I MUST update tonight! MUST! NOT! RUIN! PERFECT! RECORD!
Even if it ruins my REM sleep!
This is actually on time!
Well, dang it.
My record is finally gone.
But I will rebuild it!
Damn it, Chrome, why did you crash, taking 2/3 of the turn with it and making me redo the turn on Firefox?
Early turn, record safe!
Almost-forgotten turn, record in jeopardy!
Shuffle all I can coerce into my dungeon, thereby sticking them inside the BOSS
[2] "Hey guys! Crawl into the big Boss's gut and then into me! You won't get hurt at all!" No one bites. Not even Steve. (Unless you count trying to destroy you. [4] Which fails.)
Mass produce the weapon.
[3] You make another.
"Hey lovely voice in my head, can you tell me why you want me to kill the giant hat guy?"
Keep on chucking the explosives. Try to put them in the giant hat guy's hole.
[1] "He gives you a prize for killing him all by yourself!"
[4] You find some explosives and [6] chuck them into the hole, right into the gastrointestinal dungeon. Rubble strikes you, causing massive injury.
IT'S TIME, FOLKS!
SUMMON EVIL ME FROM WHETEVER HE IS
THAT'S RIGHT
ALL THIS TIME I'VE BEEN THE GOOD ME
[2] Nope. Either you're lying or Evil!Xantalos is too busy raping virgin olives or something weird and evil like that.
Convert people from the Church of Epic Win to the Church of Utter Failure.
[2] No such luck. The Winners don't want to be Failures.
With the death of the other magic girls, my despair reached fever point and I become the more powerful demonic sailor moon.
[3] You become a tielfing. Sailor Baator, if you will.
Poitely ask the boss if I can leave.
Then form new 'Hats' faction.
[1] "No." You get absorbed into the stomach as permanent dungeon caretaker.
Destroy the CHurch of Utter Failure.
[4-5] You explode, causing minor structural damage to the Church. A cupcake comes there.
Negate malus and gain a +500 bonus.
[3-2] Your malus is worsened! [5-3] You do not get a new bonus. [6+3v2-3] Ursula shoots you again for your arrogance.
BOSS TURN
Furtakarcichlordandrandomprisonertoo stomps superBLAST, [4+100v1] turning him into mush.
Gyarados declares himself a PokeMaster. [4+2] Ash disagrees, and he's the protagonist...
The Magical Girls Fans mourn and notice the changed Sailor
Moon Baator. They rebel against the gritty direction the program is taking! [3+2v1+3] Successfully!
The Allosaurus [5] becomes President.
Benjamin Franklin theorizes about the nature of the Afterlife. [5+1] He realizes the answer!
DON'T YOU DARE.The Aluminum Foil and Penny Golem [6] summons a Steel Beam and Raj Golem, which turns out to be much weirder.
Pistachio [4] finds her parents!
IF YOU WERE SKIPPED, YOU PROBABLY DIED.
No faction leader may have a faction leader bonus greater than half the number of the leader's followers.
Familiars and other weak minions always die with the faction, unless tied closely to the master.
One action per turn.
If you want to make sure your bonus is accounted for, speak up.
Infinite Featureless Plane of Death
Furtakarcichlordandrandomprisonertoo (+100)
Unharmed
Hats for Blood
Furtaka shoved in orifice
Pufferfish is an internal dungeon, taken care of by TopHat
Minions:
Corai
Pufferfish
TopHat
Aluminum Foil and Penny Golem
Ultra Hatlings (100)
Leader: World Golem (+8, +1 from Faction)
scapheap, Sailor Baator (+3); Pokemon: Pikachu
100 Animal Mascots (+1)
Black Tiger
Captain America (+2)
Random Drunk Girl
Pistachio (+1), GraveHaunter's Daughter, a twice-orphaned Froslass; Pokemon: Self, Abra
SCP-239 (+3)
Superman (+2)
LEADER: HEAD DEATH (+??)
Persus13, Immortal? (-106), Missing Fingers, Death of Getting Glared At Angrily By a Giant Salamander
Death of Universes Suddenly Ending
Doomblade (-4)
Empiricist, Severed Head
LordSlowpoke (Confused!)
Spinal_Taper, Former Crippled Cybernetic Hermaphroditic Improper Fraction Actress/Singer/Etc, Current Drunken Guy in a Bathrobe, In Japan
superBLAST, mush
Xantalos, Blown Up Complete Monster Downplayed Evil Genius Dignityless Maxwell Smart Former Smug Snake Former Clown
Adam Savage
Agent [REDACTED], wearing NSCP-007 (+1)
Alexander Hamilton
Allosausus (current President)
Ash Ketchum (+4 for Plot-Critical Actions) (Pokemon: Who Knows?)
Atlas (+2)
Benjamin Franklin (+1)
Cthulhu (+3)
Gyarados (+2); Pokemon: Alakazam (+2), Charizard (+2), Dragonite (+1), Snorlax (+1), Starmie (+1)
5,000 Hatlings
Jamie Heineman
Jane Freaking Goodall
1,868,668 assorted Magical Girl fans
Martians (2)
Napoleon Blownapart
NPC!da_nang (+1)
NPC!Xantalos (+2)
NPC!Xantalos (+2)
NPC!Xantalos (+2)
NPC!Xantalos (+2)
12 Research Assistants
Pope
President Bush (the second)
President Kerry
President Lincoln
President Jackson (+1)
President Roosevelt (the first) (+2)
President Washington
Terry
Thomas Jefferson
Ursula (+3)
William Shakespeare
Zeus (+3)
Zoe Jackson