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Author Topic: Dorfen Suggestion Box  (Read 1735 times)

Xantalos

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Dorfen Suggestion Box
« on: January 26, 2013, 01:34:56 am »

I saw Note To Urist, and figured the dwarves needed a way to communicate with their overseer. Hence, the mysterious suggestion box. This strange artifice devours slips of paper/beard with writing on them and transmits the info to the overseer, providing a way for the dwarves to suggest improvements to the fort, or berate the overseer for something stupid done.

Dear Overseer,

I understand that you would like dragon mounts; we all would, but you really have to make sure they don't get into the above-ground, all-wood settlement.

Sincerely,
Vabok Beardgrapes, singed dwarf
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crekit

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Re: Dorfen Suggestion Box
« Reply #1 on: January 26, 2013, 01:43:10 am »

Deer overseer,

I understand the pressure to get under the aquifer is pushing you to work with all haste. But make sure in the future that when you move a screw pump, there are not still miners in the area that the pump was previously keeping from flooding.

With all obedience, the dwarves.

(RE: Pumps. You bloody idiot. There was a staircase no less than ONE TILE AWAY FROM YOU. Are you really that bloody incompetent?)
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<-- Has no idea what just happened.

He likes gold, native gold, trees that are made of gold, and tungsten. He likes cats for their haunting meows. He needs dwarf fortress to get through the working day. When possible, prefers to consume Potatoes, cheese, cow milk. Absolutely detests elves. And spiders.

Scorch

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Re: Dorfen Suggestion Box
« Reply #2 on: January 26, 2013, 02:27:06 am »

Dear Overseer,

Can we please explore the cavern levels and capture some flesh balls? I need one in my room for... reasons.

Urgently,
Urist McSuspiciousManner
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...and have a fortress protected by weaponized killer trousers. No need for an army. When goblins arrive, just deploy the pants.

Tevish Szat

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Re: Dorfen Suggestion Box
« Reply #3 on: January 26, 2013, 02:34:23 am »

Dear Overseer: I mandated spears so we could defend ourselves from the seven goblins that are currently slaughtering all our migrants and forcing us to stay locked inside.  However easy they are to make, wooden training spears do not count.
- Urist McMayor

(Dear urist: You're in a challenge embark and have no metal access yet.  Sorry.)
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Tevish Szat likes books, computers, board games, and cats for their aloofness. When possible, he prefers to consume hamburgers and macaroni and cheese. He needs caffeine to get through the working day.

Slayerhero90

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Re: Dorfen Suggestion Box
« Reply #4 on: January 26, 2013, 02:36:45 am »

Tzareil Mondr,

Welkem Daenvr lon mondvrz? Solus desikvr rot eksizvr vim troen gbelm vae "Dworf Fokol"! Mondvr altrn! Gyaa!

- Troen Daetrlunaudkis
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Urist McDruid

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Re: Dorfen Suggestion Box
« Reply #5 on: January 26, 2013, 03:13:19 am »

Tzareil Mondr,

Welkem Daenvr lon mondvrz? Solus desikvr rot eksizvr vim troen gbelm vae "Dworf Fokol"! Mondvr altrn! Gyaa!

- Troen Daetrlunaudkis

 Oh I'm sorry, I thought this was 'Merica.
Couldn't help myself.
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Itnetlolor

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Re: Dorfen Suggestion Box
« Reply #6 on: January 26, 2013, 01:06:22 pm »

Dear Overseer,

Whenever an ambush happens, please stop conscripting dwarves closest to the threat, regardless of their skill levels (some of them are children, for Armok's sake), instead of sending your trained military after them, however few in number they are. Some of them are skilled enough to take on a small team at a time, at least.

Mourning the loss of their buddies and siblings,
SEE ATTACHMENT:
[Petition of several dozen dwarves]


PS- We don't mind if the traders have to deal with them for us; especially the elves. One visit for some aboveground crops and such is good enough as is; but once they start giving us nothing but cloth, they deserve to deal with the local ettin and etc. for us.


OSR:
Yes, I know, my military tactics suck; but I try to keep the needs of the many above the needs of the few from time to time. In essence, I want to keep the enemy at a distance as long as I can so I can lock-up the joint before we all get massacred horribly.




Dear Overseer,

What the hell is wrong with you and our living conditions? I know you wanted to do a sort of test for some project, or application that can be spread via word-of-mouth to other overseers when it comes to producing their forts; but damn, you could care for us a little more. I'm tired of sleeping in a dirt-ridden hallway next to the shops and trade depots with other bedfellows complaining about wheelbarrows running over everyone in the hall. A hallway does not a dormitory make (even if it can give all 100s of us with a place to sleep; the noise, and the constant complaints and IN-/OUT-bound traffic. We can't even get a damn wink in this horrible layout). Oh, and let's not forget the crappy setup of very few tables and chairs in the main hall for only the elite, where the rest of us have to sit on the ground to eat. And we're done with your bullshit about an "epic dining hall is in the works". You're kidding, right? You're obsessed with refining your 'experiment' more than making lavish halls for us.

