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[Fisticuffs]

As the title says, I'm having difficulty dealing with my self-loathing. I feel like an utterly worthless human being, because of what I've done and what I'm doing. It has brought me to the point where I supress my emotions most of the time, and I don't let anyone get too close to me. I'm just wondering if anyone has some general advice for dealing with my guilt and shame?

[bucket]

You're good enough, you're smart enough, and gosh darn it, people like you.

[kaijyuu]

Well there are a lot of things I could say, but mostly what should happen is you realizing and internalizing that self loathing is irrational. You're not a horrible person; by the very virtue of analyzing yourself enough to think that, you are not. Truly horrible people tend to not realize they're abominable (or at least not care).

Along with realizing the loathing is irrational, you need to find things to be proud of too. You need some validation. This can come from outside sources, such as friends/family/etc (this is what helped me), or it can come internally if you can muster the will and reason. Most likely, you'll need both. Do NOT make the mistake of thinking you can overcome it on your own; seek outside help, too.


Another potential pitfall: are you surrounded by assholes? Many people who are constantly ridiculed internalize that ridicule. Before anything else, make sure you're not around anyone psychologically abusive who puts you down.

[ChairmanPoo]

I feel like an utterly worthless human being, because of what I've done and what I'm doing.

...so what's that that you've done and are doing that is so terrible, if I may ask?

[Fisticuffs]

Well, I agree that the worst people often have the least conscience, but to me it just makes my own failings seem all the greater. I know better. I knowingly do wrong because of weakness and cowardice, and later I repress the guilt, which makes me feel even worse, and so on.

As far as friends and family are concerned, I have none, at least beyond the nominal sense. The one person that I do love and respect, my dad, has disowned me, and refuses to speak to me. We haven't spoken for about 5 years now. The rest of my immediate family has caused me little but misery, so I've cut ties with them.

[kaijyuu]

Ah, next would be answering ChairmanPoo's question. What, pray tell, are your sins you hate yourself for?

[Fisticuffs]

I feel like an utterly worthless human being, because of what I've done and what I'm doing.

...so what's that that you've done and are doing that is so terrible, if I may ask?

I've failed in every aspect of my life, and I feel like a complete loser. I have no friends, no job, no home, my dad wants nothing to do with me, I have no real goals (only idle wishes that I'm not actually committed to pursuing)  beyond getting something to eat and cigarettes to smoke, and it's all my own doing. I just feel very low at this point, but at the same time there's a part of me that wants to stay like this, even though intellectually I know that this is not living. I don't feel as I think I should, if that makes any sense.

[moocowmoo]

I still deal with a lot of self loathing, but as far as getting more outwardly productive and "on track", it took help and support from others. I think the effort you spend trying to make connections with people (be it volunteering, joining groups, school/work) has potentially the greatest payback... way more than seeking answers. Repeatedly make easy goals and allow yourself some pride in completing them... bonus if they add up toward a larger goal. Self forgiveness is impossible to live without. Even if it feels fake and forced, try to forgive yourself throughout the day. Only then will you have the strength to seek forgiveness from others if you must, and to face people without shame.

[kaijyuu]

It's not gonna be easy, but... I think you need to wipe the slate clean. You fail because you failed previously; your'e angsting over past failures and that makes you repeat those failures in the future.

Forgive yourself, and move forward. Your failures are there to learn from, not to hate yourself over. 

[LordBucket]

anyone has some general advice for dealing with my guilt and shame?

Look at yourself in a mirror. Alone where noone can watch you. Look yourself in the eyes. Say out loud that you are worthy.

"I am worthy."

Observe how it feels to say it. Observe where your eyes want to look when you say it. Say it again.

"I am worthy."

Repeat it several more times. Observe closely how you feel and how it makes you feel to say it. Try to make your voice sound more confident and certain. Then, go to bed. With the lights out and in complete safety in privacy, repeat to yourself silently in your mind that you are worthy.

"I am worthy."

Repeat it until you fall asleep. It might take quite some time. You might not sleep very well. Nevertheless, do it. And keep doing it every night....for 30 days. After 30 days go back to the mirror and look yourself in the eyes and once again say it out loud. Observe how you feel and how it makes you feel to say it out loud. Observe your voice, and how you react. Feel the difference.

