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[scapheap]

I'll add to it in the morning.

[scapheap]

And edited my application. Need anything else?

[sjm9876]

Added a touch to the personality, as well as an 'Ideal follower' mini-paragraph in that  to help give a better taste of the char.

[javierpwn]

Okay, so I should probably clarify something, as Deep just chewed me out over IRC about this: The final draft of the third (rules) post had included minimum length requirements of 1-2 paragraphs for the first two items (appearance/personality), and 2-4 paragraphs for the third (archagent), with more detail encouraged, but not required. Even though that shouldn't be too arduous, I decided to cut those bits out at the very last second as part of my effort to make it less intimidating, trusting that enough emphasis had been placed on a certain threshold of quality and quantity, but given that some of you aren't giving us more than a couple sentences (which, in some cases, aren't even spelled correctly), please consider these requirements officially re-instated.

Sjm, you're just about there, though you could probably stand to fill in the first half of your app a little more. Scapheap, you are... not.

how is mine?

[thatkid]

Physical Appearance: A chittering, clacking thing. Its form may have been humanoid, once, but, save for a barely discernible outline within the shrouding chaos of its many ungainly limbs, it is no longer. Hard chitin, ridged and black lines its impossibly thin form, so glossy that any reflected light seems to shimmer and shift, making its true form all the harder to discern. If it is has facial features, or even a face as we humans may know it, they have been lost beneath the many ridges and bends of the exoskeleton. Or so it would seem.
Still, despite the chaos of its architecture, despite the warped and unfathomable illusion of its form, both slender and obtuse, it is only several feet taller than the tallest of humans.

General Personality: A just god, and an honorable one, if a tad rigid. It, whatever it may be called, for all its dubious appearances, is capable, and willing, to do what is right and needed. To balance the scales. To keep things as they were, and as they should be. Has it no ambition? Has it no goals? It would appear, that outside of this- Outside of performing its stolen role to the best of its ability, of upholding whatever balance it and its brethren disrupt, it does not. However, this is a grand goal in and of itself. To right the wrongs of usurpers, to maintain order where none is left behind...And alien as it is, it may be prone to misinterpretations. Balance is a fickle thing: From order, chaos is necessarily born, and vice versa. One can never truly know if their act will right the scales.

Archagent: Argos Thull, a thin, stoop-backed and jaundiced Palantine man with a hooked nose and greasy black hair. Despite his appearance, he is a tactical master, well-trained in the art of war as any General of his rank ought to be. He was not always a man of station, however. Born to the common rabble, Argos joined the military seeking only a means to survive. It was there, through cunning alone, which he proved himself in one battle after the next. Slowly, and painstakingly, he rose through the ranks, eventually earning an honorary nobility, before being granted the title of a true General.

Beloved by his men (if not the military at large) for his low birth and loyalty, and mildly respected, if still somewhat looked down upon by the true gentility, Argos is an intelligent man who lives a spartan lifestyle. Though often seen to be kind-hearted, and known to try and  preserve the lives of soldiers and civilians whilst achieving victory, he is cunning as well, and wholly capable of doing anything do anything to necessary to achieve his goals. For all the veneer he provides to the world, as well, he harbors a single, dark goal above all others, one born to him in a waking sleep brought by wounds from a battle with a Hrakchir band: He wishes to see his people succeed above all others. If that means slaughtering those races who would stand in his path, so be it.

[filiusenox]

Physical Description: A black, formless mass of inky darkness, impregnable darkness blurring at the edges into normal reality. Eyes of black litter the surface, shifting, roiling and moving, only barely perceivable against the rest of the surface by the smattering of lights -like ancient white stars seen from afar- in them. Mouths and slobbering, dripping purple tongues shift around; appearing and disappearing on the surface like the other features. Each of these slobbering mouths possess massive, pearly white, pointed teeth.
   His voice in this form is a harsh, twisted sound; deep as the void and sharp as a sword.   

General personality: A trickster and rebel, Tzak is a habitual troublemaker and schemer. Setting up plans that require the least amount of work on his part to benefit him the most. He oft-works through proxies and manipulation, preferring not to dirty his metaphorical hands.
   He also prefers an ascetic existence, disliking luxury, comfort, and banality, challenging it at every turn. He takes childlike glee in causing conflict and trouble, but dislikes open war, seeing it as a waste of subjects and marks. While not as caring as other gods, he does seem to cherish mortal life.

