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Author Topic: Roll to Dungeon Quest - It's not you, it's me.  (Read 193256 times)

lawastooshort

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Roll to Dungeon Quest - Chapter 1.37.5
« Reply #525 on: July 09, 2013, 10:25:04 am »

Turn Thirty Seven Point Five

Fix the bleeding.

Action: To the inn!

"Clearly this is some sort of freak magical occurrence. Hm. Who is going to go in first and risk being the first to die? I might pay for your first three drinks if you survive somehow."

I'd take you up on your offer, but first I need to stop bleeding to death. Sorry.

"Hmm."

"Really, have you lot never heard of Inn Portals? The best establishments pay adventurous transwizards to set up checkpoints in dungeons and such-so, you can take a nice leisurely break in the middle of dungeon diving, and empty your loot bags. You know, save your progress and all that?

I swear, I'm the only real adventurer here!"


"Transwizards?"

Before Gervedder can hear Lady Foxglove’s reply she steps through the portal, banging her knee on the side and stumbling out into-

”Oi! This is feckin’ occupied, madam! And the Ladies is feckin’ well that way!” says the lightly flustered man trying to cover himself up at the same time as point to the left hand side wall of the cubicle.

"Um… ah… hel- oh gods… ewww."

Lady Foxglove shoulder barges down the cubicle door to reveal a row of roughly carved stone urinals, barely managing to keep her balance on the slurry covered floor and bursting through the nearest visible non-cubicle door with as much saunter as somebody emerging from the wrong lavatories can.

"Ehem. Ah. Whoops," she announces to the almost entirely uninterested barroom.

One customer turns to her and immediately smirks.

”Ladies that way, ma’a- oooh, ‘ello…”

Suggest. If anyone goes in and doesn't die, follow them.

Back in the dungeon, Gervedder hears more embarrassed mumbling than screaming death throes, and decides to brave it.

”Oi! Oh, bloody ‘ell, right, so she didn’t ‘ave the wrong bloody door, flamin’ Crikeyface just hasn’t bricked the fecker up properly! Stupid bloody eejit, if he’s gonna underpay a wizard to set up a bleedin’ Inn Portal what does he expect but to have it keep opening up in the bloody men’s room, the tight git…”

"Erm. Yes. Sorry about that…"

Comin’ throughhhhhhhhh! Bukkar Crangrom is in tha-

”Oh for Sef’s sake… There many of you to come or can I sit back down in peace yet?”

- er… in the… Little boy’s room? Crikey. What-

”Oh it’s you! You little fecker!”

The man hurriedly pulls his trousers up.

”You gert eejit!”

He draws back his fists.

”I’ll ‘ave you!”

The drunkard dives at Bukkar, smashing the pair of them through the side wall of the toilet cubicle and landing underneath the mage of rage as they slide along the damp and stinking floor. As they get to the feet and prepare to fight like proper grown drunkards, a distant cry comes out of the cubicle.

"I fixed my arm!"


Victory dance! Also, don't enter the door unless someone else does first.

"Wheeee!"

Whiz the wizard sidesteps through the portal with a strange sliding kind of walk, jigging triumphantly across the bathroom. Seeing Bukkar locked in drunk combat with a complete stranger, he feels reassured and, straightening his robes, walks out the door into the main barroom of Crikeyface Jack’s place, bumping into Gervedder and Lady Foxglove.

Fashion Groinbone of Good into Bone Dagger of Good.

"Ooh! Who's a good widdle disembodied head? Who's a good widdle disembodied head?"

Medha doesn’t pay any attention to the other idiots. She’s much too occupied bestowing head rubs upon her new pet skull.

"Yes you are, yes you are! I just wonder how the hell you urinate on things."

She sits down on the damp cool floor for a few minutes, smashing her enchanted groinbone against a piece of corner-rock until she’s reasonably pleased with the result.

"Behold!" she announces to no one in particular, holding a piece of mangled jagged skeletal groin in the air, "The Jagged Groinbone Dagger of Good!"

