Transcript of the presentation of [Name obscured on engraving], Head of Migrant Welcoming Party to the dwarven migrants arriving in Moltenchannels the Leaky Ardent Dike in Spring, 1093.
Welcome to Moltenchannels, migrants! I see there aren't many of you this time. Guess the piles of caged zombies in the living areas puts people off. No matter, welcome to the mountainhome!
Careful as you use the drawbridge, we've got a nice little magma moat going here and the place is piled high with bloody garbage everywhere, so don't trip and fall in. Last time someone did that we could hear the screaming all the way from- What's that? Oh, the smoke. That's the semi-annual forest fire. You'll get used to 'em. Just try not to be outside when one sweeps through or you'll end up in the hospital. You don't want to end up in the hospital.
Here's the courtyard. Over there we have our patented mass-disposal system for corpses! We can dump hundreds of undead corpses into the volcano every day with this thing. Good thing too, because the last time it broke we ended up with mountains of rotting corpses down in the farms! And you know what they say about rotting corpses....they stink. Ahhh.....the smell. You'll get used to that as well. It never really goes away.
Now down here is your local McUrists. Our old Count set up the restaurant chain before he was brutally killed. Mad as a goddamned brush, but he cooked a nice tallow biscuit. See those kids? Up until a week ago they were the size of babies. That wierd chap who's running things these days did a little hocus-pocus and they grew full-sized in about 5 seconds. Nice party trick, actually. Apparently hurts like hell, but at least they can swing an axe now. You're not cheesemakers are you? Our military is always looking for more people to fight the next monstrosity that crawls up the bloody drain. And here's our queen. Don't get too close, or she'll drain of blood in under a minute. She's a vamp. Don't know how the King copes with it, but there's a few rumors you can be executed for spreading about the subject.
Down those stairs we've got our cavern enclaves and the best dining room. They're....a bit unsafe right now, ungodly horrors and all that, but we'll show you around them a little later. Over here is the walled off patch of death. See that blood? It'll...oh dear, you've touched it. Let's get you to the hospital.
...Hang on, where did I leave my waders?
Ah, here we are. The hospital. Mind the rotting bodies and pus rivers. They're ornamental, I swear. Now, let's see if we can get some help here....everything's covered in that same blood from earlier, so it's a little dicey. What's that? Blisters? Yes, that's a common symptom before the organ failure kicks in. Organ failure? I meant sneezing. Really nasty sneezing. Now if you'll excuse me I'll just leave you here and head over to the decontamination shower.....
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Was gonna do this after Archmage's turn, but his description of the hospital is too good to waste. I love the fact that entering our hospital is pretty much a death sentence to anyone not in full protective gear.