Chances are, you are probably an introvert, just like me and most of the people who have posted before. That is perfectly normal. You don't have to go to parties all the time, or have so many friends you don't remember their names, those are just things invented by the extroverted majority of society to fit the norm. However, the problem arises when you truly want to hang with other people (not because you feel social pressure but rather because you feel like it), but cannot for whatever reasons like shyness, perceived bad social skills, etc.
I used to hang out only with my college classmates, only in between classes, and though I hardly felt the need to go to parties or any other type of social gathering, I sometimes felt lonely. So one day I talked about this to one of my oldest friends, who is the complete opposite of me and he gave me a lot of tips (written below) and he took me to a number of parties, where I would pay a lot of attention to how people talked to each other and tried to learn from that, which worked somewhat, but it was exhausting having to act extroverted when you weren't. Eventually I found the balance.
Socializing is an skill, and as such it can be improved. What I would advise you to do is this: First, and only until you think you got it (unless you actually feel like it), say yes to whatever chance you have of going to a social event and pay attention to the way people talk, especially to the ones who are good at it. Conversation is an art (which is something I learned from my dad's socialite friends and their children). The awkward silence arises because the conversation has been forced. Remember that the other person is thinking as hard as you are about something to say, they aren't immune to the awkwardness. Look at the way you talk to a close friend or to your mother/brother, and you'll notice there are plenty of silences but they aren't uncomfortable, because it flows naturally.
The way a conversation flows is simple. Person A says something about X, Person B says something related to what person B said. Don't ask random questions. Actually try to listen to what the other person is saying. Most of the time we are thinking about what are we going to say next instead of listening, if you listen you can say something related. For example: "I went to Peru last summer" "Really? I heard the food over there is amazing" "Yeah, it is! I tried a lot of different things and all of them were delicious." "What did you like the most?" etc etc.
Perception plays a huge role, and so does confidence. Given enough confidence you can get away with a couple words (well placed words, though) per interaction. This is a lot harder said than done but what worked for me where three things: Dressing nicely, looking to people in the eyes (which is something I didn't do at all. As an exercise, when you find yourself looking into another person's eyes, instead of looking away rapidly, try not to be the first to do so) and most importantly, posture. Good posture is the key to everything. Always try to be self-aware and if you happen to know someone who is very confident, see how he sits or stands. Walk without slouching, as if you were the king of the world, you will actually feel more confident with a proud posture.
Good conversationalists make people around them feel at ease. If you are relaxed, people around you will be relaxed as well and will feel at ease. Whenever you are feeling uncomfortable, think about someone who is always relaxed and at ease (be it the cool guy from your school/college, James Bond, whoever) and think how they would sit/stand/do if they were in your position. I cannot stress the importance of remaining calm. Its the difference between someone who is quiet because he is thinking hard about something to say and feeling the discomfort of his inability to please the other person, and someone who is quiet because he is undaunted by the silence and has a relaxed attitude, as if he was saying "If someone feels uncomfortable about the silence, then say something, it doesn't bother me".
There is a lot more to this but this should give a good starting point. The key is observation.
Author
Topic: Social things and such (Read 2164 times)