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[Edmus]

Hey guys, I need advice.
Until recently I considered myself straight, yet irritatingly I have developed an infatuation with a close male friend of mine. If it weren't for certain family members I would have likely confessed to him of my feelings, however, I have several conservative family members (who I love dearly) and doing so would likely cause alienation. Now, this fellow is rather effeminate and there is a chance that he is homosexual but it is still unlikely. My feelings are so messed up right now, please help me.
Still in school by the way, so having my father dislike me so would be uncomfortable and unfortunate.

[Thief^]

IMO there's no such thing as 100% straight, it's more of a continuous scale through all the sexualities. Strangely, that idea seems to offend conservative people.

Good luck mate.

[kaijyuu]

Oh ho ho, this will be fun.

First and foremost: your friend needs to know of your crush. Tell him, and see if he reciprocates. If he does, may you have a fun and interesting secret relationship If not, then no harm done; take rejection maturely and move on.
EDIT: Oh and don't worry about being awkward. If he's a good friend, he'll understand no matter how much you stumble and stutter, and won't dislike you even if he's not gay.

Secondly, if this isn't a once-in-a-blue-moon thing, you're going to have to tell your family you're bisexual/gay one of these days. It can be now, it can be later. However, earlier is generally better; the only real reason to put it off is if you're afraid they're going to send you off to a gay reeducation camp or something.

[lordcooper]

Honesty and openness dude.  It might cause grief now if you're unlucky, but it'd probably cause a lot more in a year or two.

Good luck

[Edmus]

Thanks guys, really. Your reassurances are very comforting, and your advice sound, Thanks. 

[scriver]

I would caution you against coming out while your still economically dependant on your family. Whether you should or not depends on how conservative in the question you think they are... You shouldn't risk getting thrown out or anything like that over it.

[kaijyuu]

That's pretty rare, scriver, especially nowadays. But yeah, he knows his parents best; if they'd take it very badly (like, go so far as to abuse you in some fashion, including heavy ridicule), keep it secret for now.

[Edmus]

I doubt that they would go to such extremes to be honest, but until it becomes a significant factor of my life, I doubt I will disclose the information to them. My mother wouldn't care neither would my older brother but my younger brother and father would likely be less accommodating.

[Muz]

Hold his hand. If he slaps it back, you know you're not his type.

[Agdune]

Do not just grab his hand as Muz suggests, because if he slaps it away, that just means he's being creeped out by people grabbing his hand without permission. :p

But yeah... might want to gauge his interest first. If he's actually strongly opposed to 'that sort of thing' (either homosexual-like activity in general or with you specifically, 'cause you're like friends and stuff), you don't want to mess it up by telling him you like him and then not having him reciprocate. That always ruins a friendship. So, same rules as if it was a female friend; gauge interest before saying something you can't take back. Some people are good with handling 'people liking me', others, not so much. Best know with at least a little accuracy which he is beforehand.

(ps kinda wish I'd had a boy-crush. I like the *idea* of a fling with a guy, it just falls to pieces whenever I meet one. They're just so... bleh. Even the nice ones. Probably doesn't help that I grew up in the bogan capital of Australia, it probably subtly affected my perception of males when I was young, or something. I'm really a bit of a misandrist nowdays, despite not overly wanting to be.)

[Edmus]

Do not just grab his hand as Muz suggests, because if he slaps it away, that just means he's being creeped out by people grabbing his hand without permission. :p

But yeah... might want to gauge his interest first. If he's actually strongly opposed to 'that sort of thing' (either homosexual-like activity in general or with you specifically, 'cause you're like friends and stuff), you don't want to mess it up by telling him you like him and then not having him reciprocate. That always ruins a friendship. So, same rules as if it was a female friend; gauge interest before saying something you can't take back. Some people are good with handling 'people liking me', others, not so much. Best know with at least a little accuracy which he is beforehand.

(ps kinda wish I'd had a boy-crush. I like the *idea* of a fling with a guy, it just falls to pieces whenever I meet one. They're just so... bleh. Even the nice ones. Probably doesn't help that I grew up in the bogan capital of Australia, it probably subtly affected my perception of males when I was young, or something. I'm really a bit of a misandrist nowdays, despite not overly wanting to be.)

I don't know we are pretty bogan where I live too...
Anyway I likely wouldn't even befriend someone intolerant of race, gender or sexuality. Told him by the way, got a no, but he said he would keep it under his hat and things are no where near as awkward as I feared.

[Agdune]

Aah, well that's excellent. I'm glad it worked out allright

...and I'm sure my bogans beat yours. My hometown has the distinction of having the highest per-capita teen pregnancy rate in Australia! Yaay! :p (Well... outside of the completely ignored Aboriginal communities, who most people seem to beleive aren't actually in Australia or something. I imagine some of those incredibly poor regional ones probably beat us on a per-capita rating, but there just aren't any government services around to record the births. So we have the crown when compared to the mainstream westerners! Yeah!)

[Edmus]

Do you happen to live in the New England do you?

[kaijyuu]

Told him by the way, got a no, but he said he would keep it under his hat and things are no where near as awkward as I feared.

Ah well not as good as it could've been. But at least things turned out okay. Hopefully you'll find another nice guy/gal to woo~

[Agdune]

Nah, I'm in Hobart currently. Grew up in a town called Burnie, which is apparently smack-bang in the centre of the Tasmanian bible belt, and mostly revolves around mining, forestry or a single large call centre. My partner moved to Burnie as a social worker because her studies on the ABS website told her that it had the highest teen pregnancy rate in Aus at the time, and so she figured it'd never run out of positions for social workers :p