Item Acquired: Medha Correo: Brittle Jagged Groinbone Dagger of Good!

Spoiler: GM Notes (click to show/hide)
Current Players:
Spoiler: Tackov Cedtry, Toaster (click to show/hide)
Spoiler: Whiz, Chink (click to show/hide)
Spoiler: Medha Correo, Errol (click to show/hide)
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Harry Baldman

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Re: Roll to Dungeon Quest - Chapter 1.37.5
« Reply #526 on: July 09, 2013, 10:54:25 am »

"An inn portal it is, then."

Head into the main room of the inn, sit at unoccupied table.
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Dwarmin

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Re: Roll to Dungeon Quest - Chapter 1.37.5
« Reply #527 on: July 09, 2013, 11:02:21 am »

((Not sure if we're going to have time for any more actions really.))

Action: Buy a pot of coffee and find a table, cause we're gonna be here for awhile...
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Xantalos

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Re: Roll to Dungeon Quest - Chapter 1.37.5
« Reply #528 on: July 09, 2013, 02:06:59 pm »

Who the hell ate yer colon, you griping eejit piano?

Lightning fist!
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Quote from: BFEL
XANTALOS, THE KARATEBOMINATION
Quote from: Toaster
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Errol

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Re: Roll to Dungeon Quest - Chapter 1.37.5
« Reply #529 on: July 09, 2013, 05:17:16 pm »

Action roll into the inn, announce self. Then order a milk.
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Toaster

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Re: Roll to Dungeon Quest - Chapter 1.37.5
« Reply #530 on: July 09, 2013, 08:37:00 pm »

Poor Tackov, considering his only method of locomotion and where he will end up...


"Oi!  Wait for me!"

Crawl into the portal!  Look for any healers that might want to fix the legs.
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HMR stands for Hazardous Materials Requisition, not Horrible Massive Ruination, though I can understand how one could get confused.
God help us if we have to agree on pizza toppings at some point. There will be no survivors.

Chink

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Re: Roll to Dungeon Quest - Chapter 1.37.5
« Reply #531 on: July 09, 2013, 08:47:19 pm »

Head back and grab Tackov, and then practice balancing on my tail.
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lawastooshort

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Roll to Dungeon Quest - Chapter 1.38
« Reply #532 on: July 10, 2013, 09:49:38 am »

Turn Thirty Eight

Head back and grab Tackov, and then practice balancing on my tail.

Crawl into the portal!  Look for any healers that might want to fix the legs.

"Oi!" cries Tackov, looking despairingly at the floor on the other side of the portal, "Wait for me!"

Whiz kindly steps back through and grabs his wizardly colleague, pulling him into the bathroom of Crikeyface Jack’s place. Tackov drags himself across the bathroom floor with resignation and, wondering why Whiz is standing precariously on the edge of the toilet bowl, slithers into the inn to look for a doctor.

There’s one in the corner! Strewth!

Action roll into the inn, announce self. Then order a milk.

Tackov is followed by Medha, who rolls into the inn and, specifically, onto the slurry covered floor of the men’s room, whereupon she immediately regrets Bukkar’s appropriating of her cheese, which would have handily masked the smell she’s just picked up.

She brushes herself off, fumbles with the door out of the bathroom, and announces her arrival to a drunkard who falls past her face first onto the floor.

”Idiots here too…” she mutters, doing her best to saunter towards the bar whilst ignoring the wrinkled noses of those she budges aside, ”Ahem! Barman! Give us… hmm…”

She examines the menu of ales with a look of interest.

”Give us… a shot of milk, please… Cold.”

She turns round to check out the action and leans on the bar, tiny shot glass of tepid milk in her hand.

Action: Buy a pot of coffee and find a table, cause we're gonna be here for a while...

The first thing Medha sees is Lady Foxglove Vainglorious III, pushing through the slight crowd carrying a cavernous pot of coffee.

She finds a likely table, pours herself a mug.

