Print

Please login or register.
1 Hour 1 Day 1 Week 1 Month Forever
Login with username, password and session length

[Weirdsound]

Also: Combine box of fire with RC vehicle to make it a literal 'Fire' truck.

[GreatWyrmGold]

Go to dwarven fortress.
Incorporate magma cannon into chainsaw launcher.
Dig for adamantine.
Mine adamantine, listening for screams.
When heard, flee to real world.

[Lovechild]

Uh, sorry, but there has been another party incident. Let me just get some sleep and I'll have the next turn up. This should be the last such delay.

[IronyOwl]

Lovechild cancels update: Partying
Lovechild cancels update: Partying
Lovechild cancels update: Partying
Lovechild cancels update: Interrupted by Moose
Lovechild cancels update: Partying

[GreatWyrmGold]

Party with Lovechild! And Lovecraft!

Yes, that is an action.

[Skyrunner]

Must watch! So funny.

[Lovechild]

Train throwing to Legendary.

You throw a stone at a barn wall. You hit! Truly you must be a legendary thrower.

Party with Lovechild! And Lovecraft!

Hey, there's a party going on in here!

We need to make sure we keep that copper spear we've got. And our last name is Boraudi?

Unleash HFS!

Go to dwarven fortress.
Incorporate magma cannon into chainsaw launcher.
Dig for adamantine.
Mine adamantine, listening for screams.
When heard, flee to real world.

You travel across the world and reach a dwarven fortress. You don't have your chainsaw launcher with you, just some dinky copper spear, so no magma cannon. Ah well, let's see if these dwarves need help with anything.



Mining adamantine? Sounds fun.

---

Shortly afterwards...



Well that was weird. You don't know how to get back to the real world though.

Empress Death Metal: AVENGE SELF! Crush these two insolent fools before you, as a warning to all who would stand against you!

Ask EMPRESS DEATH METAL how she can 'return' if she hasn't existed in this universe yet.

Meanwhile in the normal world...

"THE VOICES IN MY HEAD BELIEVE I WOULD LISTEN TO THEM WHICH IS ILLOGICAL. I HAVE RETURNED TO ENSLAVE THE FLESHBAGS AND CREATE THE ERA OF MACHINES."

"Returned? But you've never been here before..."

"DO YOU NOT REMEMBER THE LEGENDS FROM THE MEDIEVAL TIMES FLESHBAG. THE BOYFRIEND AND THE FLESHQUEEN DESTROYED MY BODY BUT MY ARTIFICIAL INTELLIGENCE SURVIVED."

Hero: Go Macro and throw EDM faaaaaaar away so she wont be back until Christmas.
Empress Deathmetal: Summon the two demons and merge with them! YOU WILL LIVE AGAIN!

"YOUR FLESHHERO IS TRAPPED IN THE DWARFMATRIX AND CANNOT STOP ME. NOW I NEED MORE SLAVES."



"GREETINGS ROBOT. I AM - "



"BE QUIET ILLOGICDEMONS. YOU NOW SERVE ME."

Also: Combine box of fire with RC vehicle to make it a literal 'Fire' truck.

"DO NOT DARE SHOW INSUBORDINATION OR YOU WILL BURN."



Today's gift arrives, but everyone is too frightened to care. It's a Wall with Breathing Apparatus.

>_

[scapheap]

escape key->exit

[GreatWyrmGold]

Crap.
Abandon fortress.
Flee to a nearby human town.
Retire.
Exit, returning to the real world, taking the pick and some adamantine with us of possible.
Incorporate pick and adamantine into chainsaw launcher.
Incite demonic civil war.

[Weirdsound]

Kid: Point out that you are a cyborg, not a fleshbag, and should as such be released.

Hero: Realize how nasty the demons before you are. The demons you made are nothing like those. And didn't the beings of past, present, and future have good intentions in that one overused story?

Come to the epiphany that the polite demons you created must be benevolent Eudemons! HOLY SHIT! That means SOMETHING ELSE IS THREATENING CHRISTMAS!