Frustrated with your consistent short-sightedness,
Nil 'PatienceLeft'

PS- I mean, how do you have all the time in the world to make storage and slowed hauling a thing of the past, yet not enough time to give us a proper place to sleep, or eat?


OSR:
You signed up to work on an experiment. These conditions are to be expected. Quit complaining. In forts in which we're serious about lasting longer than a decade, the needs of the many will outweigh the want of the one. That is, until mandates are to be made; then I will have to answer to them, or make some snazzy jail cells, considering the rate of input for them.




Dear Overseer, and the Lord you pray to,

You've been teasing us about selecting another lucky fort to work on a rival/related aircraft to the prior myth covered in blood; when are either of you going to be serious about it and get to work already? We're tired of waiting. Get over what's holding you back, and do something already.

Signed,
[listed survivors of the previous and potential future overseers of the next airship megaproject and etc.]

PS- We've noticed our Lord has recently come across means of making ease his methods of production lately. Find a way to get that lazy god off his ass, and get to work already.

PPS- I do reckon other gods are probably getting tired of hearing/seeing your bragging about the ONE airship you produced, and how many people know about it. Mayhaps it's time you get something else noteworthy to talk about, instead of being a one-trick pony? You're smart enough to do other things, be a multi-skilled nightmare, or something. Colonize an ocean; make an offshore rig, build a dwarven space station. Something. We have spoken.


OSR:
I've been busy with the planning and design work, but never really found the time to actually summarize it into a workable blueprint. Thanks to a few tools our Lord has provided us, building/planning in advance, as well as setting up quarters and etc. along with a few other efficiency boosts here and there will be used in the future incarnations of the soaring blood series of airships. The Lord has been absent for a few eras for various reasons, but his interest is returning as he helps out other gods, or at least provides input to them. If the bloodships are losing his interest, he may focus on other projects on the side. Like the suggestions you provided.
« Last Edit: January 26, 2013, 10:48:15 pm by Itnetlolor »
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Nyxalinth

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Re: Dorfen Suggestion Box
« Reply #7 on: January 26, 2013, 02:01:09 pm »

Hey lady,

How about some REAL dwarfy action?  You've been playing this game directing our activities for four years now.  Stop fearing the Aquifer and learn to love the flood.  When do we get some megaprojects going on?  A pyramid or a Sphynx in the desert could be cool.  You like Egyptian stuff.

Come on already, or we're leaving you for the players who launch puppies out of cannons at elves and build giant glass towers in the circus for the lulz.

The dwarves
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Slayerhero90

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Re: Dorfen Suggestion Box
« Reply #8 on: January 26, 2013, 02:22:32 pm »

That was a letter from my demonbloods to GET THE FUCKING MODDING PROJECT DONE ALREADY!
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Loud Whispers

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Re: Elfen Suggestion Box
« Reply #9 on: January 26, 2013, 03:25:29 pm »

Dear Overseer,
I cannot seem to express my indignity in words. I came to see your appointed representative, AS PER PROTOCOL, and my treatment was less than satisfactory.
To my delight I first saw your Dwarves chaining those nesŠnethelirerathi humans up outside. I thought to myself, perhaps the Dwarves had wizened up and learned to love the tree and had punished them for their wicked crimes.
I realized as soon as you showed me the grace of the prison that I was mistaken. You tried to hide it, but the stumps of your hideous past could not be masked with simple roads. The Elves know what you did.
Avetho Bethaené.

_______________________________________________________________________________


Dear Overseer,
Stop killing our diplomats. We acknowledge your kind is incapable of empathising with higher beings or trees, but it is considered gross crime to kill diplomats in such a violent manner and keep their severed head as a pet. Not even the goblins did that. Try cutting down less trees next time, or we will retaliate. In the mean time we shall stop exporting all goods to your Fortress; consider it an Elfen mercy; we honestly didn't like Avetho to begin with.
Imeva Nóquememenadi.

Tevish Szat

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Re: Dorfen Suggestion Box
« Reply #10 on: January 26, 2013, 05:48:21 pm »

Dear Overseer:
HAVE YOU LOST YOUR MIND?  WE HAVE NO JUSTICE SYSTEM!  THESE HAULERS KEEP EXPORTING MY BUCKLERS AND THE CRAFTSDWARVES WON'T MAKE MY MINI FORGES!  SOMEONE MUST PAY FOR THIS!
- Queen Tholtig McMandate

Overseer Response: Establish fortress guard.  Some random fish cleaners and cheesemakers will do.