Men leer at her glowing necklace.

She might have leaned forward unnecessarily a teeny bit to pour her coffee.

Head into the main room of the inn, sit at unoccupied table.

Lady F, it seems, took the last seat in the inn. Gervedder looks around for a free table, turns round to see where his colleagues have got to, and is jostled by a burly seven foot tall looking chap with the words GAHHHH and RAHHH tattooed across his cheeks.

Gervedder falls backwards, landing in the lap of a burly seven foot six tall grey skinned looking… woman?

”Oooh, ‘ello! You’re a forward kind of chap, eh! I likes that in a man!”

Lightning fist!

Just then a brief distraction is provided by Bukkar Crangrom, entering into QUICK FIGHT DEATH COMBAT MODE!

Who the hell ate yer colon, he starts, promisingly, You griping eejit piano?

Bukkar LIGHTNING FISTS his assailant in the legs, arcing lightning off in multiple directions, and singing several beards!

The man lies motionless on the floor.

A couple of bald-chinned sailors stare angrily at Bukkar.

Spoiler: GM Notes (click to show/hide)
Current Players:
Spoiler: Tackov Cedtry, Toaster (click to show/hide)
Spoiler: Whiz, Chink (click to show/hide)
Spoiler: Medha Correo, Errol (click to show/hide)
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Errol

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Re: Roll to Dungeon Quest - Chapter 1.38
« Reply #533 on: July 10, 2013, 11:12:11 am »

If anyone asks, I am not part of this roving band of madmen. Just spectating with glee... and picking the pockets of dead drunkards.
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Toaster

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Re: Roll to Dungeon Quest - Chapter 1.38
« Reply #534 on: July 10, 2013, 11:21:05 am »

"Greetings, good sir doctor!   I appear to have broken my legs.  And gotten the vomiting.  And poisoned me arse.  Perhaps you could assist me?  Our adventuring party would be most grateful."
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HMR stands for Hazardous Materials Requisition, not Horrible Massive Ruination, though I can understand how one could get confused.
God help us if we have to agree on pizza toppings at some point. There will be no survivors.

Harry Baldman

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Re: Roll to Dungeon Quest - Chapter 1.38
« Reply #535 on: July 10, 2013, 11:34:09 am »

Gervedder, sensing something unusual about this whole affair, decides to ask a question as he removes himself from the woman's lap.

"Excuse me, dear woman, but before we speak further, I must ask: would you, by any chance be betrothed to any particularly jealous individuals?"

Ask.

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Dwarmin

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Re: Roll to Dungeon Quest - Chapter 1.38
« Reply #536 on: July 10, 2013, 11:44:43 am »

Lady Foxglove flipped her hair back, enjoying the gasps and stares from her drunken audience.

Ah, the charmed life.

Action: Shine like a shooting star
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Chink

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Re: Roll to Dungeon Quest - Chapter 1.38
« Reply #537 on: July 10, 2013, 11:53:37 am »

Head out into the bar area and get a drink. Non-alcholic, of course. Inquire about any quests, or other ways to obtain money and valuable equipment.
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Xantalos

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Re: Roll to Dungeon Quest - Chapter 1.38
« Reply #538 on: July 10, 2013, 12:17:36 pm »

Bukkar stares blankly at these wretched ingrates
What? He started it.
This time. I think I robbed him and stole his wife's baby before it was born a couple years back,
he comments as he loots the body, then goes to fund someone to stop the *HHHAAAAAAAAUUUUUUUUUGH* Vomiting.
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Sig! Onol
Quote from: BFEL
XANTALOS, THE KARATEBOMINATION
Quote from: Toaster
((The Xantalos Die: [1, 1, 1, 6, 6, 6]))

lawastooshort

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Roll to Dungeon Quest - Chapter 1.39
« Reply #539 on: July 26, 2013, 06:27:34 am »

Turn Thirty Nine

If anyone asks, I am not part of this roving band of madmen. Just spectating with glee... and picking the pockets of dead drunkards.