Archagent:
The Grim Grinner. Originally a tall, pale Lorian man with blonde hair and blue eyes, he used to be a Palantine Knight. He was stripped of rank and honor after repeated insubordination, cast out into the city with naught but the clothes on the back and the weapons he smuggled out. Then he began to wander the peninsula, buying food and water by working as a sell-sword. He never stayed long in any city or region, hurrying on to the next as if the hounds of hell were on his heels.
   When the gods impacted the land he was resting nearby. And, Tzak, sensing the man’s love of exploration, his rebellious streak, and an inherent dislike of fighting, empowered the man as his Archagent. After a brief communion with the god, the man took the title of the Grim Grinner and his form was twisted to match the god’s whims. His hair and skin darkened, and his eyes kept their traces of humanity, but became as Tzak’s own. His bones contorted, his muscle became sinewy, and he grew taller and thinner. An insufferable appetite, one to match his maker’s, grew along with his height, to the point where he could devour entire feasts by himself in a single hour.
   

[Koliup]

Spoiler: Appearance (click to show/hide)

Physical Appearance: The entity is an eight foot tall creature that resembles a human whose lower half has been replaced with that of a giant spider's. However, it diverges from being a simple thing such as that by lacking any sort of skin or organ-and-muscle concealing covering, and having the metallic 'skeletal structure' of a robot or automaton built to its specifications.
Covering and being contained by the metal ribs, bars, and rods that make up its physical form are muscles, tendons, and even blood vessels holding on to its joints and parts of its body. These parts animate it, and with the addition of organs, both spider and human, clearly noticeable through gaps in its muscles and structure, it is given to a crude semblance of actually being alive.
It speaks in a voice that sounds like a sickly man's coming from the inside of a tin can, and frequently will stop to hack and cough.
Occasionally its joints will bleed black ichor as blood vessels are crushed between joints, or are even just damaged through normal wear-and-tear.

Spoiler: Personality (click to show/hide)

General Personality: The being, despite its nightmare inducing appearance, is prone to caring for and almost genuinely loving its followers. The entity seems to dislike seeing its chosen peoples and intelligent creations die in military duty, and seems to prefer subterfuge and diplomacy when such things are possible. The entity has a strange preference to lying to others when situations aren't perfect, but sees not upholding a fair deal or agreement as unconscionable. It seeks to see its chosen peoples prosper and live lives of grandeur.

Spoiler: Archagent (click to show/hide)

Archagent: Zaros Nil used to be recognizably Siwa. However, as a result of drunkenly demanding things of the entity upon first meeting it, he has been turned into something far different. His flesh has been quite clearly stripped from his bones, leaving him as a grinning skeleton with two green pinpoints for eyes, and a deadly worm in his chest cavity as organs. Zaros has been taken of a fanatical devotion to the entity since being transformed by it. But he is still more than competent at his previous job; spellslinging. Though his abilities were once run-of-the-mill, contact with the entity has 'enlightened' him some.
Zaros was lucky for a Siwas in the situation he grew up in, and managed to display a spark of sorcery at the right time and place to get formal education on the matter. But, due to the political machinations of another, he was forced out of his comfy work and set adrift to wander the world selling his services to any who wanted a wizard on hand. On his travels, be picked up drinking and became quite the alcoholic, which facilitated a personality that became bitter, aloof, and distrustful of others. But since he was changed by the entity, his personality has become quite the opposite, as he's become chipper, polite, and even a little naive. The skeletal being that Zaros has become has given itself almost entirely to the entity.

How's that?

[sjm9876]

Any news on when this will go up?

[Shootandrun]

Physical Appearance: An old man, clad in silver and golden robes, leaning on a black staff. He has white hair and a white beard, and keen intelligence lies behind his blue eyes. He seems relatively harmless, and even kind; but that may only be an impression. He does not seem particularly frail despite his age, and at times it appears that his staff is merely an ornamentation, and that he could do just as well without leaning on it.

Sometimes, strange things happen around that man. His robes appear to change texture randomly - at times they seem to be made of rough wool, and at others of the finest silk. Sometimes the gold reflects light, sometimes the silver does, sometimes both, sometimes neither. The patter of silver and gold also seems to change - subtly, and never when someone is watching, but there is definitely a difference. These changes are all seemingly random.

General Personality: Ambitious and calculating, he seeks to change everything to fit his liking. While he possesses a certain cold logic of his own and he tends to create grand plans and objectives, his personality itself can be volatile at times, and he takes pleasure in transforming the creations of others, whether they like it or not. However, he is determined in ensuring that his little game does not bring him into recklessness; although his moves are not always justified, they are always premeditated.

He is also somewhat protective of those who declare themselves loyal to him, and he refuses to be pointlessly cruel, unless something has earned his hatred. He sometimes advocates his actions by justifying them as necessary to bring about change, and that otherwise creation grows stagnant and rots, but it is all lies. He does it all solely for his own goals and enjoyment.

