Oh you people. Staying in this one area will get you nowhere. Lettuce adventure EASTSIDE.
Run east to see where ever dafuq it goes.
You run due east in your mech, and after a few minutes are greeted with a strange sight. A purple army and a brown army are in the middle of a heated battle on the other side of a shallow brook. The clockwork guns of the soldiers fill the air with a metallic ticking sound, with an occasional boom as one of the purple soldiers who is mounted atop an armored giraffe fires his weapon, his shells exploding into clouds of noxious purple gas on impact. Suddenly, this man turns towards you, and yells something to his men before charging and aiming his rifle directly at your cockpit.
"Well, what do you know, looks like I have proper target to demonstrate my skills on. You were lucky to dodge my first strike, boy, but that luck won't last forever."
Stab Village Idiot's heart out.
"I CAN FLY! WEEHEE! You, evil guy! I come back, but now my fwend is leaving, so I follow!"
GTFO of there and join up with that other person. Give Zardak a flying boot to the face on the way.
(Zardak dex: 5-1)
(Idiot dex: 2-3+2)
(Idiot bad: 6+3)
(Zardak dex: 6-1)
(Idiot dex: 3-3+2)
(Zardak str: 4+5+2)
(Idiot end: 1+6)
Zardak lunges at his levitating avian foe with his pike, and skewers the bird like a rotisserie roast upon a spit. As the Village Idiot lets out a death-squawk, his body becomes human again, and Zardak lets loose with his best evil laugh as he flicks the body off of the pike.
VILLAGE IDIOT IS DEAD!(Zardak luk: 1)
As Zardak prepares to boast about his kill, about a dozen cabbages fall from the sky directly onto his head. Well, maybe having more cabbage than anyone else could be boast-worthy?
"Area still dangerous
Action: Seek height advantage.
Weapon testing recommended."
Shoot once at the ground a little bit away, then begin climbing the nearest mountain.
(Scyrothe aff: 1+1)
You point your gun at a nearby fern and fire, launching a marble-sized sphere of bronze at the-WAIT JUST A SECOND. FERN? Yes, despite the chilly mountain air, there appears to be a jungle fern growing out of the rock in front of you. As you walk closer to investigate, the plant suddenly bursts into flames, before being extinguished by a basketball sized globe of water that appears out of nowhere and splashes across the ground. With an electrical hum, the water begins to evaporate as several small bolts of electricity fly from it, before a footlong spike of iron erupts from beneath it and grounds the stray bolts. Vines are already sprouting from the spike, preparing to begin the cycle again, and as you climb the mountain, you see more and more of these elemental anomalies. After a long climb, you finally reach the summit, where a young woman in a red and white robe with long brown hair sits comfortably atop a pillar of iron. She seems to be asleep, but as your metal feet clank against the ground, she groggily opens her eyes, which are a shade of impossibly deep blue. She yawns once, before noticing you and sitting bolt upright.
"You after the Gae-Bolga too? Well, too bad. I found it first, and the only way you'll ever get it is if you pry it from my cold, dead hands. And that's gonna be kinda tricky, seeing as how I have the Gae-Bolga and all. But hey, you're welcome to give it a try. I've just been dying to see what this thing can do anyways."(Ellie-Mental aff: 7+4)
(Ellie-Mental dex: 1+3)
(Scyrothe dex: 6+2)
(Scyrothe end: 2+2)
The girl reaches out with her left arm, and suddenly the elemental anomalies all across the mountain fly into her palm, forming a fifteen-foot long spear with an enormous barbed tip. She jabs the weapon into the ground, and a geyser of boiling steam erupts from the ground near you. While none of the steam itself touches you, the ambient heat released by it is enough to melt your cannon arm beyond all hopes of repair.
"God damn, that was cool. I completely missed you, and you still got hurt. Now, let's see what happens when we turn up the heat even more!" The white portions of the girl's robes shift to a dull orange color, and she pulls her spear from the ground, preparing for another attack.
Turning to her two companions(I think) annie says "Let leave, nowish."
Walk away from little murder light girl.
"That seems reasonable."
Head with Annie. Try to imagine how one would attack with this thing...
Yes, lets go. I vote we go away from the gold creepy thingie.
Follow them, If bad people show up use da pipe.
Warily glance over at Evil Lucky and his Golden Girl.
"Uh, hey... That machete... Isn't it a little unwieldy? I-I'd offer to switch weapons with you, but I'm not that strong... There are quite a few humans stronger than I, in fact..."
