What we really need is an ongoing attempt to educate people on how to effectively argue over the internet. And perhaps a standardized format for boiling arguments down to the essentials, so that they can be easily grasped.
I've had a similar idea for a very long time -- a debate wiki, which collects all the points and counter-points of common subjects of debate summarized in an easily browse-able format, perhaps also with links to supporting data for either side if they have it. I hadn't thought about that in a long time... but it's kind of ridiculous to me how much I see so many debates go through the exact same routine over and over again. I see people making points every day that with the kind of bravado the suggests they think they're stating an original thought which can't possibly be defeated, but which I've seen successfully challenged a million times. I want a link I can throw at those people and be like "Here's the script. I see you've made it this far on your own. Finish up the rest and then get back to me." Maybe something like that could get ingrained in our culture the way Wikipedia has as a reference, and help society mature at a bit faster pace.
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As for the bit about the nature of pro-lifer's arguments and stance -- it's quite clearly rooted in deep emotional convictions. But I think there are a couple explanations that haven't been suggested yet as to how they don't recognize the same contradictions in their arguments as we do.
First, when they're saying abortion = murder, they're saying that it's a deliberate act of violence. Pro-life is just a positive-sounding label they use. When you point out that it's a contradiction for them not to support other people's lives by working to prevent poverty, war, etc, they don't see that as in the same realm of moral consideration. To them, those are just unfortunate ways in which the world is a fucked up place where you have to be hard-working and tough to make it, and not everyone is.
Which leads to the second point, where I think the conservative pro-lifer type is much more likely to see life as competitive in nature. One of the most common refrains I hear on the subject is the idea that the unborn child never even had a chance at life. Even if you point out that an unwanted child born to an uneducated, impoverished single mother is almost certainly doomed to a fucking miserable life, it's still worth it to generate all that misery just for the sake of that .001% chance of beating the odds. It's even worth sacrificing the mother's well-being, because she's had her chance and fucked it up by getting pregnant. When that child doesn't beat the odds and ends up a miserable drag on society, it was their fault for not fighting hard enough to be that winner... but at least they had the chance.
That's my take on that side of the issue, anyway. Having written it out, I think potential really is what they're on about. It really is more important to them then already established lives, because now that they're a part of the world, they're expected to work and compete for their stake in it like everyone else. And they'll not feel bad about making it as difficult as possible.