkar's manly chest,
…causing slight discomfort, and enraging the red-haired rage-gibbon so horrendously that
…he beats the poor mercenary about the head with his severed leg until it snaps in two (the leg, this time).
Balls, grunts Bukkar,
Did you see that leg come apart? Bloody balls.”Haha!” ripostes the burning-faced one-legged immobile severely bleeding mercenary,
”Bloody face, more like! Take this, you big eejit!”Bukkar does take it! In the face!
…Blood pours out at a rate that could only be described as very heavy, and Bukkar once again loses interest. He turns back to his original victim, and his original severed leg.
…It's hard to make out what happens next, but it involves grunting, swearing, and incompetence, and finishes with Bukkar whipping his sword back out and slicing the arm of the stupid burning man behind him who just won't stop going on about how Bukkar's face is bleeding, haha, your face is bleeding, yer big eejit!
Bukkar picks up the arm.
Who's a big eejit?”You, yer big eejit!”If I'm an eejit, what the feck does that make you, eh? EH?? A BIG BURNING EEJIT WITH ONE ARM AND-”Heehee, that tickles! That tickles! Stop!!”…Raising the left arm above his head for a second time, Bukkar realises something.
This is stupid.…He continues nevertheless.
Or perhaps not. Hmm. Your lung looks broken. NOW WHO'S AN EEJIT?! EH?! EH?! HA! Eeijt! Perhaps using this arm isn't that stupid!Turning in the hope that his original victim isn't choking to death like this stupid big eejit right here, Bukkar swivels, smashes, and severs the mercenary’s chest with the dead man's severed arm.
Oh no. Definitely not stupid. Ha!Wound Acquired: Mercenary 5:
Severed Left Leg!Wound Acquired: Mercenary 4:
Severed Left Leg!Wound Acquired: Bukkar Crangrom:
Face Blood!Wound Acquired: Mercenary 4:
Severed Left Arm!Wound Acquired: Mercenary 5:
Broken Lung!Wound Acquired: Mercenary 4:
Severed Chest!SPECIAL ONE ON TWO COMBAT DEATH MODE: DEACTIVATED!Take cover, collect curse crafter blood in flask. Then, bandage wounds.
"Yup," declares Medha, to no one, in a nearby ditch,
"I'm the best."…She doesn't clarify what she's the best at, but to the casual observer it would seem she's the best at smashing a glass flask into her face and causing a hideously spurting gash, but then the casual observer probably doesn't know a great deal about the intricacies of curse crafting.
…She stuffs a bandage into the hole in her brain and sits there for a second, feeling like she's the best.
Wound Acquired: Medha Correo:
Gashed Face!Run back slightly, bandage up my terrible head wound. And wipe that blood off as well.
A short distance away, on the road and mercifully unable to see Bukkar's moment of intellectual clarity, Gervedder stumbles about whilst wrapping his head in a bandage.
…It appears to be an entirely effective treatment for a terrible head wound, and he sits down to breath, and take stock, and listen to Lady Foxglove's uninhibited high-pitched squealing.
Action: Learn how to fly my Warsquid! Sooth the savage...squid? Stay out of grabbing range of the depressed captain.
Then fly over and heroically rescue Gervedder, if possible. He's hurt!
"...Wheee!" squeals, as I just mentioned, Lady Foxglove. In spite of the bloodshed and danger, she's having rather a good time.
It reminds her of being a young girl.
"Aww, there's a good squid. Who's a good squid? You're a good squid! Wes wou are!"She rubs the warsquid affectionately on... on some wet and rubbery part of its anatomy, and just about manages to hold on as the savage Flying Warsquid wheels round and round in fairly violent desperation.
At least she got it to turn endlessly in a different direction - if Foxglove remembers correctly that's the first step in training flying squids.
"I'll be a much nicer rider than the other one, I promise. Hya! Giddy up! Wheeee!"Take more potshots at the enemies.
Can I loot a crossbow safely? If so, do it; if not, keep hiding in this ditch and do something about that bleeding thing.
In another nearby ditch, Tackov couldn't care less about squids. There's a crossbow
just over there, and he means to get his filthy gutblood-covered hand on it.
…An errant bolt of completely unknown origin suddenly pierces the ground right next to the tantalising crossbow, and the mage decides that, really, perhaps, what with just the one arm, and the apparent mortal danger summoned just by
thinking about looting crossbows, and the gutbleeding, and the uncontrollable squids everywhere, he decides that no, he doesn't really need a crossbow.
He does really need to stop the bloody bleeding though.
Unfortunately, as was mentioned last turn, Tackov Cedtry's mental stability is – at least right now – questionable.
His train of thought goes something like this:
”Bleeding... arg... from the guts... perhaps... yes... it's the only way...”…Tackov searches about with his hand in the dark for a passing blade, and doesn't find one.
He bites his guts off.
”Yep... I think... that's stopped... the bleeding...”He passes out from the pain.
… … … … … …
The remaining squidrider, his lance broken on his enemy's fist, seeing the all-powerful mage crawl off and bite his own guts out before entering some kind of mystic trance
and witnessing his companions being beaten to death with their own limbs, decides he wasn't paid enough.
He wheels his squid round, and charges directly but ineffectually at the involuntarily circling Lady Foxglove Vainglorious III – who inadvertently learns a particularly effective way to deal with enemy charges when mounted, to go with her particularly effective way of dealing with enemy charges when not mounted as demonstrated last turn – and hauls his despondent captain up and into the air.
