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[CaptainMcClellan]

Hey, Captain, can I get that blurb you promised me?

Yea. Actually, if you're up for it, we can do a Skype interview. I'd prefer to do it that way so that there's someone telling me what info is needed while also forcing me to do it. It's not that I don't want to it's just that I have a really bad problem with motivation: I don't have enough. So... Add me on Skype, username is the same as here but all lower-case. Then give me a minute to find a mic and we'll do it. ( I just... really don't want to write... right now. I could record a voice thing also, but the screen is giving me a headache after 11 hours. )

[tahujdt]

I was hoping for more of a short, witty statement than a whole interview.

[CaptainMcClellan]

I was hoping for more of a short, witty statement than a whole interview.

Ah. Well then you might want someone with more wit.

To sum up my personal experience with MurderMachines?

"What's all the hype about? Besides taking eight tries to get started because of save corruption, MurderMachines was the most docile, well behaved fort I've ever been a part of. My turn was industrious, prosperous, and very fruitful. I got to build and play with several constructions including building a wall with Mardi Gras colours just because I could! And then there's the nice bit of Pixel Art I left for future players. That's nice right? Narry a dwarf drowned, it didn't rain dwarf blood, nothing sponatenously combusted, and there was no three zombie sieges a year! ( Willedabyss, Moltenchannels, and Authoredmountains respectively. ) I never even saw a werebeast and there were no yetis at all! The worst I think I had to deal with was some keas. I mean good grief, MurderMachines practically rolled out the red carpet and kissed my dwarven ass! The one singular mistake I made was taken on Baru, and that was back when he didn't have a little brother or sister. He totally powned everything. So I just save scummed. Sure it was cheating, but eh. Hell, I was able to carve out an image of a dwarf wielding a battle axe and name it Steve. If that a'int useless crap just because you can, I don't know what is!

See, all these other guys don't know that Murdermachines is actually Terry's affection starved wife. ( Because Terry is busy all the time working on making these other guys' life miserable. ) When I was able to use my awesomeness skill to befriend Terry, he backed off and I was able to play a nice little game of Chess with MurderMachines. She was so happy to have someone be nice to her for once, she caused no problems. And hell, once you have the fort's genius locii and its Duw Ahfren on your side, you can do ANYTHING. So while all these guys set crap on fire, wrestle with insanity, eat AnimaBurger, and send Dwarves to their deaths only to find out that they have a mutant hellspawn among the Bonecarvers, I just sit back and have a nice relaxing year with the fort. It just goes to show, you don't need chaos and murder. But I am sadly in the minority on this concept. "

[tahujdt]

I was hoping for more of a short, witty statement than a whole interview.

Ah. Well then you might want someone with more wit.

To sum up my personal experience with MurderMachines?

"What's all the hype about? Besides taking eight tries to get started because of save corruption, MurderMachines was the most docile, well behaved fort I've ever been a part of. My turn was industrious, prosperous, and very fruitful. I got to build and play with several constructions including building a wall with Mardi Gras colours just because I could! And then there's the nice bit of Pixel Art I left for future players. That's nice right? Narry a dwarf drowned, it didn't rain dwarf blood, nothing sponatenously combusted, and there was no three zombie sieges a year! ( Willedabyss, Moltenchannels, and Authoredmountains respectively. ) I never even saw a werebeast and there were no yetis at all! The worst I think I had to deal with was some keas. I mean good grief, MurderMachines practically rolled out the red carpet and kissed my dwarven ass! The one singular mistake I made was taken on Baru, and that was back when he didn't have a little brother or sister. He totally powned everything. So I just save scummed. Sure it was cheating, but eh. Hell, I was able to carve out an image of a dwarf wielding a battle axe and name it Steve. If that a'int useless crap just because you can, I don't know what is!

