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[Weirdsound]

Well we need to weaponry their Greed right? Then I have the perfect test for them. Give them passable clothing first of all though...

Have them go door to door selling sword polish or some other crap that nobody wants in the capitol. Whomever sells the most will be named squad leader and given starting gear that is slightly less sucky than the rest.

[scapheap]

You could have sworn there was supposed to be a fourth, but you either can't remember what they were right now or you're mistaken.

At least can we have Ko the human male high-school student from a different dimension? Lock up for mutable molestation of women(All by accident)?

Anyway send them to the training cave(that has some low level monster(rats) and loot(wooden stuff)).

[IronyOwl]

You could have sworn there was supposed to be a fourth, but you either can't remember what they were right now or you're mistaken.

At least can we have Ko the human male high-school student from a different dimension? Lock up for mutable molestation of women(All by accident)?

I have now officially formulated an idea based* on this. You have until the next update to distract me with something better or Things Happen.

_{*In the same sense as movies based on things}

[rabidgam3r]

You could have sworn there was supposed to be a fourth, but you either can't remember what they were right now or you're mistaken.

At least can we have Ko the human male high-school student from a different dimension? Lock up for mutable molestation of women(All by accident)?

Anyway send them to the training cave(that has some low level monster(rats) and loot(wooden stuff)).

This, but arm them with only a herring!

[Xantalos]

You could have sworn there was supposed to be a fourth, but you either can't remember what they were right now or you're mistaken.

At least can we have Ko the human male high-school student from a different dimension? Lock up for mutable molestation of women(All by accident)?

Anyway send them to the training cave(that has some low level monster(rats) and loot(wooden stuff)).

This, but arm them with only a herring!

Halibut. Herring is for chopping down trees.

[IronyOwl]

You could have sworn there was supposed to be a fourth, but you either can't remember what they were right now or you're mistaken.

At least can we have Ko the human male high-school student from a different dimension? Lock up for mutable molestation of women(All by accident)?

Anyway send them to the training cave(that has some low level monster(rats) and loot(wooden stuff)).

This, but arm them with only a herring!

Halibut. Herring is for chopping down trees.

You inform the adventurers that they are to be sent to the Cave of Training, a place filled with low level monsters and wooden loot. Ngosk politely reminds you that no such place exists. You politely remind Ngosk that that's code for having him shove a bunch of rats and wooden helmets into a cave somewhere.

They're also to be armed with noble halibuts, the venerated symbol of your house, and not the herrings of those hicks.


Speaking of which, they've finally brought in the last-

...why is he wearing guard armor? And not chained up? And leering at one of your other guards?

Ngosk explains that he apparently seduced and/or overpowered one of your female guards, then some things happened, then she tried to help him escape. Actually, he did escape, but then came back when he found out there were other female guards besides that one.


...anyway he has to go stock the Cave of Training; adventurers move notoriously fast when they're not distracted by shiny objects. He'll have the guard captain distract them for a bit with some tutorial bullshit ostensibly to make sure they're not high or don't know which end of a sword to grab, but then you should take up a bit of their time talking to them. Maybe ask them some questions, give them some advice, that sort of thing.

Basically mingle and make friends with some of the most wretched creatures in existence. Remember, it's for the kingdom.

[Weirdsound]

Build rapport with Sirscus Salamandra and antagonize the rest by appointing him 'group chef' and loudly discussing the cuisine that he will make for the group.

[Remuthra]

Prepare a speech about how they must save the kingdom or some nonsense like that. If they ask you anything, respond with the phrase "I'm not entirely sure." Also tell them about the legendary treasures strewn about the kingdom's caves and such, that will keep them busy, and they won't catch on to the fact that there are no legendary treasures.

[GreatWyrmGold]

Prepare some insane puzzles to "test their minds" to choose a leader. Also get work started on the next couple "quests".

[Fireiy]

Interested on how this will turn out.

[IronyOwl]

Build rapport with Sirscus Salamandra and antagonize the rest by appointing him 'group chef' and loudly discussing the cuisine that he will make for the group.

You go on at length about how Sirscus is their official party chef, and about how he'll surely be making all sorts of delicious meals. Like roasted rat on a stick, possibly poisonous mushroom soup, blood and vegetable pie, braised bandit brain souffle, and crimes against man and gods gumbo.

It disturbs you that he doesn't appear to lose his enthusiasm or make any semblance of objections to any of this. The rest of the party looks slightly incredulous and worried, but not quite as much as you'd hope from insinuating that they're going to be cracking open a bandit's skull and feasting upon the goo within.

Prepare a speech about how they must save the kingdom or some nonsense like that. If they ask you anything, respond with the phrase "I'm not entirely sure." Also tell them about the legendary treasures strewn about the kingdom's caves and such, that will keep them busy, and they won't catch on to the fact that there are no legendary treasures.

Prepare a speech? They're standing right there, you don't have time to prepare a full speech!

Also you're not sure how that last part is supposed to work. Vaguely assure them there's legendary treasures everywhere -> they look for them but never catch on to the fact that there aren't any?

They're stupid and insane, but you don't think they're that conveniently stupid and insane.

Prepare some insane puzzles to "test their minds" to choose a leader. Also get work started on the next couple "quests".

Being sane yourself, this would be difficult. Also Ngosk is already doing something.

Plus, they're once again right here. You can hardly begin ordering Ngosk to begin working on phony starter quests with them right in front of you.



Vilus speaks up. You repress your sudden rage and desire to have him put to death for daring to speak to you.

Instead, you listen to his insidious speech, from which you gather that he wants to know if there's any demonic portals, necromancer's towers, or other "cool shit" he could get a mount or sword or something from.

Gloria then asks if there's any wizard's towers or other "spell depots" around.

Sirscus asks if you've heard rumors of any legendary chefs he could visit.


The last one asks if you've got a hot daughter, or if there's maybe any female warriors' guilds or something.

[GreatWyrmGold]

Suggest that Gloria punish the last guy as she sees appropriate.

[Weirdsound]

Suggest Orderr that Gloria punish the last guy as she sees appropriate.

Fixed that for you.

Also give them permission/order them to raid some stores in the poor goblin slums while you wait for your adviser to get the dungeon ready. Perhaps they can pick up the blades/mounts/magic they want at the local greenskin's expense.