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Author Topic: Me and my partner  (Read 29171 times)

zehive

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Re: delet
« Reply #30 on: May 02, 2013, 04:40:42 pm »
TOAD
« Last Edit: September 05, 2019, 02:26:13 pm by zehive »
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Vector

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Re: delet
« Reply #31 on: May 02, 2013, 04:48:33 pm »
Bro, it's time to walk.  Tell her the terms under which you'd be willing to have a relationship, tell her that you two need at the very least a cool-down in order to create the possibility of re-establishing trust, and then cut off contact for at least a couple of weeks.
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"The question of the usefulness of poetry arises only in periods of its decline, while in periods of its flowering, no one doubts its total uselessness." - Boris Pasternak

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Catsup

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Re: delet
« Reply #32 on: May 02, 2013, 04:54:21 pm »
if this isnt an open relationship and she wants to date someone else then the deals off. Its very simple. Love is not fair, you lose if you get clingy and attached and she could care less about how much of a doormat you can be for her. Learn to realize this fact.

i know its not easy because you invested quite a bit into her it would seem, and that has become a part of you. Killing a part of yourself is never easy, but its just going to get worse.

i suggest cutting her off and being alone for a while to avoid rebounds while you recover. Learn to invest only as much emotion as the other party would in you next time in a relationship.
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Vector

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Re: delet
« Reply #33 on: May 02, 2013, 05:00:13 pm »
Well, no, you do have to sometimes invest a little with no expectation of returns: it's not a tit-for-tat situation.  But balance, if not perfect symmetry, needs to be observed.  If you're getting at all resentful of what you're putting in, then it's probably best to stop putting it in, crank it down to the level you're comfortable with, even if that's a little bit less than you're getting back, or a little more, whatever.
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"The question of the usefulness of poetry arises only in periods of its decline, while in periods of its flowering, no one doubts its total uselessness." - Boris Pasternak

nonbinary/genderfluid/genderqueer renegade mathematician and mafia subforum limpet. please avoid quoting me.

pronouns: prefer neutral ones, others are fine. height: 5'3".

zehive

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Re: delet
« Reply #34 on: May 02, 2013, 05:04:13 pm »
Dok
« Last Edit: September 05, 2019, 02:26:28 pm by zehive »
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Vector

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Re: delet
« Reply #35 on: May 02, 2013, 05:07:31 pm »
Yeah.  In that case, on Saturday I'd make a totally clean break of it.  You certainly seem to have suffered enough =(
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"The question of the usefulness of poetry arises only in periods of its decline, while in periods of its flowering, no one doubts its total uselessness." - Boris Pasternak

nonbinary/genderfluid/genderqueer renegade mathematician and mafia subforum limpet. please avoid quoting me.

pronouns: prefer neutral ones, others are fine. height: 5'3".

Catsup

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Re: delet
« Reply #36 on: May 02, 2013, 05:13:45 pm »
Quote from: Vector on May 02, 2013, 05:00:13 pm
Well, no, you do have to sometimes invest a little with no expectation of returns: it's not a tit-for-tat situation.  But balance, if not perfect symmetry, needs to be observed.  If you're getting at all resentful of what you're putting in, then it's probably best to stop putting it in, crank it down to the level you're comfortable with, even if that's a little bit less than you're getting back, or a little more, whatever.
i'll let my partner do most of the investing at first then, i can make sure i dont hurt her. I cant make sure she doesnt hurt me.
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nenjin

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Re: delet
« Reply #37 on: May 02, 2013, 05:13:45 pm »
I guess this is what I want to know: have you guys actually had sex?

It sounds like a moot point anyways since you guy will be parting company soon. I guess I'm honestly more curious about your motivations than her's. The questions of emotions, commitment, motivations...have distinctly different answers based on whether you've been truly intimate or not.
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Cautivo del Milagro seamos, Penitente.
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Catsup

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Re: delet
« Reply #38 on: May 02, 2013, 05:45:34 pm »
Quote from: nenjin on May 02, 2013, 05:13:45 pm
I guess this is what I want to know: have you guys actually had sex?

It sounds like a moot point anyways since you guy will be parting company soon. I guess I'm honestly more curious about your motivations than her's. The questions of emotions, commitment, motivations...have distinctly different answers based on whether you've been truly intimate or not.
OP can you confirm for us? ive been assuming this was a "love" relationship up to now because of the amount of emotional investment.

@nenjin i dont think it would matter if they had sex or not, unless that relationship was supposed to be a purely sexual one.

EDIT: im really bad at saying what i want to get through soemtimes
« Last Edit: May 02, 2013, 06:01:12 pm by Catsup »
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nenjin

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Re: delet
« Reply #39 on: May 02, 2013, 05:51:56 pm »
Quote
OP can you confirm for us? ive been assuming this was a "love" relationship up to now because of the amount of emotional investment.

The two aren't mutually exclusive. And despite the implication, there's plenty of emotion invested in lust too.

Quote
@nenjin i dont think it would matter if they had sex or not, unless that relationship was supposed to be a purely sexual one.

As he describes their interactions, it sounds like it matters to them. It's only one part of the equation, but it's definitely a part. You don't see posts like this about platonic relationships.
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Cautivo del Milagro seamos, Penitente.
Quote from: Viktor Frankl
When we are no longer able to change a situation, we are challenged to change ourselves.
Quote from: Sindain
Its kinda silly to complain that a friendly NPC isn't a well designed boss fight.
Quote from: Eric Blank
How will I cheese now assholes?
Quote from: MrRoboto75
Always spaghetti, never forghetti

Catsup

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Re: delet
« Reply #40 on: May 02, 2013, 05:59:04 pm »
Quote from: nenjin on May 02, 2013, 05:51:56 pm
The two aren't mutually exclusive. And despite the implication, there's plenty of emotion invested in lust too.
Quote from: nenjin on May 02, 2013, 05:51:56 pm
As he describes their interactions, it sounds like it matters to them. It's only one part of the equation, but it's definitely a part. You don't see posts like this about platonic relationships.
i think you misunderstood what i meant. Im saying that regardless of the type of investment the solution is still the same. Would the fact that they had sex or not really change the advice you'd give him? i think it wouldnt and thus we shouldnt ask.
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zehive

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Re: delet
« Reply #41 on: May 02, 2013, 06:58:27 pm »
Chill
« Last Edit: September 05, 2019, 02:26:47 pm by zehive »
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zehive

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Re: delet
« Reply #42 on: May 05, 2013, 02:48:39 pm »
Lol
« Last Edit: September 05, 2019, 02:27:02 pm by zehive »
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Vector

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Re: delet
« Reply #43 on: May 05, 2013, 05:25:20 pm »
I'd say that you should probably ask her if she's pulling for a polyamorous arrangement.
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"The question of the usefulness of poetry arises only in periods of its decline, while in periods of its flowering, no one doubts its total uselessness." - Boris Pasternak

nonbinary/genderfluid/genderqueer renegade mathematician and mafia subforum limpet. please avoid quoting me.

pronouns: prefer neutral ones, others are fine. height: 5'3".

zehive

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Re: delet
« Reply #44 on: May 05, 2013, 05:44:18 pm »
Cat
« Last Edit: September 05, 2019, 02:27:10 pm by zehive »
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