Make Chosen members of the Church "Ascend" to become one with Holy felines.
[4] By "Ascend" you mean die, right? As noted in the OP, you're not actually the Messiah.
Have homeless shelter look like a proper church.
Have rabbi's convert passerby.
Send two homeless men out to beg, they're already good at it.
[4] By the force of your will, what's left of the homeless shelter looks like a church. [4] You hire a rabbi to convert people. [3] The hobos successfully beg. They don't get anything, but boy did they beg!
CONVERT THE SHIT OUT OF RANDOM PEOPLE AND THEIR CULTS! AND BY CONVERT I MEAN PUNCH THEM UNTIL THEY EITHER DIE OR JOIN US!
So...punch them until they either die or join us the shit out of random people and their cults?
[5] You punch many people to death and gain a dozen people who claim they're faithful.
START CULT ABOUT HAPPINESS.
PREACH THAT HAPPINESS CAN ONLY BE FOUND BY SERVING ME.
You can still join, right?
It's never too late to swindle the foolish! Just like real religions!
[3] No one believes you, despite the testimony of your hobo butler, Bob Hutler.
Find least horrible-looking cult members and assign them to recruitment duty. Also mobilize many others to perform legal fundraising.
[5] You assign a supermodel to recruitment. [6] She attracts many people, most of which don't give a rat's hindquarters about religion. [5] $50,000 in legal funds raised.
sells all my stuffs but the cars and church
((sells: exchanging goods for money))
Run ad for the riot
[3] You get a decent price. [3] Ads run; 15 recruited.
See if carrier is seaworthy now.
Sit in office at church complex.
Raise more money.
Improve public image.
Become less insane.
Convert people.
It is. [2] You can't find your office (it's a complex church, not a church complex), but [1] you manage to lose large amounts of money. Okay, only $1,000, but you only had $2 earlier. Anyways, [6] you return to being overloved; paparazzi starts following you. [6] You're painfully sane, and promptly go nuts again once you see a map of your church. [3] 5 people converted.
WITH ABSOLUTELY NO IDEA WHAT'S GOING ON, >SPAWN AS MEMBER OF RIVAL CULT ASEAHERU CREATED
>READ INTRODUCTORY PAMPHLET FOR GUIDANCE
You glance at the packet. It seems to be written in blood.
((The theory is that everyone's playing Messiah. In practice, I have no idea what's going on either.))
swim to nearest landmass. Lose gills and get out of ocean. Build church
[3] Nearest landmass is a little island near Hawaii. [1] You grew gills on the inside of your lungs and don't want to tear them out. [3] Nevertheless, you make a neat little church underwater out of rocks and seaweed.
try to get out of debt. train new converts, convert more. continue running adds.
[6] You spare no expense to get out of debt! [1] You try to train and convert people, but people lost interest once you sold your radio station. [1] You shout ads at people, earning $5 from Larry "The Rat" Hanson. Somehow, shouting out about how you should, quote, "Get your imported furniture cheap at Mafia Matt's store! He smuggles for savings!" lowers your life expectancy. At least the $5 will pay almost 0.05% of your hospital bill.
Author
Topic: Roll to Messianate (Read 23507 times)