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[Vector]

Yeah, and you have to accept that, too.

When my acquaintances send me Facebook messages, I don't always reply after I've read them.  Sometimes I want time to think about it, sometimes I just don't feel like replying right away.

[Shakerag]

This is not the topic at hand, but for the record I completely disagree with you, and boggle at the idea that love or "emotional energy" could be a finite resource.

Age check?

Try having multiple demands on your time/input/emotion/presence and tell me that. Take a full-time job that wants the best of you everyday, a partner who wants you fully engaged in "us", friends who want your time, your advice.....these all draw from the same pool of "you."

That pool gets depleted, people get run down, and nothing requires more emotional investment (a phrase I did not make up) than romance. Which is why bad romances ruin people emotionally, because they put so much of themselves, their thoughts, their time, their worry, their stress....into it.

I don't see why that's relevant, but to humor you, 32.  I also have a full-time job, a partner who is ... "heavily attention needing", and a daily schedule that is planned out down to the minute at times.

Also, I feel that we may be thinking/talking about two different things.  You seem to be talking about the physical (time/input/presencen/interaction/conversation/etc.) whereas I'm talking more about the feeling or emotion of love.  Because you seem to be saying that how much you love someone is directly dependant on how busy you are.  How much you *show* that love via actions may very well be dependant on how busy you are, however. 

[zehive]

I'm doing meth

[nenjin]

Because you seem to be saying that how much you love someone is directly dependant on how busy you are.  How much you *show* that love via actions may very well be dependant on how busy you are, however.

You can love someone with all your heart, but at the end of the day I think it's your actions (even the non-time intensive ones, like how you engage each other in conversation) that count. And those are heavily dependent on how much energy you have. To put it in other terms, if you really love someone, but you're too wiped out/drained/frustrated to show it effectively, the other person may not feel the love despite how intensely YOU feel it.

And sorry for the age check, I just wanted your frame of reference before I responded.

I will have to accept that, and thats the hard part. Her being a part of who I am and being such a huge part of my life makes it really hard to deal with letting her go, it's a huge change not having her, and its a scary one.

There is very much a process of "learning to be alone again" after breaking up. You have to rewire your whole world view back to "me" instead of "us." It sucks but when you're out the other side, you've gained perspective and that's invaluable. The phrase "It's better to have loved and lost then to have never loved at all" is true, even though it sounds like BS when you're in the middle of a break up.

[zehive]

^joke

[Solifuge]

Repeating myself, but it's a potential direction for you to try:

Spend some time apart with zero contact. Connect with the rest of the world. Cast a light inward, and take that energy and effort and care you've poured into her troubles, and direct them inward at your own for a time. Help build yourself into a better person, whom you'd want to be with. Try to become more whole, and get to a place where you don't feel a need for someone else. Then, after the feelings have cooled, try to reconnect and see where she's at. See if she's even the kind of person you'd want to be friends with after all.

[zehive]

Delet

[Vector]

Okay, that is a problem I actually know how to solve.

Here is what you are going to do.  You are going to write a long list of stuff that seems even marginally entertaining and interesting.  New things.  Within-budget stuff, whatever, like take up origami or something.  Take a singing class at a community college if there's one nearby, whatever.  And then you are going to go into meatspace, and you are going to bust your butt exploring like a hopeful fool.

Look up Tai Chi on the internet and practice in the park, or study masonry and go around trying to figure out how your city's buildings are made, or volunteer teaching science at the local elementary school, or start knitting, or take up remixing the Space Jam theme into classical operatic pieces.  Take a step in a totally unexpected direction, because everything you're saying is that your understanding of yourself and who and where you are isn't functioning.  So you have to do something that may be frightening and strange.  If you want to feel better, then go to something you don't expect to work with an open heart.

Whatever preconceptions you have about where you live, who you are, and what your life's path is going to be--throw them away.  It's time to build.

[zehive]

Stfu

[Vector]

Right, so that means it's time to expand the range of things you've tried.  Because the thing is, you can say "I have no money and will not do anything because all the fun stuff with which I am familiar costs money," or you can say "I have no money and will try something that I don't think will be fun but won't cost anything, because that is better than being miserable and bored."

[zehive]

All these moments

[Vector]

Yes, I understand that you're in a lot of pain right now, but step one remains step one.

Are you trying to tell me you can't take a slow walk down-town and observe the way that even decaying buildings can be beautiful?  That's free.  Stop thinking about the long haul and start thinking about how you can make things marginally better right now.

[zehive]

H for happy

[Vector]

Right, so that's why it's time to stop seeing yourself that way.  You've survived, haven't you?  I don't care what you think--the fact of your surviving makes you strong.

So now, just think about building pieces on top of the good things you already have.  Be grateful for the good things, no matter how small, and suspend judgment on the bad.  It's all right to feel like shit, you know.  I mean, I'm pretty much the poster child for petty unhappiness.  But you need to work on suspending it from time to time, just to try to pick up another little piece.

[zehive]

F for fuck it