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[USEC_OFFICER]

Start mind controlling doctors to my will

The DOCTORS DO NOT LIKE MIND CONTROL. TOO BAD, YOU'RE CONTROLLING THEIR MINDS.

With your AWESOME MIND CONTROL SKILL, you CONTROL EIGHT DOCTORS. AWESOME, like your MIND CONTROL.

Helps Scapheap with his mind control attempt.  Unless not helping would be more helpful.

NOT HELPING would NOT BE MORE HELPFUL. HOWEVER HELPING would ALSO NOT BE MORE HELPFUL. DOCTORS not MIND CONTROLLED in AWESOME BATTLE. BEING BEATED UP BY XANTALOS and ICYBREAD. THUS TOO BUSY for your MIND CONTROL POWERS.

"Good point, hey you lot, go find this padlock key."

DOCTORS CONFUSED. KNOW NOT WHERE KEY IS. TOO BUSY HEALING TOASTERS. PLUS PERSON TELEPORTED AWAY because DEAD TOASTERS BLOCKED DOOR. Thus KEY not in TOASTER HOSPITAL.

Try and ride a passing doctor, to see where they go to or come from

YOU HOP on PASSING DOCTOR. HOWEVER DOCTOR MIND CONTROLLED by SCAPHEAP and GRIZZLY ADAMS. DOCTOR would NOT LEAVE TOASTER HOSPITAL ANYWAYS. IS NOT NEAR CLOSING TIME. LUNCH was HALF HOUR AGO TOO. TOO BAD.

Command ghost to make FABULOUS SKELETONS pop out of everything! And by everything i mean LITERALLY everything! If that fails, attempt to sing Whats Up by Four Non Blondes

...

25 YEARS of my LIFE and STILL
I'm TRYING to GET UP that BIG HILL of HOPE
for a DESTINATION
I REALIZED quickly when I KNEW I SHOULD
that THE WORLD was MADE UP of this BROTHERHOOD OF MAN
for WHATEVER that MEANS.

9th-level Face-punch the fabulous ghost to the 8th Badassery degree. I don't care to have to swim through fabulous skeletons.
If they've already been summoned, start clearing the room.
Use Davis if needed, namely if Glitter over there gets uppity.
If he's too much, ask the others for help.

IS NO SKELETONS. ONLY SONG LYRICS. IS GOOD BECAUSE no one TOUCHES GHOST CATCHER. YAY.

Stern look of concentration.
Punch Davis really hard in the face Use maximum Face-Punching&Badassery abilities to reform Davis into the Death Gauntlet mk1, complete with masterfully-crafted engravings, masterfully-crafted spring-blade mechanisms, masterfully-crafted armor plating & masterfully-crafted laser emitters

You FORGE DAVIS into SUPER AWESOME DEATH GAUNTLET. Is MOST MASTERFULLY CRAFTED DEATH GAUNTLET in NOUN PLACE. OR AT LEAST SO FAR. DRAMATIC PAUSE OPENING UP POSSIBILITIES OF MORE DEATH GAUNTLETS. EXCITING.

Team up with Xantalos (if he accepts, that is) and use BADASSERY to intimidate the doctors, with some FACE-PUNCHING thrown inbetween.

Accept TEAMWORK. Use MENTAL GYMNASTICS to convince the doctors to SACRIFICE THEMSELVES TO ME. If they resist, MIND CONTROL them to SACRIFICE THEMSELVES TO ME. Afterwards, COLLECT THEIR SOULS.

AGAINST MIGHTY HORDE of DOCTORS, what XANTALOS and ICYTEA do?

UNLEASH MIGHTY WHOOP-ASS. LIMBS would be FLYING if XANTALOS NOT EAT SOULS FIRST. MANY DOCTORS RUN, only to be FACE PUNCHED by ICYTEA. IS MOST EPIC and BADASS BATTLE against PATHETIC DOCTORS. ENJOY BATTLES NOW, FUTURE BATTLES not so SIMPLE.

Join Joe in the room to defeat the Bat.

Bonolime realises something! His memorisation skill is so low that he can't memorise what he sees, but he actually memorises what other people do! He sees the bat in the closet, and has the moxie to walk right in there squat it to death!

Punch the bat in the face, shouting a one-liner.

Is SORRY for CHARACTER SPRITES. IS NOT ARTIST. HOPE PICTURE of BAT EXPLODING FROM AWESOMENESS of ACTIONS COMPENSATES.

AW YEAH. TOO MUCH SIMULTANEOUS CHARACTER AWESOMENESS FOR BAT TO HANDLE. ALL THAT'S LEFT IS JUICY BAT CHUNKS.

ONE-LINER IS THIS: HOPE YOU GET KICK OUT OF THIS. Is BAD at ONE-LINERS ALSO. SORRY.

Then, make Memorization worst stat using trap to increase my Squats skill by two ranks and move the toasters away from the door.

Those POOR TOASTERS SCAR YOU for TWO RANKS in MEMORIZATION. HOWEVER SKILL in SQUATS only OKAY. WILL NEED BETTER SQUATTER to LIFT TOASTERS. IS SHAME, for YOU ARE SO CLOSE.

