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[Urist Imiknorris]

Use Probopass. It's both rock and metal, and it resists everything Giratina can throw at it.

[Xantalos]

Use Probopass. It's both rock and metal, and it resists everything Giratina can throw at it.

Probopass and Empoleon go!
Plus Lunatone. Favorite Pokemon.

[Vorthon]

PTW

[Mr Space Cat]

Chapter 1 continued...part 4:"and then this thread was an image macro thread"

Well, fresh from a nap in the community hospital called the Pokemon Center, and slightly hyped up on a couple bottles of poke-root-beer, I'm ready and raring to investigate this new town! I've never been beyond New Bark Town, and despite the horrors of getting here I'm actually enjoying myself.

I step out from the pokecenter, right in time to catch a lovely sunset. It's later than I thought.

As I walk around town, an elderly peasant waves at me to catch my eye. Me and Jesus stride over to see what the fellow wants.

"uh..."
before I can say anything further, the old coot grabs me and drags me around town at breakneck speed, stating he can show me everything I need to know.

Spoiler: Aren't old people supposed to be slow?! (click to show/hide)

Wait, this heals pokemons too?

Great, I need to catch some more slaves, er partners.

This is where I need to go next.

I sea wut you did there. clever coot.

Uh, I need an adult?

Never has a mailbox spoken truer words.

After running me around town for half an hour he gives me his pair of running shoes as consolation. Ew, they're still warm. Then again, he is a peasant, I assume, this might be all he has to offer.

At least now I can run. Running charge! Chaaaaaarge!

To the Pokemart! Charge!

What? NOOOO!
-----------------------------------
I bought some more potions, as well as some antidotes and some things called parlyz heals. I gotta be stocked up in case things in the wild go bad. Of course, now I only have 400 Pokebucks...still, safety! "no safety is dangerous!" That's what the Agency always says! Still, I hope this pokemart gets some more pokeballs when I come back, I fear Jesus may not be enough.

I wander around with Jesus a bit longer, and commune with the locals.We stop by the beachside to admire the sunset some more. I might have said it was romantic, if it weren't for Jesus splashing about in the waves and spoiling the mood...it's not like I wanted it to be romantic, totally not, no.

It isn't long before I feel the call of adventure tugging at my heels.Route 30 awaits!
-----------------------------------
The first thing I notice on Route 30 is a glaring flaw in the road design. Who was the genius who designed these roads? They must have been some mad sadist.

Jesus and I are forced to wade through the bushes and grass. No beasts attack us, and I make it back to the roadway, where a farming peasant fellow warns me that running can attract the attention of the wild beasts in tall grass. Interesting, I'll keep that in mind.

Why would you crazy people live out in the wilderness?? this guy raves on about the wonders of some things called apricorns! The hell are those? The hell is it that makes these things worth living out in the wilds?!

This apricorn nutter forced a box into my hands, telling me it's my destiny to collect lots of apricorns, and tells me that this box is the only way to collect them...it's only an ordinary cardboard box with "apreecornz" crudely scrawled on the side in pokecrayon. What a nutter.

I ditch the guy's house as soon as possible and press onwards down the overgrown path, but not before raiding the nutter's precious apricorn tree. Ha, in your face, crazy people!
-----------------------------------

These jackholes are blocking the only clear path onwards by doing...whatever it is they're doing. I gotta take the long way around through the grass. Jerks.
-----------------------------------

Ack! How horrif--actually it's kinda cute.
Jesus seems to have an intolerance of small fluffy woodland creatures, though, and he bites off both its ears and mauls it. The rabbits don't seem especially nourishing, making them a lackluster source of food.
-----------------------------------
The two of us proceed further into the woodlands and encounter no more small adorable bunnies. In a small clearing stands another house, surely this is Mr Pokemon's house.

...and you must be the nut who studies pokemon out here. How you doin'.
Mr pokemon explains that he sent Elm an email earlier and thrusts into my hands a large egg, claiming that he believes such an egg can't be found anywhere else in Johto.

I came here for some foreign xeno-daemon-beast egg?? Fuuuuuuuuuuuu--

Another gentlemen steps forward, claiming to be THE professor Oak, THE founder of the Agency. What an honor to meet the Emprah God-Oak himself! As if that wasn't enough, he gives me a small handheld computer, telling me it is a pokedex meant to act as a universal encyclopedia of the pokemon I might encounter. How useful.

the Emprah instructs me to go forth and fullfill the pokedex with entries on every first creature I might find and catch in an area. the Emprah prophesizes that we will meet again and exchanges numbers with me, to keep track of my progress.

