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[Sappho]

I've got "Modify" at the bottom right which lets me edit the post but I don't see any option to change the forum. Nothing in the bottom left corner. I suppose I could just copy what I've written so far into a new topic in the stories forum.

[MrWillsauce]

I meant OP as in original poster. Scroll down to the bottom of the page and it should be at the bottom left "Move Topic" next to the "Lock Topic" option.

[Sappho]

Aha! Got it, thanks. Moving to stories forum in 3... 2... 1...

EDIT: And as a bonus, here's a map of my travel so far and my hoped-for destination.



EDIT 2: Working on the next chapter now, and I've noticed that the humans I killed in the town (apparently called "Pumpinstrap") are unnamed and non-notable kills. Does that mean anything? All the humans I remember killing in the past were notable. Also, I tried to sort through the Legends mode to figure out if there were any ongoing wars, but it's so complicated I can barely read it. SO MANY civilizations, sites, and historical figures... The only thing I could tell for sure was that while there's been an awful lot of duels, there have been no new wars for at least 40 years. I gave up reading after that. Too much work.

EDIT 3: The story continues! I hereby declare that fever = drunkenness for the purposes of this adventure.

Spoiler: Land of the Braindead (click to show/hide)

I thought maybe I’d find a new friend in this town, Dissecty. Mind if I call you Dice? Easier to say. Gotta save energy these days. Anyway it looks like this is just another hellhole, and the world is such a miserable hunk of shit that it’s driven these idiots rabid with insanity. They’re all naked and running around attacking people at random. I’m feeling sleepy, thought I’d get a good night’s rest here but I guess it’ll be another night of sleeping on the fucking sand and rocks. At least I have your snuggles to keep me company.



We’ll just hole up here in this abandoned shithole just south of town. Good night, Dice.



*Yaaawwwwn.* Morning. As I suspected, this place is such a shithole that even the bogeymen can’t be bothered with it. Bad news is, we’re out of food. Guess it’s time to head back to that town of maniacs and steal some grub. Maybe I’ll finally get my filthy, stinking hands on some booze as well.



This rhino is gonna make an excellent meal, Dice, just as soon as you and I manage to take it down. She is one tough bitch, though! Keeps trying to crawl away from me even though her legs are barely working…



WHY WON’T YOU DIE? Has the zombie virus penetrated the air so deeply that nothing ever fucking dies anymore? I AM HUNGRY DAMN YOU.



*gasp* *pant* *choke* ABOUT GODDAM TIME YOU FUCKER. *gasp* *pant* Okay, Dice, let’s eat, and let’s head back to that town. There’s enough zombified fuckers in this world. I want to lower their population a bit.



Well, well, what have we here? We’re not even within the city limits yet and here are some houses. Let’s go see what kind of friendly inhabitants we can find to make new friends with, shall we, Dice?



More naked human cattle with that dead look in their eyes. Let’s see if we can give them a nice surprise.



You wait here, Dice. You’re looking a bit weak. Wouldn’t want you to get hurt.

EDIT 4: And one more!

Spoiler: Gatshi versus the Horde of Brainless Jerks (click to show/hide)

Oops. They appear to be dead. But to be fair, they did attack me first. I don’t know what I could have done to deserve that. Am I such an unwelcome sight?





These guys are kinda pissing me off, actually, and I still haven’t found a drop of booze. Which is making me angrier. I think I might have to kill some more of these fools.

About an hour later…





Know what, Dice? I’m bored with this now. I’m bored with slaughtering all these idiots. My arms are tired and my fists are bruised up from punching their stupid faces in. They’re starting to freak me out, bunch of naked freaks running around trying to push me to death. Living zombies, nothing more. Just one more type of freak in this world of freaks. They don’t even have food or drink here. What do they do, just eat each other? Ugh, I need to get out of here.

The shame is, I was hoping to ask someone directions to some more caves or something. Someplace to sleep that isn’t just sand and rocks, that at least has a roof over it. Guess we’ll just have to find our own way.



I don’t know about you, Dice, but I’m getting tired. I vote we crash in this mysterious castle for the night. I’m sure whoever lives here will give us a warm, friendly welcome.



Abandoned, just like the last one. Looks like we’ve got ourselves a fort of our own, Dice. And plenty of bags of junk sitting around waiting to be dug through and made use of by an aspiring explorer. That can wait until morning. G’night.

Also, it seems the vampire blood did not work, and I am not a vampire after all. Oh, well. Maybe because it was goblin blood?

[Sappho]

Sorry to double-post, but the last one was getting rather long and cluttered with edits. I'll try not to do this too often.

