Chronicle of Dolwina "The Small" Late Winter 298:When word reached the Dolwin clan in the mountainhomes of a fortress in need of a leader to bring an opposing clan to shame, my clan immediately chose me. "Send the short one over there" they said, but I know I heard respect, no, reverence in their tone. Our clan names everyone Dolwin or Dolwina and relies on our nicknames granted upon adulthood to tell each other apart, yet I wont let their naming system keep me from glory. I'm sure in no time at all, I'll lead this fortress to greatness that even inspires the mountainhomes themselves. My journey leaves in the morning with a few of my fellow dwarves for company. I'm sure they all will appreciate the chance to bask in my presence before I became the famous leader of the Red Paddledmirrors. Think of the stories they can tell their grandchildren of the famous Dolwina the
Small Majestic!
Early Spring 299:Ugh, that took far too long. How much booze do these peons need to drink, even for dwarves??? They drank every drop we brought, and a few of them have been wondering if we could set up a still in our wagon. The petty fools immediately saw their error when I pronounced
ok, yelled. they didn't hear me the first 2 times I tried talking, but whatever that such a contraption would only be a mobile fire hazard. Most of these fools can only be mindless laborers under my dominion, but there are a few that aren't
entirely useless. Like that chimpanzee fellow, hes already known throughout the lands as an incredibly competent crossbowdwarf.
He's vouched for a couple other fellows that have potential, namely mavj96 and ORESOME. The inherent talent in mavj96 shows from time to time when he points out objects far in the distance to small for others to notice and whips pebbles squarely at them. He has the markings of a fine crossbow dwarf in the likeness of chimpanzee himself.
Meanwhile, ORESOME is...... well.... big. Really big. Humanly big. She was drinking (imagine that) with the rest of the peons one night on our trip and was far too amused by the story mavj96 was telling about the elf and the kobold trapped down the well. She let out a loud roar of a laugh and gave him an approving clap on the back in true dwarven fashion. Now mavj96 is a large and hearty fellow, clearly cut out for a bright future in the army. But ORESOME knocked him off the log he was sitting on and clear across the circle with one shot. And it was because she was
happy! Chimpanzee tossed mavj96 a new bottle of rum when he trotted back to his seat and all was forgiven, but I saw the look that chimpanzee shot his compatriot as he sat back down. She might have no formal training, but I don't think its much of a mystery who their first recruit will end up being.
Regardless of the booze situation, we arrived intact and I'm now ready to take this fortress and make it truly worthy of my.... my grand....
What is this? The "fortress" I'm going to be leading to glory is nothing more than a couple walls and some dug out clay! I rushed
(once they brought the stepladder) off the wagon and jabbed one of the dwarves wandering around inside the walls. "What is the meaning of this? Where is the stone?!?"
"Aint got any. Us and them Blue dwarves over there have been living like elves for the past year. Supposed to be an aquifer or something down there in the way. Oh, and we are completely out of food and booze; we even ate the barrels they used to be in"
I stood there silently for a moment, then wandered over to the nearby tree and slammed my head against it for a few minutes. Once I calmed down enough, I told him to get everyone around the wagon so I could address them properly as Overseer. "My Dwarves! The mountainhomes in all their wisdom have decreed that I am the only dwarf capable of leading us to the majesty we so richly deserve!" (If I keep saying 'majesty' over and over, everyone will associate it with me. Worth a shot!) "While those pitiable fools over there languish in the dirt, we will strike the earth and create a majestic tower to lord our dominance over them. With your hard work and my majestic vision and leadership, nothing will stop us! Let those poor sods live in the dirt like elves, we shall show them what it truly means to be dwarves!" (was that a snicker? no, I'm sure that was just a cough or something. Its not healthy living out here in the open like this after all). "First, we need booze. Right now. Every plant and tree in this place is about to be put to use" I told everyone who wasn't mining or cutting logs to gather up the local plants for booze. It wouldn't be proper dwarven wine, but by Armok it would be better than water.