Dear Overseer
Hey!  It's the new captain o' the guard yeh conscripted last week!  I'm tellin' ye, we need a jail.  I jes cannae stand ta see these scoundrels gettin' away with a beatin' wit me ☼Silver War-Hammer☼ when they deserve some time chained ta the wall or locked up good an' tight in a cage.
- Tulon VonGuardcaptain.

Overseer Response: Forge gold chains and place in smoothed/engraved rooms with food and drink stockpiles, masterwork beds, and some tables/chairs, all within reach of the chain.  Also, appoint a Hammerer.


Dear Overseer
Beggin' your pardon, worship, but my son, Tiny Tun... he was hurt in a tantrum after one of them guard beatings a while back.  Now, we didn't want to burden your worship by havin' him go to the hospital, but he's so slow now 'cause of the damage to his legs.  If you could find it in your heart to have one of the carpenters make a crutch for him?
-Urist McHauler

Overseer Response: Burrow Tiny Tun in the "Red Ampresand" burrow.  Pull the Lever.  Parents will be informed he was sent to another fortress for treatment and given a slab in his honor.
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A medium-sized humanoid fond of fantasy and science-fiction.

Tevish Szat likes books, computers, board games, and cats for their aloofness. When possible, he prefers to consume hamburgers and macaroni and cheese. He needs caffeine to get through the working day.

Randy Gnoman

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Re: Dorfen Suggestion Box
« Reply #11 on: January 27, 2013, 12:29:59 am »

Dear Overseer,

Have you noticed that the unemplyed dwarves hanging around in the dining hall frequently stand on the tables?  They let those mobs of stray dogs and other animals do it, too.  One of the porcupines that we got from the elves walked across my lunch today.  Please do something about this.
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MDFification

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Re: Dorfen Suggestion Box
« Reply #12 on: February 01, 2013, 10:53:32 pm »

Dear Overseer,
I cannot fathom why all the nobles have retired to their quarters and never returned. I also can't imagine why you then grant the next batch of nobles the same room. I thought the nobles wanted space, how are you cramming them all in there? Is this room simply so large and splendid they never want to leave? I know we did a great job rigging up that indoor plumbing. Don't know why we didn't rig it up to the cistern, but hey, can't have them doing their business in the peasant water!

In obedience,
Urist McNaive
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Vox

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Re: Dorfen Suggestion Box
« Reply #13 on: February 02, 2013, 07:55:50 pm »

Dear Overseer,

No.

-sincerely, Urist.
« Last Edit: February 02, 2013, 07:58:37 pm by Vox »
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Itnetlolor

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Re: Dorfen Suggestion Box
« Reply #14 on: February 03, 2013, 12:42:47 am »

Dear Overseer,

I understand that security is now finally a concern for you, but I am puzzled. Since when does security involve cutting a huge, yet easy-to-cross thin perimeter around the designated regions for us to embark upon? How is that supposed to stop anyone? I what plane of existence or state of mind makes you think this idea would work?

Sincerely,
   The poor sap who thinks this won't work, and might die from it.

OSR:
According to thy Lord, goblins and other invaders have a bizarre fear of heights, just like some of us. A simple evisceration of the landscape is enough to entirely reroute anyone and anything, besides creatures that fly, to a much longer course to our home. Sure it's a few seasons of work, but I was assured that it's worth it, despite looking rater bizarre from above. Look at it this way, without building our fort, we gain plenty of material at the start before we get serious with making a snazzy home. Bear with it. We lose a year, but may gain decades.

PS- Oh yeah, and as pointless as it may seem, you may need to sacrifice a trade season to get an idea of where the caravans come from so you can setup a good decoy trade hut so they can bring wagons still, whether they can access your claimed territory or not. I fear, though, that a god much greater than the Lord may remedy all our fears; an almighty toad, and give new ways to bypassing them. Only time will tell how long this exploit will be effective for.



Dear Overseer,

I am pleased to see that your previous exploits (I mean actual exploits, not prior forts/projects) have been refining themselves over time, albeit it cost of several forts in the process. I just hope you still keep up with security and housing. I don't feel like dealing with another wave or few of berserk dwarves and their kin again.

Signed,
  An adventurer shadowing your many exploits

PS- Sorry about a few missing barrels of ale and prepped food in your ship. Dude's gotta eat.

OSR:
I'm gonna have to invoice you for all that. The brokers at those places may be dead, but I am not. Pay up, buddy.
« Last Edit: February 03, 2013, 01:00:11 am by Itnetlolor »
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