“Ambush!”
The dwarven cry rang out like a gunshot in the crisp morning air. It hung there for a moment before it was answered by call of:
“Shut it down you bold snuggling lunatic!”
Patrol was usually very boring but today was rich with action. Most dwarves on patrol walked around the perimeter enjoying the peace and quiet, munching on the lunches they carried in their pack, and occasionally investigating the odd noise. Today however patrol was a never ending series of ambushes, assassination plots, attempted abductions, and goblin raids. Dumplin was deafened by the sound of silent assassins. Her meal was tainted by the taste of tasteless poisons. The odd noises were met with crossbow bolts instead of investigation because that was just what they expected her to do.
The dwarves found the first and second ambush worth investigating, the third worth ignoring but ambush number eight and all ambushes thereafter provoked only angry yells from dwarves who had just aboutv enough of Dumplin Lakewanders' and her ambushes. She was ambushed by bear, and a deer, and a hawk, and a few suspicious shadows, and on one occasion a suspicious looking fish.
“Dumplin,” Bim chose his words carefully “I think we should double check to ensure the next ambush is, well, an ambush- for the purposes of security”
“Bim,” Dumplin was only loosely aware she was speaking “by the time we double check we'll have been killed by the ambush.”
“Well,” Bim considered his options. “Perhaps we should rule out certain events as ambushes, such as a flock of birds, or fish, or inanimate objects.”
“But what if there are frog men in the water, or elves in the trees, or goblins riding giant falcons?”
“Well I don't think there are frog men living in the pond, I don't think elves hide in trees, and that falcon was not giant.”
“It was very large”
“Not large enough for a goblin to ride.”
“It could have been a very small goblin.”
“There was no goblin.”
“We can't be sure of that it got away.”
“Dumplin I think you need to calm down.”
“We can't calm down everything outside the fortress walls is under eternal threat by invaders and everything inside is the dominion of a homicidal maniac!”
“We're prepared for anything that happens, you need to calm down.”
“Every time I calm down the floor collapses beneath my feet, I always say I won't be surprised by the next hellish swerve my life takes and I decide I'm ready for whatever's coming and then I'm blindsided! It's not just me anymore, I have to worry about Obok and the Baboons. Degel is in the hospital, Stodir is in the jail, and Vakun is in a stone casket, I can't be surprised again!”
Bim gathered up his resolve. “Dumplin, you cannot live like this and we cannot live with you like this. The Baboons are all adults and they can survive without your constant fussing. We've discussed it and we're going to reorganize the work schedule so Angzak, Iral, and Stodir are always on either patrol, in the barracks, or in the watchtower to handle anything that goes wrong. We aren't going to attend any more late night meetings or entertain your paranoia. We can manage our own safety”
“You made a schedule!? Now it will be easier for the Overseer to figure out where you'll be and he'll-”
“Dumplin!” Bim shouted. “We appreciate everything you've done and we're happy to follow your lead but we're beginning to think you've taken too much responsibility on yourself. We are responsible for our safety not you.”
Dumplin's grip on her crossbow tightened.
“I am perfectly capable of managing this squad Bim,” she said through clenched teeth.
“You've been spending your nights banging rocks together, assembling insane contingency plans, and crawling on the floor to read the carvings.”
“That's what it takes to keep everyone alive Bim!”
“Dumplin this isn't helping anyone!”
Before she could reply a rustling caught her eye and in a fluid motion she swung around, fired her crossbow into the brush, and loosed a cry of:
“Ambush!”
She was immediately answered by a call from the distance.
“Lakewanders I will shut this gate and make you sleep out there!”
“It's monkeys!” Bim yelled in vain. “Dumplin it's just a few monkeys!”
“We're surrounded!”
“Dumplin they'll circle for a little bit and leave, just stand your ground!”
“Bim help!”
“Dumplin calm down!”
Dumplin lashed out like a whirlwind striking at tiny bodies, stomping on tiny limbs, and pleaing for aid. The bulk of the troop fled in different directions but she felt something touch her shoulder deadly close to Obok. She spun to drive the butt of her crossbow into the child snatcher and Bim struck the ground with a thud. He lied there clutching his stomach and groaning for a moment before Dumplin recovered the presence of mind to extend a hand.
“No!” His reply was sharp as he slapped the hand away and found his feet. “I've had enough of this, I'll trade jobs with Iral- maybe he'll have the stomach for this madness!”
“Bim I'm sorry-”
“No!” He snapped again, a look of fury hanging upon his kind face. “You've gone insane and if you ever remember who you are again then there will be something to discuss!”
Dumplin stood silently as the old dwarf made his way back to the fortress.
Dumplin Lakewanders was at war with a being commanding the resources of a fortress, the population of a city, and the self-importance of a god. Dumplin Lakewanders was losing and she was losing more than she'd ever imagined.
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Topic: The Increasingly Tragic Tale of Dumplin (Read 79103 times)