Repeat as desired.

Note that doing what is described here is a potentially life altering experience, and you might need to struggle with yourself to continue doing it. After a few days, a week...you might encounter cognitive dissonance and your subconscious might resist to order to retain its identity of unworthiness.

Choose who you wish to be.

[Robocorn]

I feel like an utterly worthless human being, because of what I've done and what I'm doing.

...so what's that that you've done and are doing that is so terrible, if I may ask?

I've failed in every aspect of my life, and I feel like a complete loser. I have no friends, no job, no home, my dad wants nothing to do with me, I have no real goals (only idle wishes that I'm not actually committed to pursuing)  beyond getting something to eat and cigarettes to smoke, and it's all my own doing. I just feel very low at this point, but at the same time there's a part of me that wants to stay like this, even though intellectually I know that this is not living. I don't feel as I think I should, if that makes any sense.

Looks like you're hating the wrong person, friend. You're hating yourself when you could be hating anyone else. Let's start small. Tomorrow, wake up, take a shower, put on some relatively clean clothes and walk into a fast food restaurant. Go up to the cashier, read his or her nametag, and push all of your loathing onto them. Hate them for everything that is wrong with your life. Dedicate every waking moment to their misery. Find who their friends are and take them away one by one. Deconstruct any hopes of romance they have. Get them fired from their terrible job. Murder their parents. Once the person you hate is in an even lower position to you you'll feel comparatively better</bad advice>

[goblolo]

As the title says, I'm having difficulty dealing with my self-loathing. I feel like an utterly worthless human being, because of what I've done and what I'm doing. It has brought me to the point where I supress my emotions most of the time, and I don't let anyone get too close to me. I'm just wondering if anyone has some general advice for dealing with my guilt and shame?

how old are you?

[Jelle]

I'm curious as to the source of this self-loating. Do you think this tought pattern gets initiated by people around you, or wether you alone start this vicious cycle.

If the case is the former I would suggest finding willpower in the goal of proving those who doubt you wrong. Your father has disowed you you say? Prove how erronous he was, don't try to make hm or anyone proud, show  that their disapointment in you is their mistake, just do not prove them right!

If the latter I'm afraid I don't have any advice for you. The only thing I can suggest is to find someone to help you break the cycle, or as someone has suggested maybe do some volunteer work to kickstart the process.

[Trapezohedron]

I feel like an utterly worthless human being, because of what I've done and what I'm doing.

...so what's that that you've done and are doing that is so terrible, if I may ask?

I've failed in every aspect of my life, and I feel like a complete loser. I have no friends, no job, no home, my dad wants nothing to do with me, I have no real goals (only idle wishes that I'm not actually committed to pursuing)  beyond getting something to eat and cigarettes to smoke, and it's all my own doing. I just feel very low at this point, but at the same time there's a part of me that wants to stay like this, even though intellectually I know that this is not living. I don't feel as I think I should, if that makes any sense.

You have no friends: Start socializing. It's hard, and maybe you'll say "you don't understand!" but I've been through that and doing nothing does jack to anything. Not looking for friends will not get you friends. Start socializing.

No job: The question is, what kind of job would you most prefer? A desk job? A job in the community? You have to narrow down your wants, or at least experiment enough to find something comfortable with you, and work towards it. This also gives you a goal.

I don't know how to help you in the family aspect, and if they won't try to find you, I guess you'll have to live with whatever consequence it made having to cut ties with them.

If you find an opportunity, exploit it.

[Imp]

Pick something (I recommend something that requires a low time and energy commitment) and make it better.

Walking up to a door at the same time as someone else?  Hold it open for them too, whether you go through first or second.  See a piece of trash on the ground, and there's a receptical nearby?  Grab it and toss it.  See something pretty, interesting, or impressive?  Spend a moment admiring it - and if anyone else is nearby then (who is safe to talk to), mention to them what you like best about it.  If it's something that person had something to do with, even better.

Even if you feel like there's nothing, absolutely nothing, that's good or needed or special about you, you can go back to basics, and turn to service of others/the world.  Just for a moment, just in a small way.  By helping and/or admiring what is good about the world, life, and/or people, by being part of what is good about the world and part of what makes the world better, you are enhancing you being part of what is good and right about the whole.