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[Chink]

Is this far enough, Tackov?

Shoot it again, but stay just out of its reach.

[Harry Baldman]

Is this far enough, Tackov?

Gervedder, noticing Whiz off in the distance, offers an observation.

"Not to spoil the interesting maneuver you are about to attempt, but perhaps you should not fire at this creature from a distance you can easily miss from while at least three of us are within close enough range of it to be easily hit by a missed-enough shot? Merely an observation, you understand."

[Chink]

Is this far enough, Tackov?

Gervedder, noticing Whiz off in the distance, offers an observation.

"Not to spoil the interesting maneuver you are about to attempt, but perhaps you should not fire at this creature from a distance you can easily miss from while at least three of us are within close enough range of it to be easily hit by a missed-enough shot? Merely an observation, you understand."

"That is true, I suppose."

[Xantalos]

ARG! You son the of bitch!

LIGHTNING FISTINATE THE DRUNKARD

[Errol]

Stabbinate rat thing while it's down!

[lawastooshort]

Turn Thirteen

Action: Kick the fungus in the crotch and escape its grip! No touching!

Unwanted attention? Throttling hugs? Inappropriately groping fungus? No problem! Lady Foxglove Vainglorious III has faced many a worse foe in her time!

…She kicks the fungus in the crotch even as it tries to squeeze the life out of her: it lets out a howl of pain and drops her to the floor!

She rolls away making sure not to touch the hideous fiend!

Severe Pain Acquired: Super Fungus: Severe Crotch Pain!

SISSY SLAP FIGHT some more!

"Come at me, fungus!" cries Tackov, jumping back to his feet, "Fight me like a man!"

…Tackov wildly waves his fingers up and down towards where he suspects the mushroom’s face might be, managing to unbalance himself like a rotting pancake and collapse once more to the floor, where the superfungus this time successfully kicks him in return, …striking him in the chest with a well-aimed kick, fracturing his ribs!

Wound Acquired: Tackov Cedtry: Fractured Ribs!

Shoot it again, but stay just out of its reach.

”Is this far enough, Tackov?” asks Whiz, retreating to a grand total of nearly six feet this time and strongly resisting the urge to dispense retaliatory advice to his fellow wizard on the correct way to operate a slap.

He raises the crossbow again, and shoots, and …pierces the enemy in the abdomen! Heavy Bleeding spurts out!

Load crossbow, quietly sneak up to megafungus and shoot it in the back from point-blank range with said loaded crossbow, then retreat back, hopefully harming it or attracting its attention enough for it to turn its back on Bukkar.

Tremendously inspired, Gervedder the Brave sneaks around to the back of the megafungus, aims his crossbow at the back of its head, and pulls the trigger.

…The messenger is spattered with all sorts of megafungus brain! The skull is pierced! A tendon in the brain is torn! The brain is… wait. The brain?

Gervedder stops his mini-victory dance to wipe the great quantities of megafungus Very Heavy Bleeding from his face. Blood pours from where the bolt sticks out of the back of the megafungus, but as he watches the bolt seems to be sucked into the brainflesh of the giant mould: the blood, however, continues to pour.

The megafungus appears to wheeze; it appears heavily wounded, but not yet defeated. If only it had a brain.

Its attention is thoroughly attracted though: it spins and thrusts forward in a …feeble attack to grasp its latest attacker before blindly aiming …an equally ineffective kick.

LIGHTNING FISTINATE THE DRUNKARD

”ARG!” realises Bukkar, ”You son the of bitch!”

Crouching down and suddenly leaping up, his fist bursts upwards in an explosion of fist and chin, …inflicting severe pain back on the drunkard, not to mention a serious case of lightning! The lightning arcs slowly in the air as if it’s about to hit the megafungus too, but it doesn’t.

Lightninged almost to death, the drunkard flees up the stairs, …nimbly negotiating the blood-slicked stone and disappearing into the light.

