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Author Topic: Roll to Dungeon Quest - It's not you, it's me.  (Read 193148 times)

borno

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Re: Roll to Dungeon Quest - Prelude - Turn One
« Reply #45 on: April 20, 2013, 08:11:45 pm »

"Moo Molargh moo!*"
*Translated: Hello there, my name is Blargh and I shall be in command of you for now. Let us be off to victory and honour! Say, who are your parents? You look kinda familiar. Actually never mind, let's be off. We can talk more once we're in the portal!
"Rlagh Blargh Flargh!"
*Translated: Greetings other good gentlemen! Well not necessarily 'good' gentlemen, but gentlemen nonetheless. Well not really, most of you are human scum anyway, but I was just saying hi, my name is Blargh, and this is Albert. See you all at the finishing line!
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Dwarmin

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Re: Roll to Dungeon Quest - Prelude - Turn One
« Reply #46 on: April 21, 2013, 12:11:28 am »

"All this running is good for the thighs..." Lady Fox muses internally, checking herself out midsprint.

Looking fine!

...Now she just had to outrun this tacky little witch closing in behind her to win...ugh, was that burlap?
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Errol

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Re: Roll to Dungeon Quest - Prelude - Turn One
« Reply #47 on: April 21, 2013, 03:13:13 am »

"Hahahahaha. Hahaha! Mwahahaha! Ha. Ha. Ack. Mwahahahaaaaa! Oh, you're going to wish it was burlap. So long!"
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lawastooshort

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Re: Roll to Dungeon Quest - Prelude - Turn One
« Reply #48 on: April 23, 2013, 02:26:19 am »

Please note: I am not being a lazy GM, I'm just a bit ill. I think I have everyone's PM so hopefully I'll do the next dramatic turn in a day or... three? Probably two.
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Xantalos

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Re: Roll to Dungeon Quest - Prelude - Turn One
« Reply #49 on: April 23, 2013, 02:28:06 am »

Please note: I am not being a lazy GM, I'm just a bit ill. I think I have everyone's PM so hopefully I'll do the next dramatic turn in a day or... three? Probably two.
WE CAN WAIT, YE GODDAMN OMNIPOTENT FORCE THAT CONRTOLS OUR VERY EXISTENCE! IT'S NOT LIKE WE HAVE ANY PERCEPTION OF TIME WHEN YOU'RE GONE ANYWAY!
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lawastooshort

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Roll to Dungeon Quest - Prelude - Turn Two
« Reply #50 on: April 25, 2013, 06:58:58 am »

Turn Two

As the wizard’s desk burns down a bit, the frantic and almost disappointingly unbloody race continues apace.

Glance shortly over shoulder. Quick assessment of the situation (in full run) reveals the optimal course of action: RUN EVEN FASTER. Take care to dodge Foxglove and any other foolish fools coming from behind or something, though.

Dashing past Lady Foxglove Vainglorious III, Mehda Correo, her rival for the attentions of the loveable rogue Beral Siltmill, High Master Lecher, glances over her shoulder, realises she needs to run even faster, and, thereby confusing her feet, trips up, flies over the floor, and smacks her face on the solid rock!

She gets up and looks around grumpily before continuing at a more sedate pace.

Blarg then hops onto the cow and orders it to run while making it breath fire at everyone!

Mehda soon wishes her feet weren’t so easily confused: suddenly a wolf-cow humanoid jumps onto Albert the Fire-Breathing Cow-Demon, kicks its flanks with his heels, and rushes down the wizard’s chambers, making the Fire-Breathing Cow-Demon breathe fire on everyone!

Including himself!

Albert manages to miss everyone she aims at, including Blarg, totally forgetting Beral was even there, and only managing to toast the flickering air all around Whiz the Wizard, who laughs a deep and smug laugh at his amazing foresight.

”Hahahaha!

Action: Lady fox Continue to run, of course! Fast enough to win and looking absolutely stunning doing so!

If, by some horrible and random twist of fate (ahem), she should be in 7th or below after her move is done, she'll try to trip the person ahead of her to gain some advantage.


Misses everyone? No! As Lady Foxglove Vainglorious III sprints back into the lead past the stumpy goth she doesn’t even trip over, but is slightly on fire!

In the face!

She looks absolutely stunning!

”Lookin’ hot, Lady III!” shouts the generic looking lecher Beral in the best attempt at some flame based hotness pun he can manage whilst sprinting.