...

Scapheap, with some help from Davis mindcontrols the eight remaining DOCTORS in the room. The rest are obviously all fighting Xantalos and IcyTea. Sadly the DOCTORS have no clue where the KEY is. Partly because whoever locked the thing teleported in and out of the room, and partly because this is NOUN PLACE and thus set-up and back story have little hold on this realm. MonkeyHead also takes this opportunity to hop on one of the DOCTOR'S back. Luckily it happens to be one of the doctor's being mind controlled, and not currently in combat. Unluckily it doesn't seem to have any inclination of returning to its nest, or where ever DOCTORS when they sleep.

Adam "Glitter" Fabulousexplosions's ghost manages to summon a total of 0 skeletons, since:

A. It's a spirit.
B. There are no skeletons lying in everything. Well, several are lying in things, but they're being used right now and can't start bursting out at the drop of a hat. At the very least they need advance warning of a couple weeks, maybe a month or two.

While Adam is reduced to singing songs I personally don't know, Grizzly Adams takes the opportunity to forge Davis into a terrible weapon of war! A weapon so masterfully crafted, bards will sing of its forging for years to come! That is, of course, if any bards were around to witness the forging of the Death Gauntlet mk1. Still, turning Davis into an entirely new weapon with your bare hands is pretty awesome, even if it is entirely cosmetic...

To say that combat goes swimmingly would be an understatement. A bunch of players employing their best skills against low-level enemies? Yeah... Needless to say that the BAT has been reduced to its component parts, while the DOCTORS are now part of Xantalos's soul collection.

Oh, and Jakonas looks behind the curtain to raise his SQUATS high enough to move the toasters, but is just that little bit short. Shame.

METAGAMING

Not really, since the manipulation of skills is one of the ways I can fit some puzzles and actual challenge into the game. The other being with the use of items, obviously.

I believe what's happening is that your skills are ranked in realation to each other, so by moving one down two places, two things need to be moved up.

Yep. That is exactly how it works. Hence why Jakonas was unable to move the toasters this turn.

Btw, I do have a horse named Erasmus, right?

Yes, but it'll have as much use as Bridger's staff or Fabulousexplosions's ghost catching device. Which is to say it'll be fluff.

Spoiler: MAP (click to show/hide)

Toaster Hospital (?, ?) - CURTAINS: -2 Memorization
Inhibitor Closet (?, ?+1)

Spoiler: PLAYERS (click to show/hide)

Name: Scapheap
Background: A simple man who does simple things
Description: Brown hair, blue eyes, tall

Skills:
Mental Gymnastics: 1
Mind-Control: 2
Memorization: 3
Face Punching: 4
Handstands: 5
Moxie: 6
Sauciness: 7
Badassery: 8
Squats: 9

Inventory: Lantern, 8 Toaster Doctors
Name: Xantalos
Description: Cosmic horror blah blah blah

Skills:
Mind-Control: 1
Badassery: 2
Mental Gymnastics: 3
Memorization: 4
Facepunching: 5
Squats: 6
Moxie: 7
Handstands: 8
Sauciness: 9

Inventory: 12 Souls of the Damned
Name: MonkeyHead
Bio/Desc: A Monkey with the head of a man. Or was it the other way around? Either way, some kinda lab/medical experiment gone wrong, now looking for freedom, vengeance, and pancakes.

Skills:
Handstands: 1
Mental Gymnastics: 2
Mind-Control: 3
Badassery: 4
Sauciness: 5
Squats: 6
Face Punching: 7
Moxie: 8
Memorization: 9

Inventory: Medical ID
Name: IcyTea
Bio: A loaf of bread that ,surprisingly, got the moves. Crawls the dungeon in search for glory and fame, using it's dance moves to dodge attacks.
Moxie: 1
Badassery: 2
Sauciness: 3
Memorization: 4
Face Punching: 5
Squats: 6
Mental Gymnastics: 7
Handstands: 8
Mind-Control: 9

Inventory: Andrew Sisters's Phone Number
Name: Joe Bridger
Description: Pink bathrobe, long beard, wraparound shades, mid-80s, fedora, bunny slippers, walking stick, falconing glove.
Bio: A crazy and awesome man who has journeyed far on a quest to stop the attempts on his life by crazed prehistoric fish.

Skills:
Badassery: 1
Mind-Control: 2
Handstands: 3
Face Punching: 4
Sauciness: 5
Mental Gymnastics: 6
Moxie: 7
Squats: 8
Memorization: 9

Inventory: Falcon Sasha
Name: Adam "Glitter" Fabulousexplosions
Desc: Wears a pink robe with a black belt and pilots shades has a sheathed vibrating toy and a bottle of lube on his belt. He claims its a ghost catching device.
Bio: Once upon a time he wasnt very fabulous NOW HE IS

Skills:
Badassery: 1
Face punching: 2
Sauciness: 3
Mind control: 4
Moxie: 5
Hand stands: 7
Squats: 6
Mental gymnastics: 8
Memorisation: 9

Inventory: Homosexual Spirit
Name: Bonolime
Description: An unholy cross between the creator's username and avatar, it is essentially a green pirate monkey fruit.
Bio: Well, when a lime and a monkey love each other very much, they make baby GPMFs. Now he's been sailing the seas for treasure and stuff, and so decided to come to this place.

