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[Dutchling]

A Grayling sounds like some sort of lesser evil from the Shadow Realm.

[MonkeyHead]

Allow me to give you a synopsis of the main names in there, most of whom are Tories:

Gove = Cunt in charge of the education department. Basically ripping the soul out of teachers, and making it hard for any pupil to acheive anything.
Iain Duncan Smith = Tory leader for a while in the Blair Years. Spineless speutum.
George Osbourne = Independantly wealthy (millionaire) chancellor. Seems to enjoy taxing everyone and everything other than the rich, who he keeps happy by letting them exploit the system.
Liam Fox = Former defence secretary who made a point of shouting about how Labour were wasting money on many defence projects, before proceding to throw more money at them, keeping his rich buddies happy.
Nick Clegg = Spineless cunt, LibDem leader who has abandoned all of his parties principles in exchange for a moment in the sun.
Theresa May = Arrogant as fuck Home Sec who has wasted millions on a number of white whale issues whilst ignoring genuine social problems.
Phillip Hammond = Defense Sec who followed on from Fox, doing much the same thing.
Malcom Rifkind = Old school Thatcher Tory, who would love things to go back to the bad old days.
Kenneth Clarke = Chancellor under Major, who oversaw the last few years of Thatcherist policy.

Basically, a bunch of rich, old money twats who all went to Eton or equivalent then an Oxbridge institution, with no idea of real life. Tories through and through.

[Darvi]

Yanno, I would contribute with news from our own elections next month, but they're always so uneventful that I can't even tell you the parties' stances on issues.

[Scoops Novel]

Yanno, I would contribute with news from our own elections next month, but they're always so uneventful that I can't even tell you the parties' stances on issues.

Where are you?

[Owlbread]

I'm going to supplement MonkeyHead's excellent synopsis with a few assessments of my own:

Douglas Alexander = Scottish Labour stalwart, slimy little patronising shitbag. Good-party-man. One of my least favourite people on the planet. Also, the more successful half of an abysmal brother/sister duo; he and his sister Wendy used to represent various parts of my home town (more like ruling them as petty fiefdoms) in the Scottish and British parliaments. Wendy led the Scottish Labour Party for one terrible year. She resigned in disgrace, leaving a trail of broken dreams behind her. Currently the Shadow Foreign Secretary. Take a look at his statements on the "special relationship" in recent days if you want to get an idea of what he'd be like.

Danny Alexander = Some kind of oversized, gormless mustelid that wriggled itself into a suit and began representing parts of rural Scotland for the Liberal Democrats. Chief of the Treasury. No real principles, parrots the party line, no charisma. Used to be the Secretary of State for Scotland (the representative of the British government in Scotland) until the government realised he was a liability and chose someone slightly more personable. No idea what he'd be like as a foreign secretary, he's very much an economics man.

Andrew Mitchell = Disgraced Tory chief whip. Alleged to have called a police officer a "pleb", turned out to be largely police spin but still a generally unpleasant little fellow. Has some credentials in as much as he is a former UN Peacekeeper and has done a fair amount of work in founding some kind of social action project in Sierra Leone and Rwanda.

Yvette Cooper = Wife of Ed Balls (a leading Labour figure, I'm not that much of a fan). Hasn't really done anything terrible yet, still a figure of the Labour establishment though. Shadow Secretary for Women and Equalities.

Eric Pickles = Roly-poly Tory. Somewhat pleasing in his good-old-fashioned Toryness, basically everything you'd expect from a British Conservative. I like him for some reason. I, of course, would rather he never lead anything larger than a committee organising a village fete or something, rather than being our Secretary of State for Communities and Local Government (and doing a rather poor job at it). I would be amused to see him as a foreign secretary; he's very anti-EU indeed, god knows what he'd be like with the Americans. Almost UKIPish, except has less barely-concealed bigotry.

Jim Murphy = Terribly arrogant, soulless, dishonest, Scottish Labour, good-party-man, unprincipled, nuclear-bomb-loving, militaristic zombie. Shadow Secretary of State for Defence. The US government and the Obama administration would love him. According to US diplomatic documents leaked through Wikileaks, he led a top-secret cross party group of Unionists who attempted to block any attempts to have an independence referendum. He failed. I loathe this man with every fibre in my body.

And... that's about it.

[Dutchling]

Yanno, I would contribute with news from our own elections next month, but they're always so uneventful that I can't even tell you the parties' stances on issues.

Where are you?

Luxembourg.

[MetalSlimeHunt]

Owlbread, I'm going out on a limb here, but I'm guessing you have some lingering animosity towards Scottish Labour.

[Darvi]

Luxembourg.

Curses, I've been found. Better move away fast.

[Owlbread]

Owlbread, I'm going out on a limb here, but I'm guessing you have some lingering animosity towards Scottish Labor.

Now what possibly gave you that idea?

Also, MonkeyHead, don't forget that Philip Hammond was the fellow that allegedly called Assad "Saddam" in a debate.

[MetalSlimeHunt]

Owlbread, I'm going out on a limb here, but I'm guessing you have some lingering animosity towards Scottish Labor.

Now what possibly gave you that idea?

The fact that you described the Labour candidates as even worse than the Conservative candidates, and you previously described the Conservatives as, and I quote, "the devil".

[Owlbread]

The Scottish Labour candidates are worse than the Conservative candidates in my opinion, though I see more principled Labour candidates in England (we live in interesting times, don't we?). My choices for Foreign Secretary would either be Yvette Cooper or Eric Pickles for a laugh. Perhaps I was unfair originally, on the scale of demons the Conservatives would be more on par with Malebolgia rather than Satan himself.

I always bottle up my most potent vitriol for those that I consider to be snakes in the grass, and I consider Scottish Labour to be positively slithering. Wee Dougie Alexander and Jim Murphy are two of the worst. Of course, the problem is that I basically ran out of Tories to criticise after MonkeyHead took all the fun ones like George Osborne (who always looks like he's been caught doing something wrong) and Iain Duncan Smith. The only ones left were ones that I didn't really hate as much.

[ggamer]

Obviously, the Scottish Labour Party represents the SuperDevil.

[Frumple]

... so who are Khan and Djanogly?

[Owlbread]

I am ashamed to say that Djanogly and Khan have passed under my radar. I must be more switched on. But yes, the Scottish Labour Party basically represents Chernobog.

[Darvi]

... so who are Khan and Djanogly?

Is this the moment to make Star Trek references or would it spoil the movie?