I promoted a peon to be our resident carpenter, and set him up crafting barrels while one of the other peons started to brew. No one got overly upset as it didn't take long for us to start building up a surplus. A true sign of leadership is the availability of booze for everyone, my cousin Dolwin the Drunk always says. Well, that's what we think he says. Hes hard to understand most of the time, but I digress.
A kobold stole a crossbow we had laying around and came back for more when he ran into ORESOME. The results weren't pretty.
Some elven traders showed up right after the fight and were happy to trade for the kobold's old gear. We traded them for a rope and a few bits of cloth. Nothing much really, but they didn't have a lot to offer. I'm sure our trades with the humans and fellow dwarves will be larger and more worthwhile.
As the elves were departing, a second kobold tried to raid us. Apparently they didn't hear what happened to that first one. ORESOME was the first on the scene this time as well, and I actually felt a little sorry for the bugger when it was all said and done. Not too sad, but maybe just a tiny bit.
Word better spread among those kobolds, the Red Paddlemirrors are not to be trifled with!
Summer 299:Work continues on preparations for conquering the aquifer. Things are moving more slowly than I would like, but mistakes on a project this size would be very costly. The miners are assuring everyone that we will be just fine in our timeline of accessing the stone by winter, so I am not worried at all. In the meantime, one of the peons said he knew how to craft crossbows, so I set him up with a shop and told him to get to work in preparation for the next caravan. Sure enough, the humans arrived a few weeks later, along with some fresh dwarves who had undoubtedly jumped at the prospect of living in the fortress ruled by Dolwina the Majestic!
I ordered chimpanzee to do the whole orientation thing for the new dwarves while I traded with the humans.
Apparently these "incredible" crossbows werent worth the time it took to craft them. (Note to self: have the crossbow maker breach the magma for the forges when the time comes). I was able to obtain an anvil, 2 copper bars, a few bags to store seeds in, and one other item. ORESOME had been giving hints while watching the caravan arrive that she could do much better with a sword. The trader didnt have one worth buying, but he
did have a rather well crafted Iron Whip, and it was within our budget as well. She gave me a funny look when I told her this was her weapon now, but who knows. Either she will end up swapping it out for a sword later on, or perhaps she will grow to enjoy it. Time will tell.
Chimpanzee had given the standard morale speech to the newcomers about our naming tradition, and you could tell the peons were excited with their new roles and potential for fame. I was hanging back enjoying some whip wine while the newbies pronounced their name for the roster. "Urist the Red!" he shouted, then moved along to pick up some booze and his new fishing pole. "Olvina, errr, Geshud the Red" she mumbled then walked past into the fort. Uh oh, this might not end well.
I watched her pick up her pole and head to the river with the others to work on some fresh fish to suppliment our diet. The fact that she didnt take any booze along confirmed it. What self respecting dwarf doesnt get drunk while fishing? Something will have to be done about this very soon. Maybe the breaching of the aquifer will solve 2 of my problems at once? I'll have to think on it.
Autumn 299:Autumn is here, and
Ingul has apparently inspired one of our dwarves to make an artifact worthy of our up and coming fortress. (No the aquifer is not breached yet. No, I'm not worried at all.
really I'm not). Hopefully this turns out better than that last fool that
OK commanded to make a legendary gem. Not too many legendary clay gems floating around in the world, you'd think he would know that that already. One of our best jewelers has been driven stark raving mad already, I dont need to put up with another lunatic.
Really, a bone shield studded with our only 2 copper bars? You couldnt have told him to craft a copper shield covered in bone??? Regardless, everyone voted to let ORESOME have it since chimpanzee and mavj96 were both ranged combatants and wouldnt need a shield as badly.
While everyone was standing around admiring our new shield, a goblin showed their green hide for the first time looking for a child to snatch!
Our small but effective military drove him off but couldnt quite catch up for the killing blow. They look disappointed, but more will eventually come.
And by eventually, I mean 10 minutes after the first one ran away. This one decided to run away from our might as well, but right into the arms of the dwarven caravan that was approaching our gates. They didnt even slow down.