Spoiler: The Plan (click to show/hide)

I’ve got a plan, Dice. I’ve got an idea. The thing is, you’re getting heavy. Carrying you around is starting to make my back hurt. So I’m gonna sit you down right here, but just for a little while. Just for a little while, Dice! You take a nice long rest here, and don’t worry. I promise I’ll be back for you. You’re my only friend.

From the top floor of the fort – our fort! – I can see pretty far into the distance. I just have to go get something, my friend, and I’ll be back. Just you wait and see.



There it is. Figures, I started this trip to get away from these places. But I’m lonely, damn it. I’m tired of the one-sided conversations. And there’s one sure-fire way to make sure no one ever turns me into a fucking zombie.



I know how these cowardly miserably old witches work. Can’t make any zombies without something to zombify. Fortunately these walking goblin dead are so stupid I can just walk up to them quietly, kill them (re-kill them?), and carry off their corpses so they can’t be brought back, all without anyone even noticing. Stupid necromancer jackasses won’t know what hit them. They’ll be all “zombies, attack!” and there won’t be any zombies. Heh, heh, heh.



One down. There’s at least two more in there. Come out, come out, cowards.



So many books… But I finally found the right one. I’ll be taking this little beauty with me. Farewell, zombie hordes. I don’t think you’ll be bothering my dreams again.



…the hell? There’s a whole pack of necromancers milling around outside! I’m sorry, my newfound rivals, but I can’t allow you to keep zombifying the countryside, now can I?



There we are. Arrogant fools thought if they had zombies at their command they’d never have to fight for themselves. I think I’ll take a few of you back as a gift to my Dice.



DICE! My old pal! How have you been? I’m sorry it took me so long. I kept having to rip this one off of the local wildlife. Bit rabid, she is. And look, I got this new book, and—

Ah, but sorry! How rude of me!



There we are. Now, you’ve been so very patient, and our journey should be a lot easier now. None of us needs to eat or drink or sleep, for one thing! Just please refrain from attacking every fucking camel we come across, or this is going to take FOREVER.

Hm… I wonder if I can still drink alcohol like this?

Anyway are you ready for an adventure? I’ve heard that if we head far enough north, we will reach an area so savage that no civilization has bothered to touch it. We could set up a lovely little homestead there, my friends. We could build sculptures from animal bones and bring them to life and never again have to worry about the pathetic festering sore on the planet’s surface that society has become. We can just relax until all of humankind and dwarfkind and elfkind and goblinkind and koboldkind has beat itself into a stinking heap of dust.

But first, I really would like to find me a proper drink.

You’re looking fabulous, by the way.





Ready to go?

Now I'll decide whether to break open the wine and make some svařák, or just rest for the remainder of the evening. I've already taken tomorrow off work so I don't have to decide right away. If I do have a drink, I'll probably keep playing a bit. In fact, I might do that anyway. We'll see! The evening is early yet.

EDIT: And here's an updated map. I've tried to make it easier to read as well.

[MrWillsauce]

It doesn't matter what type of critter you got the blood from, there is a chance that your character will resist the vampire curse (determined by the Disease Resistance attribute). You just got (un)lucky.

[Sappho]

Well I’ve got half a bottle of wine in me and I’m feeling ambitious. I was planning to make svařák but I got too lazy so I’m just drinking wine. ONWARD!

Spoiler: Let’s wreck this town. (click to show/hide)

Guess what, guys. No, no. Guess. Okay, time’s up. I found booze! Turns out whoever lived here before left a whole stash of fortified wine just sitting there in the corner. Now guess what I’m gonna do with it. No, guess.



Oh my goodness, is that… Is that a sapling? It is! It is a young tree! Growing here in this wasteland from hell. It is such a beautiful thing. And it will surely die soon in one of many varied and interesting ways. Will it die of thirst? Or be trampled by camels? Or burned by flame or the sun? Or shrivel up from some disease or other? Maybe it will be zombified like everything else around here!

(sip)

I’m not going to stick around and find out. Good luck, baby tree. May your death be relatively painless.



This is one of the benefits to immortality, my friends. No need to eat or drink or sleep. We can walk all night without stopping through the pitch black desert. Isn’t it fun? Nothing like good ol’ tedium to keep you going.

(sip)

This is good times, right here.



Crap, an ambush. Stupid fucking goblins hiding in the shadows. This is what we get for trying to move quickly, I guess. Well, I don’t think they notice me. Get ‘em, ladies!



Damn it. You guys are far too weak. Looks like I’m on my own until I can resurrect you again. Fortunately they don’t seem to have noticed me hiding in the shadows. And their eyes glow in the dark. Not a good trait for someone trying to ambush me.



Kick their little goblin asses, ladies!



