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[Caellath]

Get on the waitlist! It probably won't be too long before somebody dies, what with the fact that only Morda and Mercer have more than 0 Bulk.

Acceus has 1 Bulk.

[scapheap]

You may pip it because your is a oc while my is well Mercer

[Harry Baldman]

Acceus has 1 Bulk.

You have to love how the smooth jazz player is one of the tougher members of the group.

[Caellath]

You have to love how the smooth jazz player is one of the tougher members of the group.

Well, you have to be alive to spread love.

[GreatWyrmGold]

From the instruments at our disposal now, I think we might be able to have a decent band if we all work together. Percussion might be nice, but meh.

Who's with me?

[choobakka]

Alright, racial penalties are applied to stats. But a -1 in a stat is a -2 penalty. We have our group, I just need to get the wait list sorted. Reserves count so Morda's in, not Mercer. I should start some time tonight.

[choobakka]

Roll To Bard: Turn One

A dimly-lit stage. The spotlight shines on the curtains, and a man steps out. He's wearing a top hat and a nice suit, with a glittering golden bow tie. He speaks, in a deep bass voice:

"Welcome, Ladies and Gentlemen, to the first LIVE EPISODE of The Bard Show! I'm your host for the night, The Amazing Stupendo! I'm sure we'll have a great show, it's our first time trying something like this, but it worked for the Truman Show, and we have EVEN MORE control over the environment. Now, let's meet our contestants." The curtains pull back, as the man steps aside. A generic fantasy tavern is shown, at a distance of a dozen feet or so. The sign: "The Jester's Cap". "From their perspective, they made their own way to this nice tavern in the wilderness. We wiped their memories (consensually, of course - we have paperwork to prove it) and replaced them, after bringing them to this nice, controlled pocket dimension." The camera zooms in, and the door opens. The inside of the tavern is warmly lit, by a roaring fire and many candles. There are many people in the tavern, drinking and singing and celebrating. It seems to be some sort of holiday, from the ribbons and decorations hanging from the ceiling. "It's the Feast of the Fallen Dragon here in the little village of Lochwald, and the people are taking some time off to celebrate and relax. Our wonderful contestants are here to make a little coin, to see family, or maybe just to rest their feet from a long journey. Let's meet them all..."

The camera zooms over to a dark and mysterious corner, where a dark loner with a similarly dark past is brooding a little and plucking absent-mindedly on a harp. He's having some difficulty, because he can't really see the strings in the darkness."This fellow here is Belphegor. An elven demonologist, with (of course) some magnificent harp skills. He has a dark past that he can't really talk about. Probably because he couldn't see much. He will probably take the roll of 'token morally-ambiguous teammate'. He seems like the type."

The camera moves to another corner of the tavern, where a halfling is sitting. He reaches over and rummages in his neighbor's pockets, coming up with a sweetroll, which he devours messily. "I take that back. It looks like we'll get some more morally-ambiguous contestants. This one with the sticky fingers is Malkil, a thief and flute-player. He is currently breaking the tavern's "no shirt, no shoes, no service" policy - one that appears to not be well-enforced, judging from the state of most of the clientele."

Next, a human woman is the focus. She's dressed in colorful clothing (no much of it, to be frank) and is currently dancing along to the music someone's playing. There's a large circle around her, because the huge sword strapped to her back is a little imposing. "This lovely lady is Hope, one of the two humans on the team. Don't let her disreputable outfit fool you - she's a fighter, not a lover. And she knows how to use that sword.

The screen then shows a gnome sitting at a table and tucking into a light meal. She's almost sat upon by a large human, but moves out of the way in time. "Gimblewit here is our smallest contestant. She might be small, but that voice of hers is truly piercing. And she can sling spells like nobody's business."

Another human is the camera's next subject. He's sitting on a bench against the wall, busily hitting on two or three young women. He seems to have said the wrong thing, because they all leave at once, one of them slapping him with a loud "WHACK". "OOH! That had to hurt! Casanova here is named Acceus. He's a real ladies' man, determined to save the world with sweet, sweet love. A true bard, right after my own heart. He also plays the Saxophone, which everyone knows is the sexiest instrument. It's right there in the name!"

A fight breaks out, and the camera quickly moves to cover it. There are about a half-dozen people, all wailing on each other for no apparent reason. In the middle of the melee there's a dwarven woman, her beard coated with ale and vomit. She seems to be winning. "And, finally, we have Morda. An incredibly awful cellist, she spends almost all her time getting drunk and into fights. She usually carries a special instrument with her... Oh, there it is. Ouch. It's specially weighted to smash skulls more effectively."

