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Author Topic: Terrible Jokes  (Read 712224 times)

Bohandas

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Re: Terrible Jokes
« Reply #2310 on: June 21, 2015, 07:46:31 pm »

A man walks into a whorehouse looking for a little action and he goes up to the house owner and asks,“Hey, can I get a piece from one of your fine ladies you've got here?” “Sorry sir,” the owner responds, “but, we're all full.” “Aw, please I really need some poon tang!”

And the owner answers, “Well, there is one girl left but when you go meet her you have to wear this black condom.” “Whatever,” the man answers quickly and races upstairs.

A few hours later the man comes down and says ''Wow, that was great. She didn't even make any noise. But why did I have to wear the black condom?” And the owner answers, “Respect for the dead.”

An American couple is in Paris, a much awaited trip, when suddenly the wife dies of a heart attack. The husband decides to have her buried there as the visit to France was something they had longed for for many years. All arrangements are made when he suddenly realizes that he doesn't have a black hat for the funeral. The hotel concierge tells him that what he wants is a "chapeau noir." So off he goes to find a store open late.

At the store he asks the clerk, but misspeaks, saying "M'sieur, je veux acheter un capote noir."

The clerk is puzzled as the man had in fact asked for a black condom and asks why it is necessary that it be black

"Ma femme est morte."

"O Monsieur! Quelle beau sentiment!", 'What a beautiful sentiment'
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Bohandas

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Re: Terrible Jokes
« Reply #2311 on: June 24, 2015, 12:27:44 am »

Q.) What's the difference between Donald Trump and a bad birthday party clown?
A.) I don't know either.
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Graknorke

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Re: Terrible Jokes
« Reply #2312 on: June 24, 2015, 07:57:40 pm »

What's the difference between Madeline McCann and the Titanic?

People know where the Titanic sank.
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KingofstarrySkies

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Re: Terrible Jokes
« Reply #2313 on: June 25, 2015, 12:46:06 pm »

Brazil brought out a line of 'Olympiad Medallion' condoms.
They ended up with massive overstocking problems due to only the 'silver' edition selling in stores.
Apparently there was a lot of desperate women who wanted their men to come second for once.
i hate this thread
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hops

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Re: Terrible Jokes
« Reply #2314 on: June 25, 2015, 03:51:34 pm »

Q.) What's the difference between Donald Trump and a bad birthday party clown?
A.) I don't know either.
In Allied America, party clowns hire you.
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EnigmaticHat

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Re: Terrible Jokes
« Reply #2315 on: June 25, 2015, 11:47:58 pm »

So an ISIS fighter is manning a checkpoint and stop the car of a Christian couple.

ISIS guy: Are you Muslim?
Christian man: Yes.
ISIS guy: If you are a Muslim, then recite a verse of Quran.

Christian man recited a verse from the Bible.

ISIS member: Ok yallah go.

Later his wife tells him: "I cannot believe the risk you just took.
Why did you tell him that we are Muslims?
If he knew you were lying he would have killed both of us."

"Do not worry! If they knew the Quran they would not kill people" answered the Husband.
The actual terrible joke there was the word "yallah"
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Bumber

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Re: Terrible Jokes
« Reply #2316 on: June 26, 2015, 10:03:24 am »

So an ISIS fighter is manning a checkpoint and stop the car of a Christian couple.

ISIS guy: Are you Muslim?
Christian man: Yes.
ISIS guy: If you are a Muslim, then recite a verse of Quran.

Christian man recited a verse from the Bible.

ISIS member: Ok yallah go.

Later his wife tells him: "I cannot believe the risk you just took.
Why did you tell him that we are Muslims?
If he knew you were lying he would have killed both of us."

"Do not worry! If they knew the Quran they would not kill people" answered the Husband.
The actual terrible joke there was the word "yallah"
It's good to worship Allah, because I used to worship some-ah!
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acetech09

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Re: Terrible Jokes
« Reply #2317 on: June 26, 2015, 11:41:19 am »

> "Praise Allah!"
> "Allah DEEZ NUTS IN YO FACE"

I heard that last night while playing Insurgency. True story.
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LordPyrrole

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Re: Terrible Jokes
« Reply #2318 on: June 26, 2015, 03:33:14 pm »

PTW
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Bohandas

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Re: Terrible Jokes
« Reply #2319 on: June 27, 2015, 03:34:28 am »

Q.) How many North Koreans does it take to change a lightbulb?
A.) North Koreans don't have lightbulbs.
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Tack

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Re: Terrible Jokes
« Reply #2320 on: June 27, 2015, 03:38:55 am »

Q.) How many North Koreans does it take to change a lightbulb?
A.) NORTH KOREAN LIGHTBULBS NEVER NEED CHANGE. ALWAYS BRIGHT. BRIGHT AS NORTH-KOREA FUTURE.
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Yeah, he's a banned spammer. Normally we'd delete this thread too, but people were having too much fun with it by the time we got here.

a1s

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Re: Terrible Jokes
« Reply #2321 on: June 27, 2015, 11:44:51 am »

Q.) How many Latvians it takes to change lightbulb?
A.) One Latvian to exchange bulb for potato and one piltofficer to arrest him.
Corollary: Also lightbulb is broken and potato is rock. Such is life.
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Avis-Mergulus

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Re: Terrible Jokes
« Reply #2322 on: June 29, 2015, 01:39:09 am »

Math lesson in Irish village school.

The teacher asks the class, what's two plus one?
The class is silent.
The teacher goes, well, what if Sean has two potatoes and Siobhan has one potato, and she gives her potato to him?
The class is still silent; this example is bad, nobody ever has two potatoes.
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Bohandas

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Re: Terrible Jokes
« Reply #2323 on: June 29, 2015, 02:09:59 am »

Q.) What's thw difference between Caligula and Kim Jong Un?
A.) Caligula's kingdom was more high tech.
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Spehss _

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Re: Terrible Jokes
« Reply #2324 on: June 29, 2015, 03:13:36 am »

Math lesson in Irish village school.

The teacher asks the class, what's two plus one?
The class is silent.
The teacher goes, well, what if Sean has two potatoes and Siobhan has one potato, and she gives her potato to him?
The class is still silent; this example is bad, nobody ever has two potatoes.

I exhaled air loudly through my nose. Good joke.
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