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[Lectorog]

Hi guys how do I do things?
I'm not entirely sure what I'm looking for, so just throw out whatever seems appropriate.

See, I tell everyone that I'm going into computer science next year, as a college major. Except, I don't know if I like computer science. I can write code whenever - I have a computer and know one language already - but I rarely enjoy doing so, rarely choose to do so.

A lot of things are like this. Maybe? What I know is that I don't know what I want to do. What I like to do.
You're supposed to do what you want in life, right?

I also have difficulty getting motivated for things I don't want to do. Like three essays I have to do for my Composition class, two of which I because earned the 50%, RW (rewrite necessary) score on.
But this is probably just because I'm sixteen years old and bipolar type 2. Or so I have been diagnosed. Either way, I'm good with apathy. And/or not caring, not giving a shit.
Most of my homework gets completed by the due date. I have straight A grades which are slipping but/because I know it doesn't matter.

So really, the problem is that I don't know what I want to do and I don't know how to find what I want to do. I have a lot of free time.

[Vector]

Decide you want to try a bunch of stuff in search of your passion, then make a list of stuff you think might be cool and dabble.

[Lectorog]

I really have no idea of passion currently, but there are a few things I might find interesting. Is finding more just a process of looking at things you see in life and thinking "I want to do that"?

Some things have material costs, which I think you're saying to not worry about because most are just small. Should I be looking for group or individual basics, or is that a matter of specifics? For example, I've never painted before and that seems potentially enjoyable.


I feel like I should be an artist but that's probably just because of my age and disposition. The only art I regularly make is writing essays for class, which have been failing this year. And penning ugly shapes when I'm bored in class.
I keep trying to draw orange as a basic polygonal-type shape, but it never works. That is unrelated to this topic.

[weenog]

You're 16.  At this point in life, you probably know nothing of anything, or pretty close to it.  So you need to fix that.  Learn.

This doesn't have to be schoolwork.  Go to the library and just browse around until you see a book title that interests you, then open it and see what it's about.  Go out in your free time and explore the world around you.  Search keywords on google or wikipedia and follow in-article links around.  When you see other people doing things you don't recognize or understand, politely ask them if you can have a few minutes of their time, then ask them about what they're up to, find out what they're doing and how you get into that.  Accumulate friends and associates who know more than you do, and talk with them regularly about what's going on in their lives.

Stuff your brain with as much new knowledge as you can get into it, even the most random and seemingly-pointless stuff.  Get an idea of what's out there in the big bad world, what life has to offer.  Sooner or later, you will probably discover something that piques your interest.  Once you find it, take steps to do it, be it, understand it, or spend time with it.  This will probably involve more learning, but now it should be focused and directed toward something you like.

[weenog]

A few things to get you started.  You might not care about any of them, but then again you might.

• The Zen of Zombie book
• Investing for Beginners (I've been studying this subject a lot myself recently)
• Why Homeless People Avoid Shelters
• schizoid personality disorder
• Plato's cave
• stuff many gardeners don't compost, but could
• natural selection in cute graphical simulation form

Don't rely solely on the internet for your learning, but it's all I can offer here.  I can't exactly drag you outside, find an unusual web somewhere, seek out the spider that made it, and then research its distribution and why it makes webs like that for you.

[Vector]

Honest to goodness, just fuck around.  If something looks neat, go for it; when you stop being interested, stop.  Once in a while try something that doesn't look neat.  That's the job of a 16-year-old; graduating from college, I am about to start another healthy two-year period of fucking around and doing various crap.

What I intend to do--most of which I have little experience in:

Write some short stories and a novel
Knit a scarf with a somewhat difficult pattern
Learn the basics of sewing
Read stuff I never had time for, especially history
Possibly learn a little parkour
More translation projects
Learn more programming things
Possibly learn to play the banjo some

And so on, and so forth.  Just go for it, whole-heartedly.  Experiment!  Explore!  If you want to try painting, then for goodness' sake, just try to paint.

[Lectorog]

Haha, thanks.

A few things to get you started.  You might not care about any of them, but then again you might.

I will look at every single one of them.

From what you guys say, I guess I'm mostly going in the right direction, I just need to start more. Check out local programs and things like that, I guess as an addition. I really hate where I live, but I can find a few things here that I can't do myself.

I just completed a combat-grade chainmail vest a few days ago and am working on finishing it into a shirt. I started it a year and a half ago (because I thought it was neat and that I could do it).

I do worry about college because I should not - like everyone else - be able to waste that kind of money, getting nothing out of it. But I can just stop worrying about it for now, if that's best. I can always change my major later, even if I lose half of my scholarship funding because of it; or drop out, if there's a decent job. I dunno. Everyone pretends we should know this now, but finances are some time away and for now it's spring.

[Vector]

I came in as a mechanical engineer and swapped majors a semester later to pure mathematics.  Don't worry about it. . . they assume you don't know what you want to do yet, so just hammer out breath requirements your first two semesters in areas that interest you, and then choose.

[weenog]

Hell I'll be 32 this summer, and it was only last year that I managed to get out of the rut I was stuck in after my late teens/early 20s career choice fell through.  As long as you're still alive, still moving and still learning, you can change things.  Just don't make the mistake of worrying so much about making a wrong move that you end up making no moves at all.  Paralysis like that really sucks, and it can take something drastic to change it (in my case being homeless and broke for a while).