The camera pans over to the door, and stays there as the host walks back on stage. "Now, let's see  what sort of adventures the writers have cooked up... I'm sure it'll be a doozy!" The curtains and the stage fade away, and the audience feels almost as if they're in the tavern itself. The door opens, and a man in armor flanked by two underlings steps through. He holds up a scroll, and the tavern quiets. Even the fighters (mostly beaten into unconsciousness by application of the cello) settle down and listen to what he has to say. "I have an announcement! The Grand Duke Geoffrey, who now controls the region between the Suin Valley and the Daccom Mountains, wishes his brand new subjects to be informed of certain laws that are unique to the Duchy of Drakkeep." He holds up the piece of parchment and reads from it. "Under the law of the Duchy, music, poetry, storytelling, dancing, comedy, acting, and anything else that falls under the category of 'creative merriment' is hereby BANNED." The flunkies move forwards into the crowd, grabbing instruments and smashing them. The armored man quickly nails the notice to the door and leaves.

You're in a tavern. Some asshole in armor just tried to kill the music. His flunkies are coming closer to you with malicious intent. What do you do?

Belphegor: HP 5/5. Dark and Brooding Corner.
Malkil: HP 10/10. Well-lit corner.
Hope: HP 10/10. Middle of the room.
Gimblewit: HP 10/10. Table by the wall.
Acceus: HP 15/15. Bench on the wall.
Morda: HP 25/25. Center of the room.

[SeriousConcentrate]

"Hey! I was listening to that!" Hope complained. "You bozos get out of here right now! Don't you have other ways of oppressing people, like ungodly amounts of taxes or throwing rotten fruit at criminals in the stocks?"

Use Charm Person on whichever flunky appears to be in charge (or failing that, the biggest one since they might listen to him) and try to get him to leave with the rest in tow.

[Caellath]

Acceus simply smiled and covered part of his face with his hat; the young ladies seemed easily flustered and he had been a bit too frisky, but there wasn't any problem with that. The flunkies were certainly a problem, but they didn't seem like the tough type to him - at least he hoped they would listen to reason before they had to use their weapons.

"Greetings, my good gentlemen." Acceus said, taking off his hat and performing a bow before carefully putting his hat back on top of his head. "I do not think there is a need for such violence. We are all civilized people in the end, couldn't you just leave now that your leader has left?"

Attempt diplomacy, but if a fight breaks out or seems about to break out, play Smooth Jazz on the saxophone to calm them down.

If someone tries to come this way, then cast Haste and draw both scimitars instead, striking the flunky if attacked.

[Caerwyn]

Wait, I have 5/5 HP? Can I adjust my stats to fix that? 1 point off Bard into Bulk, please? Sorry, didn't realize that it would affect me so dang badly...Thanks!

Belphegor will attempt to cast Summon Monster I!

[Unholy_Pariah]

cast vanish and leave while everyone is distracted, if i see any coin purses precariously attached to belts or gambling money left unnatended on a table then swiped them on the way out

and thats my cue to leave

[GreatWyrmGold]

"Well, bye-bye, miss Drakkepian pie..."
((Don't say that IC.
Instead, say this:))

"Looks like it's about time for Plan B..."
Check the notice. Read carefully.

[Harry Baldman]

"You killed the music! What did it ever do to you, dammit? I want my music! Why, I-hurgh, oh..."

Projectile vomit at the flunkies to distract them. If they advance on me, bash them with the cello.

[choobakka]

Roll To Bard: Turn Two

"Hey! I was listening to that!" Hope complained. "You bozos get out of here right now! Don't you have other ways of oppressing people, like ungodly amounts of taxes or throwing rotten fruit at criminals in the stocks?"

Use Charm Person on whichever flunky appears to be in charge (or failing that, the biggest one since they might listen to him) and try to get him to leave with the rest in tow.

[Hope's Brains: 4+0] [Flunky's Brains: 4-1] The flunky stops for a moment, and turns to his friend. "Hey, she's right. Why are we doing this? It's not like we're getting paid all that well." He's definitely convinced, but his friend is less weak-willed, and merely glares at him while smashing a drum to pieces.

Acceus simply smiled and covered part of his face with his hat; the young ladies seemed easily flustered and he had been a bit too frisky, but there wasn't any problem with that. The flunkies were certainly a problem, but they didn't seem like the tough type to him - at least he hoped they would listen to reason before they had to use their weapons.

"Greetings, my good gentlemen." Acceus said, taking off his hat and performing a bow before carefully putting his hat back on top of his head. "I do not think there is a need for such violence. We are all civilized people in the end, couldn't you just leave now that your leader has left?"