Ah, there we are. Everyone’s back from the dead. Er… I seem to have accidentally raised one of the goblins too. Well, no harm done. I suppose goblin-breath can come live on our ranch with us and be the unpopular one. Someone’s gotta do it.

(sip)

Nice job in the fight, gals. And you don’t look any the worse for wear, either. I guess.



(sip)



Hey guys, check it out! Another fort thing! Let’s go claim it as our own and drink all their alcohol. And if they don’t have alcohol, let’s, I don’t know, burn it down or something.



Oh, shit, this one’s not abandoned. Um… Maybe you guys should wait outside. I’ll be back in a minute. I wanna ask for directions.



Whoa. This guy’s… not attacking me. Can’t remember the last time I talked to a living person who wasn’t promising to kill me. Guess I’ll milk him for all the information he’s got.



What’s that you say? There’s necromancers around here? I can hardly believe it. That must be so terrible for you.

(sip)

About an hour later…



Uh huh. Uh huh. Uh huh. Vampires, yep. And necromancers. And werecreatures. And more vampires. Yup.

(sip)

Uh huh. Mm hm. Yep. Okay.



Fucking hell, I thought that would never end. I just got about 100 quests from that one soldier. At least I know of some good caves for hiding out around here now.

(sip)

Bye, fortress full of pathetic frightened mortals! Enjoy being dismembered by undead!



Holy shit you guys, do you see that off in the distance? It looks like a whole fucking city of pyramids! We should totally raid that shit. We should steal all the best shit from those tombs and fuck the mummies guarding them. Right?

(sip)

Fuck it, I’m too tired. Let’s head north like we planned. Towards the fucking utopia of wild beasts and desert.

To be oh so very continued.

This has been a productive day for storytelling. I guess being sick in bed with the flu has its advantages? Also, hooray wine! I’m totally properly drunk now. I’m sure this will cure my flu.

[Sappho]

Is anyone still reading? I hope so! I'm having fun with this one.

Spoiler: Gatshi’s Gang and the Pussycats (click to show/hide)

99 bottles of sunshine on the wall, 99 bottles of sunshine…



Ambush.



New friends! Hooray!

We won’t be lonely at our country homestead, comrades. Dice, how you doin’?



GAH! Dice, where did you leave your head? I knew I should have sewn it on. Well it’s gone now! No sense going back to look for it. We’ll just have to find something nice to replace it with. I’ll keep my eyes open.

Onward!



Note to self: zombies can’t swim worth a shit. Dice, let’s just leave these idiots behind and carry onwards. Whoever gets stuck in the river can just stay there and give the fish nightmares.



Well, look at that. Tell them you’re leaving them behind and suddenly they can move real quick. Come on, boys and girls, and goblins, and severed body parts. Let’s go raid a cave! I bet there will be something fun inside!



Damn it, stop playing with the kitty! We got stuff to do!

Okay, here’s the cave. BE QUIET as we go in, ok?



What the… It’s just another kitty! How disappointing.



That’s right, my friends. Be nice and gentle with the kitty.



Here ya go, Dice! A nice new head for you!



You look beautiful.

[xominxac]

Still reading, waiting to see if I can do anything to join later.

[Sappho]

You will certainly be able to join once I get it going properly. I'm going to finish up this story in progressively less detail, then build the tower as quickly as I can (cheating the hell out of it, you can be sure), then everyone else can join in.

[Ruhn]

Good Times 

[Omeganaut]

As a fan of Drunk Fortress, I figure this will be entertaining as well.  Plus your storytelling style seems perfectly fine to me, although most of the pictures in the earlier posts seem to be having issues, although that might be my end.

[Sappho]

I don't see any picture issues. It's possible it was temporary or only on your end. Anyone else having picture issues? I'm using Photobucket but I can change it if it's not working out.

Now I'm off to the doctor to figure out what I should do about being sick for a full week.

[Kamin]

I love this so much. Drink on, dearest Sappho--and maybe consider a round of !!DRUNK FORTRESS!! while you're at it! I love your storytelling and think it'd be excellent with our fort Hope you get better soon!

[Sappho]

Well the doctor said I absolutely may not work for at least 3 more days because I'll still be contagious, so looks like I'll have plenty of gaming time. I'm not drinking for now, antibiotics and illness and all that, but I assure you all that I am quite delerious.

Spoiler: To Destiny! (click to show/hide)

Stop two along our journey is a cave where somebody asked me to kill something. Shall we stop by for a playdate, my pretties?



Oh, goodness, a vampire. I wonder if I can be both a necromancer *and* a vampire? I suppose you mindless automatons won’t help me find out. I’m on my own with this one…



Yeah… Guess you spotted me, friend. I’m afraid you’re not all that intimidating just sort of… lying there.



…yeah.