Skills:
Moxie: 1
Squats: 2
Sauciness: 3
Face Punching: 4
Badassery: 5
Handstands: 6
Mental Gymnastics: 7
Mind Control: 8
Memorisation: 9

Inventory: Empty Bottle of Rum
Name: Regular Davis
Desc: A talking sword TWO ONE DOUBLE AWESOME LONGSWORDSof AWESOMENESS and: Death Gauntlet mk1, complete with masterfully-crafted engravings, masterfully-crafted spring-blade mechanisms, masterfully-crafted armor plating & masterfully-crafted laser emitters.
Bio: Got fed up with the idiodicy of it's previous owner and decided to strike out on it's own.

Skills:
Memorization: 1
Mental Gymnastics: 2
Sauciness: 3
Badassery: 4
Mind-Control: 5
Moxie: 6
Face Punching: 7
Handstands: 8
Squats: 9

Inventory: Lampshade
Name: Grizzly Adams
Description: A horse-riding manly bear.
Background: Amnesiac that's kinda just wandering around. What's a bear?

Skills:
Memorization: 1
Mind-Control: 2
Mental Gymnastics: 3
Moxie: 4
Sauciness: 5
Squats: 6
Hand Stands: 7
Badassery: 8
Face Punching: 9

Inventory: Horse Whip
Name: Jakonas
Background:
Description: Has grey eyes, brown hair, constantly wears NOPANTS (which are an item, if removed or stolen, he appears wearing distasteful khakis that he hates) and a forest green jacket.

Skills:
Face Punching: 1
Badassery: 2
Mind-Control: 3
Moxie: 4
Sauciness: 5
Squats: 6
Memorization: 7
Handstands: 8
Mental Gymnastics: 9

Inventory: NOPANTS

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

Let me know if I missed anything. I'm almost certain I did...

[Remuthra]

Mind control the key. Command it to teleport to me.

[Xantalos]

((You didn't miss anything for me, but I can;t say anything for the others.))
"Blocked door? Well that's not fun. Hey door! You know what time it is? Suicide time!"

MIND CONTROL SOUTH door to KILL ITSELF. COLLECT SOUTH door SOUL.
Go through SOUTH door after TOAST DOCTORS shift it.

[Griffionday]

"Sweet it worked!  This is the first time I've been part mechanism!  I think I qualify as a cyborg now."

*looks around*

"The skeletons seem to no longer be an issue."

[scapheap]

Let go through the west door.

[USEC_OFFICER]

Let go through the west door.

The west door is still blocked by toasters since Jakonas's Squat skill wasn't high enough to shift then. Your own skill isn't much greater, so you'll need somebody to help you with that first.

[scapheap]

Order mind doctors to remove the toasters then go through.

[borno]

Use my MOXIE to sniff out the key.

[MonkeyHead]

Do a headstand. By turning the world upsidedown the toasters blocking the west door should drop from the roof to the floor.

[GrizzlyAdamz]

Davis
"Eh, well, if you're happy with it. I tried to work the...uh..the red-light doodads in just for you. Test em to see if they work?"

Fiddle with the Davis Gauntlet, watch the others blundering about.
If they really can't get their act together and move the toasters, squat them aside.
If they can, mount up.
Coo sweet nothings to Erasmus.

Do a headstand. By turning the world upsidedown the toasters blocking the west door should drop from the roof to the floor.

Anticipate this! Grab Erasmus and head towards a wall! Walk along it if things get serious!

[IcyTea31]

Loot the doctors' corpses for their scalpels (Yes, all of them.) and any other loot possible. Use a scalpel to pick the lock on the southern door.

Everyone knows that in a RPG you should loot everything that's not nailed down.

[CyberUrist]

Do a headstand. By turning the world upsidedown the toasters blocking the west door should drop from the roof to the floor.

I shall anticipate this as well by grabbing on to an unsecured doctor corpse.

Also, decrease Memorization again. Make it so I can't even vaguely remember seeing STAR-HEART-HORSESHOE. Use Badassery to kick open any locked doors in the vicinity (because I don't remember where they were, lol.)

[DrPoo]

Squat down to the rythm of the universe! Attempt to become one with reality! If that fails, brandish ghost catching device at the other guys while reciting a random lyric from any album made by The Locusts(go look on darklyrics)

[GrizzlyAdamz]

GUYS! WHAT'S TODAY'S NOUN?!
IT RHYMES WITH DUMP,
AND STARTS WITH A secret letter!
WHAT COULD IT BEEEE??

[Xantalos]

GUYS! WHAT'S TODAY'S NOUN?!
IT RHYMES WITH DUMP,
AND STARTS WITH A secret letter!
WHAT COULD IT BEEEE??

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hA7lv1SDzno