Captain Hangrilinan jumps onto the back of his trooper's squid and, as the two mercenaries cross over the charcoaled remains of the hedgerow onto the road, leaps off onto the back of the fastest mount he can see.
Lady Foxglove is going to be moderately irritated when the joy of a new warsquid passes.
… … … … … …
A couple of moments later most of the adventurers regroup.
AW YEAH! I FEEL ALL-POWERFUL, MAN!"I... ohgods... Yes... I feel... great..."”I'm fairly sure I feel about half again as powerful as ten minutes ago! There... there must be some rational explanation for this...”"Wheee!""Wait, where the hell's Whiz? And why is my face bleeding? And what the hell is that caught between your teeth, Tackov?"I’ll be happy to let characters enter SPECIAL ONE ON ONE COMBAT DEATH MODE when appropriate (i.e. here it was only Bukkar and the two mercenaries fighting each other and since they can’t move it probably has little bearing on the rest of the action and Xantalos wrote “to death” in his action) – it’s probably more realistic and a better use of time than two people fighting with one swipe at a time whilst everyone else stands about (bandaging themselves…). Probably a good idea to set a damage limit to stop at though.
I also realise I should have had Bukkar slice off ALL of the limbs, and THEN use the limbs. Oh well.
Oh yes, and you are all 50% more powerful than last turn: you have reached Level 3 and, once you have chosen, if you want to, a word to add to your class, I will send you ability choices for Level 3. Please let me know if you have anything particular in mind.
Oh yes number two: some of you, SOME OF YOU, are being a bit silly. This isn't Magnificent Dungeon Quest, you know.
Enemies:
Name: Golden Foot 1-4
Class: Level 1 Golden Foot
Status: Solid Gold (five turns left)
Name: Tackov Cedtry
Class: Level 3 Wind Mage
Status: –1 to social interaction. -1 to melee. +1 to gut damage.
Health: [HP: 39/60] |
The Vomiting! |
Leprified Face! |
Severed Right Arm! |
Severed Guts!Abilities: Magical Typhoon I,
Wind Blast I,
Wind Step I,
Squishy,
Sissy Slap FightInventory: Minor Mana Potion x1,
Scroll of Beginner’s Fireball x1, one memorised use of:
Gee, Mr. Whiz, You Sure Are Fast! Mouldy Wizard Hat, severed arm, severed face, You Bastard the Mangy Donkey.
Name: Whiz
Class: Level 3 Whiz Wiz(ard)
Status: -1 to lower leg damage. -1 to social interaction. +1 to balancing.
Health: [HP: 85/85] |
Giant Rat’s Tail!Abilities: Shield I,
Gee, Mr. Whiz, You Sure Are Fast! Gee, Mr. Whiz, You Sure Are Fast II,
Obviously a Powerful Wizard,
It’ll Make You Blind!Inventory: Crossbow, Unlimited Quiver,
Raider’s Dress of Shin Protection, 37 Yuros, Fancy Clothes,
Scroll of Beginner’s Fireball x1,
Middling Mana Potion x1, Cutlass, Three daggers,
Minor Health Potion x3, +1 Bolt of Accuracy x4, +1 Bolt of Burning x4, +1 Bolt of Paralysis x2,
Middling Health Potion x1, Carrying Serf.
Name: Medha Correo
Class: Level 3 Curse Crafter
Status: -1 to gut damage. +1 to chest damage.
Health: [HP: 50/85] |
Severed Rib! |
Severed Rib! |
Gashed Face!Skull Spider Health: [HP: 25/25]Abilities: Opportunistic Attack,
Bad Luck Curse,
Curse of the Fool,
Wandering Asshole,
Curse of the Curse CrafterInventory: Dagger, Half a dress, 73 bandages,
Neckless of the Ribless, Dagger, Lock picking kit,
Iron Cuirass, 91 Yuros (real gold), Crossbow,
Brittle Jagged Groinbone Dagger of Good. Name: Gervedder Vietzo
Class: Level 3 Opportunistic Messenger
Status: -1 to gut/chest damage.
Health: [HP: 55/85]Abilities: Nimble Feet,
This Messenger Delivers,
Make Way for the Messenger! Important,
Stop For DirectionsInventory: Crossbow, Unlimited Quiver, 8 bandages, 2 Yuros,
Iron Cuirass, Crossbow, Gerald the Mule, Two weeks rations and a bedroll.
Name: Lady Foxglove Vainglorious the III
Class: Level 3 Ravenhaired Crusader
Status: Super-presentable! -1 to head damage.
Health: [HP: 85/85]Abilities: Silent as a Raven’s Wing,
Opportunistic,
Honeyed Tongue,
Vain,
Self-RelianceInventory: Minor Health Potion x1, Crossbow, Unlimited Quiver,
Masterwork Helm,
Flying Warsquid.
Name: Bukkar Crangrom
Class: Level 3 Ragin' Mage
Status:Health: [HP: 70/85] |
The Vomiting! |
Face Blood!Abilities: Rage Lazors I,
Ass of the Flaming Foot I,
Lightning Fist I,
Always Looking For a Fight,
Always HungoverInventory: Sword of Severing! Crossbow, 400 Green Farthings, large barrel and rope.
Author
Topic: Roll to Dungeon Quest - It's not you, it's me. (Read 194480 times)