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[freeformschooler]

Come at me with your terrible advice you enormous nerds. BRING IIIIIITTTT

More seriously, my dilemma: I love to go on dates but am always bad at the "when to step it up" part. I am also not sure what is "romantic." So I'm dating this girl (out to bowling and dinner so far, though we eat lunch while sharing cat pictures every day) and am not sure what I am supposed to do after this. Obviously I know to ask her if she wants a relationship (not a huge disappointment if not), but the context of these dates has been very ambiguous other than "fun."

What - do I ask her "are you attracted to me because I personally think A1 Sauce can't compare?" How do people even approach this normally? I'm considering abandoning delicacy and just telling her I like her and would like to know if she wants more and all that. But how does this go what if I lose a friend actually probably not but what if it becomes awkward aaaaaaa.

I have been waiting so long to make one of these threads.

[MetalSlimeHunt]

Just ask her and don't be weird about it or fuck anything up. (I am a helpful person, my advice is useful and not vaguely unhelpful at all, yes.)

Or don't. You could just keep doing what you're doing.

[kaijyuu]

Be open and honest is all I can really say. It totally depends on the girl (and you) as to how you should go about it, but do make it clear you want a more serious relationship.

As for what's "romantic," in my experience it's just being intimate (and not just that type of intimate, you pervs). Emphasize that it's her you enjoy being with, not necessarily what you're doing together.

[freeformschooler]

As for what's "romantic," in my experience it's just being intimate (and not just that type of intimate, you pervs). Emphasize that it's her you enjoy being with, not necessarily what you're doing together.

Sounds pretty solid, good point. I'll make sure to mention that when I do this if at all.

[ivanthe8th]

I frequently find that calling attention to the awkward nature of a potentially awkward topic of conversation does a lot to defuse the situation. In general, I'd agree with kaijyuu though. Just be upfront and clear with your feelings, and maybe try that as a trick to make it easier to bring up.

Abandoning delicacy can actually be a very good thing. It allows you to talk openly and honestly about what's important to you (both) and lays the groundwork for true intimacy later. Continuing to avoid the issue can potentially end up leaving you somewhat adrift in a relational sense, and can lead directly to the friendzone if you aren't careful.

EDIT: Incidentally, if anyone recalls a certain previous thread of mine, I'm getting back into the dating game recently and have been having some success with this kind of approach.

[Korbac]

"I Am Dating A Girl And Melodramatically Asking An Internet Forum About It"

I love you so much for this title. XD

Advice? Just keep going I guess, you know what's best.

[Siquo]

What worked for me was asking them if they wanted to "go steady" (or whatever the equivalent in your location is). It's a thing you do in primary/middle school, so asking it like that is adorable and non-threatening, it's not like you're asking her to marry you. Doing it with a piece of paper where they can check "yes" or "no" might be overdoing it, though.

[Vattic]

What worked for me was asking them if they wanted to "go steady" (or whatever the equivalent in your location is). It's a thing you do in primary/middle school, so asking it like that is adorable and non-threatening, it's not like you're asking her to marry you. Doing it with a piece of paper where they can check "yes" or "no" might be overdoing it, though.

Just make sure you get your best mate to give her the piece of paper.

[Siquo]

Well, melodramatic is what he asked for

[Jimmy]

Establishing my suitability to give you relationship advice: I am married with one three year old and a second child on the way. I played the field when I was younger too.

Start: How old are you both?

If this is a teenage romance, you're both experimenting with your feelings. Enjoy yourself but don't expect this to be a lifelong romance like the Hollywood movies will tell you. The most important thing you'll get out of this before it ends in a few months to years is a better understanding of yourself. DO NOT get her pregnant, you'll fuck up your life.

If this is an early twenties romance, you'll both be old enough to have had a few previous relationships under your belt. If you have but she hasn't, take it slowly and gently. If neither of you have, treat it as per a teen romance. If she has but you haven't, prepare for heartache but enjoy the ride. A woman with experience is a wonderful thing. DON'T fool around with more than one girl at a time unless they're into it too, this will always end badly, trust me on this. Enjoy the sex while you're young enough to have the stamina for it during that crazy first period of the relationship, the memories will serve you well if it ends up permanent, and if it doesn't you'll still remember those days with a small private smile.

If you're in your late twenties or early thirties, look for a stable relationship before you're past your prime. Otherwise you're going to end up as a creepy old man who spends too much time on computers. Or married to a mail-order bride that's twenty years your junior that is more of a nurse for your chronic medical conditions than a loving wife. Find a good one and play for keeps.

On picking a good girlfriend: it's the one you share the most in common with.

If you're young and new to dating, you don't have enough development to know who you're going to be as an adult. Don't expect to find someone you can spend a good sixty to eighty years with based on music taste or favorite movie. If you're in your early twenties you've probably started down the road to personal discovery and pretty much know where you'll end up landing, so date someone that is better looking and smarter than you. If you're nearing the late twenties you're past the point of no return, the doors in your life are all mostly closed and you're gonna probably stay where you are now for the rest of your life. Find someone else that understands this too and start having babies before you're old enough to be their grandparents.

Final thoughts:

Your mother-in-law is what your wife will look like in twenty to thirty years. Choose appropriately.

Bars are terrible places to meet good people, and wonderful places to meet bad people. Pick what you feel like at the time.

Make lots of friends. Their sisters, cousins, friends, sister's friends, etc. are all dating material. You might not like them but they could have a great hottie they can introduce you to.

Relax and have fun but enjoy yourself safely. Sexual diseases aren't Pokemon. Don't catch 'em all.

DON'T GET HER PREGNANT. YOU WILL FUCK UP YOUR LIFE.

[Siquo]

All of the above except this one:

On picking a good girlfriend: it's the one you share the most in common with.

This is not a catch-all. My GF dislikes gaming, metal, computers, math, zany movies, science fiction, and fiction books, but she's smoking hot, so I made the right choice

[martinuzz]

I have been waiting so long to make one of these threads.

Somewhat creepy.

Anyways.
If you do, just tell her you really like her. But your "(No big disappointment if not)" makes me wonder if you do.

[Jimmy]

This is not a catch-all. My GF dislikes gaming, metal, computers, math, zany movies, science fiction, and fiction books, but she's smoking hot, so I made the right choice

My wife and I don't speak the same first language.

My argument is still valid.

[Siquo]

My wife and I don't speak the same first language.

My argument is still valid.

Hmmm, just sayin' he shouldn't get too hung up about not sharing certain things. I'd really not want to date another version of myself.

[freeformschooler]

Anyways.
If you do, just tell her you really like her. But your "(No big disappointment if not)" makes me wonder if you do.

Oh, I do. But I also realize it's not the ULTIMATE END OF THE WORLD FOREVER AND EVER if she turns me down. That's why I wanna ask now: before I get "too" attached and rejection is that much more sour.

My wife and I don't speak the same first language.

My argument is still valid.

Hmmm, just sayin' he shouldn't get too hung up about not sharing certain things. I'd really not want to date another version of myself.

She likes Karaoke and I like programming. As long as you can make each other laugh, I've found, it's (mostly) all good.

Probably shouldn't ask a girl out when we're both running on four hours of sleep before three-four tests in a row. I suppose it can wait a little bit.

SECOND-EDIT: Also thanks Jimmy for the well-thought-out response. I'm a new adult and she's 24, but there isn't a huge maturity difference, so I'm not sure how to categorize it yet (haven't asked about previous relationships)