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[Grahar]

Ok, I can't take it anymore. I can deal with four or more sieges per year. I can deal with huge blobs of vomit that attack my dwarves with webs in my basement. I can deal with human armies besieging me because I let their diplomat die. I can deal with spontaneous dwarven combustion of dwarves that work above a magma pool. I can deal with vampire queens, nobles and tantrum-throwing, bridge-destroying dwarves. I can even deal with elves.
But I can't deal with those swarms of green parrots.
So far, I lost three artifacts (silver boots, a forgotten beast bone shield and a headscarf), a masterwork steel shield, several exceptional steel armor pieces, shields and gold studded weapons, and one platinum studded alder splint (I bought that one from a caravan). One kea even managed to enter my fortress, killed one war dog, just to be killed by another dog in my duchess' chambers (leaving bloodstains all over the room).
Is there any way to get rid of the keas once and for all?

[AutomataKittay]

Having the only way in and out of fortress being guarded by soldiers?

Or setting up an armor/weapon stand in main access route and having them train there. I tend to do it anyway out of thief concerns.

[omg_scout]

They're nearly as bad as badgers. Build a couple of anti-buzzard SAM sites marksdwarf towers and your fortress will look like Baghdad in 2003 from all the aerial bolt spam. You waste a lot of ammo and everything is covered in unslightly exploded buzzard bits and broken bolts.

I forgot link to the discussion, but that comment got carved in my mind forever.

[Grahar]

The keas usually steal stuff from the outside (stuff that was left by killed soldiers). The dwarves tend to never bring that stuff back to the weapon stockpile. Since dead soldiers can be anywhere on the map, covering the map with marksdwarf towers would be inefficient, since I have not nearly enough marksdwarves to cover the whole map. 70 of my 195 dwarves are children or babies.

[Oaktree]

There is a way - by exploiting something about wildlife biomes.

At any time a biome will only have up to three species of wildlife wandering around on it.

So, build yourself a biome containment center and use some cage traps.

Build a room with a door.  Optionally, you can add additional rooms with doors branching further off of it in a chain.

Now:
a. Catch kea with cage traps
b. Build traps containing kea in room
c. Build lever outside of room
d. Link lever to built traps
e. Close and lock door
f. Pull lever
Kea fly around free in room as representatives of biome, but locked away for stealing your stuff.

If you add the additional chains of rooms the kea will wander down that way.  Once they are all out of the initial room lock them into the additional rooms, unlock the main door and recover your cages and mechanisms.  You can also then repeat the process with another set of cages to lock away more wildlife if necessary.

I did this with a desert fort to keep the vultures and buzzards under control.

A variant of this is also being used in my current fort as a key part of Project Underworld.

(Edit) And another option is to catch and contain three other species that are not kea.  Since they are taking up the wildlife slots for the biome and are loose on the embark a flock of kea will not be spawned.

[Grahar]

Thanks, this sounds as if it might work.

[AutomataKittay]

The keas usually steal stuff from the outside (stuff that was left by killed soldiers). The dwarves tend to never bring that stuff back to the weapon stockpile. Since dead soldiers can be anywhere on the map, covering the map with marksdwarf towers would be inefficient, since I have not nearly enough marksdwarves to cover the whole map. 70 of my 195 dwarves are children or babies.

Ahh, that explains it, you could use dump piles ( dump the stuff into somewhere within fort after turning other garbage zones off ) to get everything important to you inside and leave the stuff you don't care about to the bugger. You could manage the military to make sure that Keas don't raid what your dwarves are supposed to dump.

I've used this method after sieges pretty effectively, dump within the wall, seal up the gate and let the dwarves sort out at their leisure.

[nbp]

There is a way - by exploiting something about wildlife biomes.

At any time a biome will only have up to three species of wildlife wandering around on it.

So, build yourself a biome containment center and use some cage traps.

A variant of this is also being used in my current fort as a key part of Project Underworld.

This sounds very promising.  I've lost so many masons to undead giant mosquitos, I'm really running low on dwarves, and my migrant waves seem to have dried up.  Where can I read more about this?

To the OP - the simplest thing to do is to make it so that the only way into the fort is via a hallway filled with traps.  Be rigorous about not letting dwarves wander off to drop fancy shit on the surface.  This may mean turning bins off on most of your stockpiles, to prevent the ever enjoyable phenomenon of dwarves depositing all of your bins all over the surface when they're trying (and failing) to collect some shitty goblinite socks or whatever.

You'll need a non-trapped entrance for your trade depot.  Either use an airlock, or, if you're feeling ambitious, bury a passageway from the edge of the map to your trading depot in obsidian.  Put lots of traps just inside of the trading depot anyway, to be safe.

[nbp]

Ahh, that explains it, you could use dump piles ( dump the stuff into somewhere within fort after turning other garbage zones off ) to get everything important to you inside and leave the stuff you don't care about to the bugger. You could manage the military to make sure that Keas don't raid what your dwarves are supposed to dump.

I've used this method after sieges pretty effectively, dump within the wall, seal up the gate and let the dwarves sort out at their leisure.

It's also worth making some effort not to let your dwarves (or their enemies) die all over the map.  Let the enemies come to you, so that you can engage them on your terms, and in a location that will make clean up better.  Processing a load of goblinite that's strewn all over the map is a nightmare, even if you emerge victorious.  If the whole thing doesn't go perfectly, it can quickly spiral out of control, with haulers, sock-lusters, and bereaved loved ones intent on a burial swarming out onto the surface and being further slaughtered/depositing half-full bins on every hill and in every dale.