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[CyberUrist]

The kumquats are your frieeeends.

Hello, and welcome to YaaCP! You are a crazy hermit who believes that all kumquats are his friends, and that sacks of flour are conspiring against him! The sacks are unrelenting... So you must, um, do crazy person things. Adventure ho! (BTW, don't always trust your perceptions. You are insane, after all. Most things that people say will be left uncorrupted, however.)

You find yourself in a purple room. This is your room. There are various square protusions from the floor, and you are sitting on your bed. There is a heavily mangled door in front of you, and with the eyes on the back of your head you can see a window. Outside of this window is a bright, sunny sky. Inside of the window are your beloved fruity friends. To your side, there is another window with some dancing ferrets outside. Silly ferrets. You are a bit hungry. What will you do first?

[sjm9876]

Walk through the window, catch a ferret, and eat it.

[Wwolin]

Walk through the window, catch a ferret, and eat it.

+1

[scapheap]

Walk through the window, catch a ferret, and eat it.

Not crazy enough.

Eat bed and/or dirt.

[sjm9876]

Or eat our beloved fruity friends!!! Tasty 

[CyberUrist]

You attempt to gain ethereal powers. [11] Your skin becomes more transparent. You attempt to walk through the window, and bonking your head on the wall, you just decide to climb through it. You successfully pass through the glass. The ferrets take no notice of the rag-dressed man beside them, and continue to dance. [6] You try to catch one, but you end up falling. The ferrets dance over you. You are still somewhat hungry.

You get back in the house. Your bed is, despite being made of hay, is unfortunately inedible.

You would not dare even let someone eat your precious friends! Especially the flour sacks.

[sjm9876]

Or eat our beloved fruity friends!!! Tasty 

I reiterate. Or possibly eat the door......

[Wwolin]

Bludgeon self with bed until bloody. When ferrets come to feed on your blood, eat them.

[sjm9876]

Bludgeon self with bed until bloody. When ferrets come to feed on your blood, eat them.

Sounds legit. +1

[scapheap]

Bludgeon self with bed until bloody. When ferrets come to feed on your blood, eat them.

Sounds legit. +1

Now you're thinking with crazes. +1

[CyberUrist]

You attempt to lift your bed. [17] With a burst of abnormal strength, you lift your incredibly light hay bed, over your head! You attempt to bludgeon yourself with it. [7] You fail to generate enough force to even minorly bruise yourself. Perhaps you could use something harder, like the conveniently placed flower pot on your daystand? Or the daystand itself?

[Aerie]

Rip own pancreas out, throw it out the window, and scream at God for damning you to this infernal hell-hole He calls a room.

Failing that, dump out the flowerpot and wear it as a hat.

[scapheap]

Rip door off hinges and thrown in random direction.

[Wwolin]

Rip own pancreas out, throw it out the window, and scream at God for damning you to this infernal hell-hole He calls a room.

Failing that, dump out the flowerpot and wear it as PANTS.

Now it's insane.

[CyberUrist]

First, you stroke the flowerpot. It contains several lollipops. You dump it out the window with the two ferrets, and they walk over. They gently unwrap the lollipops and begin to lick, standing directly under the window.

Split second kumquat!

Your kumquats become alert, and yell to you! "This is the perfect opportunity!"

Do you listen to them? This really is the best time to catch the ferrets.

(You will attempt to wear the flowerpot after you make the action.)