I have the Emprah God-Oak's number. I have a mouth and I must not squee.

The God-oak himself heads out on more official God-oakenly business. I step out to continue back to New Bark Town when my phone rings. Odd, I forgot they could do that.

Elm stutters into the phone in a voice three octaves higher than his usual nasally voice, telling me "there's been a disaster!" and "get back here right now!" Oh, you mean do what I was already about to do? m'kay.

Jesus and I run back to Cherrygrove without further incidents. I'm dashing towards the route back to New Bark Town when a fiery redhead appears on the horizon.

"Hey there, babe. What's your sign?"

"What?! a Waste?! Maybe I should show you what my little hard-headed friend here can do..." and I don't mean Jesus. *wink wink*

She must have misunderstood me. She calls out her pokemon, saying that "she too has a good pokemon" and she'll "show me what she means!"

It's that little yellow rat from Elm's place! Da hell is it doin-

OH SHI---Jesus! nuke it's face! Mirror blast it!
Heavy Metal Jesus  is unfazed by the rat thing's light show, and gives it a little light show of his own! The rat thing is blasted away into the horizon from the force! I think it's safe to say we won.

What a jerk. She ordered her tamed pokemon to attack me, a fellow trainer. The redhead pushes past me in a huff, no doubt to go find her rat-thing off in the bushes of route 30. I manage to swipe her ID as she walks by. Score!

"No wait! I haven't written your number down yet! Lemme just jolt down your name here--"
--Rats. There goes another redhead I missed out on. She was a bit flatchested, but she was redheaded. I guess I'll keep going to New Bark Town.
------------------------------------

"Huh, any idea who did it?"

"Red haired boy??...excuse me, I must go take a cold shower." I think I just vomited in my mouth a little.

Before I leave the officer asks me for further information. She asks if I managed to get this girlish-looking guy's name.

An opportunity to completely mess this guy's life up! A chance to permanently force him into a life of shame with a ridiculous name! Sweet vengeance!...I can't think of anything. Think brain, quick!

Spoiler: Score Tracker (click to show/hide)

"Heavy Metal" Jesus the vain Charmander: 5 wild pokemon, 1 trainer pokemon, 6 kills total

Spoiler: OOC (click to show/hide)

I may have gone a bit overboard with images this update. At least now we're done with the super-early game, next update I should be able to catch pokemons.Updates will slow down a bit though, these take longer than I thought to make, and I have other work to do this weekend, unfortunately.

Also, HMJ is srsly tough. He took a solarbeam to the face and shrug it off with 4 hp lost. The attack wasn't very effective on him, as you might tell.

I'm glad you guys are enjoying the LP so far. This is a bunch of fun to play, it's like every new route is pokemon Christmas and I'm a little kid hyped up on coffee ready to open presents at three in the morning.

[TomatoWalrus]

For the sake of nostalgia, name him ? ??. (Without the space, stupid smileys)

When I was a kid playing Gold for the first time and he said "My name is ? ??" then Elm/Cop guy asked me his name, I took it a bit too literal and named him that. I didn't realize that ? ?? was a placeholder name until my older cousin told me.

Second Choice: Passerby
Because there had to be a kid who played HG who was a dumb as I was when I played Gold, and I don't want the hypothetical kid to get his hypothetical feelings hurt.

[Mr Space Cat]

For the sake of nostalgia, name him ? ??. (Without the space, stupid smileys)

When I was a kid playing Gold for the first time and he said "My name is ? ??" then Elm/Cop guy asked me his name, I took it a bit too literal and named him that. I didn't realize that ? ?? was a placeholder name until my older cousin told me.

Ha, I did the same thing. I also first thought he was a girl, due to the limitation of sprites in 2nd gen, and the fact he was long-haired, feminine in figure, and his sprite looked like he had some sort of fluffy fur jacket.

[Vorthon]

I suggest WTFBBQ because let's stick with the acronym theme.

[TomatoWalrus]

Ha, I did the same thing. I also first thought he was a girl, due to the limitation of sprites in 2nd gen, and the fact he was long-haired, feminine in figure, and his sprite looked like he had some sort of fluffy fur jacket.