Stabbinate rat thing while it's down!

…Elsewhere, Medha is trapped in her own private battle of incompetence with the rattipede. Like an incompetence-off. She bends down to stabbify it. She trips over. She fumbles her sacrificial knife and slices her own hand open. She rolls about on the floor as the rattipede climbs onto her and …chews what remains of her clothes.

Medha swats it off, sending it flying and crashing against the wall a couple of feet away; it lands and arches its back, hissing.

Wound Acquired: Medha Correo: Cut Hand!

Spoiler: GM Notes (click to show/hide)

Megafungus status : Heavy Bleeding, Very Heavy Bleeding, Severe Pain (-1 for next turn):  [HP: 35/50]

Man, that was some god-awful rolling, considering the 2d6/2 nature of the rolls.

Yes, I was shocked and appalled and then greatly pleased.

Current Players:

Spoiler: Tackov Cedtry, Toaster (click to show/hide)

Name: Tackov Cedtry
Class: Wind Mage
Status: -1 pain penalty to dodge
Health: [HP: 50/50] | Fractured Ribs
Abilities: Wind Blast I, Wind Step I, Squishy, Sissy Slap Fight
Inventory: Minor Mana Potion x1, Scroll of Beginner’s Fireball x1, 3 Yuros.

Spoiler: Whiz, Chink (click to show/hide)

Name: Whiz
Class: Whiz Wiz(ard)
Status:
Health: [HP: 75/75]
Abilities: Shield I, Gee, Mr. Whiz, You Sure Are Fast! Obviously a Powerful Wizard, It’ll Make You Blind!
Inventory: Crossbow, Unlimited Quiver, Raider’s Dress of Shin Protection, 2 Yuros, Fancy Clothes, Scroll of Beginner’s Fireball x1.

Spoiler: Medha Correo, Errol (click to show/hide)

Name: Medha Correo
Class: Curse Crafter
Status:
Health: [HP: 70/75] | Severed Rib! | Severed Rib! | Cut Hand!
Abilities: Bad Luck Curse, Curse of the Fool, Wandering Asshole, Curse of the Curse Crafter
Inventory: Dagger, Half a dress, 80 bandages, Neckless of the Ribless, Coffee (half a jug).

Spoiler: Gervedder Vietzo, Harry Baldman (click to show/hide)

Name: Gervedder Vietzo
Class: Opportunistic Messenger
Status:
Health: [HP: 63/75]
Abilities: This Messenger Delivers, Make Way for the Messenger! Important, Stop For Directions
Inventory: Crossbow, Unlimited Quiver, 8 Yuros.

Spoiler: Lady Foxglove Vainglorious the III, Dwarmin (click to show/hide)

Name: Lady Foxglove Vainglorious the III
Class: Ravenhaired Crusader
Status: Super-presentable!
Health: [HP: 75/75]
Abilities:Opportunistic, Honeyed Tongue, Vain, Self-Reliance
Inventory: Minor Health Potion x1, Crossbow, Unlimited Quiver, 2 Yuros.

Spoiler: Bukkar Crangrom, Xantalos (click to show/hide)

Name: Bukkar Crangrom
Class: Ragin' Mage
Status:
Health: [HP: 75/75]
Abilities: Ass of the Flaming Foot I, Lightning Fist I, Always Looking For a Fight, Always Hungover
Inventory: Minor Health Potion x1, 2 Yuros.

[Harry Baldman]

Certainly the strangest creature he has ever seen, Gervedder thinks as he looks at the blood spurting out of the fungus. Then again, it's most probably made of magic and thus can freely violate most rules of conventional anatomy. Also, this probably is working to his advantage.

Step out of the fungus' immediate grabbing range, then shoot it in whatever provides it with locomotion.

[Toaster]

Go cry in the corner  SISSY SLAP FIGHT AGAIN!  Because what are the odds of me rolling natural 1 again*?

