"The pod malfunctioned?"
"Yes sir. Severely."
"This pod being, essentially, a shipping container with parachutes and reentry shielding?"
"Well, yes, sir."
"'Pod' is perhaps an overly extravagant name. A box, or a crate, really."
"...You could say that, sir."
"How does a crate malfunction? Outside of breaking, perhaps?"
"Sir?"
"Let's move on. This malfunction unleashed an earthquake according to your report, is that correct?"
"Yes sir."
"Did the box contain angry spirits? Malevolent deities?"
"Records say the pod contained algal food packs. Sir."
"Is Planet allergic to algae?"
"Not to my knowledge, sir."
"One last thing. Your report states without further comment that the resultant land displacement was a vertical amount of several thousand kilometers, sufficient to bring hundreds of new acres of land not only above sea level, stranding our nearby aquatic base in a barren desert, but also redirecting the flow of a major river besides."
"Yes, sir?"
"That's a damn strange earthquake."
"I'm afraid I'm not a geologist, sir."
"You're not a cartographer either, this new land mass is apparently perfectly square. Well, since you're still the best expert we have on this new phenomenon, I'm transferring you to inventory and receiving. Please use your knowledge to ensure that we don't have any of our more recently-manufactured crates suddenly burst into new mountain ranges- oh, don't look so downhearted. This isn't a demotion. I would consider it a valuable career move. In fact, do well there and I may have a position for you in a diplomatic venture."
"...Seriously?"
"Yes, I understand Morgan Enterprises is in need of a new warehousing clerk. Good-day."