Ah, Rule 63. Confusing the reproductive organs of many since 2000.
Kind of like how everyone thought Bugsy was a chick til they talked to the one out of the way NPC that called him a he. Or saw the anime.

[Urist Imiknorris]

I thought Pichu was ghost type, and thus supremely nommable.

[Xantalos]

I suggest WTFBBQ because let's stick with the acronym theme.

No. Name him DERPADURR. Because that's original.

[Mr Space Cat]

I thought Pichu was ghost type, and thus supremely nommable.

It is, however I wanted to get a shot of the Pichu using solarbeam. So I delayed with fake tears for two turns until after Solarbeam was used and I got an image of it, then went ahead and took advantage of Pichu's lowered special defense with mirror shot. We'll be seeing Pichu again anyway, I set the randomizer to keep using the rival's starter for each rival encounter.

Honestly I was a bit nervous of letting HMJ take a direct solarbeam to the face, but my fears were unfounded.

In retrospect choosing the Pichu meant I could have had a starter with Solarbeam . I don't think I can play non-randomized pokemon again, after this. It's too zany and fun.

[Thexor]

Bah, SolarBeam's useless without Sunny Day to go with. Although... I take it that means Pichu's a ghost/grass type? That's one heck of a weird combo.

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

Also, I'm assuming you know this... but emulated HG/SS tends to suffer texture corruption periodically if you don't save and quit occasionally. Make sure to save often, or have a few state saves available in case of emergency!

[Ancre]

PTW because this is very fun

[Mr Space Cat]

Chapter 2: Thou Cannot Kill thee Metal-Tenacious B



"ah yes, officer, I believe I did just so happen to catch his name. It was Willhelm Timothy Frankfurt the Durr. He asked to go by WTFDURR for short. I suspect he is a foreigner."
The officer clicks her tongue knowingly as she writes it all down.
"Those crazy foreigners, with their crazy foreign names and disrespect for the law and their heresy and their stealin' our jerbs and their..."
She went on like that for a while. I now question the effectiveness of the common Johto police force.

With that odd event out of the way, I pass on Mr Pokemon's news to Elm. By that, I mean I roughly shove the mystery egg into Elm's face and ask what the wacko Mr Pokemon's deal is with eggs. apparently the guy was "always fascinated by pokemon eggs."

(Note to self: Mr Pokemon may be a perverted heretical pokemon sympathizer as well as being a wackjob.)

Elm goes on to tell me he'll hold on to the egg and study it. I proceed to inform Elm of the God-Oak's command to update his great Poke-Codex.

That's the high Emprah God-Oak to you, sir.
Elm speaks the obvious by saying "that's incredible" and "Oak was always good at seeing the potential of others" and that Elm "always knew I was different" and--
Hold the pokegear, I think I may have just been insulted.
"...why don't you take the Pokemon gym challenge? your pokemon seems up to the task, and you'd be working on Oak's quest as well," continues Professor Elm.
You're darn-tootin' Heavy Metal Jesus is up to it. I'll let that potential insult slide, Elm gets some good ideas.

It seems I have new goals in life:
Quest 1
1) Become the Pokemon Master
2) Conquer the world
3) ? ? ?
4) Profit
Quest 2
1) Aide the God-Oak in filling the poke-Codex

Subquest A
1) Find that red-haired kid
2) Tear his soul out of his rectum and feed him his own entrails for his heresy
3) ? ? ?
4) Become a millionare, buy a sports car, and get a harem of hot babes while rockin' out as a rock star

Right! Let's do this!...right after I take a cold-shower for the next two hours...
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
It's the dawn of a new day!

I step out into the bright morning light, stocked with rations and medications and with my faithful ally HMJ at my side. I head down the road into the woods of the unknown and before long I find....

That one peasant chick, Lyra, and her blue ball thing. They offer to show me how to catch wild pokemon, then run off into the bushes.

Gee, I never would have known catching pokemon involved so much jumping. and knowing is half the battle, right?

-OH HEAVY METAL JESUS LOOK AT THE SIZE OF THAT RAT! JUMP ON IT JUMP ON IT!

Oh, she decided to catch it. I guess she's feeling especially hereticalmerciful. Be sure to euthanize the poor thing, Lyra, being a giant ugly purple rat must suck.