"This fungus is quite the melee expert!"


*1/36, since the previous two are already a sure thing.

[lawastooshort]

*1/36, since the previous two are already a sure thing.

I should clarify - combat rolls are just 1d6 vs 1d6, not 2d6, otherwise there'd be so many average rolls that no one would ever damage anyone. 2d6 is for general/skill rolls so as to minimise extreme failures and successes (amongst other reasons). Sorry if this either wasn't clear or I've misunderstood.

[Chink]

Shoot it again.

[Dwarmin]

A martial artist fungus with working Humanoid anatomy but no brain? Lady Foxglove thought she had read about one of these creatures somewhere before...

She pulled out her crossbow, intent upon killing the disgusting creature.

Action: Five foot step out of the fungus reach to avoid an attack of opportunity, and send it to Fungus Hell riding on one of my crossbow bolts!

Spoiler: Foxglove Bestiary De Diaboclus Entry 3: Fungal Abominations (click to show/hide)

Biologikists have long known magickal forces tend to affect the least sophisticated of things the most-which is why rats and mold are inconveniences in mundane lands, but deadly threats in our enchanted world. Fungal foes are quite common, being the third greatest cause of low level adventurer injury aside from falls and friendly fire. Here is a listing of the more common varieties.

Fungoid
This odd amalgamations of Human and fungus are most common in urban areas, and are generally recognized by their locomotion, uncanny agility and the fact they still vaguely resemble the person they once were. The Fungoid itself is a parasitic organism that attaches to a living human, extending tendrils through the skin directly into the brain, nervous and skeletal system of a chosen host. Having done so, it can 'drive' the stolen body to whatever use it requires-typically, this means finding or creating more bodies to host Fungoid spores-even mostly dead, the Fungoid can prolong it's hosts metabolic processes for as long as it needs to. Hallucinogenic chemicals released periodically into the blood slowly drive any remnants of the former person into a brutal vestige of whatever they once were, making it difficult to seek treatment before the infection takes over completely. In addition, anyone who is touched by a Fungoid risks contracting the disease-in time becoming yet another host-and is advised to thoroughly magically purify the affected area as soon as possible.

Redcap
A diminutive and aggressive race, the Redcaps are genetically related to Kobolds and Goblins, and generally are inherent to the traits of those races-a tendency to steal, skulk and murder from ambush. Redcaps are called so because they have bonded with a parasitic mushroom not unlike the Fungoid, though it is more benevolent than that. The mushroom is typically attached to the cranium, resembling a 'cap'-Redcaps embellish and ritually paint these caps, treating them as a revered part of their daily lives. The bond is mostly mutually benefical-Redcaps help spread the spores of the fungus, and the Fungus provides them with an array of defenses and chemical additives. Though no full studies have been done, Redcaps seem to be able to exude poison spores on command-that don't harm them. They can heal wounds nearly instantly, and feel absolutely no pain-often living even after losing multiple limbs. These are only a few of their possible traits, made more complicated by the fact different subsets Redcaps seem to have different varieties of fungus as well. Dwarves despise them, naturally.

Fungus Squid
An alpha predator in certain humid jungle regions of Lumithea, Fungus Squids are almost wholly plant, yet contain significant animal traits, though they roughly resemble a mushroom crossed with jellyfish-they actively hunt prey through use of long paralyzing tentacles, communicate with each other via color flashes and are known to Shepard their young through the earliest stage of life. They frequently wait motionless, tentacles bared for intruders-often, high above the treetops. Fungus Squids are capable of using stored gasses in their 'bells' to float through the air and are capable of bursts of speed to capture prey or escape danger. Fungus Squids tend to be highly intelligent and social, and not all are malevolent toward Humans-some explorers report being able to communicate with the creatures at a distance by using various shades of colors, and making simple trades of food for information-though such peaceful meetings are rare. Fungus Squids are usually the ones hunted-their meat itself is a rare and delicious delicacy, one that Lady Foxglove often was known to enjoy.