See, all these other guys don't know that Murdermachines is actually Terry's affection starved wife. ( Because Terry is busy all the time working on making these other guys' life miserable. ) When I was able to use my awesomeness skill to befriend Terry, he backed off and I was able to play a nice little game of Chess with MurderMachines. She was so happy to have someone be nice to her for once, she caused no problems. And hell, once you have the fort's genius locii and its Duw Ahfren on your side, you can do ANYTHING. So while all these guys set crap on fire, wrestle with insanity, eat AnimaBurger, and send Dwarves to their deaths only to find out that they have a mutant hellspawn among the Bonecarvers, I just sit back and have a nice relaxing year with the fort. It just goes to show, you don't need chaos and murder. But I am sadly in the minority on this concept. "

Danke schön. The podcast will be up as soon as I splice that in and find a new hosting place.

[CaptainMcClellan]

Bitte schön. I look forward to it.

[tahujdt]

New episode of DFBT is up, featuring this fort.
[/shamelessplug]

[TheSaberTooth]

Journal of Saber Idarban Elbelsoloz Zan, Godslayer:
9th of Timber, 271

It looks like my apparent husband is possessed. Considering he is an armorer, this outta be good.

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

And now we wait.

10th of Timber
Someones head is going to roll.

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

14th of Timber

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

The coming of the caravan signals the approach of winter. And possible Voidspawn/Goblin attacks. We will be ready.

20th of Timber

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

People in Murdermachines have shield fetishes... Its very unsettling.

Speaking of fetishes, we found some Goblin snatchers outside the walls. Obviously a ambush is imminent. I will ready the milita.

Ambush incoming. To battle!

1st of Moonstone
We destroyed the goblins utterly and we were greeted by Chaos Maker back at the gate. Considering he's been incapacitated for like, a year, we gave him a pat on the back. His shoulder was still messed up, but not as much as it was. I feel bad for anyone who has to go through the medical care of Murder Machines.

Page ends here
 

[kefkakrazy]

Be nice. Our medical care is spot-on; you couldn't ask for a better doctor than The Mad Fool. Dude is so good he performed an emergency nephrectomy with his teeth.

[TheSaberTooth]

Be nice. Our medical care is spot-on; you couldn't ask for a better doctor than The Mad Fool. Dude is so good he performed an emergency nephrectomy with his teeth.

Actually, The Mad Fool is in the Military. I dont even know who helped out Chaosmaker, but it wasnt TMF.

[SanDiego]

So, how goes the madness?

[Kyronea]

Sabertooth was caught in the murder machine. I mean we have to have dozens of those laying around; sooner or later someone was bound to be eviscerated by the titular mechanism.

[GentlemanRaptor]

Sabertooth was caught in the murder machine. I mean we have to have dozens of those laying around; sooner or later someone was bound to be eviscerated by the titular mechanism.

You're goddamn right we have a lot. There's the danger room with the battle spear that kills infants, the magma chamber, the day care, and fuck knows what else. It's like if we looked at the Saw movies and said "Jigsaw's a total pussy. We could do better." and then proceeded to go completely batshit insane with our murderous urges. Seriously, at this point the Joker has better impulse control, and Khorne has a lower bodycount.

[TheSaberTooth]

Sabertooth was caught in the murder machine. I mean we have to have dozens of those laying around; sooner or later someone was bound to be eviscerated by the titular mechanism.

Fools. I AM THE MURDER MACHINE
I was getting started with my final update today, when suddenly I remembered I would have to upload it to DFFD. Before I could successfully make an account, father's day appeared. Tomorrow, I shall get this all sorted out.

[kefkakrazy]

Sabertooth was caught in the murder machine. I mean we have to have dozens of those laying around; sooner or later someone was bound to be eviscerated by the titular mechanism.

You're goddamn right we have a lot. There's the danger room with the battle spear that kills infants, the magma chamber, the day care, and fuck knows what else. It's like if we looked at the Saw movies and said "Jigsaw's a total pussy. We could do better." and then proceeded to go completely batshit insane with our murderous urges. Seriously, at this point the Joker has better impulse control, and Khorne has a lower bodycount.

You know, on impulse, when I was working Deathgate, I put up several upright adamantine spikes in the halls and set them to trigger on civilian-operated pressure plates elsewhere in the fort. They were also hidden. Just to confuse people.

I think I abandoned the project before it reached completion, though, and later wound up just doing the DUCKOTRON instead, which indirectly led to more death anyway so it's all good.

[SanDiego]

Didn't one of the largest losses of civilian life in Deathgate result from upright spears NOT operating?