The process of catching the pokemons seems simple enough. After receiving some pokeballs from her I assure the peasant I can handle myself and me and HMJ continue on our merry way towards a brighter future and--

Aw snap this is the first pokemon I'll encounter here? I need to catch it! Jesus! Don't kill it too hard! Mirror shot, go!

FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU-Jesus! Overkill! Overkill! I told you to kill it gently!
...Shoot. Guess I'll have to go on to the next route. To Route 30!

Ooooh! It's so fluffy! Gotta catch it so I can give my enemies diabeetus!
I try to lob a pokeball at it right off the bat, fearful that Jesus may tear the thing to shreds like he did the last one. The attempt failed.

The bunny clamps its ears to Jesus' metallic body, trapping him in place!

Jesus retaliates with a mirror shot, though the attack isn't very effective.

The bunny veils itself in a ring of water! The odd bunny looks slightly healthier than before. It's healing itself!

Jesus! Nuke it again with a mirror shot! The bunny looks like it's in critical condition, though it remains clamped firmly to Jesus. It strikes back with a beam of bubbly foam spewing from its mouth!

hoping that Jesus can withstand the assault, I hurl another pokeball at the offending wild-mon. The ball manages to contain the bunny-thing, and it clicks firmly closed. I've caught my first pokemon!

I return to the Pokemon center and civilization to take a better look at our newest party-member. It's a sassy and kinda quirky little girl, quite tenacious even when terribly outmatched. I named it Angel.

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

It seems skilled at waterbased moves, despite the fact it's a rabbit. Pokemon are weird.

I return to Route 30 with Angel in tow, with the intent to train it further against the trials of wild combat.

It's...a turtle...with a tree growing out of it's head. That seems unhealthy.

I let Angel get a good glimpse of the beast, ensuring it experiences the first thrills of danger, before calling her back and sending Jesus to facechomp the twig-turtle. Angel doesn't seem to gain much experience from the fight though.

Sweet Heavy Metal Jesus' non-existent handlebar moustache. What eldritch horror is this?!

I keep the same routine as before, letting Angel witness this mad-beast for a moment before calling her back, lest she lose her sanity, and sending out HMJ to facechomp. It seemed to be a wise move, for at that moment the blob unleashed a beam of pure energy aimed directly at where Angel had stood. That could've been deadly, but the attack missed.
before Jesus can run in and do his thang, the blob moves again! A look of concentration appears on it's blobby face, as it tightens its focus. quickly, Jesus, kill it fast!
It is killed fast. A single bite of Jesus' jaws of death end the blob's reign of madness.

Angel's brush with insanity-inducing star-spawn seems to have effected her psyche. She seems to have matured a level.

-----------------------------------------------------------------
I continue this routine of training for a while. Many blob-spawn perished in the name of toughening a fluffy rabbit.

During the training Jesus picked up a new move. I'm not sure how useful this one would be, in the long run.

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

Not long after Angel seems more than confident to fight for her friends and manages to take out a twig-turtle all on her own. She grows stronger and her wimpy bubble beam develops into a full blown burst of water with the force of a mortar blast!

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

I like this little rabbit.
-----------------------------------------------------------------
Training took an unexpected turn as we fought a blob.

Luckily, Jesus was there to absorb the hit. I'd hate to think what would've been left of Angel after such a massive show of power.

He facechomped the offender for its transgressions.
-----------------------------------------------------------------
I think I'll train Angel a bit more, then move on to the next town. She seems to be growing quickly and looks more than capable of handling herself.

Spoiler: OOC (click to show/hide)

I wanted to catch a drowzee and name it Boatmurder, but I really didn't expect Steel to be super-effective against one. Oh well. The fact the drowzees know Attack Order, normally for vespiqueen specifically, makes me wonder what type they are, but I guess now I'll never know for sure.

Angel the Buneary seems a good catch though. Learning Hydro Cannon at before even level 10? Instant-awesome. She looks like she could be a useful tank in later game, with aqua ring, good defense and special defense, and a potential second typing once she evolves.

Spoiler: Score Tracker (click to show/hide)

"Heavy Metal" Jesus the vain Hasty Charmander: 12 wild pokemon (1 overkill), 1 trainer pokemon, 13 kills total
Angel the tenacious Quirky Buneary: 3 wild pokemon, 0 trainer pokemon, 3 total

[Heron TSG]

Man, Swalot is so cool. Are you allowed to catch one of those as well, or was it on the same route as the Buneary?