Voidjelly
Logged into the category of 'Mad Wizard Experiments' and cross referenced with 'could possibly end the world'. They were originally and humorously made by the Mad Wizard Jestla Foxglove as portable garbage disposals. Voidjellys are singular horrors-clear, protoplasmic blobs of multicelled organisms usually about the size of a house, though their size can vary wildly depending on their diet. They are simplistic in hunting and feeding habits, sliding and engulfing any warm prey they can detect via vibrations in the ground or through simple thermal 'vision'-whats a Voidjelly singularly terrifying is that it is actually a house to a magically contained point of singularity-a crushing void that absolutely destroys anything that enters it's event horizon. Those drawn into the gelatinous mass are crushed into pure magical fluff, the very thing of creation itself-an excellent source of food and a boon to wizardly alchemists. Combined with the Voidjellys potential to grow larger and larger for every creature its component void consumes, one can see the obvious risk. In all of history, only seven are known to have been made-of them, six were destroyed before reaching sizes to rival anything bigger than a small town, though they accounted for hundreds of deaths. The seventh is unaccounted for, officially.

[Xantalos]

Right, then. I suppose I should help you lot out.

FUNGUS PUNCH!

[Errol]

Curse of the Fool, meet Rattipede. Rattipede, meet Curse of the Fool. Then run until the rattipede trips. Then, STABBINATION GO.

[Toaster]

Oh, well, that's not quite so bad then.   1.12 was still pretty awful, though.

[lawastooshort]

Turn Fourteen

FUNGUS PUNCH!

"Right, then,"  announces Bukkar Crangrom, Rage of Mage, Fist of Fury, Foot of Fear, "I suppose I should help you lot out."

...Advancing menacingly upon the mushroom, Bukkar throws a vicious punch at its midriff which is so feeble, so puny, so... so dainty that it almost seems as if the megafungus regenerates hitpoints before the adventurers' astounded and horrified eyes.

Shoot it again.

...Whiz the Wizard does better: he forces the megafungus to duck out of the way of a bolt headed straight between its beady little fungussy eyes!

But duck it does, and the bolt shatters harmlessly against the stone wall behind.

SISSY SLAP FIGHT AGAIN!

"This fungus is quite the all-round close combat expert!" observes Tackov. "I think it knows judo or something."

Not having failed enough for another attempt to count as being of doubtful mind but rather as fantastical heroism that, if he survives, Tackov will be able to tell his grandchildren about, the Wind Mage steps up to the supermushroom, slaps it right in the cheek, ...and causes it quite a nasty bruise! Honour is retored! Justice is served! Revenge is had!

Step out of the fungus' immediate grabbing range, then shoot it in whatever provides it with locomotion.

The dripping fungal fluid sticks in Gervedder's unfortunate eyes and, stepping back out of the mushroom's range, he pulls the trigger of his crossbow and shoots ...Lady Foxglove in the foot.

He gasps.

She swears.

The megafungus takes advantage of the confusion and strikes back, ...some unseen flash of appendage spanking Gervedder right in the guts, spraining them and sending the poor man flying to the floor!

Wound Acquired: Gervedder Vietzo: Sprained Guts!

Wound Acquired: Lady Foxglove Vainglorious III: Pierced Foot!

Action: Five foot step out of the fungus reach to avoid an attack of opportunity, and send it to Fungus Hell riding on one of my crossbow bolts!

She might be bleeding out of one of her lovely and relatively new boots, she might be nearly as enraged as their permaraged Mage of Rage, she might have just noticed a slight fungal stain on her new shirt: Lady Foxglove Vainglorious III isn't going to let a megafungus and her incompetent adventuring band double-team her to death! No! She didn't spend days hunting in the semi-savage forests of Nefolia with that dull brute Baron von Eisnecker for nothing! Well, not for just that one thing. Well, not- gah! She knows what she means. Sometimes, she says to herself, if you want something-

After possibly several minutes of internal monologue, Tackov discreetly coughs, bringing Lady FV3 back to the present.