Follow along. Watch carefully for anyone approaching.
The four of you head into the western plains, gathering around Alena like some sort of weird cult.
"Huh. Maybe if I just..."
Smack the gem on the beetle!
"Plus, where is that moron with the shoes?"
Casually look around for Village Idiot. And maybe the rest of the people who volunteered to go adventuring with me.
You smack the emerald embedded in the beetle, and it immediately comes to life, flying at a leisurely pace towards the southeast. And while Village Idiot has been stabbed to death, you find yourself surrounded by a man, a succubus, an android, and some utterly descriptionless being, who seem to be pretty friendly as far as treasure hunters go.
Go exploring.
You head north, into the rolling hills. It's pretty windy, and and it looks like there's a sizable storm blowing in from the northeast.
( Why all the hate? Really, you were just asking for it with those stats. 
)
Test flesh rod. If I am attacked use it on the attacker.
YOU...YOU LOOT-STEALER!
On behalf of the Bastard family, I'd like to state the following:
FUCK
YOOOOOOOOUUUUU
ACTION! PMED!
(Unda dex: 6+6)
(Gibson dex: 6-6)
(Unda aff: 6+5)
(Gibson bad: 6-6)
(Gibson end: 2)
Unda waves his fleshy wand at Gibson with a simple swish and flick of his wrist, transforming the cannibal into a lifeless wooden statue.
GIBSON IS DEAD!(Unda luk: -4-6)
As Gibson's old wand fades from Unda's hand, a mysterious cardboard box falls from the sky and lands at his feet. What could possibly be inside?
run the fuck away and do not stop until im far enough away that nobody can attack me, Then run some more.
If attacked, secret pm assault. (And by if attacked i really mean if they manage to initiate combat)
ill just be going now....
"Nobody... NOBODY. STEALS. MY. BOOK!!!!!"
Secret PM stuff!
((don't have any time right now, so PM later.))
Evil Lucky runs up to the golden girl while screaming, "I'M IN FUCKING LOVE!" and then proceeds to glomp her. "Human, robot, android, little gold demon from hell, I DON'T CARE! You and me, let's go torture everything together! KAHAHA!" He yells out while snuggling her and laughing his weird laugh. After calming down after a few minutes, Evil Lucky sits on the ground and puts on his new ring while testing it out while asking Gold Maiden a few things. "So what's your name? And your powers? As far as I can tell you have gravity control, acid, and you're pretty strong. What else is in your armory of torture? Flying? Nigh invincibility? Acid laser eyes?"
Test out my ring for any visible effects while asking for the girls name and other powers she has. If the machete duo attempts to attack me, have Golden Girl gravity the hell out of the machete to make it even heavier while I test out my ring on whichever seems more dangerous. Then proceed to kill said dangerous one in a painful and efficient manner. If anyone else attacks me test out my ring on them and have Golden Girl have more torture fun with them. If no one attacks, help out Osborn with his problems by attacking the guy who stole his book. Make his death painfully fun too 
"So oh mighty leader guy, am I in or am I in? Kahahaha!"
(Jim dex: 1+3)
(Osborn dex: 3)
(Evil Lucky dex: 6-1)
(Aurwyn dex: 4-6)
(Evil Lucky aff: 1-1)
(Evil Lucky bad: 4-1)
Evil Lucky locates the stop button on his watch-ring, and presses it while pointing at Jim. He doesn't notice anything at all, but everyone else sees him seemingly frozen in time, pointing like Phoenix Wright as Jim runs south into the mountains, with Osborn in hot pursuit. The golden girl just stands and stares at her master, who starts moving again as Osborn disappears into the mountains.
"I am Aurwyn, and I am just as human as you are, although my essence is contained in a much stronger BODY. My powers are limited to controlling gravity and creating acid, and while I could easily lessen gravity's effect on myself to fly, I see no point in raising myself up to someone's level, when I can bring them down to MINE. Now then, Master, shall we find someone else to EXECUTE?"Would like to respawn
(Zonix luk: 4-5)
As you spawn, your waiver is replaced with a strange deck of playing cards, which are unlike any that you have ever seen. There are 72 of them, made from a variety of metals. On the top of the deck is a golden card with an image of a man with a trumpet riding a bear.
Poll
Author
Topic: Looter's Delight: Considering Revival (Read 279483 times)