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[martinuzz]

[for sale, suicide bomb vest, only been used once]

[Bumber]

What timezone is Whoville located in? Grinch mean time.

[Silverthrone]

Stephen Hawking, President Trump, the Pope and Carl Bellman are travelling together in an aeroplane. The engines break down, and they must abandon the aircraft, but there are only three parachutes on board.

-"The world needs me and my knowledge, I'm too important to die", says Hawking, and jumps out with one of the parachutes (somehow).
-"I'm the president of America, I'm too important to die, too!", says President Trump, and snatches another parachute and jumps out.
-"I am old, and have had a long life", says the Pope to Bellman. "You are young, and life still has things in store for you. Take the chute."
-"No need to worry", says Bellman. "The President just jumped out with my rucksack."

[origamiscienceguy]

The real joke is that he somehow still survived.

[Egan_BW]

Sproing!

[hector13]

I do believe we had an argument about that joke earlier, or at least from a derivative of it.

[Akura]

Wouldn't Trump just blow some hot air into the rucksack? He's got plenty...

[Silverthrone]

I do believe we had an argument about that joke earlier, or at least from a derivative of it.

It is a fairly standard Bellman joke, Trump features merely for being the current president. Of course, it must be said that his character is an unusual match for it, but there we are.

The real joke is that he somehow still survived.

His [Bouncy] special ability gives him far greater resistance to fall damage.

[Yoink]

The tightfistedness of my people has reached far and wide.

Why do Scottish entrepreneurs have such a high mortality rate?

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

They're always trying to make a buck, fast.

   

Not exactly a joke itself, but on-topic: I've been cutting back on dairy lately, and have stopped having milk in my coffee. Sure, I could have replaced cow's milk with (a slightly larger amount of) almond, soy or rice milk, but I wanted to finally be able to use the old "I like my coffee how I like my metal" joke.    

[Sheb]

"I like my coffee how I like my jokes. Tasteless".

[MrRoboto75]

"I like my coffee how I like my jokes. Tasteless".

This coffee is like sex in a canoe

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

Fucking close to water

[Bumber]

"I like my coffee how I like my jokes. Tasteless".

This coffee is like sex in a canoe

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

Fucking close to water

Too good for this thread.

[Yoink]

Why were all the Thai restaurants in Little Italy closed down by the health inspector?

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

They were full of Thai foid.

   

[AzyWng]

What do you get when you make up a children's rhyme with file extensions?

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

".ini, meeny, miney, moe..."

[Descan]

All of you need to get out.


_{i love you}