Wound Acquired: Lady Foxglove Vainglorious III: Burning Face!

Keep running for the portal.

The lecherous halfing is clearly heavily distracted by Lady Foxglove’s radiant looks as he too suffers from confused feet: he sprints off at an angle, only realising his mistake when he nearly runs straight into the nearest wall!

At least he’s not on fire!

Oh gods run.

Heavily bleeding from the face, Lenneth Hardy doesn’t even stop to gather his wits: he flees! Quite successfully and uneventfully!

For now.

WIND BLAST myself at the portal!  Get up and run in if I miss.

Like some kind of Klingon, wait-

Suddenly appearing like some kind of wizard divesting himself of his invisibility shield, Tackov Cedtry materialises halfway to the portal just in time to leap aside from a blast of Cow-Demon flame and catch the blast of a huge magically propelled wind. It shoots him an impressive distance and straight through the portal to glorious victory!

Crikey!

Sprint forward and yell to the others:

Try to be intimidating enough to stop the schmucks ahead of me. Do not stop running toward the gate unless it seems like a very immediately fatal prospect to do so (like, say, if there is hot molten lava in front of me or something). In that case, try to avoid such obstacles.

"There are messages that demand immediate delivery!" yells Gervedder the Bright, "Halt your ungentlemanly competition in the name of all that is right and decent!"

Once again everyone turns round to briefly stare, except, luckily, Gervedder himself! He charges off towards the portal!

Teleport {…} USE IT TO FULLEST EXTENT!

Just after Gervedder, Derm the Nonchalantly Powerful casts such a powerful spell he disappears!

He magically and immediately reappears about twenty metres away, having travelled roughly the same distance he could have gently – and nonchalantly – strolled for the mere cost of an enormous expenditure of stupendously powerful magic!

Luckily he suddenly remembers at the last minute that he also wanted to:

sprint as fast as my spindly wizard legs can take me!

He sprints quite fast considering the spindliness of his wizard legs!

Bukkar lets out a fearsome rage-filled cry and charges forward! If he runs into anybody he jump kicks them in the ass with his flaming feet of fury and runs over them to get to the portal!

Bukkar Crangrom is the next fastest: he stumbles ineffectually along, catching up with Lenneth Hardy as he goes, kicking him right up the arse and breaking it!

And setting it on fire!

Wound Acquired: Lenneth Hardy: Broken Arse!

Wound Acquired: Lenneth Hardy: Burning Arse!

Bukkar collapses to the floor with joy.

Run into the fray and use Explosion of Raging Flame I and keep running toward the portal.

Along comes Richard Haze, also on fire, like Lenneth, and also joyous, like Bukkar! He runs happily along, catching up with as many people as he can and then, when he’s right behind Blarg Gargleson’s Cow-Demon’s arse, his head bursts in an enormous explosion of flame! That’s just how angry he is!

The ball of fire shoots into the air and then shoots downwards, covering Blarg and his mount, Whiz and the extremely unfortunate Lenneth Hardy.

Blarg continues riding along, entirely unharmed!

Albert continues carrying him, completely unharmed!

The flames bounce off Whiz’s magical forcefield! Whiz is left totally unharmed!

Lenneth’s left arm bursts into flame!

Wound Acquired: Lenneth Hardy: Burning Left Arm!

Keep running for the portal in a very peasant sheepdog way.

Nedenir Adaros is a famous – though only level one – Sheepdog Peasant! He runs in a peasant sheepdog kind of way, however, but somehow manages not to get confused and runs stolidly onwards!

Go lastest, run fastest.

Before the burning Cow-Demon flames and the exploding head flames even dissipate from his whizardly forcefield, Whiz sort of wheezes along, stumbling asthmatically towards the portal and the promised other world.

Behind him the wizard’s desk continues to burn.

And, unnoticed, the wardrobe that bit Lenneth in the face shuffles slowly along towards the portal, biding his its time.

Spoiler: Leaderboard (click to show/hide)
Spoiler: GM’s notes (click to show/hide)
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Dwarmin

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Re: Roll to Dungeon Quest - Prelude - Turn Two
« Reply #51 on: April 25, 2013, 07:46:25 am »

Despite the haters, Lady Fox continued strolling the small distance left to the portal, intent on giving the less classy competitors a good look at her impressive backside as she went through.