[Leatra]

You don't know what you want to do. No biggie. I didn't know what to do when I was sixteen too. I'll tell you want I went through and maybe you can avoid the mistakes I made.

I thought I wanted to become a programmer. I tried learning a programming language but wasn't really good at it. I did some mods for some games and I loved modding Morrowind and Oblivion most. While I was liking programming and dreamed of becoming a programmer. I actually didn't do much programming. I just occasionally tried learning a programming language from time to time. Time passed, and my hatred for maths kicked in. Then I realized I wanted to be a psychologist. What I was doing to achieve that dream? I was reading about psychology on the internet everyday. Sometimes I would read for 3-4 hours in a row.

Of course, real life doesn't work that way. There wasn't a "Psychology" lesson in the University exams and because I sucked at maths I failed at University exams. I gave up this dream too. Now that I think about it, I know I didn't want to be a psychologist actually. Yeah, human mind is interesting and all but let's be honest. You gotta earn money. Being a therapist wasn't for me. In my university exam results, I was only good at foreign languages. I used to do some translating for fun (I translated the whole journal section of Oblivion to my native language) so I decided to take Translation and Interpretation of the English Language.

It's extremely easy. English is like my native language at this point and I don't even have to study now. Translation is nothing new for me. You are also expected to be able to actually write, rather than just translating. It's not a problem again. It turns out, I'm the best at writing essays in my class according to my teacher. So, while writing essays and stuff, I realized that I actually like writing fiction much more than non-fiction. I started writing short stories and now I have a new dream. I'm going to write a novel.

I think I'm going end up having another dream again, but whatever.

My suggestion is, try not to dwell on "what I'm gonna do?" thoughts too much. We all had them, most of us ended up abandoning our dreams and some of us ended up realizing that their new dream is much better than the one they had when they were just growing up. You want to be a programmer? Than do programming. You don't like doing programming? Don't do programming then. If you don't want to do anything, just try everything until you encounter something you want to do. I'm not exactly old myself (just 2 years older than you) so I don't have much "wisdom" to share. Although I can say that life just flows by itself like an amazingly fast river and all you can do while going down is trying not to hit any rocks on the way.

[Scelly9]

Learn stuff. Anything. Knowledge is great, and during your study you may find things you enjoy. Even if you don't, knowing things is great.

[Swiftling]

Everyone else has pretty much got it covered. Read books, get out more and talk to people. Sure, not all of it will be useful, but at least you'll always be full of random trivia

And can I just say the chainmail vest thing is awesome. I also finished making a shirt recently, and if you're really interested in that stuff I'd encourage you to look around the internet, there's so much info about it online. Either way, good luck.

[Jo]

Man I used to teach high school kids just like you, and I used to be just like you. Being unsure has nothing to do with whatever diagnosis some quack is charging your for, you are perfectly normal in this regard.

The freakin' teachers and other so called adults are always trying to act like a kid is supposed to know what they are doing with their life. Most of those asscracks don't know what they want with their lives, and they are older than trees.

Just tell those idiots what they want to hear so they shut up. Like this:

Idiot Adult: I know you are only 16 but you should tell me your life's goal right nao!
You: I am determined and committed to being a good kid and going to college, to study my life's passion, COMPUTER SCIENCE!!!!
Idiot: OMG I am so proud of you. Please date my son/daughter and give me bright and motivated grandkids just like you!

At 16 I wanted to be a video game software designer. I actually did this in my spare time. For fun. I've written dozens of games...but professionally I became an attorney who now writes games as a hobby.

Like the guy above said. Dabble. Figure it out. You got time.

Specifically though if you aren't coding in your free time just for fun you have no future in the game biz, in case you were wondering. Same goes for people dreaming of being graphical artists. If you aren't doing it for fun in your free time, young, then you aren't what they are looking for.

[gimlet]

+1 to "keep trying different stuff until you find things you LOVE doing so much you're dying to do them in your free time".  Then, ideally, try to find an angle  towards in-demand reasonably high paying fields - computer science is great, engineering, nurse/paramedic etc.  Pure math/science - might be a bit of a problem getting an enjoyable/challenging job in the field with "just" a bachelor's degree.  BEWARE of liberal arts majors or even generic "business" degrees, yeah it's fun but not that great for jobs, unless you can really distinguish yourself somehow or are coming out of a TOP school.  I LOVED reading history, but I checked the job market for history majors and there were DAMN few cool entry-level jobs and even fewer that paid decently, so I kept history as a hobby.  Fortunately I also *loved* programming, loved the courses (mostly) and then loved the work and made a pretty good career out of it.

Math and computer science make good bases to combine with something else, like biotech or finance - that gives you TWO fields to fall back on, plus a definite leg up on guys with  "only" the minimum required math/computers for the field.

[Lectorog]

Yeah; all I've found so far that I thoroughly enjoy doing is reading really good books, which make up about 2% of all books I find. That's the only thing I'll do for days nonstop; even favorite video games get old. I have yet to find any leads.
Read through all of your links by the way, weenog (except the actual book).
Still working forward, I guess.

On the other "doing things" front - schoolwork - I had to turn in an essay incomplete because I just didn't finish it the night before. I also skipped my two high school classes friday, but one of them was just watching a pointless film between assignments; I went into my college math course, but didn't turn in the homework.
All of these classes are worthless, and, while I currently have A's (except Comp), I really don't care what I finish with.
Is this unhealthy? Do I need to find a way to motivate myself?