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[Iduno]

I don't know where else to put this, and my sense of humor is shit, so here we go.

I was driving back home along the highway yesterday, and saw an otherwise boring sign: "No Semis." It was notable this time however, as it was posted outside of a store that sold "Adult Merchandise." That made the 10+ hour drive back worth it.

For those who don't understand the slang here:

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

A semi is either a truck (as you would see along a highway, or a partial erection.

It's an unintentional (probably) dick joke.

[TD1]

The most terrible joke of all:

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

Your life.

[Magistrum]

Wow, wow, go easy dude, I don't lurk around here to get reality thrown in my face like that.

[Dutrius]

A programmer walks into a bar.

He orders a beer.
He orders two beers.
He orders "two" beers.
He orders 0 beers.
He orders 1.1 beers.
He orders 18446744073709551616 beers.
He orders -1 beers.

The barkeeper takes exception to all this and kicks him to desktop out.

[Culise]

A programmer walks into a bar.

He orders a beer.
He orders two beers.
He orders "two" beers.
He orders 0 beers.
He orders 1.1 beers.
He orders 18446744073709551616 beers.
He orders -1 beers.

The barkeeper takes exception to all this and kicks him to desktop out.

Actual customer enters the bar, asks where the bathroom is.  The entire bar spontaneously bursts into flames.

[Rolan7]

A programmer walks into a bar.

He orders a beer.
He orders two beers.
He orders "two" beers.
He orders 0 beers.
He orders 1.1 beers.
He orders 18446744073709551616 beers.
He orders -1 beers.

The barkeeper takes exception to all this and kicks him to desktop out.

Actual customer enters the bar, asks where the bathroom is.  The entire bar spontaneously bursts into flames.

Bartender hides several spilled liquor bottles. "Hardwood problem."

[overseer05-15]

Why is lettuce always at the bottom of a salad?

It's a salad foundation.

[Hanslanda]

Lettuce romaine calm.

[TD1]

Oh, don't be so cress.

[Starver]

When you started with the lettuce puns, I thought it might just be the tip of the iceberg. 'Cos why not?

[overseer05-15]

'Cos why not?

I think it's a sine.

[hector13]

We need to stop this tangent and get this rocket back on track.

[Kagus]

If Muslims aren't supposed to eat pork, why is salami made out of ham?

[smjjames]

Context behind a bad pun I thought of:

When religion is disorganized, it therefore comes from local community and personal feelings rather than monolithic organizations.  That seems like the optimal way to address feelings about the universe.  It's what has always happened anyway, with local members of widespread religions interpreting said religion through their local cultural beliefs.

Religious leaders hate that, of course, and try to stomp it out.  Threats to their control are "heresy", like Catharism.

Even the most selfless and enlightened religious leaders are trying to invent general solutions for diverse individual spiritualities.  It's an impossible and unnecessary problem even without all the temptations of power.

The pun: Maybe because it wasn't Cathartic?

[Starver]

A recent movie-meme 'inspired' accident, and the warning the authorities thought they shouldn't have to give, reminds me of long-preNetflix case of a mentalist/magician (or wannabee) attempting this on the public road as a self-publicising act, only to run straight into a stationary police car (if memory serves me right, because Google is letting me down on any obvious references to it*) that he was afterwards quite adamant "shouldn't have been there".


* I have a strong suspicion it was one of the many tales told in a book called "The Book Of Heroic Failures" (this precise cover) which I doubtless still possess nearly 40 years later, somewhere in a box of books of a heap of books or a heap of book-boxes. Whether it passes a Snopes-like sniff test for veracity, I couldn't say.