She raises the crossbow to the fungus's head, aims, and ...shoots its brains out.

"Wait..." she realises, "They don't have brains. Not you," she politely adds, waving dismissively towards her companions, "This... this thing... Oh... it does have a lot of blood though. Gosh."

The megafungus lets out a mournful death rattle and collapses to the floor in a vast pool of dark mushroom blood.

Curse of the Fool, meet Rattipede. Rattipede, meet Curse of the Fool. Then run until the rattipede trips. Then, STABBINATION GO.

...Still on her own, bravely battling against the mutant centi-rat, Medha jumps to her feet, calls the rattipede an idiot in some foul and blackened tongue, and flees.

...She gets as far as the last corner before the rattipede trips over in a blur of left foot. ...She pounces, stabbinating every single leg off in an uncontrollable fit of bloodlust and covering the corridor in... leg and blood and the occasional knee and here and there bits of ankle.

The rattipede doesn't seem to be moving much anymore.

Spoiler: GM Notes (click to show/hide)

The very bottom of the map turns off to your right; next to Medha there are two wooden doors.

Current Players:

Spoiler: Tackov Cedtry, Toaster (click to show/hide)

Name: Tackov Cedtry
Class: Wind Mage
Status: -1 pain penalty to dodge
Health: [HP: 50/50] | Fractured Ribs
Abilities: Wind Blast I, Wind Step I, Squishy, Sissy Slap Fight
Inventory: Minor Mana Potion x1, Scroll of Beginner’s Fireball x1, 3 Yuros.

Spoiler: Whiz, Chink (click to show/hide)

Name: Whiz
Class: Whiz Wiz(ard)
Status:
Health: [HP: 75/75]
Abilities: Shield I, Gee, Mr. Whiz, You Sure Are Fast! Obviously a Powerful Wizard, It’ll Make You Blind!
Inventory: Crossbow, Unlimited Quiver, Raider’s Dress of Shin Protection, 2 Yuros, Fancy Clothes, Scroll of Beginner’s Fireball x1.

Spoiler: Medha Correo, Errol (click to show/hide)

Name: Medha Correo
Class: Curse Crafter
Status:
Health: [HP: 65/75] | Severed Rib! | Severed Rib! | Cut Hand!
Abilities: Bad Luck Curse, Curse of the Fool, Wandering Asshole, Curse of the Curse Crafter
Inventory: Dagger, Half a dress, 80 bandages, Neckless of the Ribless, Coffee (half a jug).

Spoiler: Gervedder Vietzo, Harry Baldman (click to show/hide)

Name: Gervedder Vietzo
Class: Opportunistic Messenger
Status:
Health: [HP: 53/75]
Abilities: This Messenger Delivers, Make Way for the Messenger! Important, Stop For Directions
Inventory: Crossbow, Unlimited Quiver, 8 Yuros.

Spoiler: Lady Foxglove Vainglorious the III, Dwarmin (click to show/hide)

Name: Lady Foxglove Vainglorious the III
Class: Ravenhaired Crusader
Status: Super-presentable!
Health: [HP: 70/75] | Pierced Foot!
Abilities:Opportunistic, Honeyed Tongue, Vain, Self-Reliance
Inventory: Minor Health Potion x1, Crossbow, Unlimited Quiver, 2 Yuros.

Spoiler: Bukkar Crangrom, Xantalos (click to show/hide)

Name: Bukkar Crangrom
Class: Ragin' Mage
Status:
Health: [HP: 75/75]
Abilities: Ass of the Flaming Foot I, Lightning Fist I, Always Looking For a Fight, Always Hungover
Inventory: Minor Health Potion x1, 2 Yuros.