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[Tawa]

At a fast food restaurant, their ancient deep fryer uses a ridiculous amount of energy and the cheapskate manager can't afford a new one, so to save on power costs he insists that it's only turned on when it's absolutely necessary and deducts any additional power costs due to it from the fry cooks' pay.

One day, the cooks get to the restaurant in the morning and smell boiling oil. Fearing the worst, they run into the kitchen, and to their astonishment, Billy Joel is standing there, fiddling with the fryer. He's startled and bolts out the drive-in window before the cooks can catch him.

Later, the manager arrives and realizes what happened. When he questions the cooks as to why the deep-fryer was running for so long, they're forced to tell him, "We didn't start the fryer!"

[Dirst]

At a fast food restaurant, their ancient deep fryer uses a ridiculous amount of energy and the cheapskate manager can't afford a new one, so to save on power costs he insists that it's only turned on when it's absolutely necessary and deducts any additional power costs due to it from the fry cooks' pay.

One day, the cooks get to the restaurant in the morning and smell boiling oil. Fearing the worst, they run into the kitchen, and to their astonishment, Billy Joel is standing there, fiddling with the fryer. He's startled and bolts out the drive-in window before the cooks can catch him.

Later, the manager arrives and realizes what happened. When he questions the cooks as to why the deep-fryer was running for so long, they're forced to tell him, "We didn't start the fryer!"

Quite terrible.  Hope to never have to read that again.  +1

[origamiscienceguy]

Back in world war one, the germans employed some friars from the black forest to cross the border and put curses on the french army. The nobody attacked them because they were unarmed and the effects of their curses were not felt until days later. When the french army finally realized that the friars were causing much of their problems, they researched their religion and found that the friars would not perform magic around female sheep, as they were sacred to them. So the french strategically placed the sheep on the border, stopping the friars from coming across and cursing the army.

The moral of the story?

Only ewes can prevent forest friars.

[Zanzetkuken The Great]

The Tetris movie news.

[IcyTea31]

Back in world war one, the germans employed some friars from the black forest to cross the border and put curses on the french army. The nobody attacked them because they were unarmed and the effects of their curses were not felt until days later. When the french army finally realized that the friars were causing much of their problems, they researched their religion and found that the friars would not perform magic around female sheep, as they were sacred to them. So the french strategically placed the sheep on the border, stopping the friars from coming across and cursing the army.

The moral of the story?

Only ewes can prevent forest friars.

The version I've heard is about monks selling wildflowers on the Playboy Mansion's premises and getting thrown out: only Hugh can stop florist friars.

[origamiscienceguy]

I have a big dog named Mace, he is very friendly and obedient. He does whatever I tell him to do, and he always knows when I am sad. Now, I also have this wrench which my father gave me when I was a young boy, and I have been using it all my life. But a week ago, I was using it to fix my car, when I dropped it and lost it in my lawn. I looked for hours, but couldn't find it in the grass. I went back inside distraught, but then Mace came in with the wrench in his mouth. He had found it!

Amazing Mace, how sweet the hound,
that saved a wrench for me!

[hector13]

That one tries too hard man.

[Arx]

One of the lecturers at my university apparently tried some Heisenberg excuse in a similar situation, only to be met with 'You, sir, are not a quantum object.'

[Akura]

Never take a cannibal to a theme park. They always throw up their arms.

[SaberToothTiger]

Dark humour is a bit like arms in Free Congo State.

Not everyone has them.

/shitty_and_reused_joke

[Jopax]

Isn't that the one that goes:
Dark humor is like food.

Not everyone gets it.

[martinuzz]

I just made this one up.
I'm sure it's terrible, so I'll just leave it here.

What is both an object of angry invocation, as well as a Japanese aphrodisiac?

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

The sake of fuck

[Helgoland]

Only works in print form. But I like it!

[hops]

What do you call a metal that went to school?

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

Alumnium

[hector13]

Illumnium. Illuminium.