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Author Topic: IGYNPADCA RPG  (Read 30509 times)

freeformschooler

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Re: IGYNPADCA RPG
« Reply #195 on: April 15, 2013, 07:56:19 pm »

"ALBRECHT ALSO VERY CONFUSED. NOT BUGBEARS! AM SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ELVES?"

Refrain from punching Diamond Elves. For the moment.
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Kadzar

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Re: IGYNPADCA RPG
« Reply #196 on: April 15, 2013, 08:13:40 pm »

Hmm. Probably helping a thief. Give me some crap that looks nice or something to make 'm happy, or I'll... I don't know. Fire dosen't hurt you much, and I don't feel like torching the place when there's something cute inside...
"ALBRECHT ALSO VERY CONFUSED. NOT BUGBEARS! AM SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ELVES?"

Refrain from punching Diamond Elves. For the moment.
(*Watching the movement of ants*) "Wait, are you planning to rob us? Get out of here before I call the guards."
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What if the earth is just a knick in one of the infinite swords of the mighty fractal bear?
Glory to Arstotzka!

Tsuchigumo550

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Re: IGYNPADCA RPG
« Reply #197 on: April 15, 2013, 08:32:59 pm »

"Well, I tried. Albrecht, punch a few while I do some work.
Torch the place, then leave. Also torch the quest-giver. Steal his stuff and share it between Albrecht and I.
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There are words that make the booze plant possible. Just not those words.
Alright you two. Attempt to murder each other. Last one standing gets to participate in the next test.
DIRK: Pelvic thrusts will be my exclamation points.

freeformschooler

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Re: IGYNPADCA RPG
« Reply #198 on: April 15, 2013, 08:42:02 pm »

"Well, I tried. Albrecht, punch a few while I do some work.
Torch the place, then leave. Also torch the quest-giver. Steal his stuff and share it between Albrecht and I.

Agree to plan. Punch Diamond Elves so hard they explode into a shower of collectible diamonds.
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TherosPherae

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Re: IGYNPADCA RPG
« Reply #199 on: April 15, 2013, 09:31:46 pm »

Churar: PROJECTILE VOMIT. SAVE YOUR PEOPLE.
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Quote from: Aqizzar
Being vengeance and the night could only be improved by being the ballpunching vengeful night.
Quote from: Cthulhu
Gotham's mysteriously high mental illness rate isn't so mysterious when you find out Batman thinks subduing a guy means spiking his head into the pavement like a football.

Doomblade187

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Re: IGYNPADCA RPG
« Reply #200 on: April 15, 2013, 09:41:02 pm »

Wake up, dust self off.
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In any case it would be a battle of critical thinking and I refuse to fight an unarmed individual.
One mustn't stare into the pathos, lest one become Pathos.

Kadzar

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Re: IGYNPADCA RPG
« Reply #201 on: April 15, 2013, 10:01:37 pm »

"Well, I tried. Albrecht, punch a few while I do some work.
Torch the place, then leave. Also torch the quest-giver. Steal his stuff and share it between Albrecht and I.
(*Heats some bones and examines the cracks*) Frustrated with the Diamond Elves' lack of cooperation, you decide that, instead of burglary, you will commit some arson. The Diamond Elves look on in horror as you apply your torch to their walls, and, once you manage to get a fire going, you walk out without a word.

You track down that scummy son of a bitch who wanted to steal from those poor, innocent Diamonds Elves and set him on fire. As he screams in agony and you smell his burning flesh, you maybe consider that this is a pretty terrible thing to do to a person, even if they are terrible themselves, and also that burning a person does have a tendency to also burn up most of the possession they are carrying on their person.

"Well, I tried. Albrecht, punch a few while I do some work.
Torch the place, then leave. Also torch the quest-giver. Steal his stuff and share it between Albrecht and I.

Agree to plan. Punch Diamond Elves so hard they explode into a shower of collectible diamonds.
(*Reading palms*) You punch the Diamond Elf who was doing all the talking earlier and shatter him apart into hundreds of little diamonds. Then you move on to the other one that was nearby, and make her into smaller diamonds too, as well as causing her to drop her flesh necklace.

After you have done this, a much smaller Diamond elf walks through the doorway on the opposite side of the room.

"Mommy? Daddy?"

Churar: PROJECTILE VOMIT. SAVE YOUR PEOPLE.
(*Looks at the stars*) You vomit all over the Gummi Bears and gummy worms. Now you've ruined them for everybody! A large hand from the sky picks them all up and puts them in the garbage, along with the terrain they were on.

The Sour Patch Kids and Jelly Babies don't know what to think. On the one hand, you did save them from the invaders; on the other hand, you used tactics and performed bodily functions that are very much frowned upon on Candy Island.