Attempt diplomacy, but if a fight breaks out or seems about to break out, play Smooth Jazz on the saxophone to calm them down.

If someone tries to come this way, then cast Haste and draw both scimitars instead, striking the flunky if attacked.

[Acceus' Bardliness: 6+0] [Critical?: 6] The unconvinced one stops when Acceus puts forth his incredible speech. He mulls it over, and then approaches Acceus. "You know, I've been doing some thinking recently. And this job isn't rewarding. It's mindless and obnoxious. And I think I'm going to quit." He reaches out and shakes Acceus' hand. "Thank you." (+1 XP for Acceus!)

This touching scene of redemption is marred by the entrance of another group of generic minions, no doubt sent by the Stop Having Fun Guy to make sure the others get the job done. They seem a bit less inclined to diplomacy. The two guards that you've converted turn, preparing for a fight.

Wait, I have 5/5 HP? Can I adjust my stats to fix that? 1 point off Bard into Bulk, please? Sorry, didn't realize that it would affect me so dang badly...Thanks!

Belphegor will attempt to cast Summon Monster I!

Belphegor, seeing the reinforcements' arrival, gestures at the floor of the tavern. [Belphegor's Brains: 6+1] [Crit?: 6] A portal opens, and out pops a small Fire Elemental - a humanoid creature about the size of a gnome, made entirely of writhing flames. It turns at Belphegor's direction towards the reinforcements, and snarls. [Reinforcements' Brains: 4+0] The guards are not scared by this turn of events, and advance towards the elemental, weapons drawn. (+1 XP for Belphegor!)

cast vanish and leave while everyone is distracted, if i see any coin purses precariously attached to belts or gambling money left unnatended on a table then swiped them on the way out

and thats my cue to leave

[Malkil's Brains: 1+1] [Crit Fail?: 2] The spell sputters and fails. Malkil stil attempts to sneak out anyway, [Bounciness: 6+1] [Crit?: 3] and walks just behind the guards, pressed up against the wall. [Luck: 6] [Crit?: 6] (Note: luck rolls, like for whether Malkil gets some cash on the way out, do not give XP, but can get crits.) Luck is with Malkil as he sneaks through the periphery of the tavern, and he manages to get a loaded coin purse. It wouldn't be prudent to count it now, but it feels like at least 100 gold pieces.

Malkil makes it out the door. He is now standing in the courtyard of the inn. There is a fancy carriage there with the coat of arms of the Grand Duke painted on the door, and a less fancy wagon with the same coat of arms. Both look like they've recently been on a long journey. (+1 XP for Malkil!)

"Well, bye-bye, miss Drakkepian pie..."
((Don't say that IC.
Instead, say this:))

"Looks like it's about time for Plan B..."
Check the notice. Read carefully.

Completely distancing herself from the musicians and other lowlives, Gimblewit makes her way up to the door. The notice is handwritten, in large fancy handwriting, and has the Great Seal of the Dutchy of Drakkeep in one corner. It basically says exactly what the armored man said, but with more legalese and pretentious diction.

"You killed the music! What did it ever do to you, dammit? I want my music! Why, I-hurgh, oh..."

Projectile vomit at the flunkies to distract them. If they advance on me, bash them with the cello.

[Bardliness: 3-2+1=2] The trio of guards are just about to attack the elemental when they are distracted by a dry-heaving dwarf. One of them approaches her to see if she's alright, while the others guard his back from the elemental. [Brawn: 2+0] [Guard's Bounciness: 5-1] Morda's swings he cello at his face, but he moves back in time.

The other guards attack the elemental when they see that their buddy is fine. One stabs at it with his short sword [Bounciness: 1-1] [Crit Fail?: 5] [E's Bounciness: 1+1] [Crit Fail?: 2] and fails so badly that even the clumsy defense put up by the elemental succeeded. His friend comes at it from the other side [Bounciness: 1-1] [Crit Fail?: 5] [E's Bounciness: 2+1] and likewise screws up. The elemental takes a swing at the guard who attacked it last [Bounciness: 5+1] [Guard: 2-1] and hits, dealing [1] damage.

Belphegor: HP 10/10. Dark and Brooding Corner.
Malkil: HP 10/10. Courtyard.
Hope: HP 10/10. Middle of the room.
Gimblewit: HP 10/10. By the door.
Acceus: HP 15/15. Near the wall.
Morda: HP 25/25. Center of the room.

[Harry Baldman]

"Alright, hurgh, I'm alright now, stay away, people. Just gotta... play some music, you know."

Beat the everloving crap out of one of the more hostile guards. Sneak attack if possible.