After wiping the goblin off their boots, the merchants began unloading their wares. Our new (and highly experienced) carpenter had mentioned how unappreciated he was back home, but that he would bet his life that the dwarves in the mountainhomes were missing his fine wares by now. "You're on!" I proclaimed. He laughed a bit nervously, and with good reason too. I might need multiple lava breaches in the fortress after all...
Now we are cooking with Lava! I obtained metal armor for all 3 military dwarves, plenty of food and seeds for proper underground farming, more bags than we could ever need, tons of leather and spider silk cloth, you name it! We are in fantastic shape with these new additions, right as winter approaches. All we need is some stone over our heads and my glorious rule shall truly begin. Dolwina the Majestic, I can feel it becoming a reality!
Early Winter 299:As I was trying to drown myself in a fine barrel of Dwarven Wine, the head miner of the Aquifer project finally walked into the dining room. (note to self: have the carpenter make me a large desk and chair. Everyone should have to look up when addressing the overseer, not down!) "We are ready for the breach?
oh thank Armok, things are starting to sound a bit ugly in here" I ordered rather than asked. "Umm, you have to look at this yourself" was the reply. Not what I wanted to hear at all. I rushed out to the site and swore enough to make even my husband blush, and that man has had the privilege of seeing me in the nude before.
Frozen. Right as the miners were ready to breach, the aquifer froze. Oh my luck could not turn any worse today. Oh, I didnt write about what happened earlier today, did I? Thats right, I stayed right in the dining room and started drinking my weight in booze. Might as well record this minor setback for posterity, just to give the historians proof that I wasnt
completely perfect, like they might otherwise believe.
That fool who called himself a diplomat from the mountainhome finally left today, but not before remembering what it was he was actually supposed to be doing. "Oh, right. I need to appoint a mayor. Right now. Tell me who it is." Before I could even begin to open my mouth, a drunken shout erupted nearby. "Hey remember that pretty little thing who told all those great stories? What about her, she'd be a fantastic mayor!". The diplomat responded "Fine, sure, whatever. She is mayor now", then took a swig of the booze that
I had worked so hard to create a suplus of, and walked out of
my fortress. And who did these drunken peons choose to try and usurp me??
Geshud.
THE VAMPIRE THAT WAS WALLED INTO THE CORNER OF THE DORMATORY!!! Without my guidance, she would have been feasting on dwarf blood. These peons. These peons. I need another drink.
My fortress. This is
my fortress to lead to glory. I have such plans. The aquifer will be conquered, giving us access to the untold wealth surely contained below. I shall oversee a tower the likes of which the world has never seen, leaving those poor Blue sods as nothing more than a remnant carved into the stone in some corner basement in the mountainhomes. I shall be maj
A sudden thud, and a little more than a whisper is heard from behind Dolwina's slumped body: "Living like elves..."Journal of Dr Urist the Red:Mid Winter 299:Heh, I finally was able to read through this whole thing. Dolwina the Majestic? Let me tell you, that is the shortest dwarf I've ever seen, and thats saying something! Dolwina the Small she is and shall forever remain. No one saw what happened to her (or will admit that they did anyways). All I can say is that she took such a blow that she will probably never say a coherent sentence again. She has the mind of a troll at best now, fit only for menial hauling duty. Oddly she still knows her way around a butcher shop, so maybe we can shuffle her out there and she can find a semblance of peace.
A small skirmish today gave me something to do other than pick berries and drink my ass off. Mavj96 was responding to the site of a goblin kidnapper when he was only halfway done putting his equipment on. I'll give the dead goblin credit, it was smart enough to attack his naked foot when it had the chance. Mavj96 took a nap for a little while then shuffled off to get some booze, I'm sure he will be fine.
Everyone else in the fort is doing well. We are all hanging out while we wait on the mountainhome to appoint a new overseer. We'd ask the mayor, but no one has seen her in a few months. Whatever, we have booze. Wish we had some proper stone though. The miners assure us it will happen as soon as it warms up a bit and we finish construction of the screw presses. I'll be the first one down the hole, you can bet your beard on that one!
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Topic: Paddledmirrors - Battling Forts - Turn 7: Fortress Blues [Need More Overseers] (Read 18832 times)