At least that part wasn't on fire.
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Flying Dice

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Re: Roll to Dungeon Quest - Prelude - Turn Two
« Reply #52 on: April 25, 2013, 10:21:33 am »

Despite his attempts to focus, Beral can't help but watch Lady Fox go, if only for a second. That mental image is probably going to be burned into his mind anyways, no need to keep watching. Hey-o!
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Xantalos

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Re: Roll to Dungeon Quest - Prelude - Turn Two
« Reply #53 on: April 25, 2013, 11:28:50 am »

And yea, on the second timespan of the Race to the Portal, Bukkar was filled with Raege again. And he got up and ran moste furiously towardse the portal, and he bitchslap led those who intruded upon his path, while yelling, YOU LOT ARE A BUNCHA PANSIES YOU SKINNY BASTARDS I'LL KILL YOU AND SURF TO MY PRIZE ON TOP OF YOUR SPINES AAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRGGGG
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lawastooshort

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Roll to Dungeon Quest - Prelude - Turn Three
« Reply #54 on: April 26, 2013, 06:07:21 am »

Turn Three

Action: Dash the final distance through the portal, avoiding my slower, duller and less beauteous competitors...and commence stop, drop and face roll on the other side, avoiding all competitors in the process. Fire is horrible for my complexion, like really, oh my Gods.

Yards – no feet! No, inches! – away from the portal and safety, the lovely and burning Lady Foxglove Vainglorious III stops, drops, and curls up into a ball screaming about her complexion!

She sets herself further on fire!

Rolling around like some kind of foolish feeling burning ball of scream, she rolls against the edge of the portal and comes to a halt.

She sets the portal on fire!

Wound Acquired: Lady Foxglove Vainglorious III: Burning Knees!

Guzzle mana potion. Activate Gee Whiz, and double run to the end.

As the beauteous ball of Lady Foxglove writhes about on the floor, Whiz the Wizard, halfway back in the chasing pack, whips out a flask of murky looking liquid, and guzzles it down!

He mumbles some mumbojumbo!

He dashes off at incredible speed!

Twice!

He leaps through the burning portal, and doesn’t even catch on fire!

OH GODS RUN MY BLOODY ARSE IS ON FIRE OH GOD OH GOD

Unlike Lenneth Hardy, upon whom the Gods break wind with great malevolence. Aflame on the arm, aburning on the broken arse, he suddenly panics, runs blindly forwards, and trips under the great hulking feet of Albert the Fire-Breathing Cow-Demon!

Wriggling about in broken-arsed pain, Lenneth fails to avoid the stomping hooves: she breaks his guts!

Wound Acquired: Lenneth Hardy: Broken Guts!

Albert begins squealing in demony agony. Her hooves are on fire! She spins round in a terrible wail, breathing fire at everyone in range.

Beral, for once not ignored, narrowly jumps aside from a burst of cow-flame. Mehda doesn’t even notice anything wrong. Derm nonchalantly stops the advancing wall of flame with his powerful finger. Blarg stares in horror as his mount turns her head, stares him in the eye, and spews flames at it!

She misses and sets his hairy chest alight instead!

Wound Acquired: Blarg Gargleson: Burning Chest Hair!

Still spinning, Albert returns to her original orientation and, indeed, her original victim. She sets Lenneth Hardy’s hairy chest alight too!

Wound Acquired: Lenneth Hardy: Burning Chest Hair!

Luck curse + instantify item on the poor sap that's on the same height as me and hope that it actually works out and curse Foxglove somehow ignoring -2 penalties for running. Then get back to sprinting like a champ, and perhaps tripping a person or two.

Mehda Correa turns to Beral Siltmill dodging about next to her, giggles in a very sinister manner, and dashes off!

Only catching fire a tiny bit as she does so, she leaps through the portal and into Istria!

Wound Acquired: Mehda Correa: Burning Face!

Eyes on the prize, baby! Not Lady III, either. Run for that portal. Try to trip Mehda as I pass.

With a sudden feeling of having used all his luck avoiding the blast of the cow-demon, Beral Siltmill, noticing Mehda Correa fly off in a fit of evil laugh, stumbles, nearly trips, and staggers drunkenly towards the portal.

He has a distinct feeling that if only he could have caught and tripped her she would have suffered a hideous hideous injury. Probably something roughly like a severed right leg.

Actually, you know what? Screw talking. Just run through the portal as fast as reasonably possible, stopping for absolutely nothing on the way. There is too much to lose to do anything else. This messenger must deliver, whether it's rainy, sunny or a raining horrible death.