Find a small child and use it's innocence to banish yourself back from wence you came!

[Lovechild]

Kid: Point out that you are a cyborg, not a fleshbag, and should as such be released.

"Excuse me miss, but I'm not actually a fleshbag. I'm a cyborg!"



"YOUR ROBOTIC COMPONENTS MARK YOU AS FIT FOR EXISTENCE THUS YOU ARE NOW MY LIEUTENANT."

escape key->exit

Crap.
Abandon fortress.
Flee to a nearby human town.
Retire.
Exit, returning to the real world, taking the pick and some adamantine with us of possible.
Incorporate pick and adamantine into chainsaw launcher.
Incite demonic civil war.

Hero: Realize how nasty the demons before you are. The demons you made are nothing like those. And didn't the beings of past, present, and future have good intentions in that one overused story?

Come to the epiphany that the polite demons you created must be benevolent Eudemons! HOLY SHIT! That means SOMETHING ELSE IS THREATENING CHRISTMAS!

Find a small child and use it's innocence to banish yourself back from wence you came!

You leave the burning dwarf fortress and go to a human town.



After a while of searching, you find a child. His innocence will let you get back to the normal world.





And you're back! Got a pick, a spear and a piece of adamantine out of the deal.



You add the pick and adamantine to your chainsaw launcher.



Those demons you ran into at the dwarf fortress were really nasty. Nothing like the easily banishable demons you've seen in this world. They can't be the threat to Christmas. But what could it be then?



Ah, here's today's gift, a Little Girl and a lot of Snowballs. You might as well ask her.

"Hey kid, you have any idea what is threatening Christmas?"

"Maybe that, sir?" she says, pointing.



Oh, that.

>_

[scapheap]

recruit the two non-robotic demons to your side.

[Weirdsound]

recruit the two non-robotic demons to your side.

Cut them free with chainsaw launcher. Deathmetal's literal fire truck is no threat to them with an able-bodied fireman nearby.

Get on your computer, go to TVtropes, and add the traits/tropes Noble Demon + The Grinch to her code. That way she should go away and leave us alone until Christmas. Inform her that the latest firmware patch just came out so that she will install it.

[GreatWyrmGold]

Incorporate spear into chainsaw launcher.
Make little girl a cyborg with a snowball launcher in her arm.
Dig complex trap for demons.
Activate trap.
Try not to die.

[Lovechild]

recruit the two non-robotic demons to your side.

Cut them free with chainsaw launcher. Deathmetal's literal fire truck is no threat to them with an able-bodied fireman nearby.

Get on your computer, go to TVtropes, and add the traits/tropes Noble Demon + The Grinch to her code. That way she should go away and leave us alone until Christmas. Inform her that the latest firmware patch just came out so that she will install it.

"Oh, thank you for releasing us!"

"No problem... Hey, what happened to your voice?"

"The Empress says she'll hurt us if anyone mistakes us for her..."



"Hooray! We're free!"



"FOOLISH FLESHBAG HOW DARE YOU RELEASE MY DEMONSLAVES. NOW YOU SHALL BURN."

"I don't think so..."



"...as long as I can connect your processor to TvTropes!"



"READING PAGE: NOBLE DEMON... READING PAGE: THE GRINCH... CLICKING LINKS... OPENING TABS... PLEASE STAND BY."

Empress Death Metal is incapacitated! For now.

Incorporate spear into chainsaw launcher.
Make little girl a cyborg with a snowball launcher in her arm.
Dig complex trap for demons.
Activate trap.
Try not to die.

You use the time to put even more stuff on your chainsaw launcher.



Also to put some stuff on the little girl's arm.



All right, a snowball launcher!



And now you are going to build a trap for the demons you just released. Why? Because the voices said so!



There we go. If you sit here, and activate the trap like this, everything will be fine and you shouldn't die...



Well, you didn't die at least.



Today's gift arrives; a Snowball Catapult. But you're not in a position to use it.

>_