Wake up, dust self off.
(*Examines the crevices, dimples, warts, moles and folds of a person's buttocks*) You wake up and find yourself in the broom closet once again. You dust off the spiders that have gathered on you and look at your Rocksuit's built-in clock. It's now 5:30 in the morning.
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What if the earth is just a knick in one of the infinite swords of the mighty fractal bear?
Glory to Arstotzka!

freeformschooler

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Re: IGYNPADCA RPG
« Reply #202 on: April 15, 2013, 10:04:24 pm »

"OH, GODS! ALBRECHT ORPHANED POOR DIAMOND ELF GIRL/BOY! DO NOT WORRY LITTLE SPARKLY ELF. HAVE PERFECT SOLUTION TO BOTH OUR PROBLEMS!"

FACEPUNCH SMALL CHILD. -50 ETHICS POINTS
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TherosPherae

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Re: IGYNPADCA RPG
« Reply #203 on: April 15, 2013, 10:13:59 pm »

Churar: DEVOUR POPULACE WITH NOW CAVERNOUS STOMACH. Then wake up.
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Quote from: Aqizzar
Being vengeance and the night could only be improved by being the ballpunching vengeful night.
Quote from: Cthulhu
Gotham's mysteriously high mental illness rate isn't so mysterious when you find out Batman thinks subduing a guy means spiking his head into the pavement like a football.

Gamerlord

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Re: IGYNPADCA RPG
« Reply #204 on: April 15, 2013, 10:24:42 pm »

Joint to the eyes! And take that 'medicine' myself.

Kadzar

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Re: IGYNPADCA RPG
« Reply #205 on: April 15, 2013, 10:45:03 pm »

"OH, GODS! ALBRECHT ORPHANED POOR DIAMOND ELF GIRL/BOY! DO NOT WORRY LITTLE SPARKLY ELF. HAVE PERFECT SOLUTION TO BOTH OUR PROBLEMS!"

FACEPUNCH SMALL CHILD. -50 ETHICS POINTS
(*Interpreting markings on the ground left by tossed handfuls of sand*) Another small Diamond elf walks through the doorway.

"Mother! Father! Little brother!"

Churar: DEVOUR POPULACE WITH NOW CAVERNOUS STOMACH. Then wake up.
(*Looking at cloud formations*) You'll not have these little gummy children judging you! You run around the jungle, picking up Sour Patch Kids and Jelly Babies in great big handfuls, stuffing them into your gluttonous maw. You suddenly feel a tingling sensation all over your body.

You awake with a start to find yourself covered in hundreds of spider. You brush them all off, then hold your stomach, as you feel it aching quite badly. When you look behind you, you notice that have woken up in front of a candy store.

Joint to the eyes! And take that 'medicine' myself.
(*Consulting the spirits of the dead*) You stick your burning joint in both the quest-giver's eyes.

"FUCK! You burned my fucking eyes, you little fucker! You are so fucking dead!"

While he's stumbling around, stabbing at the air, you quickly abscond with your newly-acquired bag of "medicine".
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What if the earth is just a knick in one of the infinite swords of the mighty fractal bear?
Glory to Arstotzka!

Gamerlord

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Re: IGYNPADCA RPG
« Reply #206 on: April 15, 2013, 10:47:55 pm »

Consume ALL of my bounty.

TherosPherae

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Re: IGYNPADCA RPG
« Reply #207 on: April 15, 2013, 10:56:01 pm »

Churar: AAAAAAABSCOND behind the store and vomit. Preferably on a hobo if you can find one.
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Quote from: Aqizzar
Being vengeance and the night could only be improved by being the ballpunching vengeful night.
Quote from: Cthulhu
Gotham's mysteriously high mental illness rate isn't so mysterious when you find out Batman thinks subduing a guy means spiking his head into the pavement like a football.

Doomblade187

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Re: IGYNPADCA RPG
« Reply #208 on: April 15, 2013, 11:00:46 pm »

Find questgiver and aquire quest.
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In any case it would be a battle of critical thinking and I refuse to fight an unarmed individual.
One mustn't stare into the pathos, lest one become Pathos.

Kadzar

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Re: IGYNPADCA RPG
« Reply #209 on: April 15, 2013, 11:23:30 pm »

Consume ALL of my bounty.
(*Inhaling fumes from a natural methane vent*) You tip the bag of "medicine" into your open mouth. Now you can see alllll the colors, maaaaaaaan! Even the secret ones that God keeps hidden because they're too beautiful for mortal eyes. Life is fucking beautiful, maaaaaaaaaan!

You spend the next hour just looking at your hands.

Churar: AAAAAAABSCOND behind the store and vomit. Preferably on a hobo if you can find one.
(*Reading the I Ching*) Feeling queasy and wondering if you might have unconsciously committed a crime, you sneak away to the back of the store. There, you puke on a hobo, who looks up at you with disappointment in his eyes.

Find questgiver and aquire quest.
(*Consulting the Farmer's Almanac*) Since it's not so late that the streets are full of shady quest-givers, but too early for the good quest-giver to be out, you get a quest from a crazy cat lady.

"Will you please find my dear sweet Mittens?"
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What if the earth is just a knick in one of the infinite swords of the mighty fractal bear?
Glory to Arstotzka!
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