”Crikey!” thinks Gervedder Vietzo, hitherto renowned for being bright, at least in the colourful sense, and loud, ”I say! Let’s shut up and bloody run, what?!”

And he does! Incredibly fast! Straight through the portal, and straight through the burning ring of fire!

His entire upper body is wreathed in flame! He can feel his luminous garb melt to his skin! It’s quite painful! But he barely feels the pain through the joy of victory as he lands on the other side!

Wound Acquired: Gervedder Vietzo: Burning Body!

Bukkar runs as fast as he can for the portal. If anyone gets in his way (he's intent on running, not doing this), Lightning Fist them and keep running.

Not quite so fast is Bukkar Crangrom, the Mage of Rage. He dashes along at a steady pace and, finding Richard Haze in his way, smashes him in the back of the head with his Fist of Lightning! The lightning arcs down and, oddly, fractures Richard’s leg!

Wound Acquired: Richard Haze: Fractured Left Leg!

He falls to the floor with a dull thud as another lick of lightning arcs forwards onto the burning Blarg Gargleson.

It sizzles out just before it reaches his back.

Hike up my skirt and RUN! Shove off a Black hole at a nearby competitor.

REDACTED FOR REDACTEDNESS


Derm can see victory within his grasp. He has only twenty one metres to run!

He runs twenty metres!

Out of breath, he turns and busts off a miniature black hole at a nearby competitor. It wafts just past Nedenir Adaros’ guts!

Just run toward the portal as fast as I can

Lying on the ground with a fractured leg, Richard Haze nevertheless tries to run as fast as he can towards the portal. He gets to his feet and collapses backwards with the pain!

Blarg unleashes Albert's until now hidden move: The run of speed! Keep breathing fire everywhere to propel self forward!

Blarg, so recently the victim of his mount’s burning breath, tries to push Albert forward. He fails! Albert stays where she is, resolutely trying to trample Lenneth a bit more, before suddenly looking up and realising she could breathe fire on everyone a bit more instead!

Unfortunately for all the competitors who aren’t Lenneth, Blarg, or Richard, she can’t quite be bothered.

Keep running. Avoid death, maiming and terrible shit and run for the portal.

Not too far from the portal, Nedenir is lost. He can see nothing but hair before him! He turns round in a circle a few times before sitting down, feeling tired and confused and vaguely wondering if there might be snakes about on the floor.

Finally, rushing up to sneak attack one of the frontrunners, the wardrobe is interrupted mid-shuffle by the shooting jets of Cow-Demon fire from earlier in the turn.

He bites Albert on the back leg!

He totally misses!

Spoiler: Leaderboard (click to show/hide)
Spoiler: GM’s notes (click to show/hide)
« Last Edit: April 26, 2013, 09:12:36 am by lawastooshort »
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Harry Baldman

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Re: Roll to Dungeon Quest - Prelude - Turn Three
« Reply #55 on: April 26, 2013, 06:14:08 am »

As Gervedder tumbled through the portal, he was not in a condition to see much. Or feel much apart from searing pain, for that matter.

"Oh gods, this feels so horribly, burningly painful! And yet so right!"

Indeed it does, Mr. Vietzo. Indeed it does.
« Last Edit: April 26, 2013, 06:18:50 am by Harry Baldman »
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Dwarmin

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Re: Roll to Dungeon Quest - Prelude - Turn Three
« Reply #56 on: April 26, 2013, 07:03:21 am »

Lady Foxglove rolled toward the portal idly, wondering what she had done to have such CURSED LUCK...


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Toaster

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Re: Roll to Dungeon Quest - Prelude - Turn Three
« Reply #57 on: April 26, 2013, 08:12:05 am »

Tackov dusts himself off as he stands up.  His wind-assisted jump was aimed square on, but he wasn't able to land on his feet.  No matter- he had made it.

He watched as the next three competitors came through the portal.  Two spots left... now wait a minute...


"Are... you on fire?  Is... the portal on fire?  How do you set a magic portal on fire?"
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scapheap

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Re: Roll to Dungeon Quest - Prelude - Turn Three
« Reply #58 on: April 26, 2013, 09:28:26 am »

"Get back here, no wait never mind, got a better idea."
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Xantalos

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Re: Roll to Dungeon Quest - Prelude - Turn Three
« Reply #59 on: April 26, 2013, 09:32:14 am »

As Bukkar nears the portal, he yells very distracting things that cannot be written down here.
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