Mehda, slamming her shot glass down on the bar dramatically whilst trying to signal with her chin that she’d like another one of those, barman, but mostly just conveying the fact that she may have some kind of tic that probably requires urgent medical management, pushes over to watch her good friend Bukkar Crangrom, who, before standing about motionless for over two weeks, was last seen on the other side of the tavern, lightning fisting the crap out of some innocent drunkard’s legs.

Whistling inconspicuously whilst Bukkar tries to hold back a small mouthful of sick, Mehda – expert, at least, in the field of robbing defenceless victims – goes through the drunkard’s pockets.

She miraculously finds 96 real golden Yuros!

"Greetings, good sir doctor!   I appear to have broken my legs.  And gotten the vomiting.  And poisoned me arse.  Perhaps you could assist me?  Our adventuring party would be most grateful."

Elsewhere, in a corner of the inn, a private consultation is underway to the delight of numerous drinking onlookers.

”Can I see yer poisoned arse?”

Here?"

”Yes.”

"Er… I suppose you must."

”Crikey. Quite… quite a poisoned arse you got there, sir. Rather serious. Rather unpleasant, I don’t doubt.”

"It makes me feel all funny."

”Yes. Well, an important diagnostic question I need to pose is, well sir, how much cash you got on you?”

"Are you actually a doctor?"

”Yes. Definitely.”

"3 Yuros."

”Ah. Well, normally I’d charge 10 for a consultation and treatment, you see, and you have… one poisoned arse, the vomiting, and two broken legs, so… you see. Here, I’ll give you a blue pill antidote for the arse for the 3 Yuros, and then, well, you know… yer legs should get better in time. I imagine they don’t hurt that much so it’s not really serious, is it? You can still crawl?”

Gervedder, sensing something unusual about this whole affair, decides to ask a question as he removes himself from the woman's lap.
Ask.

"Excuse me, dear woman, but before we speak further, I must ask: would you, by any chance be betrothed to any particularly jealous individuals?"

”No! Single as the day I… divorced me third husband, me! Come and have a cuddle! Me chest hair is all warm and fuzzy!”

Lady Foxglove flipped her hair back, enjoying the gasps and stares from her drunken audience.

Ah, the charmed life.

Action: Shine like a shooting star

Lady Foxglove, as the table of… staringly male drinkers gasp, flips her hair back with such sensual force that she tips her chair over and crashes to the floor, coming face to face with a particularly pungent pile of sawdust.

The table full of drinkers stand and continue to stare.

Head out into the bar area and get a drink. Non-alcholic, of course. Inquire about any quests, or other ways to obtain money and valuable equipment.

Heading over to where Medha was standing, Whiz also confidently orders a shot of tepid milk.

”So, er…” he half-whispers to the bartender. ”Any… jobs going you might know about? Side quests and the like?”

”Sorry mate, not today… Maybe another time? Anyways, ain’t you with that group of adventurers that came by the other day? On some kind of quest or something but delayed interminably in dungeon after dungeon that might have something to do with something else but who knows?”

”Er… Maybe? Wait, did that group of adventurers vomit a lot?”

He loots the body, then goes to fund someone to stop the *HHHAAAAAAAAUUUUUUUUUGH* Vomiting.

What? He started it. This time. I think I robbed him and stole his wife's baby before it was born a couple years back, in a totally different plane I’m not entirely sure I left before last week, but… uh.

Whilst Bukkar confuses himself, Medha loots his victim!

Coming up only with empty pockets, Bukkar grumbles over to the doctor fleecing Tackov.

”Aha, another adventurer, I can see.”

Crikey, he’s good, thinks Bukkar.

”Ten Yuros a consultation and treatment for an adventurer like you...”

Spoiler: GM Notes (click to show/hide)
Current Players:
Spoiler: Tackov Cedtry, Toaster (click to show/hide)
Spoiler: Whiz, Chink (click to show/hide)
Spoiler: Medha Correo, Errol (click to show/hide)
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