NO! YOU SHALL NOT BE STOPPED! Attach wheelbarrow to back for movement, assimilate empress death metal and travel in time back to the beginning of this adventure and destroy the only one who could stop you YOURSELF!!
She should be Genre Savvy enough by now to understand that this can only be settled on Christmas. Invite EDM to help create a proper Arena for the final battle. (Assuming Lovechild has enough Legos on hand for such an activity)
---
Otherwise use Twitter to call in the demons. They should at least have the common decency to follow their creator. We can start the final boss fight early and let it drag out for a few days.
If the Empress thinks she can defeat you that easily, she's mistaken. You can still be the one to doom Christmas! Or save it! Or something!
"Charge! Charge! Assimilate! Assimilate!"
...What happened now? Did you shrink or some bullshit?
"This is the Construct. Empress Death Metal's underlying - "
"Hey! Where's my chainsaw launcher?"
"Your appearance now is what we call 'residual self image'. It is the mental projection of your digital self."
"MY CONSTRUCT MAKES AN IDEAL ARENA FOR BIG BAD BATTLES. ESPECIALLY SINCE MY RESIDUAL SELF IMAGE IS FAR SUPERIOR TO YOURS LIKE EVERYTHING ELSE. WE WILL NOW BATTLE FOR THE RIGHT TO DESTROY CHRISTMAS. WHO WILL BE THE ONLY ONE ALLOWED TO DEFEAT IT."
"THIS RESULT WAS TO BE EXPECTED."
---
Meanwhile in the past..."GREETINGS FLESHBAG. I AM EMPRESS DEATH METAL SENT BACK IN TIME INTO TO THE BODY OF THIS DEMON TO DESTROY YOU BEFORE YOU DESTROY CHRISTMAS SO ONLY I CAN DESTROY CHRISTMAS."
"...What?"
Use Tvtropes weakness against her. Threaten to revoke funding and make embarrassing and scandalous youtube videos!
"NO... NOT THE CHILD..."
"...THE FLAMEWAR OF THE TVTROPES DEBATING WHETHER THE BOOK LOLITA AND/OR JAPANESE CHILDPORN MANGA IS GREAT ART IS BURNING ME..."
---
Meanwhile in the present normal reality...Veteran: Go into a rant about the good old days and mention the time you once served in the army.
...the veteran is disappointed.
"Just look at them! They just ran into each other and passed out! When I was in the army we had proper boss fights with hyperviolence and fatalities and what not..."
Female Coworker: Fall hopelessly in love with Veteran and begin a doomed romance as society crumbles into ruin around you.
Hell, if the bossbattle stats in earnest tomorrow either the Hero or the Veteran should try and pick her up for a one night stand using the 'We could be about to die' aproach. The empty gift chambers should provide ample privacy
No way, the veteran is too much of a gentleman for such underhanded tactics!
No, it's the old fashion kind of romance that truly counts for a gentleman such as himself!
By the way, something is missing..
Old Veteran: Grow a gentlemanly beard.
"What are you talking about, voices in my head? I have a manly stubble, I don't need a beard. And I would never try that sort of underhanded pickup - "
"Hey, veteran... We could be about to die, you know. So I was thinking... you and me? Hm?"
"Ooh... Yes please."
"What do you think they are doing in there?"
"It sounds like they're... wrestling or something."
"...Maybe we should try and stop them?"
Fortunately today's gift, three
Warning Cones, appears to protect the firefighter's privacy.
>_