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Author Topic: Terrible Jokes  (Read 715311 times)

Jiharo

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Re: Terrible Jokes
« Reply #2760 on: October 20, 2015, 12:51:07 pm »

Last week they auctioned off an ivory chess set that belonged to one of passengers of Titanic. The lot was called "A sinking man's game".
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I wonder ... is it smart amunition or dumb amunition?

hector13

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Re: Terrible Jokes
« Reply #2761 on: October 20, 2015, 02:06:43 pm »

What do you call it when one caveman humps another? Homo Erectus Coitus.

FTFY
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Look, we need to raise a psychopath who will murder God, we have no time to be spending on cooking.

If you struggle with your mental health, please seek help.

Sheb

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Re: Terrible Jokes
« Reply #2762 on: October 20, 2015, 04:26:25 pm »

So there was something wonderful on French Twitter today called #uneBonneBlagueDeMerde (#AGoodShittyJoke).

What smell of cunt, ass and feet?

...

A pair of dirty stockings.



What was the sounds of Stalin's watch?


...


Dik-tat, dik-tat, dik-tat



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Quote from: Paul-Henry Spaak
Europe consists only of small countries, some of which know it and some of which don’t yet.

Comrade P.

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Re: Terrible Jokes
« Reply #2763 on: October 20, 2015, 04:29:31 pm »

What was the sounds of Stalin's watch?
...
Dik-tat, dik-tat, dik-tat

He. Hehehe. You funny. You write me letters from Siberia when you get there.
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Sigs

Nobody exists on purpose. Nobody belongs anywhere. Everybody’s gonna die. Come watch TV?

TheBiggerFish

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Re: Terrible Jokes
« Reply #2764 on: October 20, 2015, 04:39:33 pm »

In Soviet Russia, you keep time for watch!
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Sigtext

It has been determined that Trump is an average unladen swallow travelling northbound at his maximum sustainable speed of -3 Obama-cubits per second in the middle of a class 3 hurricane.

4maskwolf

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Re: Terrible Jokes
« Reply #2765 on: October 20, 2015, 04:51:29 pm »

In Soviet Russia, you keep time for watch!

In Soviet Russia, dwarves pick their own cats!

TheBiggerFish

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Re: Terrible Jokes
« Reply #2766 on: October 20, 2015, 04:55:32 pm »

In Soviet Russia, you keep time for watch!

In Soviet Russia, dwarves pick their own cats!cats fear thermonuclear dwarfsplosion!
Oh wait.  They already do that.
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Sigtext

It has been determined that Trump is an average unladen swallow travelling northbound at his maximum sustainable speed of -3 Obama-cubits per second in the middle of a class 3 hurricane.

Eric Blank

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Re: Terrible Jokes
« Reply #2767 on: October 20, 2015, 11:09:40 pm »

In Soviet Russia, dwarves die of old age on a regular basis!
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Urist McScoopbeard

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Re: Terrible Jokes
« Reply #2768 on: October 20, 2015, 11:48:55 pm »

So there was something wonderful on French Twitter today called #uneBonneBlagueDeMerde (#AGoodShittyJoke).

What smell of cunt, ass and feet?

...

A pair of dirty stockings.

I'm sorry what is the joke in this?
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This conversation is getting disturbing fast, disturbingly erotic.

IcyTea31

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Re: Terrible Jokes
« Reply #2769 on: October 21, 2015, 01:23:23 am »

In Soviet Russia, dwarves die of old age on a regular basis!
Wait, so in Capitalist America, old age dies of dwarves? Have we found the recipe for immortality?
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Bohandas

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Re: Terrible Jokes
« Reply #2770 on: October 21, 2015, 01:24:48 am »

In capitalist America computer keeps files on you
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Cthulhu

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Re: Terrible Jokes
« Reply #2771 on: October 21, 2015, 01:33:15 am »

A man walks into a bar and down the way is a guy staring into his drink, his head bright orange and the size of a beachball. The newcomer sits down at the bar and inclines his head at the one with the big orange head, whispering to the bartender, "What's up with that guy?"

The bartender says "Buy him a drink and he'll tell you himself."

So he buys a pint for the strange man and asks about his big orange head.

The man with the big orange head says "Well, it's a long story...

I was walking down the beach about a year ago when I saw an old brass lamp that had washed ashore. I picked it up and just as a kind of joke I decided to rub it. Well, who would've guessed, a genie popped out in a cloud of smoke.

The genie said, "Thank you for freeing me, mortal! I will grant you three wishes, but I caution you! Be careful what you wish for, you just might get it!"

I brushed off the warning and right away I wished to be the richest man on Earth. The genie waved his hands and suddenly a massive beachfront mansion appears, piles of gold and money sprout from the sand around me, and the genie hands me the keys to a Ferrari.

So that one went pretty well, for my next wish I wished for the most beautiful wife in the world. The genie clapped his hands and out of the ocean strides the most beautiful woman I've ever seen, so beautiful I almost regretted wishing for her. I didn't deserve to look at that woman. I still don't.

Then the genie said, "You have one final wish!"

And this is probably where I made my mistake. I wished for a big orange head.
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Shoes...

hops

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Re: Terrible Jokes
« Reply #2772 on: October 21, 2015, 02:00:32 am »

The version I heard was about three times longer.
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H4zardZ1

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Re: Terrible Jokes
« Reply #2773 on: October 21, 2015, 09:23:13 am »

What happens in soviet inside soviet?

A place where even trying to reverse logic doesn't work.

Spoiler (click to show/hide)
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Tack

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Re: Terrible Jokes
« Reply #2774 on: October 21, 2015, 09:26:17 am »

And this is probably where I made my mistake. I wished for no hands.
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Yeah, he's a banned spammer. Normally we'd delete this thread too, but people were having too much fun with it by the time we got here.
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