Now, let’s see how that blood tastes, shall we?



Hm. Salty. With just a hint of dwarven wine… and a bit of a plump helmet aftertaste. I suppose I’ve had worse.

Come on, my friends. Let’s move on and see if my teeth get any pointier. And actually…



There we are. See? We can all be friends now! I feel like singing!



Hm… There’s another spot marked on my map just ahead. And what’s this? Scattered loot? I think we ought to have a look, don’t you, my friends?



Oh. That’s… very large. Hm. Maybe we should leave this one be? Wouldn’t want to rob some future adventurer of an opportunity for fame, would we?



Hey! I said leave it alone! I swear, you are the most disobedient herd of walking dead I have ever encountered. Well, I suppose we ought to at least make friends with it, if we’re not going to leave it alone.



Now let’s go! And no more playing with the local wildlife! We’ve got a peaceful country homestead to build.



Ah, the mountains. On the other side of this range there will be almost no “civilization,” or what passes for it nowadays. I doubt we’ll really notice the difference, to be honest.

I hope you brought your hiking gear, darlings.

Author’s Note: Marching across the mountains with your horde with Army of Darkness playing in the background is… well, it’s just great.



Are you enjoying the view, guys? Beautiful countryside, isn’t it? Such lovely rocks and boulders and cliffs… Where’s the dwarf? I bet you like it here, right? What a spectacular world we live in. So many varying shades of gray and white…

Say, I bet I could gouge my own eyes out and it wouldn’t even hurt. I’m supposed to be immortal, right?

Fuck it. We must be nearly through these mountains… Maybe there will even be green at the bottom!



Oh, shit. Anyone see a way down? …Anyone feel like jumping?



Something tells me this is gonna take a while.



(That’s about 15 z-levels down). Hm… Unless anyone is up for cliff diving, I think we may need to go around this one.



Yeah, let’s… not do that again. Around we go!

Say, where’s that roc? Did he fly off somewhere? Stupid disobedient asshole. Ah, well. I’m sure it can’t do too much harm, leaving a zombified monstrosity out in the wilderness all on its own. Right?



Well, you have to admit. That is quite a wonder. A grand sort of… canyon thing. Almost makes me believe in beauty again.

(sip)



Whoa, hey, we actually made it to the bottom. And here’s the start of the river thing! Man, imagine building a raft or something and just sailing all the way down that sucker! Or swimming! Well, I could swim. You guys would just splash around attracting crocodiles and shit.

(sip)

Alright, let’s just go. That’s enough natural beauty for one day.

So yeah, apparently you can lose a Roc zombie really easily. I'll miss it! That was a cool thing to have, even for a short time. Now it's out in the wilderness somewhere. Do lost zombies stay where they got left? Or wander the world? Or are they just deleted? I hope it's still out there somewhere...

I'll probably put up another update tonight. I'll try to finish up the story in one more post so I can get working on the next step!

EDIT: And now...

Spoiler: The Dramatic Conclusion (click to show/hide)

Wake up, you giant idiots. It took me hours to lure that fucking giant sponge away from you, and I don’t want to have to go through that again. Attack another giant sponge, and I WILL LEAVE YOU BEHIND SO HELP ME.



Like a bunch of fucking witless children.

(sip)



Volcano ho! That’s it, friends. That’s where we’re gonna create our Utopia. Our fucking gorgeous fucking gray rocky Utopia with nothing around it for days and days, except for those ugly fucking towers off in the distance. MARCH UP THOSE SLOPES, DRONES. DO IT BECAUSE YOUR MOMMY COMMANDS YOU TO DO IT.



YES! THERE IT IS! OUR NEW HOME!

(sip)

Oh, shit. That’s the last of the booze. Ah, well. DANCE, MINIONS! DANCE FOR JOY!



Wow, look at it down there. Boiling, bubbling molten rock. So far down. It’s… it’s so far down.

(One day later…)



Oh, look! A pet yeti! Awww, he’s so cute.

(Three days later…)

Oh god… My head… What’s…

Dice… Oh, Dice! My friend! What have I done to you?



In the name of all that is holy in the world (which is nothing, I suppose)… What have I become? I’m surrounded by zombies! I’M A GODDAMN PIECE OF SHIT NECROMANCER COWARD!



I’M NOT DOING THIS ANYMORE!



JUST DIE! BE CORPSES LIKE YOU WERE MEANT TO BE!



pant, pant I… Yes. It’s better this way. Just you and me, Dice. Like we planned.

…Dice?

……DICE?



So then. Alone.

No son of a bitch is gonna turn me into a zombie. No sirree.

I’m done with all of this.



To hell with this world. Not like it has far to go.

[notquitethere]

This is so epic.