Enjoy.
________________________________________________________________
All right, Nerin, let’s ask about the family of the poor man you just murdered
I..
You know, his wife, kids etcetera.
Murdered..
No, that’s just stupid. let’s go into the old mines, now. Lay low for a bit.
Murdered…
Wipe his blood of your face, first.His..
blood…Nerin, quit muttering and obey our orders!
…
Nerin?
…
Hey guys. Look at this! I’m making him walk!Oh god no.. Nerin! Please wake up. Please!Now, obviously, Nerin could regain control at any moment, so I need to act quick, get my priorities together.Your what? You blah blah blah...Now, I could try get my hands on a dress. A noble goal if ever I knew one, but Nerin will probably tear it of in an instance. Poor boy doesn’t know carp about fashion.Should we even try talk sense into this?
Bedding anyone isn’t half as fun without Nerin to struggle against my orders, so I guess that leaves the elf. You’re an elf!Of course, if I can’t get a majority to let him free, he’s dead the moment I lose control. So that leaves me with preparing. Most stuff should be easy enough to get. Except hair… I could cut of Nerin’s, but..Elf!Exactly.
So I’ll just go find someone to kill. But first things first.
That’s better.
Now, I need to find a target alone, so I guess I’ll try to get some stray animal or lost citizen in a quiet place. There, I’m going to kill someone in the old mines, like most of you suggested. I’m, like, the voice of the people.*Groan**A few moments of rummaging through surprisingly empty caves later*
Well look at that. A hole.*Crawls in*
I wonder what’s in here. Hope it has hair.
…
Well, there certainly is something here, collecting random debris from the tunnels. I'd like a monkey. And I guess two rocks or so will come in handy. But-As Nerin’s eyes further adjusted to the darkness, it was revealed that this man was wholly uncovered by anything but curly grey hair. Nerin, tell hi-…
Carp.
Wassyou doing in me shack?...
…!
Now there's an idea..
I am Gili stonehelm!GodOf fireAnd reason!Gah!And I demand tribute. Give me your hair, or be cursed.
Letsme get me sharp rock. Letsme get me sharp rock.Carp. He had a sharp rock? I could’ve used that.Messgot you me me hair for you. Pleases leavesme alone.Magnificent.I refuse to believe that worked. Well, 'worked' anyway..Are those lice?
They’re a bonus. We can train them later.Finally.Anything else, and I risk nerin waking up in the middle and panicking. So that’s about all I can do for the plan at the moment. I suppose I’ll amuse myself for a bit. Heh. Looks like the fire is coming along nicely. I wonder how long it’ll take for anyone to notice?…
*Wandering about untill he finds a random dwarf*
Excuse me, sir. Would you know where to find some elderly people?
This can’t be good.
Just follow tha’ road an ya’ll see a statue 'o one o'em cats, then take ta door on ye left. We’ve got a big room full o’beds where we let em decompose like. Useless sacks of dust..Hey, this isn’t the road he pointed to. Where are you going?
Back to the brewstry, of course. We’ll need supplies for what I’m about to do.…
Hey, Brewster!
Well, what are you up to now, mate?I *um* need a barrel of drinks. Do you, *um* have a spare one? Cheap *um* if you can manage?
Sure. I’ve got one for ya right ‘ere.*Hnf*
Just let me put this down while I get your payment.
…
*um*
So, what you need all that drink for, eh?It’s for the *um* less fortunate. There *um* you go.
*Hnf*
'I can haz'
This must be it......When I arrived at the so called home for the elderly, they were surprised to see me at first.Oh no..
But when the drinks started flowing, they became looser and looser. As did their clothes.Kill them. Please? Pretty please? We’ll light them on fire, take their limbs and everything.
Jokes were told, old stories were started, but our minds turned to other things long before those were finished.No, no, no, no no…
Old bodies got up from long times of inaction, and started moving.I cannot scream. I cannot -physically- scream.
It was a grand, wrinkly mess. There were a few more men then women, but we didn’t mind.You’re gay. You’re all gay. GAAY. You hear me? Gay. You have to stop now. You need to stop.Some relatives eventually came. Some turned away in disgust, a few others joined. A few of the earlier participants fell asleep in the middle, too. Overall, the balance of genders didn‘t really change.Why are you doing this? What did we do? What did anyone do?
In the end, I had atoned Nerin for previous misdeeds, and enjoyed it.
…
We shouldn’t forget to take the barrel.____________________________________________________________________________
Now, I realize this isn't of the usual quality, but that's why Slowpokez does this thing and not I. Anotheredit:(Of course, if I've been a little too liberous at any point, you can always cut this thing off at any moment, let that be cannon and turn the rest into my mutterings.)
Edit: Oh dear. I used the wrong sock image. I'll fix that in a moment.Edit2: There.
Edit3: Corrected the lice pick, too.