Archagent: Jeremiah Kain, Spymaster of Levantine, was born in the main city of the kingdom to two small courtiers. He managed to live at court thanks to the wealth of a rich and conveniently dead uncle who wished for the youths of his family to have a chance to become true nobles. He became a spy for the current ruler during his teenage years, tasked with going from court to court and informing him with the doings of the nobility. As time passed, he grew in rank and influence, and the rest is history.

A sneaky, calculating, and ambitious man, he was made into the entity's arch agent when he searched for a being "which thought like he, and possessed influence". Although obvious actions were not like him, he chose not to take any risks with him and imposed his will upon his mind. While he did not fully take control, he fiddled with some of the recurring thoughts, changing the thing Jeremiah loved most from "coins" to "the entity".

The spymaster is a small, slender man in his forties with a graying beard and similar hair. In public, he is generally seen wearing the outfit of a royal advisor - his spymaster position is known only to the ruler and a few other key men and women in the government. In private, his outfits generally suit the mission he was given, although these days they are generally the same as in public - the days when he was an agent on the field are long past, and his duty can generally be summarized to reading and sending letters.

[Deep Waters]

Physical Appearance: A chittering, clacking thing. Its form may have been humanoid, once, but, save for a barely discernible outline within the shrouding chaos of its many ungainly limbs, it is no longer. Hard chitin, ridged and black lines its impossibly thin form, so glossy that any reflected light seems to shimmer and shift, making its true form all the harder to discern. If it is has facial features, or even a face as we humans may know it, they have been lost beneath the many ridges and bends of the exoskeleton. Or so it would seem.
Still, despite the chaos of its architecture, despite the warped and unfathomable illusion of its form, both slender and obtuse, it is only several feet taller than the tallest of humans.

General Personality: A just god, and an honorable one, if a tad rigid. It, whatever it may be called, for all its dubious appearances, is capable, and willing, to do what is right and needed. To balance the scales. To keep things as they were, and as they should be. Has it no ambition? Has it no goals? It would appear, that outside of this- Outside of performing its stolen role to the best of its ability, of upholding whatever balance it and its brethren disrupt, it does not. However, this is a grand goal in and of itself. To right the wrongs of usurpers, to maintain order where none is left behind...And alien as it is, it may be prone to misinterpretations. Balance is a fickle thing: From order, chaos is necessarily born, and vice versa. One can never truly know if their act will right the scales.

Archagent: Argos Thull, a thin, stoop-backed and jaundiced Lorian man with a hooked nose and greasy black hair. Despite his appearance, he is a tactical master, well-trained in the art of war as any General of his rank ought to be. He was not always a man of station, however. Born to the common rabble, Argos joined the military seeking only a means to survive. It was there, through cunning alone, which he proved himself in one battle after the next. Slowly, and painstakingly, he rose through the ranks, eventually earning an honorary nobility, before being granted the title of a true General.

Beloved by his men (if not the military at large) for his low birth and loyalty, and mildly respected, if still somewhat looked down upon by the true gentility, Argos is an intelligent man who lives a spartan lifestyle. Though often seen to be kind-hearted, and known to try and  preserve the lives of soldiers and civilians whilst achieving victory, he is cunning as well, and wholly capable of doing anything do anything to necessary to achieve his goals. For all the veneer he provides to the world, as well, he harbors a single, dark goal above all others, one born to him in a waking sleep brought by wounds from a battle with a Hrakchir band: He wishes to see his people succeed above all others. If that means slaughtering those races who would stand in his path, so be it.

The correct adjective is Palantinate, but that's a very minor quibble and the only error I could find, so good job! This is a great app that's definitely on the to-be-considered list. I especially like how well you seem to understand how this cosmology works.

Added a touch to the personality, as well as an 'Ideal follower' mini-paragraph in that  to help give a better taste of the char.

Not bad; I'm on the verge of calling your application acceptable. Your physical description isn't quite long enough to be considered a paragraph, but it shouldn't take much effort to remedy that. The Hachiri bit is a surprise, but workable, and I like how you incorporated the first meeting, so to speak, between Visitor and Archagent. My real concern is that I'm not sure you understand how divine roles work-- you won't necessarily have a role that consists of a cosmic and a mortal element; you can just as easily be Vessel of Earth or Void of Time as Power of Fire or Passion of Time. That might be a problem if you don't get a role that fits your description. Furthermore, you weren't one of the Divines until your meteor landed, so I'm not sure why your appearance (a trait that would've mostly carried over) would draw on your role so much.

how is mine?

