Slightly late to the party, I just made the mistake of watching the second Hobbit movie. I suppose the fact that they split such a short story into more than one film ought to have told me something. 2 hours and 40 minutes of my life that I can't get back now... And when I thought, "oh, there's only about 3 chapters of the book left now, it must be nearly over," they end the film.
Really? They're going to make a THIRD film? I read The Hobbit for the first time when I was 8 years old and I've read it at least half a dozen times since then. This story is as close to sacred as anything ever gets for me, and I know it very well. Even allowing for extra plot to account for the events of The Lord of the Rings, which hadn't even been conceived of yet when this book was written, there's absolutely no excuse for hacking apart the story so mercilessly that it be spread across three long films. When they made The Lord of the Rings into films, they didn't do a perfect job, but it wasn't terrible. There were some scenes deleted, of course, and there was a little fiddling with bits of the plot here and there to make it more Hollywood-friendly, but overall, they did better than I expected.
But this. This pile of excrement (with some of the worst green-screen effects I've seen in a big-budget Hollywood picture in well over a decade, by the way) is inexcusable. At least when I hear idiots say "I love the Lord of the Rings!" and they've never read the books, at least I know they have the general idea of the story. After all, those are very long books, and not everyone is willing to devote that much time to a fantasy novel. But now, for the rest of my life, I will have to suffer through illiterate morons saying "I love The Hobbit!" who haven't even the vaguest notion of what the story was actually about. I read it when I was 8! It's not that hard!
That might be the worst part of all. I can just block all these memories of the film out, but I'll be reminded of them forever by idiots. Poor Tolkien is surely tossing and turning in his grave. If there is a hell, and Tolkien for whatever reason ended up there, his personal version surely consists of nothing more than being forced to watch these films over and over again, with occasional breaks to see people who've never read a book going on and on about how sexy Orlando Bloom looked playing Legolas again.
I surely won't be watching the third one. It's the new Star Wars films all over again... Watch the first out of fandom, watch the second out of desperate hope that things will improve, boycott the third on general principles and out of a general desire to stay sane.
Now, if you'll excuse me, I need to go find drugs strong enough to wipe my memory of this entire evening. I may have to settle on alcohol for now...
Author
Topic: The Hobbit (Read 55636 times)