You failed to complete the appearance section of your archagent. Furthermore, a paragraph consists of at least five sentences, and your application is rife with fragments-- which normally wouldn't bother me, but considering it doesn't meet the requirements put forth anyway (yes, I remember they were deleted and I'm still a little bit pissed about it, don't you worry), I'll go ahead and point them out. I suggest keeping the Archagent section of your application in one piece, so as to make it easier for both you and us to examine whether it meets requirements. Furthermore, separating appearance, history, and the like into different paragraphs rather than entirely different sections might make it easier for you to write enough to fit the requirements.

Nevertheless, with a little work, I could see this being accepted.

Agasa, Goddess of Pain

Spoiler: physical appearance (click to show/hide)

A black throne, made of obsidian. Blood is constantly spattered over it from a point above the seat, staining it red. The chair emits a selection of constant sounds of agony. Surrounding the chair is a massive assortment of objects. This collection contains renditions of every possible item of any possible size and condition. Some of the objects are always diving at the chair, causing a renewed spurt of blood and screaming. The blood constantly shifts around, forming itself into symbols representing pain.

Spoiler: personality (click to show/hide)

Agasa is reclusive, and seldom interacts with the mortal world. She constantly wanders the cosmos, as a divine expression of the act of trying to escape pain. Agasa speaks by forming the screaming into words. Her followers each are given wisdom through experiencing ultimate agony. She is drawn to suffering, and communicates in visions to those experiencing unbearable pain.

Spoiler: Archagent (click to show/hide)

Queras Elfondil
Appearance:
Queras is an elf with gray skin, subtley stained red. He has black eyes, which look red with exhaustion. He has black hair, which is long and wildly grown. He is covered in scars, which give his skin the consistency of leather. He typically bears at least one fresh wound. He has the elven rune for pain branded onto each palm. He wears a black cloak and a dark blue tunic, and no armor of any kind. He carries a huge barbed hook and a scimitar with a jagged blade, like a saw. The points of his ears have been cut off. He is missing his middle finger on his left hand and his ring finger on his right hand.
Personality:
Queras is your typical berserker. He worships Agasa because he believes in shrugging off pain. He wears no armor because he does not care if he is injured.
Profession: Berserker
History:

To be filled in soon.

Your application implies a measure of pre-existing divinity that isn't in line with the background information that's already been established. Furthermore, though I'm not yet completely denying their existence, elves have not been mentioned once in this entire thread. If you want elves, you're going to need to spend the action to make elves, thus incurring the resulting karma and responsibility for creating a race in the middle of a territory claimed by someone else.

Your physical appearance is strange, and I'm having a hard time imagining anyone taking a divine vision consisting of a screaming chair soaked in blood seriously, but it's original so what am I saying bloody chair god ftw.

And edited my application. Need anything else?

The pronunciation you gave for your deity's name makes no sense. If you're going to have an entire syllable or so be silent what's the point of even having it there? As for advice, I suggest reading through the other applications and reviews thereof, as I'm a bit too tired right now to go through it.

Speaking of which, leaving the rest for Hail. You're welcome.

[sjm9876]

Added a touch to the personality, as well as an 'Ideal follower' mini-paragraph in that  to help give a better taste of the char.

Not bad; I'm on the verge of calling your application acceptable. Your physical description isn't quite long enough to be considered a paragraph, but it shouldn't take much effort to remedy that. The Hachiri bit is a surprise, but workable, and I like how you incorporated the first meeting, so to speak, between Visitor and Archagent. My real concern is that I'm not sure you understand how divine roles work-- you won't necessarily have a role that consists of a cosmic and a mortal element; you can just as easily be Vessel of Earth or Void of Time as Power of Fire or Passion of Time. That might be a problem if you don't get a role that fits your description. Furthermore, you weren't one of the Divines until your meteor landed, so I'm not sure why your appearance (a trait that would've mostly carried over) would draw on your role so much.

As for the appearance, it's literally just the colours that shift. Consider them shifting and then setting perhaps? Editing to sort other issues. Apologies that I misinterpreted the system.

[sjm9876]

*tentative bump*

[HailFire]

Yeah, this is still a thing, we'd just been waiting on some more people to app in; as it stands, we're at 5/6 apps I'm willing to approve- possibly six once deep gets on and I can discuss things with her. Not confident I'm going to select yours over the others? You still have time to work on it, or join if you haven't posted an application!

[scapheap]

Put the wrong syllable in, went and fix it. I'll try and add to it later.

[Remuthra]

I'm working on fixing mine up as well.